Push & Pull

by Allie York

  When I turned to tell him no, he handed me a t-shirt and smiled, “I should go home.” I wanted to stay, but it was all too fast. Staying the night was a big step and everything was already so rushed.

  Beck took the shirt back and tugged it over my head, “No, you shouldn’t, and I’m not sending you home,” I looked down at myself in his shirt, then back at him. I took a minute to really appreciate the sexy, shirtless man in front of me and nodded, “Good, text Cori and let her know you’ll see her tomorrow, so she doesn’t worry.” He left me for the bathroom and I watched his back as he walked away, paying close attention to his ass. How the hell did I get so lucky? Beck closed the door and I found my jeans to pull my phone out.

  Meredith: Please don’t be mad, but I’m staying with Beck tonight.

  I flipped the phone over and over in my hand waiting for an answer, and glanced at the clock. Eight-thirty at night. I was relaxed, but not tired, and wondered what we would even do the rest of the night. He obviously hadn’t gotten the test results back, so sex was off the table. My phone buzzed at the same time Beck came out of the bathroom. He was all abs, arms, and muscular thighs. I just stared and forgot about the text for a minute. Damn.

  Cori: I figured it was coming. Just be careful. Call if you need us.

  A kissing emoji followed her text. I laid my phone on the table and Beck tossed a shirt on, “All good, Doll?” Beck flopped on the bed behind me and I laid back into him. I hated feeling like a child asking permission to do anything, but the last thing I wanted was Cori thinking I ran off again.

  “Yeah, all good,” I stared up at the unmoving ceiling fan, “Is it safe to assume you still don’t have test results?”

  Beck wound his arms around me, pulling me back to his chest and resting a hand on my stomach, “They said it could take a few days,” I scooted back a little and his thumb stroked the top of my baby bump, “Is this okay?” I nodded, shoving down the uncomfortable feeling it gave me, “You have a birthday coming up.”

  “I do. Guess I won’t be out partying and getting wasted.” Not that I wanted to before I got pregnant, but I certainly wasn’t going to after.

  “Whatever you want to do, I’d love to be a part of it,” I nodded and tried not to focus on his hand on my stomach, “What are you naming the baby?” My heart stuttered a little, but I didn’t react. It was a normal question, but him asking it while we were in bed made me squirm.

  “I haven’t decided. It’s a big deal, ya know? Like the kid is stuck with the name forever, so I can’t mess it up. I have some picked out I think,” He nodded, but didn’t answer, “You want me to tell you, don’t you?”

  “Yes, I really do, Doll.”

  “Promise not to laugh? This is a big decision, I don’t want you laughing at me.” I hadn’t even started thinking about names until a few days before, but I had it narrowed down to a short list I liked. Sharing those names was an intimate moment in my mind. I hadn’t told anyone, for fear of them ruining my perfect names. My sister had the same reasoning, but Cori could share with Griffin. I had no one.

  “I’d never laugh at you.” He kissed my hair and adjusted so his free hand slid under my neck to wrap himself around me tighter. Beck spooned against me, his thumb still grazing my stomach and I sighed, enjoying the closeness. The intimacy with Beck made my relationship with Zeke seem so pointless, a waste of my time.

  I closed my eyes, “Fine. I think I have it narrowed down to two girl names, but only one boy name. I like Lorelai and Samantha for a girl,” Beck nodded behind me, “And Alexander for a boy.” His thumb froze on my stomach and he sucked in a breath, “Oh, come on. They aren’t that bad.”

  I turned over to fuss at him for lying about not laughing, but his expression wasn’t what I expected. He looked serious. “That’s my name, Doll.” I blinked, trying to process what he said.

  “Beck Alexander Layton?” I watched him nod with the same tight-lipped expression. “Oh, uh, I had no idea. I don’t really know what to say.” It was literally the only boy name I kept coming back to, and I didn’t know Beck’s middle name. I just gave the man a handjob and didn’t even know his middle name.

  “You don’t have to say anything. I’m pretty flattered actually,” He smirked in his mischievous way, “It’s a great name. All of them are. Now I have a gender preference, though.”

  Beck winked, but I frowned, “Beck, this isn’t your…” He slammed his lips to mine and I shut up.

  “Stop saying that. No matter what word was following that sentence, I don’t want to hear it. What’s it going to take for you to believe me? I want this, Doll. I want you, I want it all, so just stop trying to talk me out of it,” Beck dropped the angry tone, “I don’t mean to get mad, but damn, Meredith.”

  I felt the tears coming and rolled away from him, “Time. I need time, Beck.”

  “You got it, Doll. I’ll give you all the time you want, but don’t push me away, cause I’ll just pull you with me. I didn’t just have my face buried in your pussy for fun. I need you, and plan on keeping you. Clear?” He nuzzled into my hair and I nodded, feeling the heat in my cheeks and the tears stinging my eyes. I stayed stuck somewhere between embarrassment, adoration, and getting horny all over again, “Let’s get some rest.”

  “You are so romantically vulgar.” I laughed and dried my face, “Good night, Beck.”

  He kissed my head, “Night, Doll.”

  BECK

  I woke up in a tangle of vanilla scented hair, soft skin, and a sense of calm. A very strange feeling. Meredith was there in my arms, sleeping peacefully, snoring softly. It was like everything in my life led up to that moment. Every shitty thing I ever did, all the nights I didn’t remember, everything came down to what I had been missing. I was missing her. Knock you on your ass. I didn’t want to wake her, but moved my hand slowly to her stomach, resting it over the baby I was growing so attached to. Unless she agreed to move in with me, I’d never sleep well again, I needed her next to me every night.

  Meredith shifted, running her nose along my neck, “Morning.” Her voice slurred a little, and I smiled.

  “Morning, Doll. We got another couple of hours, you can go back to sleep,” She nodded, eyes fluttering closed, and her lips parted just slightly when she fell back asleep, “I’m pretty sure I’m falling in love with you, Meredith.” I whispered it softly, taking a weight off my shoulders to admit it, even if no one heard me. Beck fucking Layton is a goner.

  I spent an hour holding her while she slept, listening to her breathing, watching her lashes twitch occasionally. Everything Griffin told me about being a better man after Cori and Celia made perfect sense. Knock you on your ass was an understatement if there ever was. I was flat on my back, shamelessly begging for all the things I never wanted. Meredith, the baby, and a big ass wedding all came to mind. I slipped out of bed to shower, leaving her there asleep. I showered, shaved, and got dressed, then sat on the edge of the bed to wake her up.

  Meredith jerked and sat up startled when I touched her shoulder, “Hey, Doll, it’s just me.”

  Meredith shoved her hair back, breathing heavy, “Sorry, I think I was having a bad dream. I’m okay.” Her stomach growled, easing the tension, and making her giggle.

  “I guess I should feed you two, huh? Get dressed and meet me downstairs.” I kissed Meredith’s head and left her alone to get dressed. My shoes were still on the steps where I left them the night before, so I grabbed them on my way down.

  I started the coffee pot, let the dogs out, and found some bagels in the fridge. The carb count wasn’t great on them, but it was better than her not eating. I was halfway through spreading the cream cheese on it when Briggs came in and poured a mug of coffee. He leaned back on the counter, crossing his arms, and staring me down.

  “You look happy,” He sipped the coffee, “Wanna share why with your brother?”

  “Nope.” I plated the bagel and set the plate on the counter, going to the fridge for juice.

  “That’s not for y
ou, is it?” Briggs tipped his head at the bagel.

  “Nope.” I set the juice next to the bagel, and leaned next to my brother.

  “Beck,” I glanced sideways at him, ready for some speech about what a dick I was, or how bad I was going to fuck up, “I missed you.” I gave him a small nod and took another drink of my coffee.

  “How long did it take you to propose to Harriet?”

  Briggs choked on his coffee, “I, uh, wow. Not long. Couple of months. I met her around Thanksgiving, and it was before New Year’s when the begging started. Are you asking for any particular reason?” I swallowed my coffee, not answering, “You’ve always been impatient, I’ll give you that. Good luck.”

  Harriet and Meredith came down giggling and Harriet poured herself a cup while Meredith pointed at the bagel, “All yours, Doll.”

  She took a bite, “I need to get home and take my insulin,” Her face turned red, but she took another bite.

  “Yeah, let’s get outta here, but you’re taking that with you.” I clapped my brother’s shoulder, “See you two for dinner.” Meredith polished off her juice and we headed to my car, “Off today, right?” I started opening my car door, but looked up at my other car. The tarp thrown over it was to keep water from coming in the busted windshield. When Shane Tolley beat my ass after catching me with his wife, he busted the window out. The rest of the body and the engine were completely fine.

  “Beck?” Meredith was in the car watching me stare at the blue tarp. I’d been meaning to sell it, or get it fixed, but hadn’t done it yet. It was a nice car before Shane got to it. With a new windshield, it would be nice all over again.

  I dropped down in the seat, “Sorry, Doll. Let’s get you home.” The drive was all of six blocks, and I whipped into the driveway a few minutes later. Meredith leaned over to kiss me, but I shook my head, “I’ll walk you in.”

  We got to the porch and she started digging her key out, but stopped, “I know I told you I trust you, and I do, but,” Meredith closed her eyes, “I’m falling in love with you too, so please stick with it. Don’t hurt me.” I was one hundred percent sure she was asleep when I said it, but I was very wrong, “Or if anything happens, if you feel the need to turn back to any of that stuff, talk to me, okay?”

  Her green eyes moved over my face, and I leaned down to kiss her, “I promise. I’m pretty sure with you here, I’ll never need anything else.” With a nod, she unlocked the door and I followed her in. At the top of the stairs, she pulled the fridge open and pulled out a black bag. I turned my attention to the scene outside while she dealt with her insulin. Griffin had Cori in his lap, a mug of coffee in one hand and the other on her stomach, and the girls at the table eating. Lucky bastard. Cori saw me watching and waved me outside. Meredith touched my back on her way to her sister.

  “Morning,” Griffin raised his mug, “You two have a nice night?” I watched Axel climb up Meredith.

  “Very,” I tried to keep the innuendo out of my tone, “Meredith keeps refusing my offer to have her follow me around and play piano for me at all waking hours.” Meredith rolled her eyes, pulling Axel into her lap.

  “She’s disagreeable like that,” Cori stood up and stretched, showing off her round stomach. Griffin growled at me when I stared, but Cori swatted his arm. Not that Cori had anything on Meredith, but something about her growing stomach had me staring. Maybe knowing my woman would be there before long had me intrigued, “Big birthday coming up, Mere. What’s the plan?”

  “Just dinner or something. We don’t even need to go out. I know Mom won’t rest if we don’t celebrate, so whatever she plans is fine,” Meredith looked between Cori and me, her expression sad.

  “What if we host at our place? Neutral ground.” Griffin smacked Cori’s ass when he stood.

  Meredith checked her phone, “You better get going guys, or all of you will be late. I’ll take the girls to school in Cori’s car. We can make party plans later.” Celia and Axel squealed. I pecked Meredith on the lips, waved at her family and headed to work. On the way, I called my mechanic, telling him to tow the car and get the windshield fixed.

  I settled into my desk and suddenly, my brother appeared, leaning on my desk with his arms crossed “Yes?”

  “Harriet is having the lady folk over tonight for whatever ladies do, and…”

  I held my hand up to stop him, “Did you say lady folk? Is it 1840?” Briggs punched my arm.

  “I’ve never invited you before, because you were never home, but we do guys night at Archer’s. Griffin, Ewan, Jacob, Kurtis, Nick. You should come.” Briggs looked like a nervous kid inviting his girlfriend to prom.

  “Yeah, I’ll be there. Might as well go meet my fate, right? Now that I’ve become one of you pussy-whipped bastards,” I got another punch to the arm, “I’ll be there,” Briggs started off, but I cleared my throat, “Briggs, I’m sorry I put you through so much shit. Especially with Harriet.”

  “Are we gonna hug it out?” My brother smirked like an asshole and clapped my back, “I’m just glad you’re back.” With that he went to his desk, leaving me to think about bro-bonding night. It wasn’t my scene, but neither was anything else anymore. Meredith would be at my house without me, but I had to be okay with that. As much as I wanted to put her in my pocket and carry her around, I couldn’t. Plus, if she was already at my house, I could get her to stay with me again.

  The bar scene at Archer’s was not my typical night out. Not at all. But the guys were all there, lined at the bar, yelling at the Reds on the TV. It was hard to miss them, even in the crowd. Nick was like a huge bear, Kurtis was nearly seven feet tall, and Griffin was covered in tattoos. My brother, Ewan, and Jacob didn’t really stand out, but as a group, everyone saw them. I walked up behind them and Ewan saw me first.

  “Whoa, what are you doing here?” He scooted down a stool, giving me the one next to Briggs, looking at me like I was the last person he expected to see.

  “I was invited.” None of the men at the table liked me, but they had every reason not to. I had been a dick to every one of them at some point, and usually it had to do with their better halves. I was such an asshole.

  Jacob flagged down the bartender and pointed at me, “Just water,” he nodded and I felt the heavy gazes land on me, “I don’t drink, well, not anymore.”

  “Me neither,” Kurtis spoke up, holding his water glass up to me in solidarity.

  “Did I fall into an alternate universe?” Nick looked around like he expected a portal to open over the bar, and all eyes were on me again. I wanted to get pissed, to storm out and tell all of them to get fucked, but Ewan saved me.

  “Meredith? Right?” Ewan winked at me.

  “Cori’s sister?” Jacob jerked to stare me down. I had a feeling he liked to be the parent of the group. I shrugged, “It happens, man.” That was the end of the questioning. I got into the game right along with them, yelling when the Ump made a bad call and fitting in like I always went out with my brother. It made me realize how many years I wasted being fucked up and sick. I didn’t mourn our father’s death, I was honestly relieved to see him go and it made me feel guilty as hell. After Briggs saved my life and landed in the hospital for days because of it, my spiral just got worse. We all groaned when our boys struck out and a tap on my shoulder made me spin from the TV.

  The last person I wanted to see was smiling like a jackass in front of me, “Dennis? Hey, man,” I shook his hand, pretending it was another normal chance meeting. A dark-haired kid was standing behind him, looking twitchy and paranoid. I tried not to judge, but the kid made me a little uneasy. He looked like a tweaked out junkie. At least I didn’t have Mere with me.

  “Fancy meeting you here. How’s the family?” He squeezed my hand a little too tight and smiled. I squeezed back. Just because I was reformed didn’t mean I couldn’t be a dick too.

  “Good. Good.” I paused, waiting for him to go on.

  “This is my nephew, Zeke Brown, just picked him up from the airport. Kid’s grown
up on me, haven’t seen him in a couple of years.” Dennis gave me a pointed look. My whole body tensed, and Briggs bumped my shoulder, getting my attention to share a look with me. The situation was about to get me in serious trouble.

  “Griffin Steele,” Griff pushed up from his stool, and Kurtis stood next to him, creating a wall of pissed off men at the bar, “I don’t think we’ve met, but a friend of Beck’s is a friend of mine.” Griffin shook his hand then looked over Zeke, narrowing his eyes. Griffin caught on fast and wasn’t about to fuck around with the guy we both knew beat Meredith. The kid was maybe six foot, typical looking lean punk kid, barely twenty. I grit my teeth, fighting the urge to curb stomp his fucking head. What Meredith ever saw in him was beyond me, but I’d wreck his face if we ever met alone. I’d play nice for the sake of not going to jail and having to sleep away from my woman.

  Briggs nudged me and I realized Dennis had asked me something, “I said, how’s the baby? Pretty shocked to see Beck Layton spreading his seed.”

  “Baby’s great. We’re excited,” I grit the words out, glaring at Dennis, then at the boy, “Can’t wait.”

  “It was good to see you, tell Meredith I said hello,” At his words, Zeke jerked to attention and grinned at me. The dumbass just figured out what was going on.

  “I will. You two have a nice night,” I forced the words out. Zeke winked at me as he turned away and I lunged only to be caught by Griffin’s giant hand on my bicep, and Briggs grabbing my shoulder. They threw me back on my stool and stepped in front of me, “Fuck.”

  “Don’t you get your ass thrown in jail, Beck,” Griffin growled at me and I leaned back on the stool, “You gonna tell Mere?” Griffin took his seat back when he realized I wasn’t going after the little fucker. I shook my head, clenching my fist. “Good. She’s got enough going on. So, drug running is a family game for them.”

  “I guess.” A million things ran through my head. Her safety, the baby’s safety topped my list, but then the insecure monster reared an ugly head. What if she loves him still? What if she forgives the little bastard? What if she wants her happy little family to be with him? What if she wants to raise the baby with the real father? I spun toward the bar and fought the urge to buy a drink, or a few drinks. Instead, I manned up and pulled my phone out.