by JM Stewart
That had to be the most vulnerable thing she’d said to him yet. She might as well have admitted she was in love with him. It meant she’d have to make a decision, a hard one. She’d have to be willing to risk losing him again. She’d only just gotten him back. How could he want to risk his life again? How in the world did she find the strength to let him do what he needed to do?
“Wanting it and what I’m actually capable of are two different things for me right now, baby.” He drew a heavy breath. “Believe me. I want it. More than I can tell you. But I’m afraid to sleep, Cass. I’m terrified of what you’ll see when I do. It doesn’t change how I feel about you.”
“I don’t expect you to be perfect, Ty. Maybe it’s a selfish thing to want, but I watched you leave me once before. You left and never came back, and I don’t know if I’m strong enough to do it again.” Another heart-on-the-sleeve admission she probably shouldn’t have told him, but he was being honest. Shouldn’t she be giving him the same in return?
“I’m coming over.” He didn’t wait for her reply but disconnected.
She spent the next twenty minutes staring at her ceiling, torn between calling him back and telling him not to bother and unable to deny she wanted the same things he did. She needed to be in his arms. If only because she’d spent the last three years wishing she could. She knew damn well she ought to be letting him go and walking away, but he was alive, and having him standing in front of her was like holding out a sandwich to a starving man. How the hell was she supposed to resist?
When a knock on the door finally came, she pried herself out of bed, heart in her throat as she made her way up the hallway. Her fingers shook so much it took her two tries to undo the dead bolts. When she finally opened the door open, he was standing in the vestibule, hands in the pockets of his sweats.
As his gaze caught hers, his brow furrowed, eyes filling with determination. He didn’t wait for her to invite him in but stepped over the threshold, shoved the door closed behind him, and backed her against the foyer wall. He set his hands on either side of her head and leaned down to look her in the eye. “You can run all you want, baby, but I’m not giving up on you. Not a chance in hell.”
He cupped her face in his hands and pulled her mouth hard to his. His kiss was encompassing and demanding, as if he had a point to prove, and she couldn’t stop the quiet, relenting moan that left her. Neither could she stop herself from melting into the heady press of his mouth or her hands from sliding up the luscious warmth of his chest.
She couldn’t deny it. That she needed him. To touch him, to be as close as humanly possible.
There in that moment, something cracked between them. His tongue plunged into her mouth, a tender hot stroke as his hands slid down her sides to her ass. He shoved her pajama pants over her hips, where they pooled at her feet, even as she was reaching down and tugging open the button on his jeans.
“Condom,” she whispered, tugging down his zipper. “Tell me you have a condom, Ty.”
If she had to wait until she got all the way into her bedroom, she might come to her senses and send him home. Right or wrong, she needed this. This one simple connection. Just to feel him inside of her, against her.
He pulled back enough to meet her gaze, the same raw honesty echoing back at her from the depths of his eyes as he fished a plastic packet from his back pocket and held it out to her. As if he were every bit as lost as she was. It had always been this way with him. Desperate. Hungry. Impossible to deny.
No sooner had she plucked the condom from his fingers than he was lifting her off her feet and pressing her back against the wall. He pinned her there with his hips, his erection settling against her core, and claimed her mouth again.
She reached between them, pushed his jeans past his hips. His cock settled hot and heavy against her mound, and Cassie moaned softly, unable to resist sliding her hand into his jeans to palm his erection. God, her need for him…
She’d barely rolled the latex down his length when he surged forward, pushing into her in one slick, hard thrust. Like that morning in his mother’s kitchen, he didn’t seem to hold back. It wasn’t soft and sweet and slow, the way sex had been before he left for deployment. Instead, he drove into her deep and hard, and all Cassie could do was hang on. Let him take her world and spin it out of control.
Let him make her forget everything else, all the worry, all the fear. Everything but this. His quiet grunts filled her ears, a delicious sound that only ramped up her own need. His scent, clean and warm and all Tyler, filled her lungs with every ragged breath she dragged in, until she was encompassed in and surrounded by him. Until he was all she could see or feel or hear and all she wanted to. Her body bowed into his, into the sweet pressure of his pelvis against her clit and that spot deep inside that lit her up from the inside out.
In what seemed like no time at all, her orgasm slammed into her. Her moan caught in her throat, leaving her mouth as little more than a gasp, as she shook helplessly in his arms. The pleasure swallowed her whole. Tyler groaned from down deep, his hips jerking as his own orgasm claimed him.
They stood that way for long moments, holding each other in the aftermath, their combined harsh breaths the only sound in the otherwise silence of her condo. She didn’t want to think about what it meant, for her or for their relationship. Right then, all that mattered was being here. In his arms.
After a few moments, he pulled back enough to look at her, his hands shaking as he brushed them over her face, pushing her long bangs out of her eyes. He kissed her softly, the barest brush of his mouth over hers, then tightened his hold on her bottom and turned.
He paused long enough for her to shove the door closed behind him, and he strode through the apartment, carrying her into the bedroom, setting her down on the bed. He climbed in with her, pulled her against his side, and she reburied her face in his chest.
God help her heart when their date ended tomorrow night.
* * *
The following evening, Tyler lay in bed, staring at the ceiling. The house around him was silent, save the soft whir of the heat blowing. His mother had left an hour ago. She had to work the closing shift at the coffee shop, leaving him to get ready for his date with Cassie. He’d even gone to Dean’s this morning to pick up a car. His brother had loaned him his BMW for the evening.
He’d texted Cassie an hour ago, telling her he’d pick her up at six. At a little after four-thirty, he still had an hour before having to leave to go get her. He ought to be getting up, doing things like combing his hair and getting dressed. What he was doing instead? Lying in bed, stroking an erection. With leisure. Like he was sixteen again.
He’d been lying there, staring at the ceiling, stroking like he had all the time in the world. A stupid-ass grin had plastered itself across his face he couldn’t wipe off if he tried. He hadn’t had a spontaneous erection in three years. Life had become about getting through the day. For over three years, he’d lived that way. Since he’d been home, getting back into any semblance of a routine was difficult. Sleep had become a rare treat, fatigue his newfound friend.
Today, especially, reminded him how worthless he was. He didn’t have a job. He’d come back broken. Oh, he wanted a life with Cassie, but how the hell could he take care of her when he could barely take care of himself? He lived with his mother, for crying out loud. What would he do for work? He didn’t have any skills, save maybe repairing his bike, and even then, he hadn’t had any formal training. He hadn’t gotten good grades in school, either. He was good at being a soldier, but that was all but a dead end now. Stolen from him.
He’d never stop trying, though, because he needed some semblance of normal, and he wanted her. No, scratch that. He needed her. She’d gotten him through some of the darkest days of his life. She deserved someone who could take care of her. The sad truth was, though, he wasn’t anything resembling normal. What the hell could he even offer her, really?
In the shower, though, he’d gotten to thinking about thei
r date, and for a blissful few moments he’d gotten lost in memories of making love to her. His cock had sprung to life, hard enough to hammer railroad spikes. That fact flat out fucking amazed him. Hell, she amazed him. He couldn’t wait to see her. He had plans for her. Ones he hoped she’d respond to. He’d likely be hard all damn night, waiting for the moment when he could seduce her out of the jeans she’d be wearing.
He couldn’t be sorry for it. He’d barely been home two weeks now, but already she was pulling him out of himself, out of the hell that lived in his head, and he wanted to dive into it. Into her.
The little jingle of an incoming text sounded from the nightstand beside him, drawing him from his thoughts. His heart drummed in hope, and his poor cock went forgotten as he lifted up onto an elbow, snatching his phone off the nightstand. A message from Cassie blinked across the screen.
Cass: Where r we going? I need 2 know what 2 wear.
His grin widened. She’d hate what he had to tell her next. He could hear her complaining already.
He punched in a quick reply.
Tyler. Jeans.
Then he sat back and waited. Cassie was feminine to the core. Her closet was full of skirts, and she had more heels than any woman he’d ever known. He loved her in them, but to see her in a pair of jeans would be a treat, if only because she wore them so rarely. She had the finest ass he’d ever seen. In a pair of jeans, her ass was a thing of beauty.
As he’d suspected, her complaint popped up seconds later.
Cass: Can’t I wear a skirt? Jeans make my ass look a mile wide.
He smiled. He could hear the whine in her voice. Oh how fun it would be torturing her, keeping her off balance.
Tyler: Not where we’re going. & ur ass looks incredible in jeans.
Cass: Where r we going again?
He loved the thought of her over there, in her penthouse, texting him. Was she naked like he was? Just out of the shower and parading around that huge closet of hers in her panties trying to decide what to wear?
His cock twitched against his belly, urging him to ask the question, and before he could make the decision, his thumbs were punching it out.
Tyler: U’ll see. What r u wearing?
Cass: Panties and a bra. Y?
Tyler: What color?
Okay, so he didn’t really need to know, but he couldn’t help himself.
Cass: Black
The vision filled his mind, and he stifled a groan. Damn. He loved her smooth, creamy skin in black.
He flopped back on the bed. Some part of his brain reminded him he needed to get dressed and get over there. They’d never start their date at this rate, and he needed tonight. It went with his plans. He couldn’t help himself, though. His brain, what little of it still worked, was in her underwear.
Tyler: Take off the panties
A good thirty seconds passed without a response. Would she turn him down? He hoped not. He’d been right. Focusing on the physical appeared to be working. One kiss and she was putty in his hands, and he wanted her burning during their date.
Though he had to admit she really had changed over the last three years. He hadn’t meant to tell her the things he had Sunday morning. She’d gotten to him. He’d dreamt of her again Saturday night. Her showing up wanting to talk about her damn date had pushed him over the edge. He wasn’t ready to tell her everything yet, but he couldn’t be sorry he’d told her either. Just lying in her bed last night, wrapped around her, had afforded him a few hours of peace. He hadn’t slept, and he’d left after she’d fallen asleep, but for those few hours, his head had quieted.
Whatever magic she weaved over him, he wanted to get lost in it.
His phone dinged, announcing her reply, and he glanced down.
Cass: You first.
He smiled. Her response came from shyness, of course. Cassie could be a strong woman when she wanted to be, but when it came to sex, she softened around the edges. He had to admit he liked this side of her the best. Her soft side was a lot more honest.
Tyler: Already there. Just got out of the shower. Take them off.
Cass: Ur naked?
Tyler: Yup ;) Panties, babe. OFF. NOW.
Cass: Done. What now?
Tyler: Slip ur fingers into urself & tell me how wet u r. & don’t u dare deny it. I haven’t stopped remembering my cock buried inside u all damn day. It’s why I’m not dressed yet.
Another long silence. Instead of the annoying jingle of a text, though, his phone vibrated in his hand, her number flashing on the screen.
He swiped his thumb over the green ACCEPT. “Hi.”
“You’re naked?”
The tremble in her breathless voice pulled another grin out of him. Christ, he couldn’t help himself. His heart was lighter than it had been in…hell, years.
“And very hard.” He lay back into the pillows and closed his eyes, let his mind fill with visions of her. “I got to thinking about you in the shower, about fucking you on the kitchen counter.”
While soaping up, he’d gotten lost in the delicious memories. The sharp prick of her teeth sinking into his shoulder. Her body shaking against him. Her ragged breathing in his ear as he shoved into her again and again.
“You’re stroking?”
Her voice came soft, barely a husky whisper. When her breathing hitched, he knew on instinct her fingers were buried inside her heat.
“Yup. And so are you. I can hear it in your breathing. You’re pumping those fingers aren’t you?”
She drew a ragged breath this time. “Yes.”
Her soft admission had his balls tightening. He groaned. “Tell me how wet you are, Cassie.”
“Sooo wet. I ache, Ty. I was thinking about you, too, you know.”
He allowed himself a leisurely stroke, just to ease the ache, but it wasn’t enough. He wanted her. “Tell me.”
“I should thank you. For coming over.”
“You can thank me later, sweetheart, when I make you come so hard you forget to breathe.”
She moaned this time, and her breathing grew ragged and harsh. “Oh, God. Tell me how hard you want to fuck me, Ty. Tell me what you want to do to me.”
His head filled with visions of her. Lying on her huge bed, legs spread, fingers buried in her hot little pussy. His cock swelled to the point of pain, and each stroke of his hand shot pleasure to his fucking toes. A few luxurious strokes would be all it took to send him over the edge, but he forced himself to stop. “Uh-uh. Don’t come. You’re not allowed to come, do you hear me? That orgasm belongs to me.”
Cassie let out a frustrated groan. “Oh, that’s so not fair, Ty. You can’t heat me up like that and ask me to stop.”
“Trust me, baby. I have plans for you. But I want you hot. I want you begging for it.”
She let out a little huff of breath, a relenting sound that had him imagining the look on her face. No doubt she glared at him. “Not fair, Ty. Did you come?”
“Nope. Didn’t intend to. I was just…enjoying it.” He sighed. The answer wasn’t pretty. Hell, it wasn’t even “manly.” Definitely not something he’d admit to his brother. But she wanted honesty. She wanted in, and at some point, if he wanted her back, he’d have to let her.
He released his cock, the desire gone as his mood shifted, his mind going back to that dark place. He didn’t want to go there anymore, yet everything he did or saw or heard triggered something ugly.
He swallowed the fear beating to life in his chest, drew a deep breath, and let the words fly. Sent them out on a wing and a prayer. “Life became about surviving for me, Cass. About living from day to day. To a large degree, it still is. Until I showed up at your apartment the night of the auction, my cock hadn’t risen for anything. Up until that night, I hadn’t been hard or even thought about sex in so long I wasn’t even sure the damn thing still worked. It’s a pathetic thing to admit to you. I’m not even sure I want to know what you think. But that I’m hard at all and you’re not even here is amazing to me.”
; He longed to admit she was the reason he’d lived through it, but stopped himself. That was enough honesty for the moment, thank you.
She didn’t say anything. Not so much as a hitch of breath echoed across the line and his gut tightened as he waited for her reaction.
“Don’t you dare come. If my orgasm belongs to you, then yours belongs to me. Got it, soldier boy?”
His eyes popped open, a stupid-ass grin plastering itself across his face. The tightness in his chest eased, and he took a breath, unaware he’d been holding it. He hadn’t expected her to say that. He’d expected…judgment. For her to be disgusted with him and hang up on him, to cancel their date. That she hadn’t done any of that gave him the sensation of standing on the top of the tallest mountain and made him feel as free.
“You got it. It’s all yours. I’m going to rock your world, sweetheart.”
“I’m holding you to that, you know.” Her voice held a hint of smug amusement, and the tension of moments ago evaporated. “When are you coming over?”
“I’ll be there soon. Remember. Wear jeans. You could wear a skirt, but trust me, you’ll be more comfortable in jeans. And socks. Don’t forget socks.”
She let out a quiet laugh that lit up his world. “All right. Jeans it is. I’m trusting you, Ty.”
“Good. I won’t let you down, I promise. We’ll have fun.”
Chapter Eight
God, she’s beautiful.
Standing on her doorstep a few hours later, that was the only thought in Tyler’s head. Cassie opened the door and whatever greeting he might have uttered lodged in his throat, lost as he took her in. He spotted a white T-shirt and a beige sweater in the mix, but his gaze was stuck on her jeans. Well worn and skintight, they hugged every gorgeous curve. God bless the man who’d invented skinny jeans.
He forced his gaze off her legs—lest he forget about their date altogether, throw her over his shoulder, and cart her off to her bedroom—and offered a smile. “Turn around.”
