The Last Christmas Cowboy

by Maisey Yates

  Then he turned and walked out of her bedroom, moving quickly down the stairs, because if he didn’t get the hell out now, he was going to change his mind. Going to turn around and go right back to her childhood bedroom and hope that Ryder shouting at the TV when his team failed to get a first down would drown out the scream when she came.

  He kept his head low as he walked into the living room, heading straight for the door.

  “Hey,” Ryder said. “I didn’t know you were still here.”

  “Headed out,” he bit out.

  “Why don’t you stay? Grab a beer. Watch the game.”

  “No. I got an early morning ahead.” It was a lie. But maybe he would do something to make sure it wasn’t a lie. Maybe he would manufacture some chore and get his ass out the door before five just to make this true. So it wasn’t just about him running to a cold shower because he wanted a woman who had just cut him off, and he was furious as hell.

  “Suit yourself,” Ryder said.

  He had to leave quickly after that, because if he didn’t, he was going to end up laughing hysterically. There was no suiting himself. Not now. Not in this. If he had his way, he would march right back upstairs and take Rose into his arms again. Carry her down the stairs behind her brother and out the front door, back to his cabin, where he would lock her inside and spend the next few days...

  What? What the hell are you going to do?

  To what end?

  Yeah. She’d asked that. And it was the one thing he didn’t really have an answer for. Because the first thing he wanted to say was why did it have to end?

  Well, he didn’t even know what Rose wanted. Not in terms of this kind of thing. Relationships. Did she fantasize about getting married and having children?

  The thought made his throat dry.

  Rose. Getting married. Having children.

  No. It wasn’t for him.

  He’d had a family once.

  He wasn’t going to make another one.

  He’d depended on one person in his whole life. And she’d depended on him right back. His mom had been his whole world. The woman who had devoted herself to raising him. His world had fallen when he’d lost her. And the thing that haunted him, and always would, was that it had all happened because of how he’d tried to love her.

  He would never be able to get rid of that. That feeling of being so excited about something, so proud. And having it turn to death in the end.

  Didn’t matter if thinking it was his fault was martyrish or thinking it would happen again was some kind of magic thinking. It was still there. Inside him. Likely where his ability to love another person right would have been.

  He’d wished things were different a lot of times, for a lot of reasons.

  Tonight, he wished they were different for Rose.

  But it didn’t change things. It never did.

  No matter who he made those wishes for.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  SHE WASN’T USUALLY INDECISIVE. Rose was big on leaping before she looked. She got an idea, and she went with it. She also wasn’t used to regretting her actions. But she had been seriously regretting several actions for the past few days. One of the big ones was meddling in Iris’s life. And that was something that she needed to address.

  The other thing was that she hadn’t addressed it at all yet, because she had been so consumed with her own stuff.

  Then there was her own stuff. Yeah. She regretted what had happened with Logan. She regretted turning him away last night, too. She felt so fragile, so delicate, and she had no idea who she could talk to about it. Because it was Logan, it made things complicated. She probably would have just told her sisters if it had been any other guy. But Logan? If she told Sammy she would tell Ryder. Ryder would find his burdizzo and castrate Logan like one of their ranch animals.

  Pansy had not been supportive at all just knowing that Logan had kissed her. If she found out what else they had done...

  She sighed heavily. She was still avoiding him, and she didn’t want him to know that she was avoiding him. Eventually, she was going to have to deal. But he’d made it clear that he wanted more. And she didn’t have a handle on her emotions. She felt small. Embarrassed. Everything that had happened between them had been wonderful. Off the charts, amazing wonderful. A combination of riding her horse at full speed and Christmas morning, somehow combined. Exhilarating, magical. But she hadn’t expected the emotional reaction that had followed.

  She’d woken up early in the morning, and everything from the night before had flashed through her mind. One of the first things she thought was that she needed to get away. Because if he was gentle with her, if he was nice, if he kissed her, well, if he anything... She might cry.

  She had been running away from him, and from tears for the last two days. She worried that she was getting to the end of that. That she was either going to end up weeping at a really bad time, or was going to end up grabbing him and either yelling at him or kissing him.

  She wasn’t sure which thought disturbed her more.

  It was lunchtime, and she had managed to stay away from him for the day. She was sure that he had packed a lunch, and she went into the kitchen to collect something there.

  But the house wasn’t empty.

  It wasn’t Logan that she saw standing in the kitchen, it was Iris.

  “Oh,” she said. “Hi.”

  “You don’t have to be weird,” Iris said.

  “I’m not being weird.”

  “You nearly jumped out of your skin when you saw me.”

  Well, some of that was because she was worried that the other person in the kitchen might be Logan. But she wasn’t going to say that.

  “You just startled me. That’s all.” She sighed. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry that I meddled in your life.”

  “Don’t. Just don’t do that.”

  “But I am,” Rose said. “I’m sorry that I thought he liked you, when he liked me.”

  “I really don’t want to talk about it,” Iris said. “The fried chicken was a peace offering and a hope we wouldn’t ever speak of it.”

  But Rose needed to speak of it. “I didn’t even think you liked him very much.”

  “Rose, please,” Iris said. “It’s embarrassing enough without having to go over it.”

  “Why are you embarrassed?”

  “Because! I...I would never have liked him. I would never have gotten involved. But you’re right. I’m alone. I’m always alone. And he seemed interested and no one else ever has been, so even though I wasn’t immediately enamored with him I thought I should make myself have stronger feelings. And I did. I did and then he didn’t like me.”

  Rose’s horror grew. Expanded. She’d thought her sister was maybe heartbroken, but this was actually worse. She was humiliated. Rejected by someone she’d forced herself to have feelings for. “Iris, I’m so sorry...”

  “You know that’s not even the worst part, Rose. And it’s pretty terrible, but it’s not the worst. Do you know what the worst thing is?”

  “What?” Rose asked, her throat going tight.

  “Khaki pants. Water filtration. That’s what you think of me. That is the...the great and exciting guy that you wanted to hook me up with. And I don’t even know what to make of that. I don’t know who I’m more disappointed in, Rose, you or me. That you think that’s who I am. That that’s what I want. Or that I let myself think that it was maybe what I should want, and went along with it. And I know that I am insulted down to my bones that I lowered myself to try and feel something for him, and he didn’t even like me at all. So really, go ahead and apologize, but it’s going to take a while for all of it to settle. I’m not mad at you. Not really. I’m just... I just had this crazy couple of weeks where suddenly I thought maybe my whole life was going to be discussions about water filtration systems over dinner.” She
shook her head. “And not only that...that I hoped for it. For just a while. That I thought maybe it was the best I could do. That I needed to just settle, and that maybe it was going to be... That I should be happy and like it. Because what am I doing with my life, Rose? I cook and clean for the ranch. But Sammy is here now and she and Ryder are married and I just live in the house. You at least work the land. I don’t...”

  “Iris,” Rose said. “I did not mean to insult you by setting you up with him. I thought that you would want somebody who was stable. Somebody nice. I didn’t see him as beige or boring, that’s not it. So many men out there are...they aren’t together like you. You took care of me. I didn’t want you to be taking care of some guy. I thought you should have someone who had his ducks in a row. Someone who...someone who would take care of you.”

  Iris’s expression changed. “Rose, that’s... It’s sweet of you. And it makes me see it a little differently, that’s for sure. But I’m not looking for someone to take care of me. I don’t need it.” She let out a long breath. “It’s just... I need to think about some things.”

  “Like?”

  “I don’t know. I don’t know, maybe... Maybe I should buy a bakery.”

  Rose hadn’t expected that. “A bakery?”

  “Yes. I’ve been thinking about it. Ever since we saw that Sugarplum Fairy went out of business. I’ve been thinking about starting my own business. I would need a lot of capital. Money to invest and a business plan, and a lot of things that I don’t know anything about. And really... None of us do.”

  “But we would all help you,” Rose said.

  “I know you would,” Iris responded. “Look, Rose, I never doubted that what you were doing you were doing because you loved me.”

  “But I hurt you. I didn’t want to do that.”

  She didn’t think that she could possibly feel...worse. But she did. She felt like she had been stripped of an entire protective layer. Probably left it somewhere back in Logan’s room. And now here she was, having to really face down the implications of what she had done by meddling in her sister’s life.

  “I’m so sorry,” she said. “I didn’t understand what I was doing.”

  She reflected on the intimacy that she had shared with Logan. In her mind, setting her sister up with a guy was so much more simple than she realized it was now. She was saying: Here, I think you should get naked with this man. Let him touch you. Let him inside of you.

  Oh, there were so many ways that Logan had been right about her and all she didn’t know. It stung now. Now that it was too late for her to go back and do better. Be different. Understand.

  When she thought of it in those terms, of course pleat-front khaki Elliott was a terrible choice. Of course Iris didn’t want a man who was thinking about water filtration when he touched her.

  Sex was... It was intimate and raw and terrifying. It was the most incredible thing she had ever experienced. It wasn’t something she could just go get a lesson in.

  She had been an idiot to think so. And Logan had been right.

  And maybe, just maybe, that was actually why she was so upset. Because everything he had said to her was true.

  That she didn’t know what she didn’t know.

  She had no idea what she was asking him for, and so it had been easy for her to walk herself into something she didn’t even understand.

  “Are you okay?” Iris asked.

  “I... How did you end up asking about me? See, this is the problem,” Rose said. “I just wanted to do something for you. But I’m sorry that I didn’t ask you what you needed. You’ve always been there for me. You’ve always been there for me, and so often in this family I feel like...like I was everybody’s burden to carry. I’m older now, I don’t have to be a burden. And here I went and made myself a burden without even meaning to.” She sighed. “I’m sorry. Can I help you with the bakery idea?”

  “I don’t even know where to begin.”

  “Neither do I. But we can find out. And I’ll help you. I’ll support you in whatever way I can, even if it’s just...carrying things. Or painting walls.”

  “I think I am a long way away from painting anything,” Iris said. “It’s just... It’s just a tiny little idea. In a germ of one. It’s probably not worth thinking much about right now. But... Yeah, I don’t know. I just think it might be nice. To do something new. To do something bigger.”

  Rose opted not to say that the concept of doing something had possibly spurred her into doing the most rash, ridiculous thing she had ever done. It wasn’t the time.

  And given the way that everything was, she supposed it wasn’t the ideal moment to confess to her sister that she’d had amazing, earth-shattering sex with a man who did not in fact wear khakis.

  Oh, no. She really didn’t need to get into that with Iris.

  All of a sudden, she heard the thundering of footsteps down the stairs. It was Sammy, with the dogs hot on her heels. “It’s an emergency,” she said, rushing out the front door.

  “What?” Iris and Rose asked in unison, moving after her.

  “Ryder texted me and said that there was an accident.”

  “What?” Rose repeated, moving as quickly after her sister-in-law as she could.

  “Logan turned the tractor over on himself and he’s stuck. Ryder is trying to lift it up, but it’s stuck. And we’re going to need help.”

  Everything in Rose’s mind went blank. Logan was hurt. The tractor had rolled over on top of him. People died that way.

  No. That wasn’t fair. She couldn’t lose Logan. They couldn’t lose Logan. They had already lost so much. And the idea of their family having to go through anything more was... No.

  She pushed all the thoughts away as the three of them ran toward the barn, following Sammy, who was moving as quickly as a woman in her advanced stage of pregnancy could.

  When they came to the place where the tractor was tipped on its side, and she could see Logan’s leg sticking out, she screamed his name. She wasn’t even conscious of making the decision to do it. And then she overtook Sammy, her boots pounding the ground, her arms swinging wildly back and forth.

  When she rounded to the other side of the tractor, she could see that he was conscious.

  “You’re alive,” she said.

  “Yeah,” he answered. “If I was dead there would be no point in calling 911. And really, there’s no point anyway except I’ve got to get out of here.”

  “I’m going to hook my truck up to it,” Ryder said. “I’ve got a winch. Just need to get back up on its side.”

  “And not make a mistake,” Logan growled. “Because I don’t really want you cutting my leg off if you drop the fucking thing back down on me.”

  “I’m not going to cut your leg off,” Ryder said. “It’s not any different than hauling anything else out.”

  “Except I’m under it.”

  “How the hell did you manage that?” Rose asked angrily. She had half a mind to bend down and hit him on the exposed shoulder. “You dumbass.”

  “Took the corner too hard,” he said. “I’m not going to die or anything.”

  There was a wild look in Ryder’s eyes, though, and it was that that scared her. Because her older brother was nothing if not absolutely steady. Like a rock. And if he wasn’t steady, then maybe there was real cause for concern.

  “I don’t want to move him,” Ryder whispered to Rose. “You know, in case he has a spine injury or something. I don’t know. I can’t tell.” He shook his head. “I’ve just heard stories. You know, adrenaline blocks pain. So, he’s yelling at me, but I don’t trust that to mean he’s not injured.”

  She swallowed hard and nodded.

  “I don’t want to move him,” Ryder said. “But I’d like to get the tractor off him.”

  “Maybe we should just wait for help,” Rose said.

  S
he hated that he was stuck there, underneath that tractor. Hated that he might be in pain at all.

  She lowered herself down to her knees and looked at his face. His handsome face, which looked so different now than it had a few days ago.

  She knew her brother was right there. But she figured he wouldn’t think anything of her touching Logan when he was pinned underneath the tractor. She put her hand on his cheek. And ignored the fact that Ryder wasn’t on his knees with his hands on Logan’s face. That perhaps it showed they had a different relationship, no matter the situation.

  Ryder was hooking a winch up to his truck, and attaching the other end to the tractor.

  “If you die,” she hissed, “I will kill you.”

  “Well, dying is not on my agenda for the day,” he said, looking up at her, that startling blue making her stomach tight, even now. “Should have been nicer to me last night, though.”

  “Don’t push it,” she said.

  He laughed, and it sounded rusty, and she hated that.

  It was only one minute later that a fire truck came up the driveway, lights on, no sirens. And by then, Ryder had the tractor hooked up to his truck.

  The EMTs came, and took stock of Logan.

  “Looks like it’s missed most of him,” said the woman, a dark-haired, dark-eyed petite creature that Rose vaguely remembered from school. Juniper Rainville.

  “Well, that’s good,” Rose said, realizing she was sitting flat on her ass in the dirt, and not quite able to bring herself to move.

  “Should I try to pull it off him?”

  The other EMT, a young guy that Rose didn’t recognize, turned to Ryder. “I mean, you might as well. We could call for backup and pull it off, but if you think that’ll work...”

  “Should,” Ryder said, engaging the winch.

  The tractor began to rise up off Logan, and as it did, the paramedics slipped a spine board beneath him, strapping him down and pulling him out from beneath it.

  “I’m fine,” Logan said.