BROKEN WINGS: GODS OF CHAOS MC (BOOK THREE)

by Palomino, Honey

  All the things I never could be.

  “Thanks for being here,” I finally muttered. I felt like a fool. What was I doing falling for Diana? What the fuck was I doing falling for anyone, for that matter?

  I couldn’t forget who I was. My past was something that I would never shake, something that would always define me, that would always define my place in society.

  A woman like Diana Trudeau didn’t end up with men like me. She only needed my protection, and that was why I was here. I needed to focus on that, and that alone.

  “Any word on Evie? Anything else happen at your condo?”

  “No,” she shook her head, her blonde curls swaying around her face. It was suddenly so clear to me what I needed to do.

  I tried to sit up, but as soon as I moved, pain shot through my ribcage, zapped through my spine, and ricocheted in my brain, leaving me no choice but to fall back onto the bed in a puddle of helplessness.

  Fuck! I just needed to breathe first and then I could deal with the pain. Pain was nothing to me.

  “I gotta get back to the clubhouse, man,” I said, forcing myself off of the pillows and pushing the pain to the back of my mind.

  Riot pushed me back on the pillows with his huge fucking hand.

  “Not yet,” he said gruffly. I looked up at my old friend for the first time. “You got a little banged up this time. Doc says you gotta hang out till they let you go.”

  “These doctors don’t know me,” I said.

  “I’m talking about Doc, you asshole. He was here while you were out,” he said. “Your arm is broken, if you hadn’t noticed, in two places, actually. Your shoulders and collarbone are bruised. You faceplanted, apparently. If you hadn’t had that helmet on, your brains would have been splattered all over Portland.”

  “It wouldn’t have been the first time,” I said, wincing as I tried to laugh. “Fuck.”

  “Yeah.”

  “Alright. So when can I leave?”

  “In the morning,” Diana said, her voice like an angel in the darkness. The darkness of my fucking life.

  “When does this fucking cast come off?” The reality of the situation dawning on me quickly. I couldn’t ride.

  I couldn’t fucking ride!

  “Six weeks, maybe more.”

  “Are you fucking kidding me?” I exploded. It hurt like hell, but I didn’t care. How could this shit have happened? I was always so fucking careful, for this very fucking reason. If I couldn’t ride, I couldn’t do anything. “I can’t wait that long to get back on my bike!”

  “Calm down,” Ryder said. “We’ll take care of you at the clubhouse, it’s no big deal.”

  “Unfuckingbelievable,” I muttered, shaking my head.

  If I had been able to control my fucking erections, this never would have happened. I wouldn’t have left Diana’s apartment. I wouldn’t have been so fucking distracted by the thought of getting back to her that I wouldn’t have laid my bike down. And now that I had a broken arm, I knew I wouldn’t be able to protect her properly. I needed help.

  I needed the Gods.

  “Diana’s coming with us,” I stated.

  Nobody said a fucking word. Because they fucking knew better.

  ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼

  Once I had Slade alone again, I began protesting his plan logically.

  “I appreciate the thought. I do, Slade. But I have my job. I can’t just take off and leave. I do the news every week night! I have a contract!” I threw all my excuses out there because I could tell by the stubborn set of his stubbled jaw that it was going to take an act of God to get him to see any reason in this situation.

  “Diana,” he said, any hint of a smile replaced by a focused, determined, pissed-off grimace. “I’m not going to debate this. There’s a fucking mad man out there, he’s already kidnapped three women, and he appears to be coming for you next. Now, listen, I made a mistake. I let my dick get in the way. I’m a total asshole, I’ll tell you that. I knew not to leave, and I did anyway. I put you at risk by listening to my stupid fucking cock.”

  “I like your cock,” I said with a smile, hoping to lighten the situation up a little. It didn’t work.

  He took a deep breathe, and continued without a smile.

  “I fucked up. Now I’m paying the price for it with this stupid fucking cast. This fucking…disability,” he said, almost spitting the word out. “But I’m not going to fuck up again. I’m not going to put you at risk for another fucking second. You’re coming to the clubhouse. Trust me, no mother fucker in his right mind would come there. Snake or no snake.”

  “I understand, I do, but my job —,”

  “Fuck your job.”

  “I have a contract —,” I protested again.

  “If you have a contract, then you have sick leave, right?”

  “Well, yes, but —,”

  “— but nothing. You’ve come down with a bad case of pneumonia until all this shit comes to some sort of resolution.” His eyes locked on mine. “I’m not taking no for an answer, Diana.”

  I could tell he wasn't kidding. I sat down on the chair next to his bed with a sigh. If I didn’t go to work, that meant I’d never get the big break on the kidnapping story. If Evie was found, I would have nothing to do with it. I’d never be able to help with her search, and the promotion would be out of the question.

  Fuck you, Wyatt, I thought. You win.

  ***

  “I can’t believe I have to ride in this fucking cage!” Slade growled, as he struggled to put on his seat belt.

  “Is it really that bad?” I asked.

  “Yeah, it really fucking is. You get used to the freedom,” he said, his voice twinged with anger and resentment.

  “Look, Slade,” I said, turning to him before I started the car. We were in the garage of my building. We spent the night in the hospital one more night and the doctor released him. We went back to my condo so I could pack some things, and now we were leaving to go to the clubhouse.

  Slade was pissed, but so was I. He didn’t understand what I was giving up by going with him. I understood why I had to do it, but I wasn’t happy about it at all. I stood to lose everything I had worked for, the promotion I wanted so badly, and all the momentum I had gathered over the years.

  I knew that while I was gone, Wyatt would do his best to outshine me in every way. I had decided against feigning pneumonia, as Slade had suggested. Instead, I told Tony that I was taking his suggestion and wanted to take some personal time off after all. He assumed that I was so distraught by Evie’s disappearance that I couldn’t work. I let him think that.

  Truth was, I felt a little guilty about how well I was doing about Evie. Did this mean I was a bad sister? Probably, but being Evie’s sister wasn’t something I wasn’t used to being. I hoped to hell she was alright, I did. But I was having a very hard time feeling much about the whole thing.

  Maybe I was just so closed off to feeling anything for anyone, that I couldn’t. Having Slade around was challenging every wall I had put up, though.

  Which is why I couldn’t say no to him. It was all my fault, all of it. If I hadn’t called him, he wouldn’t have been there. And if I hadn’t been weak, and had sex with him…so many times throughout the night…then he wouldn’t have left the apartment at all, and he wouldn’t have crashed, and he wouldn’t have broken his damned arm.

  It was my fault he couldn’t ride his bike.

  It was my fault he thought he couldn’t protect me now. So, it was my fault he felt the only way he could was to take me to the clubhouse.

  How could I have said no to him? It would have been really shitty of me, and it would have driven him crazy.

  Because I knew he wouldn’t have left me alone. Not now. Not after some asshole had been in my apartment and left that damned snake behind.

  I had to go with him.

  And don’t get me wrong, I appreciated his protectiveness. Secretly, it turned me on like crazy. Nobody had ever been that way towards me, an
d I loved it. It helped that while he was watching out for me, the chemistry between us was constantly sizzling.

  Slade made me feel alive. And he was only trying to see that I stayed that way.

  It was endearing.

  But damn if it wasn’t inconvenient.

  I resolved to find a way to work from the clubhouse, put my car in gear, and headed towards the freeway.

  ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼

  We pulled up to the Gods of Chaos clubhouse, and I had never been happier to see the little rundown shack in the woods in my life.

  Doc, Riot, Grace, Lacey and Ryder were outside sitting on the porch, waiting for me. They started clapping and hootin’ and hollerin’ as soon as I got out of the car, once I untangled myself from the fucking annoying seat belt, that is. I hated those fucking things.

  “Alright, alright, I don’t think my return warrants all that now, does it?” I said as I walked up on the porch.

  “It’s pretty boring around here without you, Slade,” Doc replied, as he hugged me, hitting me hard on the back with his meaty palm. “You’re our house entertainment!”

  “Oh yeah?” I asked. “Not for a while, I’m not.” I pointed to the stupid, restrictive cast surrounding my arm.

  “What - you’re gonna let a little plaster get in the way?” Riot asked. “I was gonna suggest a little toe-to-toe action after you get settled.”

  “Well, yeah, Riot, everyone knows I can take you down with one hand tied behind my back, so that shouldn’t be a problem. I can kick your arrogant ass easily.”

  Everyone laughed, and I realized I had forgotten about Diana briefly. I motioned for her to join me, and she walked over.

  “Y’all remember Diana,” I said. Everyone nodded and smiled.

  “Hi, everyone,” she replied shyly. I had wondered how she would do out here in the middle of nowhere with this misfit crew, and seeing her normally outspoken and confident self retreat into shyness only confirmed my fears.

  Luckily, Grace and Lacey stepped off the porch and grabbed her hand, leading her off into the clubhouse.

  “C’mon, honey, we’ll show you where to put your things,” Grace said. Grace was a godsend. She knew exactly how to approach every situation, and the kindness she extended to everyone made her instantly lovable.

  Diana looked at me, and I flashed her an encouraging smile and wink. She smiled back and my heart skipped a beat. What the fuck had she done to me?

  The ladies disappeared into the clubhouse and I sat down on the porch steps with Riot, Doc and Ryder.

  “How’s my bike?” I asked. I had been thinking about her ever since I woke up in the stupid fucking hospital. I was still pissed at myself for putting her at risk, not to mention the risk I had put Diana in for leaving her alone. If there was one rule about riding, it’s to never take your mind off the road. One tiny unfocused moment could ruin your life. I knew I was damned lucky, but it didn’t make it any easier for me.

  “We fixed the frame, put new tires on, but we left most of the stuff for you to do. Knew you’d want to nurse her back to health yourself,” Riot said, “after you’ve healed yourself, that is.”

  “I’m fucking fine,” I snarled.

  Fuck. Now that Diana was out of sight, the anger was starting to bubble up to the surface. I didn’t want her to see how pissed I really was, how fucking vulnerable it made me feel to not be at a hundred percent. I joked about how I could still kick ass with ‘one hand tied behind my back’, but fuck if that wasn’t a bullshit thing to say. There was a whole lot of shit I couldn’t do without my fucking right hand, as I was quickly learning.

  It was humiliating, goddammit. And that made me fucking angry. I wanted to run through the fucking forest surrounding the clubhouse like a goddamn animal, but I couldn’t.

  Whatever. I’d figure it out. No sense in having a fucking pity party for myself. I’d suck it up, figure it out like I was forced to figure everything else out for myself.

  “Sorry, man,” I said to Riot, realizing he was the last person I needed to take my anger out on. He was my best friend. Even if he was all tangled up with Lacey, that didn’t mean he wasn’t there when I needed him.

  I needed to be more thankful for all the shit I did have. I knew that. It was just damn hard to get past the anger of not having all the privileges that most people were born with. When you were born into a house of horrors like mine, you started with such a big fucking disadvantage right from the get go. Everyday became a fight to the death just to keep breathing, just to make it to dusk. Just to wake up to the bullshit starting all over again.

  Yeah, it made me angry sometimes. The last thing I needed was a goddamned broken arm. I couldn’t ride. I couldn’t fight. I couldn’t protect the woman I loved.

  Fuck.

  I had known I loved Diana as soon as I woke up in that hospital and saw her pretty, loving eyes shining down on me. That was also when I knew I was fucking doomed. Because there’s no way in hell any of this is going to go down easy.

  She’ll be out of my life just as fast as she came into it. The cops are going to catch this weird fucking snake-obsessed abductor, because they always do, because the idiot wants to get caught, that much is obvious to me. You didn’t leave a fucking live, slithering calling card if you didn’t want to be caught. So, they’ll catch him, and the danger will be gone for Diana.

  And then Diana will be gone. Out of my life.

  I had finally fallen for a woman, and she’s completely out of my league, completely unattainable, so far out of my world that it’s a fucking miracle that I get to spend any time with her at all.

  I knew all of this. I might be a shallow fuck, but I’m not stupid.

  And that’s why I didn’t want her to see how angry I was, how vulnerable I was. I didn’t want Diana to go away with memories of me being a fucking coward, or half a man…or worse, an angry, out-of-control man - like my father.

  I wanted her to remember me as a good man who took good care of her for the short while that I had her. I had already fucked up once, and I was determined not to let it happen again. At least here at the clubhouse, I had back-up.

  “Listen, guys,” I began, knowing it was time to talk to the Gods about Diana, “I brought Diana here because she’s still in danger. Some asshole came into her apartment and left a rattlesnake. I guess it’s supposed to be a secret or some shit, but you know the three girls that are missing in Portland? There was a snake left at each of the scene’s where they were abducted from. And one of the girls was Diana’s half-sister.”

  “What the fuck, really?” Doc said. “We didn’t know about any of this, man.”

  “I know. I was going to tell you, before the accident. But I’m telling you know, because whatever the fuck is going on, Diana seems to be the next target. I brought her here because I need you to help me protect her. I can’t do it all alone now…not with this fucking broken wing.”

  “C’mon, dude, the crash wasn’t too bad, you’ll heal,” Ryder said. “We’ll still give you a patch, though.”

  Getting a broken wings patch was reserved for riders who had survived a serious crash.

  “I don’t need a patch,” I replied. “I know I’ll be fine, but since I can’t cut this fucking plaster off yet, I need your help in the meantime. I’m sure the cops will find this fucker soon, but until then, I need you to help me keep an eye on Diana. She’s not too happy about being secluded here, and she’s really antsy about getting back to her job.”

  “Yeah, man, of course,” Riot said, “you know we’ve got your back.”

  “I know, brother, thank you.”

  I took a deep breath, and for the first time in days, finally felt my shoulders relax. I took a long look around me, the towering pine trees swaying in the breeze, the chrome from all of our bikes glinting in the late morning sun, the fucking birds chirping, that for once didn’t annoy me…and I knew everything was going to be okay. The key was to just focus on taking care of Diana, forget about all this vulnerability b
ullshit and man up.

  That, I could do.

  ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼

  The drive to the clubhouse was excruciatingly awkward. It was obvious how angry Slade was, even though he was trying his best to hide it from me. He kept snapping at me, then immediately apologizing. The sharp angles of his face grew even sharper, his eyes darkened, and he sat in my ‘cage’ with his fists clenched the entire hour.

  I couldn’t get past the fact that this was all my fault. I spared him the constant apologizing, and just concentrated on the road. After we left highway 26, and turned onto highway 6, the road became a curvy, two-lane road surrounded by towering pines on either side and a relentless stream of cars coming towards you in the other lane. One slight distraction, or one slow drift out of your lane, could cause an accident of epic proportions.