A Mother's Love

by Katie Flynn

  Given looked thoughtful. ‘What if it was me who was meeting Aidan? What then? Would you wish us all the luck in the world?’

  The question threw Ellie into turmoil, but it did give her the answer. The truth was she was in love with him, but seeing him looking so handsome in his pilot officer’s uniform had silenced her. His good looks would attract a lot of women far prettier than she, and Ellie thought she would not stand a chance among them, especially against Evie, who had obviously set her sights firmly on her handsome friend. She would have to be positive that Aidan really wanted her and no one else before she would even consider a relationship. Sighing heavily, she wished he would remain single until she was sure how he felt. She said as much to Gwen, who frowned reprovingly at her.

  ‘That’s not fair, Ellie Lancton, and well you know it. Especially for a man in Aidan’s line of duty. You can’t expect him to dangle on the line whilst you make up your mind. What if you decide in a month or two that you don’t want a relationship with him? Better yet, turn it around and see how you would feel if he wanted you to wait indefinitely for him … would you do it?’

  Ellie looked crossly at Gwen. ‘I don’t expect him to hang around waiting for me. I never said I did.’

  Gwen wagged a finger. ‘Don’t you go getting irritated with me just because you know I’m right. By wanting to destroy his relationship with Evie – that’s if they’ve even got a relationship – you’re trying to keep him free for yourself, whether you’re willing to admit it or not.’

  ‘I wouldn’t purposely set out to make him unhappy. I’d never do that to Aidan, I just don’t want to see him make a mistake.’

  Gwen raised an eyebrow. ‘It’s not up to you to decide whether he’s making a mistake or not, and even if he is, it’s his mistake to make. I know you’re scared of getting hurt, and I don’t blame you, you’ve suffered a lot in the past, but that’s life. You mustn’t be frightened to take a chance in case it all goes pear-shaped.’ She gazed sympathetically at Ellie. ‘I know you’re worried that he won’t want you with Evie practically throwin’ herself at him, but I’m afraid you’re going to have to take a back seat on this one and see what unfolds. But I still think you should meet him tomorrow, because if he does fall for Evie – and I’m not saying he will, but if he does – then he’ll need a friend nearby to pick up the pieces, especially if it ends like all the rest of her relationships have.’

  Ellie nodded weakly. ‘I know you’re right, and I’m sorry if I’ve been acting like a spoiled brat, but losing me mam broke my heart and I’m scared of opening up to him just to have it broken all over again. I almost wish I hadn’t got any feelings for him; life would be so much easier. I’m so glad you’re here. I’d’ve made a right mess of things left to me own devices.’

  Leaning across the table, Gwen clasped Ellie’s hand in her own and gave it a comforting shake. ‘I keep tellin’ you, that’s what friends are for, cariad, to stop each other making a right pig’s ear out of life. If the shoe were on the other foot I know you’d do the same for me.’

  When they pulled up beside the Lancaster bomber, Ellie’s jaw dropped as she took in the immensity of the four huge engines, the vast wingspan and the sheer height of the craft, which towered above the small car. ‘It’s huge! Surely you don’t fly this one?’

  Aidan chuckled. ‘I don’t bloomin’ well push it, that’s for sure.’

  Connor, who had been waiting for them, jogged towards the car and gripped the passenger door handle. ‘It’s a bit temperamental,’ he said, grunting as he pulled and lifted at the same time.

  ‘You were the one who said you could get it fixed,’ Aidan said pointedly.

  Connor helped Ellie out of her seat. ‘I’m too busy wooing the ladies to be messin’ round with cars in me spare time.’

  Aidan laughed. ‘Listen to him! Anyone’d think he was a right little Casanova. Truth is, he’s only got one date, and that’s by default!’

  Ellie frowned. ‘What do you mean, by default?’

  Aidan grinned as Connor took a playful swipe at him before answering her question. ‘Don’t go listenin’ to him, he’s only jealous. Besides, we’re not here to talk about my love life. Ellie, this is the Lancaster Lass!’

  Ellie automatically looked up at the pilot’s seat. ‘How do you get in?’

  Aidan pointed to a ladder that led into the fuselage. ‘Through there, but first we’ll show you where our Connor sits. It’s quite a squeeze to get into, so you’re better off seein’ it from the outside.’

  Connor had already started to walk to the rear of the plane. He stopped below a huge Perspex dome, out of which guns protruded. Ellie’s eyes flickered over the dome. ‘Haven’t you got any metal to protect you?’ she asked incredulously.

  Connor shook his head. ‘Only the blast door behind me, which is to stop me fallin’ out whilst I spin round.’ He chuckled at Ellie’s shocked expression. ‘The turret moves so that I can aim better, and the dome’s made of Perspex so that I can see them coming from just about any direction. I wouldn’t be able to do that if I was surrounded by metal. Besides, it’s quite sturdy stuff, this, you know. It doesn’t break easily.’

  Aidan pulled her gently by the elbow. ‘Come with me, I’ll show you where I sit.’

  Preceding her up the short ladder, Aidan guided her into the pilot’s seat, adding as he did so, ‘Don’t touch any of the instruments. We don’t want to take off, or not just yet at any rate.’

  Ellie stared out of the cockpit, then looked at the dials and switches before her. Aidan pointed at two pedals on the floor. ‘I steer the plane with those.’

  She looked admiringly into their upturned faces. ‘I knew you both did a dangerous job, of course I did, but coming here and seeing it first hand gives you a real sense of things. I can see that’s it’s more than dangerous, it’s exciting and complex.’

  Aidan’s chest swelled with pride. ‘All in a day’s work,’ he said with an air of nonchalance, although the grin on his face didn’t fool Ellie, who could tell that her words had thrilled him.

  ‘Have either of your mams ever seen one of these up close?’

  Aidan choked. ‘Good God, no! And they never will. It’d only give ’em summat else to worry over.’

  Ellie nodded. Before today she had only envisaged them high up in the air in a sort of vacuum, but now she could see it all too clearly, and she began to think that she also might have been better off not knowing.

  Aidan looked at his watch. ‘We’d best be gettin’ you back, Ellie. Me and Connor’ve got a few things to do before our next meeting. Sorry it couldn’t have been longer.’

  Connor nodded guiltily. ‘My fault, I’m afraid: made prior arrangements. But we’ll meet up again soon, I promise.’

  Lying in her bed later that night, Ellie closed her eyes and tried to think of anything other than the Lancaster Lass going on a mission with a squadron of bombers. But the more she tried to put it out of her mind, the more she found herself thinking of the cockpit where Aidan sat surrounded by instruments, dials and switches, and, worse still, Connor sitting in the rear of the plane, finger on the trigger, ready to shoot down anyone who dared to attack. Slowly, she drifted off into a sleep plagued with nightmares.

  Looking into the cockpit of the Lancaster Lass, Ellie watched Aidan. Even with the oxygen mask obscuring most of his face, she would have recognised those sparkling green eyes anywhere. Shouting his name as loudly as she could, she waved an enthusiastic hand, but his gaze remained fixed on the horizon. Failing to gain his attention she looked around her. The sky was empty except for the heavy bomber. Looking below, she saw, thankfully, that there was no sign of an ack-ack battery; neither was the sky lit up by beams from searchlights. We must be above England, she thought with a sense of relief, and then chided herself for feeling scared. You can’t get hurt in dreams, you silly girl, so there’s no need to be afraid. She made her way to the rear of the plane where she found Connor having an animated conversation with one of the crew over
the headset. Retreating, she found a spot from which she could see both Murray men. Aidan was throwing his head back in laughter, much the same as his cousin. After her visit to Speke station earlier that day, she had imagined the men to be serious and fraught with worry whilst up in the air, but seeing them happy and relaxed brought her a sense of relief. She peered at Aidan, who was looking at an instrument in front of him. He started to jab his finger at it in an excited fashion. Ellie frowned. What on earth was he talking about now? Perhaps the dial was broken, but that was no way to fix it, surely? Then, like a radio being switched on, she heard their voices so clearly it sounded as though she were standing next to both of them.

  ‘He’s coming in port side. Connor, keep your eyes peeled. Can you see him, Geoff?’

  The mid-turret gunner was nodding vigorously. ‘I see him, skipper.’

  Ellie glanced at Connor, who seemed unperturbed by the frantic communications going on around him. Typical Connor, she thought, cool as a cucumber until the last minute, then bam! It’ll be all guns blazing.

  Aidan’s voice broke the silence once more. ‘What is he? Can you see clearly yet? Keep your sights to port, Connor, I think he’ll be with you any second now.’

  There was a brief pause before Aidan spoke again. ‘Connor? Did you hear me?’

  Ellie looked towards the rear of the plane, and, seeing the lack of interest on Connor’s face, she realised the awful truth. Something must have gone wrong with the headsets, and Connor was unable to hear his cousin’s warnings. But surely he could hear everyone shouting? Then she remembered the blast door and very much doubted he would be able to hear anything through the thick metal.

  ‘Messerschmitt!’

  Ellie jumped as she heard the bullets streaking towards the fuselage. Geoff opened fire.

  She saw Connor jump as the bullets shot across the rear of the plane. Realising they were under attack, he looked frantically around for a sighting, but the Messerschmitt was concentrating on the fuselage. She heard the bullets pelting into the side of the Lancaster Lass, followed by a large explosion. She turned her attention to Connor, who was still waiting for the enemy plane to come within his sights. But it was too late; the Lancaster Lass had suffered too much damage. Ellie heard Aidan’s voice instructing the crew to bail out. She looked back at Connor, who was still sitting in his seat, talking desperately into his headset whilst cupping a hand over his earpiece.

  Ellie’s heart sank as she watched him trying to talk to a crew who had already left the plane. She steered her parachute towards the dome and started to slap her hands against the Perspex.

  ‘Get out! Connor, you’ve got to get out, everyone’s already gone, and you’re going to crash! Connor, get out!’ Tears streaming down her face, she thumped her fists against the Perspex in unison with the last three words. Her voice was hoarse from screaming, but she knew that Connor could neither hear nor see her. She watched helplessly as he continued to try to make radio contact with the rest of the crew.

  She dropped away from the plane with the others, hearing Aidan’s screams, clear as a bell, ringing out through the night sky. ‘Connor! Get out! Connor!’ Everything went black.

  Connor’s voice broke the darkness. ‘That was a lucky escape.’

  Ellie saw that he was standing next to her, and in front of them the Lancaster Lass lay in a twisted heap between two wheat fields. Frowning, she looked at Connor. He didn’t appear to have a single scratch on him. ‘How did you get out? I screamed and shouted, but you never heard me.’

  Connor grinned. ‘I jumped out when the plane was about eight feet from the ground. I don’t know why everyone doesn’t do that. It’s perfectly safe, you know.’

  Standing on tiptoe, Ellie scanned the field for signs of Aidan. ‘Did you see where your cousin landed?’

  Connor placed an arm around her shoulders. ‘His parachute collapsed, so I’m afraid he’s a goner. Still, every cloud an’ all that, at least you don’t have to worry about him getting together with Evelyn now.’

  Ellie looked at him, aghast. ‘Connor! How could you say something so cruel? I’d never do anything to hurt Aidan, or you for that matter. I don’t care who he sees as long as he’s safe.’

  He glared at her accusingly. ‘Me be cruel? You’re the one who put up a fuss about them getting together.’ He slid his arm from around her shoulders. ‘It’s a bit late to be changing your mind now. You really should have said something a lot sooner; if you had he might still be with us!’

  Ellie stood open-mouthed as she started to protest, but before any words could leave her lips Connor faded from view and a hollow voice spoke from behind her.

  Turning quickly, she saw to her relief that it was Aidan. ‘Oh, thank goodness!’ Throwing her arms around his neck, she tilted her head to look into his face. ‘Connor told me you’d not made it. He said …’ She tried to focus as tears blurred her vision. Aidan’s eyes were as green as they ever were, but their usual sparkle had gone, leaving them dull and lifeless.

  Aidan smiled down at her. ‘Connor’s only angry because he knows how much you meant to me.’ Stroking her hair back from her face, he said, ‘Don’t you go worryin’ your head none; you’ve always known what to do for the best. Like the time you left Lavender Court to come to Springdale. You knew that was the best thing to do, just as you knew you had to leave us and join the ATS, even though you were happy on the farm.’ He arched his eyebrows. ‘So why do you suppose it is that when it came to me, you didn’t know what to do for the best? Surely you know whether you love someone or not?’

  Ellie looked imploringly into his eyes. ‘Please forgive me. I didn’t mean to hurt you, and I suppose I’ve always known deep down. It’s just that—’

  Aidan looked sharply over his shoulder, as though he had heard something. Following his gaze, she felt a glaring white light pierce her eyes, and she dipped her head on to his chest. She felt Aidan’s lips as he gently kissed the top of her forehead. ‘Sorry, alanna, but I’ve got to say goodbye.’

  Ellie looked up sharply. ‘But you never say that. You always said you hate goodbyes. That’s why you say t.t.f.n.’

  He frowned uncertainly. ‘But what would be the point in that? You only say t.t.f.n. when you intend to return, but I won’t be coming back, not now, not ever.’ He eyed her sadly. ‘Shame it took you so long to work out what you wanted when it came to me. We could’ve stayed on the farm together for the rest of our lives.’

  Darkness enveloped him, and Ellie found herself standing alone. No Connor, no Lancaster Lass, no wheat field, no Aidan. Just darkness.

  Gwen gently shook Ellie’s shoulder. ‘Wake up, Ellie, you’re having a nightmare. Open your eyes. It’s not real, it’s just a bad dream.’

  When Ellie awoke she found herself surrounded by a group of girls, all in their pyjamas, one of them – Evie, of couse – scowling at her. Evie spoke first. ‘Mind tellin’ me exactly what you mean by shoutin’ out my feller’s name in your sleep?’ she said accusingly.

  Ellie felt her cheeks redden as a sea of faces awaited her answer. ‘I don’t know. I was dreaming, for goodness’ sake.’

  Evie interrupted haughtily. ‘Don’t know, or won’t say? I don’t go round dreaming about other girls’ boyfriends.’ She ignored a suppressed giggle from the back of the group.

  Ellie leaned up on one elbow. ‘You can’t hold me responsible for shouting stuff out in my sleep. I can’t control my dreams!’

  ‘I asked you if you were interested in him and you said no, or was that a lie? Perhaps it’s more a case of he isn’t interested in you?’

  Ellie’s cheeks glowed with humiliation as she heard the other girls murmuring behind Evie. ‘This is ridiculous. I wouldn’t lie. I – I …’

  ‘I – I …’ Evie mimicked. Leaning forward, she hissed into Ellie’s ear, ‘You keep away from him, understand?’

  Forgetting her humiliation, Ellie leaned back. ‘You can’t tell me who I can or can’t see, Evelyn Maddox. I’ve known the Murrays a lot lon
ger than you have, and I have no intention of ignoring either of them just because you say so.’ Looking into Evie’s startled eyes, she continued, ‘And what’s more—’

  ‘Oh, shut your cakehole,’ said Evie. Stepping back, she looked haughtily at Ellie. ‘I don’t know why I’m bothered. It’s not as if he’d give you a second glance, and as for that foul-smelling, putrid animal you call a cat,’ her eyes narrowed maliciously, ‘if I get my way – and believe you me, it’s only a matter of time – that rancid moggie—’

  ‘You so much as touch Bagheera—’ Ellie started, but reveille drowned her words. Sniffing contemptuously, Evie strutted back to her bunk.

  ‘Oh, dear.’ Gwen looked anxious. ‘Don’t let her get to you. She wouldn’t dare do anything to Bagheera. He’s very popular with the other girls; she’d have a lynch mob on her hands if she did anything silly.’

  The small group that had surrounded Ellie’s bunk dissipated. Wrapping her greatcoat around her, Gwen retrieved her and Ellie’s wash bags. ‘You were shouting rather loudly. Can you remember what your nightmare was about?’

  ‘It was the Lancaster Lass. Connor and Aidan died when they got attacked by another plane. I think it was a Messerschmitt, not that that’s important …’ She frowned. ‘I’m starting to wish they’d never taken me to see her. I’ll probably be plagued with nightmares now.’

  ‘So it was nothing to do with you and Aidan gettin’ together. Completely the opposite, in fact.’ Gwen snorted. ‘Bloomin’ Evie kickin’ up a fuss when she hasn’t got all the facts. It’s so silly, particularly when she’ll probably be seein’ someone else this time next week. After all, didn’t you say the boys were only goin’ to be stayin’ for a few more days?’

  Ellie nodded. ‘It’s so frustrating, because I’d already made up my mind to take a step back. Why did I have to go stirrin’ things up with some stupid dream?’

  ‘Like you said, you can’t control your dreams, and from what you said it were more to do with their new plane than Aidan himself.’ She handed Ellie her wash bag. ‘Come on, else we’ll be late for drill.’