The Failed Coward

by Chris Philbrook

  I worked up the stream for a few hundred yards out past where Hall E was. (worked up the stream? Sounds like I’m having a problem pissing) The majority of the water was open and pretty safe in terms of a potential crossing, but there were a few points where the ice spanned from boulder to boulder and if a zombie had even a stitch of balance, they could make it across. I couldn’t smash all that ice, but a few well aimed Glock shots broke it up enough without me risking my ass falling in the river. Good luck had it that I wrapped up just as Team Vagina + Gilbert returned with the Tundra and the Chevy overflowing with lootage.

  I don’t think I’ve ever seen the women quite that giddy. Positively overwhelmed with joy. Even Gilbert was grinning and laughing, and that shit is just infectious. I laughed the moment they hopped out of the trucks and the entire time we unloaded everything into the cafeteria and the halls we’re using to store stuff.

  Once I saw what they’d come back with, I couldn’t help but get a wee bit silly myself. The three houses they had cleared were reasonably affluent homes that were left untouched after June. They were pristine, and very well appointed. The largely useless yet cool loot was jewelry, clothing, perfumes, cologne, and bedding. The good shit they got though was awesome shit.

  You know those tempur-memory foam beds? One house had two, and one of the other houses had two more, and they got all of them into one truck. Gilbert already had one at his house, and now so do we! I slept last night on a cloud of happiness and comfort. Granted I’ve traded in room space for a Queen sized bed in a small dorm room, but fuck it. I slept like a goddamn baby last night, and I LOVE SLEEPING. I don’t mind having to walk across my bed to go to the closet.

  The ladies also brought back a metric assload of booze. We are now knee deep in the expensive shit as well as the cheap shit. Very exciting for trade bait for sure. They also came back with boxes of canned food, as well as more soda and pasta, boxes of crackers, bags of flour, huge supplies of all kinds of spices and salt and pepper, and a ton of awesome kitchen appliances. Apparently one of the houses was owned by a chef or restaurant owner. It was a major food score to say the least. They also had more stuff of no particular note, but the best of the best stuff they left behind, and we retrieved it this morning. One of the houses had another gas powered generator. A pretty robust one as well. It took us all morning to get the damn thing out of the house and into the truck. Right now we’ve got it in the gymnasium to power our larger woodshop. No final home for it yet.

  Amongst the three houses they managed to find another Mossberg 12 gauge shotgun, two hunting rifles, one in .223, and one in .30-06, as well as a .357 revolver, and a .380 Walther. I haven’t done an ammo count yet, but it looks like about 30-50 rounds in each of those calibers.

  The rest of yesterday evening was us going through and categorizing the stuff they brought back. Gilbert used some of the new food to cook us all an awesome dinner, and oddly enough, Abby was attached to his old ass the whole time. Patty said they had a nice heart to heart about the whole Gavin issue, and Abby does really like him, and Patty is now onboard with the idea of them playing house. I think Abby watching Gilbert cook was the first moments of Abby’s willing domestication. I almost cried watching her help Gilbert. She must *really* like Gavin. Abby of eight months ago would’ve told a boy to go fuck himself sideways with an Xbox controller if he asked her to make a dinner.

  Our little girl is growing up. I really wish Charles was here to see this.

  I miss Charles and Randy. I hadn’t thought of them in some time, but last night and today with Abby and whatnot they’ve been on my mind. I feel like Abby’s surrogate father now to some extent, and I almost feel like I’m stealing Chuck’s glory. Shrug. I hope I can do justice by his wife and daughter I suppose. I’d hate to think I failed them as a protector, and even moreso as a friend.

  After dinner and organizing, Gilbert sauntered home, and the girls and I watched a chick flick in the living room. We all crashed reasonably early so we could head back to the houses and retrieve that generator this morning.

  Which we did. Oh, I totally forgot. The girls cleared the three houses themselves with Gilbert providing exterior cover support. The girls encountered something like seven zombies during the house clearing, and they said they handled them with no issues. I am very proud.

  Today however was a bit messier. Their activity yesterday drew in about twenty five undead, which made for a small bit of trouble. We took the plow truck and Gilbert’s Chevy, and I took out about eight of them with the plow. The rest we took down with accurate rifle fire. Messiest part of the whole damn morning was having to smash the heads of the not quite dead folks I hit with the plow. I went to kill one of the male zombies I hit with the truck and noticed just as I was about to brain them with the halligan that I knew him. It was one of the teachers from the school. Mr. Chin, our Chinese language professor. He had the summer off last year and wasn’t on campus when everything went down.

  I wonder if he’d still be alive if he had gone to work June 23rd? I wonder if he would’ve survived with me, and instead of having me stave his forehead in today, he might be helping me do the same to someone else? The twists and turns life takes I guess. I killed him like the rest of the zombies before him, and we got the generator loaded up.

  To save on energy we used the engine lift to get it out of the trucks and into the gymnasium. It was fortunate we did so, because not five minutes after we got into Hall E to clean up, Mike came over the radio saying he was a few miles out, and heading in shortly.

  Mike came in a single humvee loaded to the gills with goodies for us to trade for. He also brought Gavin, Ollie, and Ollie’s woman Melissa. And officially, they are a couple now. Ollie and Melissa are sugary sweet, and obviously very happy being together.

  Gavin shot his skinny ass right to Abby the moment the truck door opened. They paired off and spent the entire visit together “pulling security” outside. On at least one level, I was happy having them doing that. I mean hell, Gavin has military experience, and I’d go into the bowels of hell with Abby now. As long as the two of them don’t drop their pants and go on a sexual expedition somewhere “down south,” I feel very safe. I hope to fucking hell they’ve got the good sense to wear a frigging rubber though. We don’t need another pregnant person here.

  Speaking of pregnant people here….

  Ollie and Melissa are expecting! Can’t say I didn’t see that coming though. Those two look happy as pigs in shit. And, interestingly enough, they are interested in relocating here to live on campus. I know… weird right? I never saw it coming with Ollie. I got the impression he and his dad were inseparable. I figured he had worked on his dad’s farm his entire life, and would never want to leave there.

  Ollie and Melissa has such solid reasoning for coming here though, none of us could deny the logic of it. Ollie has run his father’s farm with him since he was old enough to be helpful to his dad. That’s a lot of useful experience to spread around. When spring hits and we start planting, Ollie already knows how to do everything. All we need to do is be Ollie’s brute labor, and he is our agricultural brains. Ironic that my first impression of him was that he was dim-witted. Turns out he’s pretty smart, he’s just moving at a different pace than the rest of us. Add to that the fact that my first meeting with him was at gunpoint, and I guess it’s easy to get the wrong impression about folks.

  He and Melissa also went on about how they wanted a fresh start, with fresh air, and new people. She went on at length that the school had too many sour memories in it for her due to Sean’s asshole nature, and she wanted out one way or the other. With everything else, it makes a lot of sense for them to come here.

  I like Melissa. I can see why Ollie digs her. She’s a smidge chunky, but not fat. Mid length brown hair, and a pretty warm smile. I think she’s about thirty, but it’s hard to tell. She has a very youthful face, and I wouldn’t be surprised if she was years older than she looks. She’s chesty as all hell too. When she gets late
into the pregnancy she’s going to have boobs the size of motorcycle helmets, poor woman. Her back will be busted. I also get this odd feeling about her. I like her, don’t get me wrong, but she seems… seasoned or something. Like, sort of hard. I got the same feeling from some of the soldiers I served with after awhile. You get this certain expression, or way about you that just exudes experience, and a history of dealing with shit. I think her experience with “that day” was pretty rough or something.

  I think Ollie deeply loves her, and I think she loves the stability he represents. He’s got this unending charm that just pervades everything. His kind of round face, easy manner, short red hair, and big smile are welcome wherever he goes. You can see how much Mike admires and appreciates his company. You can also see the pain in his face when Ollie and Melissa talk about leaving.

  We talked about just them for over an hour, and the consensus opinion is that they were more than welcome to move here at the end of the month. That would give us about two weeks to change our minds about it, and also allow them time to pack, say their goodbyes, and let us prep an area for them. We’re thinking Hall A is the obvious choice, but the more I think about it, I’m wondering if Hall B is the better idea.

  Hall B is the closest dorm to the athletics fields, and if Ollie is going to be our HFIC (head farmer in charge) then he should be close to the fields? It’ll cut down on his walking, and on any gas he might waste going back and forth over the summer from Hall A to the fields. Of course you realize Mr. Journal we’d have to install a generator in Hall B, as well as try to find another woodstove for there as well so next winter we save on our heating oil supplies. Shrug. I’ll figure it out. There’s always work to be done.

  After that discussion Mike made the expected announcement that Gavin was interested in coming here too. Now as much as we want Abby to be happy, we desperately need this to be worked out clearly, and make sure that Gavin understands the reality that moving here for a girl might not be the best idea. We all talked and agreed that if Gavin was well aware that a relationship might end, and it could be ugly, he was more than welcome to come and stay here.

  We also all agreed his answer would not come today, and he’d have the same waiting period. Mike said he’d handle the talk with Gavin later when they got back to the school in Westfield. Mike also said there were five or six other people interested in coming here, but for the sake of maintaining sanity, we had to agree to take on more women. We were taking Ollie, and likely Gavin from them, and they were already super lopsided with chicks. If we don’t take females in from there, the school will turn pink, and soon be filled bottom to top with shoes. I told Mike we’d take a few of the pretty women off his hands. He laughed, but I think he wanted to shoot me some.

  Our trade for the day was large and in charge. Mike positively busted a nut when we told him we had a few venison steaks for him. He immediately said he was interested in that, as well as four of the 12 packs of soda we got the other day, and a few bottles of various liquors we’d acquired over time. We refilled all of their water jugs again, which is saying something because every time they come here to trade, there are more water jugs.

  For all that, we got four bottles of milk, a chicken to eat, four loaves of hearty fresh bread, a dozen eggs, a M4 rifle with 4 empty magazines, and another IOTV from their base. Mike said he had a spare ACOG to mount on the M4 if I wanted it, and I said hells yes. I’d kill for an ACOG. He said he’d make sure it was available on our next meeting.

  All of that seemed like a fair trade to me. I also confirmed with Mike that if Gavin left to join us, he’d keep his Guard gear and weapons. Mike said of course. They had spare gear anyway and his stuff could go with him. Incidentally, that in and of itself is almost worth telling the kid to move for. Another rifle and pistol on the team.

  Mike officially extended the offer that if we bagged another deer, and wanted to have a cookout, he’d guarantee ten people would make the trip to help with manual labor. He was thinking of helping to build walls on campus, as well as fortifying other building windows and even working with Ollie to get the crops planted when we got to that point. I thought that was a hell of an idea, and I was down for it. So if I get another deer in the near future, we’ll arrange a badass cookout, and hopefully get this damn work done.

  Everyone took off after that. Abby and Gavin looked like they were on cloud nine after getting some time alone together. I just hope they were responsible young adults and did their jobs, and if they took a break to insert tab A into slot B then they used a condom, or a very effective pullout maneuver. As I said, another baby would suck, almost as much as having to take Abby out of the rotation for dangerous work.

  We decided that March 31st would be our next meeting, and that we would make the trip to Westfield to visit them. Of course it’s almost impossible to deliver the water to them that way, but Mike said that was fine. All the rain we’ve gotten has curtailed their fresh water demands. He reiterated their need for hygiene products, and he also suggested that if we could get more canned fruits that’d be swell. (we’ve got a ton in the cafeteria, which is great)

  And with that, they departed. I’m happy right now. It was a great few days here, and I feel like things are on the upswing. I’m sleeping good, I’ve got a new amazing fucking bed, we got fresh food again, and it looks like we’re adding new people who can really add something to the little family we’ve got.

  Mr. Journal I am also aware of the fact that every time things start to look good, things go south like a motherfucker. Maybe I should curb my enthusiasm? Shut my pie hole and be a curmudgeony bitch?

  Argh. Life sucks!

  I hate… whatever it is I need to hate to satisfy karma.

  -Adrian

  March 16th

  It occurs to me I need a frigging plan here. Like, a good plan too. I’m sick of this stumbling through life with a perpetually confused look on my face. I move from infuriating moment to joy, back to pain, over to happiness, and wind up slowly pushing a series of turds down the drain with my big toe, and hoping nothing peanutty scratches my skin. I'm doing okay, but I'm doing far too much last second winging it.

  I have hatched a devious plan for the next few weeks. Warm weather is coming, and things here on campus seem to have quieted down to the point where I feel like we can do shit outside without level 10 danger alerts every moment. I have no scale incidentally for that level 10 alert. I’m just implying that level 10 is bad with that Mr. Journal. It’s probably safe to assume that a level 1 alert is something like, “I had too much coffee this morning, and I can’t really trust a fart today.”

  Actually depending on how much coffee you drink, that could probably rise to a level 4, or a level 5 emergency. Okay, let’s say… I can’t find my fingernail clippers is level 1. Impending doom via zombies is level 7, and “holy shit, I’m looking at five hundred zombies marching at me right now, and I have no reasonably strong structure to hold up in, or anything convincing to hide under,” is like level 10. That gives us a scale to work with.

  So my plan consists of several phases that need to be done in a fairly certain order. Our standing orders are to fortify campus as best we can, when we can. My priority with that is making Hall B zombie proof. We will be fortifying the lower doors and windows immediately. We actually started the job yesterday. We also need to replace the window on the second floor that busted out. Remember that Mr. Journal? Cascade of teenage girl zombies? Blech. That whole dorm room is soaked from rain and snow to the rafters, and we might need to yank up the floor to purge it.

  Once the doors are fortified, and all the windows on the lower level and basement are secured, it’ll be pretty much safe for human habitation. We need to get the generator placed in the basement too, but that’s peanuts all things considered.

  We need to source a woodstove for Hall B as well. The kitchen/dining area would be a great spot for one, as would be the central foyer so the heat can rise up to the second floor. I can envision little redheaded kids run
ning up and down the central staircase in there too. Makes me happy and warm and fuzzy and stuff.

  Next on the agenda is to hit that daycare like the zombie baby apocalypse. For them I mean, not for us. We could use any supplies contained inside, and the thought of having any undead children inside sours my milk. Worst case, it’s another cleared building. Best case, we score some baby food, formula, diapers, baby wipes, regular food, baby clothes, whatever. And in actuality, this is the first time I’ve even considered the fact that we need baby clothes. I guess it’s not a desperate need, but if we need to hustle out to escape, I’d rather any little tykes we have not be butt nekkid.

  After we hit the daycare, I want to start heading deeper into downtown to recon. I know from what Brian said this side of town hadn’t been touched by his people, and if my memory serves, we’ve got something like 200 homes left in that area. Never mind any businesses that may have survived looting. I’m sure by this juncture there are other survivors that at one point or another looted places, but with any luck they’re either still alive and hopefully willing to join forces, or they’re dead, and what remains of the shit they stole is at their houses. Yeah, I’ll concede that’s a dick thing to say, but it’s the reality of the matter.

  I want to return to STIG. I’m sure there are still usable scraps left behind. I’m also curious if there are any items worth taking from the surrounding businesses in the industrial park. Even shit like pallet jacks would be REALLY nice. If we can get a semi rig up here too… sweetness would ensue. My kingdom for a forklift. Preferably an electric one, but I’ll manage with a propane powered one if need be.

  Shitty news is the lumber business in town went out a couple years ago when Home Depot moved in a few towns over, so bulk lumber will be hard to find locally. I might be able to find some at some of the new constructions on the outskirts of town though. I know there was a housing development getting started out there last summer, and with any luck at all… their wood was covered and well protected. If we can score a truckload of good lumber, our lives would become much simpler. There’s always the idea of building a concrete wall, but we’d need a lot of blocks, and those take a fairly long time to set up. Regardless of the specific building supplies we use, good fences make for good neighbors, and distant zombies.