Shopaholic Takes Manhattan

by Sophie Kinsella

  Flat 2

  4 Burney Rd.

  London SW6 8FD

  19 September 2000

  GOOD NEWS!

  YOUR NEW CREDIT LIMIT IS £10,000

  Dear Ms. Bloomwood:

  We are delighted to announce that you have been given an increase to your credit limit. Your new credit limit of £10,000 is available for you to spend immediately and will be shown on your next statement.

  You can use your new credit limit to do many things. Pay for a holiday, a car, even transfer balances from other cards!

  However, we realize that some customers do not wish to take advantage of increased credit limits. If you would prefer your credit limit to remain at its original level, please call one of our Customer Satisfaction Representatives, or return the form below.

  Yours sincerely,

  Michael Hunt

  Customer Satisfaction Manager

  Seven

  NEW YORK! I’m going to New York! New York!

  Everything is transformed. This is why Luke has been so secretive. We had a lovely long chat at the wedding, and Luke explained everything to me, and suddenly it all made sense. It turns out he’s opening up a new office of Brandon Communications in New York, in partnership with some advertising supremo called Michael Ellis who is based in Washington. And Luke’s going to go over there and head it up. He said he’s been wanting to ask me all along to come with him — but he knew I wouldn’t want to give up my career just to trail along with him. So — this is the best bit — he’s been speaking to some contacts in television, and he reckons I’ll be able to get a job as a financial expert on an American TV show! In fact, he says I’ll get “snapped up” because Americans love British accents. Apparently one producer has already practically offered me a job just from seeing a tape Luke sent him. Isn’t that great?

  The reason he didn’t say anything before was he didn’t want to raise my hopes before things started looking definite. But now, apparently, all the investors are on board, and everyone’s really positive, and they’re hoping to finalize the deal as soon as possible. Michael Ellis’s agency advertises for most of the big financial players — and he’s already been talking to them all about the new company. So there are loads of potential clients out there for Luke, and that’s before he’s even started.

  And guess what? We’re going over there in three days’ time! Hooray! Luke’s going to have meetings with some of his backers — and I’m going to have some interviews with TV people and explore the city. God, it’s exciting. In just seventy-two hours, I’ll be there. In the Big Apple. The city that never sleeps. The—

  “Becky?”

  Oh shit. I snap to attention and hastily smile brightly. I’m sitting on the set of Morning Coffee, doing my usual phone-in, and Jane from Lincoln has been explaining over the line that she wants to buy a property but doesn’t know which kind of mortgage to take out.

  Oh, for goodness’ sake. How many times have I explained the difference between repayment plans and endowment policies? You know, sometimes this job can be so interesting, hearing about people and their problems and trying to help them. But other times — to be honest — it’s just as boring as Successful Saving ever was. I mean, mortgages again? I feel like yelling, “Didn’t you watch last week’s show?”

  “Well, Jane!” I say, stifling a yawn. “You’re right to be concerned about redemption penalties.”

  As I speak, my mind begins to drift again toward New York. Just think. We’ll have an apartment in Manhattan. In some amazing Upper East Side condo — or maybe somewhere really cool in Greenwich Village. Yes! It’s just going to be perfect.

  To be honest, I hadn’t thought of Luke and me living together for… well, for ages. I reckon if we’d stayed in London, perhaps we wouldn’t have. I mean, it’s quite a big step, isn’t it? But as Luke said, this is the chance of a lifetime for both of us. It’s a whole new beginning. It’s yellow taxicabs and skyscrapers, and Woody Allen and Breakfast at Tiffany’s.

  The weird thing is that although I’ve never actually been to New York, I already feel an affinity toward it. Like for example, I adore sushi — and that was invented in New York, wasn’t it? And I always watch Friends, unless I’m going out that night. And Cheers. (Except now I come to think of it, that’s Boston. Still, it’s the same thing, really.)

  “So really, Jane, whatever you’re buying,” I say dreamily, “be it a… a Fifth Avenue duplex… or an East Village walk-up… you must maximize the potential of your dollar. Which means…”

  I stop as I see both Emma and Rory staring at me strangely.

  “Becky, Jane is planning to buy a semidetached house in Skegness,” says Emma.

  “And surely it’s pounds?” says Rory, looking around, as though for support. “Isn’t it?”

  “Yes, well,” I say hurriedly. “Obviously, I was just using those as examples. The principles apply wherever you’re buying. London, New York, Skegness…”

  “And on that international note, I’m afraid we’ll have to finish,” says Emma. “Hope that helped you, Jane, and thanks once again to Becky Bloomwood, our financial expert… do you have time for a last word, Becky?”

  “The same message as ever,” I say, smiling warmly into the camera. “Look after your money…”

  “And your money will look after you,” everyone choruses dutifully.

  “And that brings us to the end of the show,” says Emma. “Join us tomorrow, when we’ll be making over a trio of teachers from Teddington…”

  “… talking to the man who became a circus performer at sixty-five…” says Rory.

  “… and giving away £5,000 in ‘Go On — Have a Guess!’ Good-bye!”

  There’s a frozen pause — then everyone relaxes as the signature music starts blaring out of the loudspeakers.

  “So — Becky — are you going to New York or something?” says Rory.

  “Yes,” I say, beaming back at him. “For two weeks!”

  “How nice!” says Emma. “What brought this on?”

  “Oh, I don’t know…” I shrug vaguely. “Just a sudden whim.”

  I’m not telling anyone at Morning Coffee yet about moving to New York. It was Luke’s advice, actually. Just in case.

  “Becky, I wanted a quick word,” says Zelda, one of the assistant producers, bustling onto the set with some papers in her hand. “Your new contract is ready to be signed, but I’ll need to go through it with you. There’s a new clause about representing the image of the station.” She lowers her voice. “After all that business with Professor Jamie.”

  “Oh right,” I say, and pull a sympathetic face. Professor Jamie is the education expert on Morning Coffee. Or at least he was, until The Daily World ran an exposé on him last month in their series “Are They What They Seem?” revealing that he isn’t a real professor at all. In fact, he hasn’t even got a degree, except the fake one he bought from the “University of Oxbridge.” All the tabloids picked up the story, and kept showing photographs of him in the dunce’s hat he wore for last year’s telethon. I felt really sorry for him, actually, because he used to give good advice.

  And I was a bit surprised at The Daily World being so vicious. I’ve actually written for The Daily World myself, once or twice, and I’d always thought they were quite reasonable, for a tabloid.

  “It won’t take five minutes,” says Zelda. “We could go into my office—”

  “Well…” I say, and hesitate. Because I don’t really want to sign anything at the moment. Not if I’m planning to switch jobs. “I’m in a bit of a hurry, actually.” Which is true, because I’ve got to get to Luke’s office by twelve, and then start getting my stuff ready for New York. (Ha! Ha-ha!) “Can it wait till I come back?”

  “OK,” says Zelda. “No problem.” She puts the contract back in its brown envelope and grins at me. “Have a great time. Hey, you know, you must do some shopping while you’re there.”

  “Shopping?” I say, as though it hadn’t occurred to me. “Yes, I
suppose I could.”

  “Ooh yes!” says Emma. “You can’t go to New York without shopping! Although I suppose Becky would tell us we should put our money into a savings plan instead.”

  She laughs merrily and Zelda joins in. And I smile back, feeling a bit uncomfortable. Somehow, all the people at Morning Coffee have got the idea I’m incredibly organized with my money — and, without quite meaning to, I’ve gone along with it. Still, I don’t suppose it really matters.

  “A savings plan is a good idea, of course…” I hear myself saying. “But as I always say, there’s no harm going shopping once in a while as long as you stick to a budget.”

  “Is that what you’re going to do, then?” asks Emma interestedly. “Give yourself a budget?”

  “Oh, absolutely,” I say wisely. “It’s the only way.”

  Which is completely true. I mean, obviously I’m planning to give myself a New York shopping budget. I’ll set realistic limits and I’ll stick to them. It’s really very simple.

  Although what I’ll do is make the limits fairly broad and flexible. Because it’s always a good idea to allow some extra leeway for emergencies or one-offs.

  “You’re so virtuous!” says Emma, shaking her head. “Still — that’s why you’re the financial expert and I’m not…” Emma looks up as the sandwich man approaches us with a tray of sandwiches. “Ooh lovely, I’m starving! I’ll have… bacon and avocado.”

  “And I’ll have tuna and sweet corn,” says Zelda. “What do you want, Becky?”

  “Pastrami on rye,” I say casually. “Hold the mayo.”

  “I don’t think they do that,” says Zelda, wrinkling her brow. “They’ve got ham salad…”

  “Then a bagel. Cream cheese and lox. And a soda.”

  “Soda water, do you mean?” says Zelda.

  “What’s lox?” says Emma puzzledly — and I pretend I haven’t heard. I’m not actually sure what lox is — but everyone eats it in New York, so it’s got to be delicious.

  “Whatever it is,” says the sandwich man, “I ’aven’t got it. You can ’ave cheese and tomato and a nice packet of Hula Hoops.”

  “OK,” I say reluctantly, and reach for my purse. As I do so, a pile of post that I picked up this morning falls out of my bag, onto the floor. Shit. Hastily, I gather all the letters up, and shove them into my Conran Shop carrier bag, hoping no one spotted them. But bloody Rory was looking straight at me.

  “Hey, Becky,” he says, giving a guffawing laugh. “Was that a red bill I saw there?”

  “No!” I say at once. “Of course not! It’s a… a birthday card. A joke birthday card. For my accountant. Anyway, I must run. Ciao!”

  OK, so that wasn’t quite true. It was a red bill. To be honest, there have been quite a few red bills arriving for me over the last few days, which I’m completely intending to get round to paying off when I’ve got the cash. But I mean, I’ve got more important things happening in my life than a few crappy final demands. In a few months’ time, I’m going to be living on the other side of the Atlantic. I’m going to be an American television star!

  Luke says I’ll probably earn twice in the States what I do here. If not more! So a few crummy bills won’t exactly matter then, will they? A few outstanding pounds won’t exactly ruin my sleep when I’m a household name and living in a Park Avenue penthouse.

  God, and that’ll completely suss that horrible John Gavin. Just imagine his face when I march in and tell him I’m going to be the new anchorwoman on CNN, on a salary six times what he earns. That’ll teach him to be so nasty. I finally got round to opening his latest letter this morning, and it actually quite upset me. What does he mean, “excessive level of debt”? What does he mean, “special status”? You know, Derek Smeath would never have been so rude to me, not in a million years.

  Luke’s in a meeting when I arrive, but that’s OK, because I don’t mind hanging around. I love visiting the Brandon Communications offices — in fact, I pop in there quite a lot, just for the atmosphere. It’s such a cool place — all blond-wood floors and spotlights and trendy sofas, and people rushing around being really busy and dynamic. Everyone stays really late every night, even though they don’t have to — and at about seven o’clock someone always opens a bottle of wine and passes it around.

  I’ve got a present to give his assistant Mel for her birthday, which was yesterday. I’m quite pleased with it actually — it’s a gorgeous pair of cushions from the Conran Shop — and as I hand over the carrier bag, I actually hear her gasp, “Oh, Becky! You shouldn’t have!”

  “I wanted to!” I beam, and perch companionably on her desk as she admires them. “So — what’s the latest?’’

  Ooh, you can’t beat a good gossip. Mel puts down the carrier bag and gets out a box of toffees, and we have a lovely old natter. I hear all about her terrible date with an awful guy her mother’s been trying to set her up with, and she hears all about Tom’s wedding. And then she lowers her voice and starts filling me in on all the office gossip.

  She tells me all about the two receptionists who haven’t been speaking ever since they came to work in the same Next jacket and both refused to take it off — and the girl in accounts who has just come back from maternity leave and is throwing up every morning but won’t admit anything.

  “And here’s a really juicy one!” she says, handing me the box of toffees. “I reckon Alicia’s having an affair in the office.”

  “No!” I stare at her in amazement. “Really? With who?”

  “With Ben Bridges.”

  I screw up my face, trying to place the name.

  “That new guy who used to be at Coupland Foster Bright.”

  “Him?” I stare at Mel. “Really?”

  I have to say I’m surprised. He’s very sweet, but quite short and pushy. Not what I would have said was Alicia’s type.

  “I keep seeing them together, kind of whispering. And the other day Alicia said she was going to the dentist — but I went into Ratchetts and there they were, having a secret lunch—”

  She breaks off as Luke appears at the door of his office, ushering out a man in a purple shirt.

  “Mel, order a taxi for Mr. Mallory, would you please?”

  “Of course, Luke,” says Mel, switching into her efficient secretary voice. She picks up the phone and we grin at each other — then I walk into Luke’s office.

  His office is so smart. I always forget how grand he is. He’s got a sweeping maple desk that was designed by some award-winning Danish designer, and on the shelves in the alcove behind it are all his shiny PR awards.

  “Here you are,” he says, handing me a sheaf of papers. The top one is a letter from someone called “Howski and Forlano, U.S. Immigration Lawyers,” and as I see the words “your proposed relocation to the United States,” I feel a tingle of excitement which reaches right to my fingertips.

  “This is really happening, isn’t it?” I say, walking over to his floor-length window and gazing down at the busy street below. “We’re really going to New York.”

  “The flights are booked,” he says, grinning at me.

  “You know what I mean.”

  “I do know just what you mean,” he echoes, and wraps me in his arms. “And it’s very exciting.”

  For a while we just stand there, the two of us, looking down at the busy London street below. I can hardly believe I’m planning to leave all this to live in a foreign country. It’s exciting and wonderful — but just a little scary, at the same time.

  “Do you really think I’ll get a job out there?” I say, as I have every time I’ve seen him in the past week. “Do you honestly think I will?”

  “Of course you will.” He sounds so assured and confident, I feel myself relax into his arms. “They’ll love you. You’re talented, and you’re charming, and you come with a record of success… no question at all.” He kisses me and holds me tight for a moment. Then he moves away to his desk, frowns absently, and opens a huge file labeled “New York.” No wonder
it’s so huge. He told me the other day that he’s been working toward a New York deal for three years. Three years!

  “I can’t believe you’ve been planning this for so long and never told me,” I say, watching him scribble something on a Post-it.

  “Mmm,” says Luke. I clench the papers in my hands slightly harder and take a deep breath. There’s something I’ve been wanting to say for a while — and now is as good a moment as any.

  “Luke, what would you have done if I hadn’t wanted to go to New York?”

  There’s silence apart from the hum of the computer.

  “I knew you’d want to go,” says Luke at last. “It’s the next obvious step for you.”

  “But… what if I hadn’t?” I bite my lip. “Would you still have gone?” Luke sighs.

  “Becky — you do want to go to New York, don’t you?”

  “Yes! You know I do!”

  “So — what’s the point in asking what-if questions? The point is, you want to go, I want to go… it’s all perfect.” He smiles at me and puts down his pen. “How are your parents doing?”

  “They’re… OK,” I say hesitantly. “They’re kind of getting used to the idea.”

  Which is sort of true. They were fairly shocked when I told them, I have to admit. In hindsight, perhaps I should have introduced Luke to them before making the announcement. Because how it happened was, I hurried into the house — where they were still sitting in their wedding gear, drinking tea in front of Countdown — and I switched off the telly and said joyfully, “Mum, Dad, I’m moving to New York with Luke!”

  Whereupon Mum just looked at Dad and said, “Oh, Graham. She’s gone.”

  She said afterward she didn’t mean it like that — but I’m not so sure.

  Then they actually met Luke, and he told them about his plans, and explained about all the opportunities in American TV for me — and I could see Mum’s smile fading. Her face seemed to get smaller and smaller, and sort of closed in on itself. She went off to make some tea in the kitchen, and I followed her — and I could see she was upset. But she refused to show it. She just made the tea, with slightly shaking hands, and put out some biscuits — and then she turned to me and smiled brightly, and said, “I’ve always thought you would suit New York, Becky. It’s the perfect place for you.”