Memories of Me

by Dani Hart

  "Hi, I'm Brandt."

  Grady's stepbrother. I was internally kicking myself for avoiding those eyes for three months. My heart immediately ached.

  "Hi. Baylor." When I reached for his hand, he took it and brought it to his lips and kissed it lightly. His warm breath sent chills racing up my arm.

  "You found her!" Tessa shouted with Grady following behind.

  "Of course, I did."

  They crowded the little viewpoint.

  "Don't act like you have some secret FBI powers, Brandt." She spoke to me next. "We showed him a picture."

  "Aw." I smiled.

  "Wait, you mean you didn't insist on seeing a picture before you met me? You're way braver than me."

  "I guess I like living on the wild side." I winked playfully.

  All I wanted was for Tessa and Grady to disappear already, but they were glued to our sides for the rest of the night, and my eyes were glued to Brandt's for eternity.

  Since Brandt had driven separately, he managed to convince them to let him drive me home. It was hard not to jump up and down, because that was exactly what the stupid, giddy, little girl inside me was doing. I had a couple of boyfriends in school, but nothing serious, and none that made me feel like this. This was different. This was more.

  And, on top of it, he drove a really nice car. It kind of made me drool a little.

  "You want to drive it?" he asked.

  "Ummm, yeah, if you don't mind." I was dying inside. I loved cars. I didn't know why, but driving down a quiet road with the music blasting and the windows rolled down always brought on an overwhelming sense of freedom.

  He held the driver's door open, and I hopped inside happily. He laughed as he shut the door. As soon as I saw the stick shift, I frowned. The passenger door opened, and he slid inside and watched me glare at the stick.

  "Not a stick driver, huh?" he asked. I shook my head sadly. "Well, I guess we are going to have to change that, aren't we?"

  I couldn't hide the fact he had just made my night. "Really? I don't want to break your car. It's so pretty." I petted the leather console separating us.

  "Yes, it is quite the beauty, and, yes, I'm sure. You won't break my car. I'm more worried about you breaking my heart."

  I blushed. From any other guy that would have been the cheesiest line on the planet, but it sounded so natural coming from those lips. And honest. If he was alluding to me breaking his heart, then he must have at least seen himself with me past tonight, which raised pebbles all over my skin.

  "You ready?" he asked.

  "Are you?" I responded.

  He shot me a seductive smile, revealing his hidden dimples and melting my willpower.

  Getting out of the parking lot was a bit tricky and required me learning not only first gear but also reverse. After many tries, we made it out. It was not a smooth start, either, but after we hit the main road, I was doing much better. I had to ditch the heels, so I was driving barefoot. My dress was barely covering my underwear since it was so short, and I caught him staring several times. I liked Brandt. I was willing to go as far as saying I fancied him even a little more than that.

  "I don't live that far from here," I commented.

  "Do you mind if I keep you out a little later?"

  Did I mind? No, I didn't mind. I never wanted to go home again. "Sure. Where are we going?"

  "My favorite spot."

  He gave me directions up into the rocky hills. I had heard of people going back here, but I had never been here myself. It was a dirt trail, and being a newbie stick-shift driver, I was a little nervous, so we switched seats. The cliffs hugged either side of us, but once we got through the pass, it opened up to a pitch-black sky filled only with stars. No city lights could be mistaken here. It was breathtaking.

  He parked off to the side. My heart was racing. I was excited to be here with Brandt, but I was also terrified on the cliff’s edge. I had always been scared of heights.

  "Are you scared?" he asked as he placed his hand on mine that was resting on the center console.

  "I was." We sat for a few silent seconds. "This place is unbelievable." I looked over at him as he stared out the window. "I bet you bring all the girls here."

  "Actually, you're the first."

  Yep, I was a goner.

  "There. Look. A shooting star." He pointed excitedly.

  I caught the end of the blazing trail. "Make a wish."

  "It already came true," he replied, squeezing my hand.

  I didn't think I ever wanted to let go. His hand just fit so perfectly with mine, like our hands were meant to be together. We were meant to be together. I rolled my head to face him while still resting on the headrest. "I like you, Mr. Brandt."

  Instead of answering me, he leaned over the console, causing serious eruptions in my blood, and as he got closer, the anticipation of my first kiss with him had my chest heaving deeply. He reached out and took a lock of hair next to my cheek and stroked it slowly, never losing eye contact. His eyes were a combination of hazel and green, and his lips only inches from mine were a supple red that screamed for mine. His thumb brushed my jawline, causing me to shiver inappropriately, and then he rested his forehead to mine, sucking in a labored breath.

  "I'm going to kiss you, if you'll let me." He restrained his whisper.

  I couldn't take my eyes off his lips. I managed a barely coherent "uh-huh" to slip out as he let go of my hair, gripping the back of my neck desperately, and grazed his lips on mine. A gasp escaped me.

  His lips finally devoured mine and we kissed for hours. He was slow and sweet and was turning out to be the man I had been holding out for all these years. What the future held for us was still unknown, but if it was anything like this moment, it was promising.

  Six Months, But Who’s Counting?

  BRANDT BROUGHT ME back to the cliffs for our six-month anniversary. I imagined most girls would want a fancy dinner by limo for Valentine’s Day, but Brandt knew me better than anyone, and this was beyond perfect. He borrowed his brother’s truck and threw down an air mattress and blankets. It never really got that cold in Southern California, but it was a chilly night so we had the cliffs to ourselves. It was also a weeknight, so the teenagers that threw parties here on the weekends were absent. It was just me, Brandt, and a million stars.

  He pulled the blankets up to my neck when a burst of shivers flew over my body. “Was this okay? I know it’s cold.”

  I rolled my head from the stars to face him, his green eyes positively glowing. “This is perfect and the flowers are gorgeous.”

  “You aren’t disappointed that they aren’t roses?”

  “No way.” He had given me a little pot of forget-me-not flowers that he grew himself. It was a beautiful and thoughtful gesture.

  He took my chin between his thumb and index fingers and brushed lightly. “I never want you to forget me, Bay. No matter what happens, I want you to remember tonight. Us. Just like this.”

  My heart fluttered and he leaned over and brushed his lips across mine, nuzzling my nose with his, and then kissing me deeply. Brandt was worth the wait. All those years wondering what was wrong with me because I hadn’t fallen in love with anyone were gone. Erased. My heart had been waiting patiently for Brandt. For the perfect one.

  He rolled on top of me, kissing me deeper and loving me passionately, and I wanted to be with him. I wanted to show him how much I loved him, but I was scared.

  “Brandt, wait,” I whispered through labored breaths.

  “What’s wrong?” He slid off me, propping on his elbow and brushing locks of my hair behind my shoulder.

  Lying here now, facing him, I regretted telling him to stop. I fell on my back, covered my face, and mumbled, “I’m still a virgin.” I peeked through spread fingers to see his reaction.

  “Oh.” He smiled. “Hmmm, weird we haven’t really talked about this.”

  He sat up and I did, too. “I know, right?” I twirled my hair around my finger nervously.

 
“I just assumed every time you stopped you weren’t ready with me.”

  “No,” I shouted a little too loudly, and then we both shared a laugh. My cheeks were hot, and my fingertips were tingling. “I just haven’t met the right one.” I smiled shyly and dipped my head. His fingers hooked my chin and lifted my eyes to his.

  “I’m glad,” he said, reassured.

  “Really? That’s a relief because I was worried you would think I was weird being twenty and still a virgin.”

  “I think it’s amazing. You’re amazing.” He paused and then continued, “I just wish I could say the same. Had I known there was someone out there like you, I would have waited.”

  “Really?” I blushed.

  “Yes.” He leaned over and kissed me softly and then rested his forehead on mine. “I’ll wait as long as you need, Bay.”

  “Forever?” I arched a playful eyebrow.

  “Well, maybe not forever.” He shook off a chuckle, and I fell back into his arms.

  “I won’t make you wait forever,” I whispered.

  One Year, I Love You!

  I SCREAMED AT the top of my lungs as I was launched into the air, hanging on to the side handles of the raft, the force of the water sending more than just mist into my face. If I didn't die from drowning, I would surely die of a heart attack. We were headed down a class IV rapid, and aside from holding on for dear life, I just wanted to vomit from paralyzing fear.

  I yelled over the organized chaos in the boat, "I'm going to kill you, Mr. Brandt, if I survive this!" He was sitting right next to me.

  "I love you, Bay!" he shouted back.

  And there it was. The first time he said “I love you”. I was stunned. Why was he telling me this now? Did he think we were going to die? After we had made it to the calm waters below and were gliding across safely, a couple of people jumped out of the raft to swim while Tessa and Grady chatted with the guide. There were eight of us in the raft, the other three being strangers, and then the guide.

  Not saying anything back in regards to the spontaneous “I love you” was giving me anxiety. He had said it in a very stressful situation, and it had already been many minutes after, so it seemed out of place for me to say it back. I wasn't even sure I wanted to address it yet. My stomach was tensing from the apprehension those three little words were producing.

  "You okay?" he asked.

  "Yep," was all I could say quickly.

  Tessa turned to us. "That was awesome. I love this trip. The guide said that was the last class IV, so you can stop killing Brandt now." She laughed.

  "Ha-ha." I stuck my tongue out at her.

  The guide announced, "We are heading to the rendezvous point to meet with the other groups and set up camp for the night."

  Everyone climbed back inside the raft, and we worked together to reach our destination. We hit a few smaller rapids, but those I considered fun. One of the other rafters with us even jumped out and rode the rapid next to us. Brandt was slowly pulling me out of all my comfort zones and challenging my limits. This was high on that list. Saying I was terrified when he mentioned the group trip would be an understatement. It took him a week to convince me, with promises of lots of alone time on the river to get me to go.

  I was still waiting for the alone time.

  "You owe me," I said in my most alluring voice.

  "Oh, I got you covered, babe." He winked.

  I was anxious to be alone with him. In a good way. He had been waiting so patiently for me to be ready, and now that I was I couldn’t wait a second longer. This was the first time we would be spending a whole night together. I knew Grady and Tessa had already slept together. In fact, I knew too much. They, at least, waited until she was eighteen, which completely shocked me. Call me old-fashioned, but I wanted the first time to be with someone I loved. And I knew, without a doubt, that I loved Brandt.

  Once we beached, the guides for all the groups cooked us a feast, and then we all sat on the riverbed and ate. There were probably about forty or so people camping together. We were all about the same age, and the guides turned a blind eye to the alcohol and occasional joint being passed around. The four of us were on the far end of the crowd.

  "I brought something to help us celebrate today." Tessa smiled.

  She was digging through a backpack sitting next to her. We were all crowded on a blanket.

  "Tessa, you know I don't smoke," I reminded her.

  She pulled out a handful of sparklers. "I know, which is why I brought these for you while I smoke." She giggled.

  She handed a couple to Brandt and me.

  "Babe, let's go find a more private spot," Tessa said to Grady.

  As they stood up, Tessa tossed me a lighter for the sparklers.

  "Won't you need this?" I asked.

  She waved another lighter in front of me. "I always come prepared. See you later." They started to leave, "Oh, and sis, happy birthday." She blew me a kiss.

  "Thanks." This trip was Brandt's birthday present to me, and he knew I wouldn't go without Tessa. It had also been almost a year since we had met.

  The crowd was getting rowdier as the alcohol started taking effect.

  "Let's go down the river a little more." Brandt nibbled on my ear and my body quivered.

  I was hoping tonight would be the night we finally slept together. I was twenty-one today and way overdue. Brandt was four years older than me and I knew he wasn’t a virgin, but I chose not to ask details. I wasn’t the girl who needed to know her boyfriend had a past. I wanted to be the girlfriend that made him forget everyone before me.

  As he helped me to my feet and led me away from the crowd all I could think about was how I wanted every part of this man. I was so nervous; my heart was jumping, my body was tingling, my stomach was going nuts, and my cheeks were getting hot. I was officially worked up, and when I spotted a blanket laid out just ahead with a bottle of wine, cheese and crackers, and brownies I let out a surprised gasp, “Brandt!”

  "Tessa helped with the setup."

  "I love it. Thank you." I raised on my tiptoes and kissed him. Before I could pull away, he grabbed the back of my head and kissed me deeply, leaving me breathless. I tried to kiss him again, but he stopped me.

  "There's plenty of time for that." He leaned in close to my ear and whispered, "I promise." I hit him playfully on the chest.

  "Ow, what was that for?"

  "For turning me on and then asking me to wait." I pouted.

  He took my chin in one hand and then slid the other down the small of my back slowly. I went to kiss him, but he nibbled at me playfully and pulled away.

  "You're a tease, Mr. Brandt."

  "I plan on savoring every single moment with you for the rest of my life," he promised.

  “Was that a proposal, Mr. Brandt?” I watched him curiously.

  He dismissed it with a mischievous smile. "Come on."

  He pulled me over to the blanket. Today had been monumental for us. First, he said he loved me, and now he was talking about spending the rest of his life with me. Things were happening. I just didn't know in what order. He poured us both a glass of Pinot Noir.

  "You hate wine," I said.

  "I never said I hated it. I just prefer something a little more manly, but today is about you and all your favorite things."

  He knew how much I loved savoring a glass of wine with cheese and crackers. It was so silly, but I always imagined a romantically cheesy scene like this, but all I really needed was Brandt. He had stolen a small piece of my heart our first night together and continued collecting more over the months. After tonight, I knew he had it all.

  "Cheers," he said, raising his glass.

  We drank and ate, enjoying the sounds of the crickets and the occasional howl of a coyote under the stars.

  "I'm really going to have to come up with something special for your next birthday." His birthday had already passed in March and we spent it at his place watching a movie with Tessa and Grady.

  "I don't nee
d anything but you, Bay. You know that."

  And I did. The way he studied me every time we were together was flattering. I have had such a charmed life. My parents were supportive, my sister was one in a million, and now, not only did I have the sexiest guy on the planet, but also the sweetest, and he only had eyes for me. I was so grateful.

  "I do know." I leaned over and kissed him.

  "Shall we play with a little fire?" His brow arched mischievously.

  Oh boy, how I wanted to play with fire. I leaned in to get another kiss, but was displaced by a sparkler in front of me instead. I started laughing. "Okay, fine, but my patience is wearing thin," I teased as I grabbed the sparkler from him. I held it between us, so he could light it.

  He lifted his to mine and lit them at the same time. We both jumped up off the blanket and ran toward the water. We had taken off our socks and shoes earlier, so I splashed ankle deep into the water, spinning the sparkler around. I felt like a little kid again. I loved Fourth of July and not just because it was my birthday.

  I could sense Brandt watching me, so as soon as the sparklers fizzled out, I marched up to him, grabbed his face in my hands, and said, "I love you, too."

  He picked me up, so I instinctively straddled him and took his lips in mine. The passion between us went from zero to sixty in a split second. He carried me into the water rather than to the blanket.

  "Where are we going?" I laughed.

  When we were waist deep, he put me down and slid his hands down my sides, all the while not breaking eye contact. He grabbed the sides of my shirt and lifted it over my head and I obliged willingly. He slipped his shirt off and threw them both onto the beach. The silence kept the heat between us at a steady boil. I was so nervous I swore he could hear my heart booming against my chest. He stepped into me, our chests pressed against each other, and he snuggled his face into my neck, nibbling gently as he made his way across my jawline to my lips, kick-starting the natural magnetism between us. He teased my lips with his own as he slowly grazed back and forth, breathing in unison with me.

  After a few moments, he said, "Bay, I want these moments…just like this one…I want to savor them. I want to feel this way with you forever."