Allie's War Season Three

by JC Andrijeski

  I sighed again. "You know why. Because it's foreplay to you...I can feel it all over your light. You want to have sex. It's all you're thinking about..." I swallowed, shaking my head. "It wouldn't be cool for me to do it, Revik. You've told me a hundred times why you want to wait. I'd be an asshole to do this to you now, when you can't fight back...you'll be angry at me later, even if you don't know it now..."

  He looked at me, the pain back in his eyes. The distance remained, too, along with a flare of denser frustration.

  "Bullshit, Alyson."

  I shook my head again, averting my eyes. "You need light. If not me, then maybe you should..." I swallowed, shaking my head again. Biting my lip, I added, "Is there someone else who could help? Someone who isn't me?"

  His eyes hardened to slate. I felt anger spark in his light, real anger.

  "You want me to fuck someone else?"

  I winced. "Do I even have to dignify that with an answer?" Feeling his anger worsen, I shook my head. My fingers tightened in his hair. "I don't want that at all. But you need to take light, Revik. If not me, then –– "

  "Would it be easier if I forced you?" he said, his voice still hard. "Is that going to make it more palatable for you, Allie...?"

  He gestured vaguely, indicating his body, then the area above his head. I found myself looking at his fingers, then his arms...but I knew what he meant. Wounded or not, he was stronger than me, and not just physically.

  "...Did you hear what Wreg said?" he asked, his voice nearly accusing.

  "I heard him." I measured his eyes. "Are you threatening me? Or worried about it?"

  Holding my hand, he raised his other one to his face, shielding his expression.

  "Allie, gods. Neither. I'm telling you...I'm telling you so you can decide. I can barely make myself feel bad about it at this point..." He trailed, his jaw clenching. His accent worsened again when he next spoke. "I want you to stay. But if you don't want sex with me, you should go. Now. And tell Wreg to trank me on your way out...or I can't promise I won't follow you..."

  Biting my lip, I nodded, but I can't say I really knew what I was nodding to. Fighting to think past his stare, I finally shrugged, meeting his gaze reluctantly.

  "There's another option," I said.

  "Which is what?"

  I swallowed again, tugging at his hair with my fingers. "Can you trust me?"

  His voice turned even warier. "To do what?"

  I met his gaze directly, still fingering his hair. "I can control you, Revik. I can do it enough to get you to open...and to calm you down. Without us having sex, I mean..."

  Thinking about this, I gave a seer's shrug.

  "Well," I amended. "Not in the strictest sense..."

  He took the hand away from his face, staring at me. "Control me?"

  There was a silence where he only looked at me.

  Understanding reached his expression then, along with another pulse of pain, strong enough to make both of us wince. I saw his eyes shift out of focus, felt his light hone in on mine as his eyes continued to stare above my head.

  Seeing the structures I highlighted there, doing the equivalent of pointing to them in the Barrier, he frowned.

  I saw pain once more harden his features.

  "Fuck," he said. "Alyson... don't treat me like a client."

  I felt my jaw harden. "I'm not treating you like a client. I'm telling you what I can do. I'm asking, Revik. As your wife..."

  He winced at my words, shaking his head. "It won't be enough."

  "It will be," I said. "Trust me, okay? I can do this."

  "It won't be enough, Allie," he said, his voice thick again. "You're right...I want to fuck. It's all I'm thinking about. It's all I can think about..."

  I flinched a little, fighting not to react to his words.

  I felt his eyes on me again, as if studying me through the shield I held between us. His gaze hardened as he stared, and I felt flickers off him again, impressions as he looked at me.

  I grew conscious of how I looked, seeing myself in fragments behind his eyes... my hair down in long, dark curls, tangled enough that I looked like I'd just woken up. He was looking at my legs, my fingers, my mouth... and my wrists, thinking about the handcuffs, about opening my light with his, locking me to the bed, using the telekinesis and his mouth until I was begging him. He was remembering my face from other times, remembering what had worked before... remembering trying to get me pregnant when we last shared a bed in that fortress in the mountains.

  I found myself doing the same with him, glimpsing pieces of how he'd been at the cabin... and later, at the rebel compound. We'd been playing a kind of platonic husband and wife game for months, talking about our tastes in music, in art, in food, playing chess and Go, practicing mulei, talking about how to pair up infiltrators and rob banks...talking about everything but this. I'd almost convinced myself that this part of our being together didn't matter as much anymore... not now that we were becoming so much more than that.

  And we were. We really were. I still believed that. But I'd been lying to myself, too.

  He closed his eyes as his light expanded back into mine.

  "Allie...I'm sorry," he said.

  "It's all right." I caressed his face. "I'm not upset with you, Revik...not at all. I know this is my fault...partly anyway. Balidor was right. I've been pulling on you, for weeks now..."

  He shook his head. I could see him in his eyes again, hear him in his voice.

  "It's not your fault, Allie."

  When I didn't answer, his eyes shifted back up to mine.

  "I'll fight you," he said, gruff. "I won't be nice about it, either. I want you to go down on me. I want you to try and control my light. I want you to give me an excuse..." His voice grew lower, more pained. "Allie...I haven't been with anyone. I know you don't believe me, but –– "

  "I believe you." That ache worsened in my chest as I caressed his face, kissing his jaw. "I know how long it's been...I'm sorry..."

  His fingers tightened in mine. "If you start this, I'll do whatever I have to do to get what I want. Don't doubt it, Allie..."

  I nodded, swallowing, still touching his face. "I understand."

  "I don't know if you do," he said, closing his eyes.

  I caressed his hair, leaning over to kiss his mouth.

  I did it without thinking, leaning in harder when he parted his lips to kiss me back. I couldn't remember the last time I'd really kissed him; the contact jarred me, even as it opened my light. His fingers clutched at mine.

  He groaned against my mouth, kissing me again, sliding a hand into my hair when I didn't pull away. I let him tug me down to him, resting my weight on his chest as he kissed me a third time, his tongue hot in my mouth.

  He was sweating then, his fingers yanking at the robe, but I was already refocusing my light, deliberately coiling it deeper into his. Fighting to concentrate, I tried to find the points where I could hold him, remembering how I'd done it with others in the past, adjusting my approach to take into account the telekinesis.

  I was the most worried about that...I'd never had any reason to test a hold on a telekinetic seer before, not since I'd been trained. It wasn't the first time I'd wondered about it though, and I was pretty sure I could do it, if...

  "I'm not a fucking client," he groaned, pulling his mouth from mine. "I'm not a client, Allie..."

  "I know you're not a client." My face warmed as I met his gaze. "I need to think about it this way, or I won't be able to do it at all."

  "Then don't." He closed his eyes, pressing up against me. His voice roughened when he saw my expression change. "You want me. I know you want me...I felt you wanting me some of those nights..." His pain worsened as he seemed to be remembering. "Fuck... Allie. You have no idea what that did to me..." His fingers tightened in my hair. "I'll make it good for you...I swear to the gods I will. Just let me...I don't want to wait any more..."

  "I can't," I said, clenching my jaw. "You know I can't..."

&nb
sp; "Why?" His accent worsened again. "Because of 'Dori? Are you worried about me freaking out? Not being able to handle the other men?"

  "No," I said, exasperated. "...Because I love you. Because I don't want to hurt you."

  His eyes turned conflicted, half angry even as they tried to soften.

  I rested my weight on him, caressing his hair, then his neck. His eyes closed when I massaged his chest through the T-shirt he wore, but I couldn't let myself focus on his body for very long, either.

  "Baby," I murmured. "Try to relax. Trust me, okay?"

  His arm cinched my waist. He turned slightly then, and was untying the knot in the robe with his other hand, shifting me sideways so I would be on the bed next to him. He was already breathing harder when he removed his arm from around my back, using that hand to hold me down instead, gripping my shoulder, then sliding his palm around the back of my head. His fingers knotted in my hair, even as he got the robe undone. His leg slid between mine, pinning me to the bedspread.

  "Revik..."

  "You're wearing my clothes," he said, his voice gruff as he looked at me.

  Another ribbon of desire expanded off his light as he stared.

  I was still exploring his aleimi, but mainly just scanning him now, trying to make sure I hadn't missed anything.

  I was still mostly sure I could do it, even with him fighting me. I couldn't tell if he even knew he was fighting me, or if it was mostly a reflex. He resisted my attempts to hold his light, pushing me away where he could, fighting for control over my structures even as they explored his. But he also wasn't focused on that, not with most of his light. He seemed to view it mainly as a distraction. Something getting in his way...an irritant.

  When his hand slid between my legs, I jumped, grabbing his wrist.

  "Revik, don't," I warned.

  He met my gaze, his eyes hard once more, predatory. I felt the conflict on him again, along with that part of him that didn't care about anything.

  I forgot sometimes he was that other man still, under everything else. He acted so much like the first Revik I'd known, it was easy to forget that he was still Syrimne along with the rest...and the person he'd been before Syrimne. He'd warned me not to forget that once. As far back as on the plane, he'd warned me he was still the guy with the impulse-control issues, who'd been deprived of physical contact for years.

  Through most of his adolescence and early adulthood, the only affection he'd gotten had been whatever he could push out of a human with his light.

  Without removing his hand, he pressed his erection against my leg, using his light to pull on me... hard.

  Hard enough to blank out my mind.

  "Gods... Revik..."

  "You really want to use that on me, wife?" he murmured, gripping my hair tighter. "Use it to get me to retract..." Kissing me, he caressed my cheek with his, his voice close to a groan against my ear. "Help me... help me pull it back... I'm so hard right now I can't stand it..."

  Fighting my reaction to his words, I looked away, gripping the front of his shirt, but he turned me back towards him, kissing my mouth.

  When I pushed his hand away that time, he let me, shifting it higher on my body, sliding his fingers under my shirt, caressing my ribs. At the same time, he spread my legs with his, resting his weight between them deliberately... just before he pulled at me harder with his light, coaxing me in dense, rhythmic pulls that caught my breath, even as his fingers caressed my thigh.

  I felt him looking for other ways in, even as his light started to shift, coiling deeper into mine.

  "Let me do this," he murmured. "Let me do this, Allie..."

  "No," I managed. "...I told you, no."

  "Please, Allie. Please... I don't want to push you..."

  "Then don't!"

  He slid his hand back between my legs. "Let me go down on you," he said. "Let me do that at least... I promise I won't fuck you. Not unless you ask. I promise..."

  "Revik... you're impossible..."

  Feeling his fingers sliding towards the waistband of my shorts, I gripped his hair in one hand, forcing his head up, forcing him to look at me.

  In the same instant, I cinched my light abruptly around his.

  His eyes blanked.

  I saw confusion there, a kind of bewildered sense of loss. I also saw disbelief, what might have been shock.

  I could tell I had him though, even before his light shifted, moving under mine when I led it where I wanted it to go. I was probably holding his light too tightly. I could feel that, too...that I was overcompensating, even before the look on his face changed again. Pain softened his features, but he couldn't move that time, not even to look away from my face.

  "Allie..." His voice was almost weak. "Allie... gods... don't..."

  I swallowed, looking up at his face. "Shhh," I told him. "Relax, baby... I told you I would do this. I warned you..."

  "Fuck." He tried to fight me. His face tensed briefly as he concentrated, but he couldn't get purchase, not anymore. His eyes only blanked again. "Alyson..."

  I bit my lip, still watching his face, trying not to let it in when I felt his pain worsen, when I felt him fighting me again, struggling against where I held him. I could already tell it wouldn't do him any good.

  It had bothered me before, the realization that I'd never really been able to do this to him before, not when we were married the first time. I'd never been able to really hold him off. I'd thought I was close a few times... only to realize later that I hadn't really been close at all. I could never have held his light like this, not for any amount of time. His control always broke before I got him anywhere near his real edge. His strength would kick in, physical and otherwise, and then it would be all over.

  The Lao Hu had taught me ways around that.

  I'd always assumed it would give me a power kick, to see him this way.

  But now, as I gazed up at his face, feeling his light, it made every part of my body hurt, to the point where I almost couldn't look at him at all. Forcing my eyes down his body, I caressed his chest and arms, trying to relax him at least a little. He continued to support himself over me, his fingers in my hair, unmoving. He was breathing harder in seconds when I continued to touch him, groaning softly as I pushed up his shirt.

  "Allie, gods..." He groaned again. "Don't. Please. Please, don't do this..."

  "Do you want me to stop?" I said.

  "No. I want you to let me go..."

  I shook my head. "I can't do that. Tell me if you want me to stop."

  I waited another minute, watching his face tighten as he tried again to fight me from the Barrier. I felt that disbelief there still, a near anger at himself that he hadn't stopped me before I'd crippled his light. He fought harder, but still couldn't connect the structures well enough to get around me. He tried again, trying to access the telekinesis that time.

  When it didn't work, he just hung there, supported on his arms as he panted, trying to think through where I held him. When he still didn't move, I slid my fingers under the band of his pants, pushing them down his legs, still caressing his skin, waiting to see if he would stop me. He didn't. He lowered his head, his shoulders clenching as he closed his eyes.

  For a moment I could only look at him.

  I hadn't seen him naked in... well, in a really long time.

  Longer than I'd let myself think about before now.

  "Revik," I said, softer. "Open your light..."

  "I can't... Allie... I can't do anything..."

  I helped him, using the structures, and he groaned louder, gripping the bedspread in one fist, then my shoulder with his other hand. I slid my fingers around him, caressing his skin, the tattoo on his groin, and he fell silent again, struggling against my light, fighting to breathe even as he tensed under my hands. I felt his disbelief sharpen, mixed with a deeper surrender, a part of him that knew how to do this, that had done this before.

  Jealousy sparked in my light at the realization of where that familiarity came from, worseni
ng into a darker pain as my light reacted around his.

  He gave a low laugh, gripping my hair.

  "You're jealous..." he said. His voice caught on the accent, coloring the bitterness in his words. "You're using structures on me you earned fucking other men, and you're jealous..."

  Tensing, I looked up at him. The pain in his voice worsened.

  "Gods, Alyson... how many men have you done this to? How many?"

  "You promised," I said, biting my lip. "You promised you wouldn't ask about that..."

  "I'm sorry." His eyes looked like he meant it. "I am sorry, Allie... I just... gods. Maybe 'Dori was right... maybe I can't handle this..."

  He fell silent again when I ran my fingers over his skin, exploring him with my hand. My eyes drifted down to his erection, even as I forced my own light back, controlling it with an effort. It was hard not to look at him, though... especially when his back arched under my fingers. I kissed his chest, letting my hand slide lower. He didn't usually get this hard outside of me, not without me using my mouth.

  I curled my fingers around him, stroking the length of him lightly before letting my fingers trail over the hard thorn curving out of the end.

  As soon as I touched him there, he let out a weak cry, breaking into a sweat.

  Realizing he would come right there if I let him, I tightened my hold on his light until he gasped, leaning his face against mine.

  After a few more minutes, our light was so entwined I was having trouble focusing my eyes.

  "What do you want?" I asked, breathless.

  "You know what I want..." he said in a groan, his eyes half-closed. His skin was still emitting heat; he was sweating, clutching my hair. Feeling the reaction in my light to his words, he shook his head, as if resigning himself.

  "Use your hand," he said finally. "I want to look at you... I want to look at your face..."

  "Do you want me to take off my clothes?"

  "Yes." He closed his eyes. "Gods. Yes... please..."

  I released his arms long enough to writhe the rest of the way out of the robe, then to pull the shirt over my head. I hesitated only another second before I pushed the shorts down past my hips too, kicking them off the bed with my feet and legs.