All The Way

by Tricia Jones

  “I want you, Grace. Always, I want you.”

  As her head swam, she wished for all the world that he meant it in the truest sense and not just sexually. Not that she gave herself time to muse too much as she was too busy drinking him in. The sharp line of his jaw, the full mouth, the shadow of designer stubble he had going.

  Any woman would find it hard to resist amazing and bone shaking sex with a man like him, and she was no exception. But she needed more than fabulous sex. She needed an equal relationship built on trust, respect and love.

  Those things didn’t exist in her relationship with Nikolai. He didn’t believe her capable of handling and dealing with anything of importance, definitely not matters involving her sister’s safety.

  Nor did he love her. He could never love her. Not in the way she needed to be loved.

  Because that was too hard to deal with, she focused on the niggle at the back of her mind that she could no longer ignore. She let her hands drop from where they had settled at his shoulders. “You say you want me. Is that, I wonder, in the absence of Nanette?”

  She felt him tense, but unlike her, he didn’t release his hold. “Gabrielle has been busy.”

  “Who is she? Nanette?”

  “She is history.”

  “Does she know?”

  “She knows.”

  It was premature to enjoy her heart’s leap of joy. “You should have told me.”

  “Why? It was over before we slept together.”

  “It appears Gabrielle doesn’t know that.”

  With a frown, he now loosened his hold on her. “Surprisingly, I don’t keep Gabrielle apprised of all my lovers.”

  “All? You told me there were two.” She laughed at his deepening frown, but it was false even to her own ears. “It’s okay, Niko, I don’t expect you to be a saint. I slept with you because I wanted to. No strings attached. Right now Gabrielle and Vadim are downstairs and are probably expecting us for supper.”

  He started to speak, when as if on cue a tap sounded at the door.

  At Niko’s harsh response, the door opened slowly and Gabrielle peeked in. “Vadim and I took one look at the pizza and decided to find the nearest restaurant. Do you want to join us?”

  “We’ll stay here,” Niko said as he released Grace and went to the door. “Maybe we’ll go out later.”

  Grace saw the slight shake of Gabrielle’s head as she looked at Niko, and knew that Niko had obviously gestured a question of some sort.

  Gabrielle looked over at Grace. “There are steps down to the sea at the end of the garden. Perhaps some fresh air would do you good.”

  When she smiled, Grace had the distinct impression she had gained a few more brownie points with the woman somewhere along the way. Small mercies, she thought, as Gabrielle left and Niko closed the door.

  “Gabrielle and Vadim are no longer in the house.”

  Glancing back at Niko, Grace felt weirdly empty. The talk of Nanette, she supposed. Of those two lovers.

  “I don’t want sex right now.”

  He pursed his lips. “Do you want to walk?”

  She shook her head, not sure what she wanted at that moment. “Are those my only options?”

  “Supper, then.”

  “I’m not hungry.”

  He narrowed his eyes. “You don’t eat enough.”

  “You sound like my mother.” Except she had never actually heard those words from her mother’s mouth. She’d never heard many words of concern and if she had they were couched in criticism.

  “Tell me what you want, Grace.”

  God. Talk about a loaded question. If she told him what she wanted, really wanted, he’d probably leap out the French windows and disappear over the edge of the cliff never to be seen again. At least not by her.

  “I want to get Leah back to London.”

  He stepped in front of her. “Don’t be obtuse.”

  She stared at his chest, unable to meet his gaze. “You asked me what I wanted, I told you.”

  He went to the bed, picked up a lightweight jacket she’d put there earlier. “Come on.”

  “Where?”

  “We’re taking a walk.”

  She grabbed the jacket from him. “Yes, oh great master.”

  “At last you acknowledge my superiority.”

  Since she was already walking out the door, she heard rather than saw the grin. “In your dreams.”

  Chapter Twelve

  Grace drew in a fortifying lungful of air as they walked down the steps from the garden to the cove below. She wondered if the beach came with the house, seeing as it was empty and possibly inaccessible due to the rock face with its sheer drop to the beach. A private beach, she mused with a little tingle in her belly, but couldn’t imagine Niko as a sex-on-the-beach man, private or otherwise.

  “It’s gorgeous.” She said it almost to herself as they reached a makeshift viewing platform halfway down the steps. Nikolai leaned against the railing and joined her in appreciating the view of the Mediterranean with its azure water and cloud-free sky.

  The pretty blue sea sparkled under the late evening sun and in the distance yachts seemed to glide on its crystal surface. For a moment, she let herself wonder how it would feel if there were no barriers between her and Nikolai. No wayward sister, no history that they always seemed to circle back to. Just the two of them on that beach. Alone. Together. Happy.

  “What are you thinking about?”

  He was watching her, his powerful forearms resting on the railing.

  “Us.” She met his gaze, held it. “I was thinking how it might be between us if there was no history. If we were just a normal couple.”

  He shifted, turning to face her with one forearm still on the railing. “And how would it be?”

  She shrugged, her throat suddenly tight. “Not much point wondering, is there? Same as wishing about doing the past differently. Things are what they are.”

  “Indulge me.”

  She swallowed, her breath backing up in her lungs as she looked at him. “We’d be happy. We’d laugh a whole lot, get mad at each other about stupid things that didn’t mean anything. Enjoy makeup sex. Stay in bed on rainy days. Cook together. Travel together.”

  The serious look in his eyes made her want those things even more, so much that her heart ached with the need for them. “But like I said, not much point wondering. Too much water under the proverbial bridge.”

  “Maybe we should build a dam.”

  Grace swallowed again. She had no defence against the soft tone of his voice, the touch of his fingers as they brushed against her throat. “Niko…”

  “What if things could be different between us, Grace?”

  His fingers slipped over her collarbone causing delicious thrills to tremble through her core. She had to fight not to close her eyes against his touch.

  “How could they be? We’re too different and we don’t want the same things. We’ve already acknowledged that. Plus, you still won’t forgive me for what happened in London. You say you understand, but you don’t really.”

  “Then make me understand.”

  How could she when she barely understood herself. This past few days with him had blurred things around the edges, made her forget some of the reasons.

  “Grace?”

  “I wouldn’t know where to start.”

  “The beginning usually works.”

  It was worth a shot, wasn’t it? For the chance of making him see, for the chance of a new start together. Wasn’t it worth a go?

  “I was worried that something untoward was going on when Pavel told Leah there was big money at stake with a job he was doing. He told her he would take her on holiday after it was done, but she wasn’t to tell me because then I’d tell you and that would put an end to this holiday as you wouldn’t release him from this job. The stakes were too high for the company. He said she had to keep it secret, because if the police found out you’d be in big trouble and then you’d instruct Pavel not to have an
ything more to do with Leah.

  “When I tried to ask you what sort of business you were involved in you wouldn’t even talk to me about it, which only increased my suspicions and gave credence to what Pavel had told Leah. It all sounds so stupid now, but at the time I didn’t take much convincing.” She looked directly at him. “I’m not exactly proud of that.”

  He didn’t move, not a muscle as he watched her.

  “I found out about it when Leah and I had this argument about my not letting Pavel come to her fourteenth birthday party. She was besotted with him and I wasn’t so old that I couldn’t remember what it was like to feel that first crush. When I told her she was only infatuated with him and he was far too old for her, that’s when she blurted it all out. I told myself it was all bravado on her part, a teenaged girl’s imaginings, but then she gave me details about this shipment you were working on. It made sense. I’d heard you on the phone talking to someone, probably Vadim, and you said that if the authorities found out what you were doing they’d be on to you fast. You said how it had taken such a long time to set up and you might never get another chance.” She lowered her eyes. “You said it was imperative the authorities never found out or it would ruin everything.

  “Pavel told Leah not to say anything, otherwise you and Pavel would be found out and would both go to jail for a long time. You said I could have come to you, but what would you have done? Told me what was going on? You would have skirted around the edges, like you always did.”

  He narrowed his eyes, but still didn’t speak, so she girded herself for the final push.

  “I wasn’t sure what to do, but then I had a visit from Detective Lawson. He said he had reason to believe you were involved in illegal business deals and asked what I knew. I told him I didn’t know anything, said I wasn’t involved with you anymore and that I’d left you. Later, I realized that the very fact I told him I’d left probably added to his suspicions about you. Then when the police questioned and released you, I wondered if I’d been wrong. By then it was too late. I didn’t realize they’d arrested Pavel. When you told me he’d been in prison, I realized he must have been working on his own.”

  When he still remained silent, she wanted to scream at him to say something, anything. “I’m sorry I didn’t at least try and talk to you. I was wrong and I apologize.”

  She almost sighed with relief when he reached out for her hand, his grim expression belying the gentle action. He looked down at their joined hands as if they held the secrets to the universe. “Maybe I’m not deserving of such an apology.”

  “I should have given you the benefit of the doubt. Told you what Pavel said to Leah.” It felt good to have her hand enclosed in his, his thumb brushing soothingly across her knuckles. “Like I said, I’m not proud of what I did.”

  “There are things I’ve done of which I’m not proud.”

  “What things?”

  A gentle breeze wafted between them as she waited for his response and she had almost given up hope of a reply when he squeezed her fingers gently.

  “I was the one who gave Pavel up to the police.”

  Grace could see how much that had cost him, even before he met her gaze. “He deserved it.”

  “Da. By the time the police had finished questioning me, I realized I had to give up Pavel or let the man he’d set up take the heat. Pavel had no compunction implicating an innocent man and would be willing to let him rot in prison.”

  “Then you had no choice.” Grace squeezed his hand. “I know you would never have forgiven yourself if someone had been wrongly punished when you could have stopped it. You had no choice.”

  “We all have choices. At each moment in a man’s life, he makes a choice.”

  He was quiet for long moments and a reflective look came into his eyes. Grace feared what he told her was only the tip of the iceberg that lay hidden within him. She fell silent too, anxious not to have him slam down the shutters if she so much as encouraged him to continue.

  Gently, she stroked her thumb across his hand. He followed the movement, then looked up at her. “I became unglued when Viktor died. It was difficult to accept that he’d gone and it brought back memories of my family. I wanted revenge for it all. Wanted to hit back, destroy.”

  Grace moved closer, aiming to comfort. “That’s natural enough. It’s difficult when—”

  “You don’t understand, Grace. I killed a man.”

  The punch to her chest stopped her breath for a good few seconds. She’d believed him capable of dodgy dealings, but had never anticipated this. Instinctively, she moved back, releasing his hand to press her own to her throat. “Wh-why?”

  “He killed my parents, my sister.”

  The pain in his eyes told her more than any words could confirm. That the death of this person hadn’t come easily to him. That it wasn’t a cold act of revenge, but was born of pain, of impotence, of savage memories. She imagined a little boy who saw his family murdered—unthinkably—at the hands of a man who years later came up against the now grown man intent on retribution.

  Those same instincts that had driven her to step back now propelled her forward again. Niko would never take a man’s life easily, without severe provocation. Never. Nor would he find it easy to set aside. It would boil in his very soul. She knew that. Deep down to her core, she knew it.

  She reached for his hand again, gently curving her fingers around his. “Can you tell me what happened?”

  Pain-filled eyes stared back at her and she wanted to weep both for the little boy and the grown man. She took his other hand, linking them both.

  He was silent for so long, she thought he might refuse to continue, but then he took a breath. “As executor of Viktor’s will, I went through his papers. Found the usual things—deeds, mortgages, loans, bills of sale. All the expected papers of a wealthy man. There were newspaper cuttings, of his business successes, competitors’ news. School reports, both for myself and Pavel.

  “I almost threw it away,” he said absently. “It was a small newspaper cutting clipped to a business agreement, a contract. At first I thought it simply another merger, but then I noticed Viktor had underlined several passages from the cuttings and on the contract. In his scribbled notes on the side of the paper, I saw my father’s name. There was nothing else. I searched the rest of the papers to find something, anything, that might offer further information, but there was nothing. It niggled. Viktor writing my father’s name on that paper was significant, so I hired private investigators, researched myself, to find a link between Viktor, the man named on the contract and my father. My own search yielded nothing, while one of my investigators had better luck.”

  “What?” Grace prompted when he slipped back into the memory. “What did he find?”

  He remained lost in his own world for several more seconds, then looked up. “The man whose name was on the contract was a corporate terrorist. My father had been investigating rumors of stolen pharmaceutical research. He discovered the man was in the process of selling the research to a suspect cartel that would use the knowledge to produce a new hallucinatory drug. Illegal, of course. My father was about to expose him, but was silenced before he could act.

  “When I confronted the bastard he admitted what he’d done, asked me what I intended to do about it without proof. I had proof, and took great pleasure in throwing it in his face, watching him squirm. This time he didn’t give his goons an order to kill, he pulled a gun on me himself.”

  Grace covered her mouth with her hand, unaware she’d been holding her breath until her lungs squeezed.

  Niko smiled, grimly. “Viktor taught me many things in life, some of which were skills he’d learned on the backstreets as a boy. I managed to hone those skills during my time in the army and the bastard didn’t see me coming. I got hold of the gun as he squeezed the trigger.”

  “Oh, God.”

  “First bullet caught me in the shoulder, the second found the bastard’s stomach.”

  His shoulder, G
race thought as her heart twisted. She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to block the mental image and unwilling to think about what might have happened if Niko hadn’t got control of that gun.

  “It was self defence,” Grace said when she could speak again, her words delivered with the fervor of a woman defending the man she loved. “They must have realized that.”

  “He was a powerful man with many powerful friends, but we found a way through. A way to suit everyone.”

  “I’m almost terrified to ask.”

  He smiled, brought her knuckles to his mouth and kissed them gently. “He was a man watched and wanted by many. The British were especially interested in keeping tracks on him and his dealings. I worked with them for a while, seeking out others in his circle who were involved in my family’s murder and other atrocities. Those who would carry on his work.”

  “Did you find them?”

  He lapsed into reflection again, such grief in his eyes that Grace knew the pain hadn’t ended for him there. “There’s something else,” she said carefully. “Tell me.”

  “Elena.” He drew in a long breath. “We were never able to make it stick to any of them, but they got Elena.”

  Viktor’s wife, and his beloved adopted mother. “I thought she died of heart problems.”

  “Her symptoms mimicked that of a cardiac arrest. In an act of sickening irony, the bastards used a by-product of the very drug at the centre of the scandal my father had investigated. They did it as a warning to me, but it was too late. The British had already targeted the group and made arrangements to take them down.”

  “This is all so horrendous,” Grace said almost to herself, her stomach in knots. “It’s why Pavel hates you. He blames you for Elena’s death.”

  “He has every reason.”

  “No. He doesn’t.”

  At her fierce tone, he smiled and touched his hand to her cheek. Grace wasn’t ready to return his smile, she felt too wretched for that. Silent tears tracked down her cheeks.