Where My Heart Belongs

by Tracie Peterson

  “Is that likely?”

  Debbie shrugged. “I suppose it’s as likely as anything. Hays has grown so much since we were kids, I think it’s possible.”

  “I did notice that,” Sunny replied. “I was just there the other day.”

  “So what about you? Did you marry and have children? Where’s your family?”

  Sunny found herself back on the same topic she’d avoided with Kathy. “I did marry and have children, but I’d rather not talk about it right now. I’m sorry.”

  “No problem.” Debbie got to her feet. “Why don’t I show you around? The backyard is really incredible. My mother-in-law was a master gardener, as you probably remember. She planted the most amazing arrangements of flowers and shrubs.”

  Sunny appreciated Debbie’s ability to let the matter drop. Most people would have encouraged her to talk or badgered her for answers. Debbie seemed content to let it go. Maybe that’s why Sunny had always liked Debbie.

  Kathy was folding the last of her mother’s clothes when she heard a car pull into the driveway. It was nearly suppertime, and she supposed it was Sunny. Within a few minutes that was confirmed by her sister coming through the front door, a large brown paper sack in hand.

  “I got us Chinese food. I hope you still like it.”

  Kathy nodded in surprise. “You went all the way to Hays?”

  Sunny smiled sheepishly. “I figured I owed you an apology and thought it might be better received with a gift of Cashew Chicken and Crab Wontons.”

  Kathy laughed in spite of herself. “Of course. That always makes it easier.” She got up and led the way to the kitchen. “Let me get some plates.”

  Sunny put the bag down on the kitchen table. “I am sorry for the way I acted. I will talk to you about it all, but just give me a little time. Please.”

  Kathy turned with dishes in hand. She could see the earnest sorrow in her sister’s eyes. “I’m in no hurry.” She felt a tenderness for Sunny that she’d not yet experienced since her return. It was funny how her feelings seemed to be changing in stages. It was kind of like when her foot would go to sleep after she’d been sitting cross-legged for a long while. At first it was all numb and dead. Then as the blood rushed back in, it would tingle—even be painful. Then little by little the feeling would come back. That was how this felt. Maybe she did want the feelings to be restored.

  “I’m starved,” Kathy finally said, putting the plates on the table. “Time got away from me.”

  “What have you been doing?” Sunny asked as she began to pull things from the sack.

  “I packed up all of Mom’s old clothes. We can give them to Goodwill or the Salvation Army over in Hays. I’ve been packing up some of Dad’s too. He wants to be buried in his overalls—just like he lived most of his life.”

  “I think that’s the way it should be. And a baseball cap on his head.”

  Kathy smiled. “He already has it picked out.”

  Sunny laughed. “Why am I not surprised?”

  It was almost like the old days, before Amy got to be so cantankerous and selfish. Kathy decided to plunge ahead. “Look, you might as well know what’s going on,” she began. “I pleaded last year with Dad to put the farm on the market. Sales were good around here and farms were surprisingly hot commodities. With the lower interest rates, everyone seemed to be able to go for something bigger and better, you know.”

  Sunny nodded. “I remember . . . we bought a house.” She looked up at Kathy. “I’ll tell you about it in a minute. Go on.”

  “Well, Dad didn’t want to move. He figured he’d beaten the cancer and would get stronger. The doctors told him he had a fifty percent chance of it recurring, but Dad wanted to be optimistic. So instead of selling, we consolidated the debts and took out a bigger mortgage on the farm. The only problem was that the crop yields were poor and we went through the money pretty fast. One thing led to another, and I began dipping into my trust fund to pay the bills. Then the doctor gave us the news about Dad, and I realized things weren’t going to get any better. Dad did too.”

  “So he let you put the farm on the market?”

  “Finally. But it was too late to cash in on the boom that had been going on in the fall. By the time we listed it, several other farms were up for sale in the area, so local people had their choices.”

  “What’s happening now?”

  Kathy didn’t try to hide her discouragement. “Nothing. No one has shown much interest. We’re going to advertise in Kansas City and elsewhere, but I’m beginning to think it will take a miracle to sell the place very soon.”

  Sunny grew thoughtful. She appeared to be considering the matter for several minutes before she finally spoke. “I want to help with all of this. I know you have to get things put in order for the auction. I can help if you just tell me what to do.”

  “Well, I moved all that stuff out of your bedroom and into Mom and Dad’s old room. We can start going through it later.”

  “You cleared out my room? I would have helped. I’m so sorry. I got caught up talking with Debbie this morning and before I knew it I’d decided to drive to Hays and get the food. If I’d known . . .”

  “It doesn’t matter. It wasn’t a big deal. I just moved everything out of there. It still needs some sprucing up— dusting and sweeping—but there are clean sheets on the bed. And you’ll need to take your suitcases up. I didn’t have time.”

  “I sure wouldn’t have expected you to. Kathy, thank you. I really appreciate it.”

  Kathy spooned some rice onto her plate. It was good to be at peace with Sunny. Even if just for a little while. She knew their problems were far from resolved, but something was happening in her heart. Maybe in time, she could learn to forgive her sister for the pain of the past.

  THIRTEEN

  “AUNT GLYNNIS! UNCLE WILL! I’m so glad you’re here.” Kathy embraced them both and pulled back with tears in her eyes. “I don’t know how much longer Dad has. He hasn’t even asked to get out of bed in days and he’s not eating at all. The pain is bad, but he doesn’t want to take much in the way of medication, so he can stay coherent.”

  “Well, I’ll talk to him about that,” Glynnis said, in true big sister fashion. “He always was much too stubborn for his own good.”

  Glynnis was a beautiful woman. She had defied the years by taking good care of herself and living right. Dressed impeccably in a casual linen slack suit, she had just the right balance of makeup and jewelry to appear elegant, but not ostentatious. Kathy had always admired Glynnis and the way she presented herself.

  Uncle Will, on the other hand, was more Kansas farm boy than pharmaceutical genius. He had gotten an education and became a pharmacist in Hays at a fairly young age. He worked there for several years before a growing interest in researching drugs had sent him to Jackson Pharmaceuticals. His interest had spilled over to spark Kyle’s fascination about the industry one summer when Will and Glynnis had come to stay at the farm for a visit.

  Kathy led them down the hall. “He mostly sleeps, but he insists that we come and talk to him as often as possible. I told him that I hated to wake him, but he always says there won’t be time to talk later, and I know he’s right.”

  Glynnis patted her arm. “You’re doing the best for him. Letting him die at home like he wants is a huge blessing.” She looked around as they stopped outside the den. “Where’s Sunny?”

  Kathy had forgotten to tell them. “She went to town. One of her friends invited her over. We didn’t know exactly when you’d arrive, so she figured to go ahead.”

  “Of course she should. There’ll be time for us to talk tonight. How’s it going with her?”

  Kathy shrugged. She could see the concern in her aunt’s and uncle’s expressions. “I think it’s better. I don’t feel quite so hostile all the time. I’ve started listening more.”

  Glynnis smiled. “God has a way of showing us what we need to see.”

  “We can talk more after you get in a visit with Dad.”


  “Good. That sounds just fine.”

  “I’ll also start some lunch for us. We have some early tomatoes this year. How about BLTs?”

  “Yum!” Uncle Will replied enthusiastically. “I think I could put away a couple of those.”

  “You got it,” Kathy said. “And you?” she asked, turning back to her aunt.

  “Just one should suffice for me. I’ll get as fat as he is if I don’t watch myself.”

  Kathy laughed and opened the door to the den. “Dad, look who’s here.”

  He opened his eyes and smiled as recognition dawned. “Come to boss me around, did you?” His voice was raspy and weak.

  “Somebody has to,” Glynnis said, going to him. “Just look at you. Lying around, doing nothing.” She leaned down and kissed his forehead. “Still ornery as ever.”

  “Not for long.” He met her eyes and Kathy could see he was trying to tell her that the end was near.

  Glynnis nodded and squeezed his hand. “I know.” She took the chair beside his bed and Uncle Will pulled up another.

  “Looks like your girls are taking good care of you,” Will offered.

  Dad perked up at this. “They are. Did Kathy tell you about Sunny?”

  “She sure did,” Glynnis answered as Will nodded. “What a blessing for you.”

  Kathy backed toward the door. She figured it would do them good to have time to talk. Dad might want to say things to his sister that he’d rather not tell his children.

  “I don’t think I ever wanted anything as much as to see that girl again,” Dad said as Kathy reached the door.

  She felt a twinge of jealousy. She still couldn’t understand how he could say things like that. Sunny had hurt him—and devastated Mom. How could he feel the same way about her? There was no pretense or sheltering of his heart. He gave his love to Sunny as freely as if she’d never disappointed him or caused him grief.

  “What’s she like now, Gary?”

  “In the good ways, she’s the same old Amy—even if she changed her name.”

  “Ah, a rose by any other name,” Will said with a chuckle.

  “Exactly. She’s had a rough life, but her old sweetness and personality manage to come through.”

  Kathy contemplated this as she stepped into the hall. Dad said that in the good ways Amy was the same, but Kathy couldn’t really see it. “Maybe because I don’t want to see it,” she chided herself.

  Making her way to the kitchen, Kathy realized she felt a sense of relief just in having her aunt and uncle around. Her aunt had been very supportive when Kathy’s mom had passed away. Even living in Colorado Springs, she had driven over from time to time to keep Kathy company. Kathy had always figured it was really more for her father’s sake than her own, but having Glynnis around had done wonders. Glynnis had been quite unwilling to let either Kathy or her father slip away into sorrow and despair. She’d often told Kathy that was what family was for. They were to support and bear each other’s grief. Sunny had promised to be there for Kathy, but they’d been children then. Could she be believed or trusted now?

  Kathy sliced two large, juicy tomatoes. The aroma only served to make her hungrier. The bacon fried up nicely on the stove as Kathy completed the fixings. She had the sandwiches ready to slap together by the time Glynnis and Will rejoined her. They took seats at the table and reached for their iced tea at the same time. Glynnis took a long drink, then looked to Kathy.

  “He’s more gone than here, isn’t he?”

  Kathy brought a bowl of potato salad to the table and nodded. “I believe the end will be very soon. But I’ve been thinking that since the beginning of June, and the days just slip by with him hanging on.”

  “He’s faded so fast,” Will commented. “I didn’t figure he’d be this bad.”

  “When he saw the doctor in May and realized there was nothing more to do, the fight went out of him. I can’t say that I blame him. He and I talked about it on the way home from Hays. He even had me swing into the cemetery so he could visit Mom’s grave. He talked about his own funeral the whole time. Told me how he wanted things done at the church.”

  “I think that was probably the only way for him to work through the finality of it all,” Glynnis said. “We tend to want to do something reasonable and logical when everything seems so out of control.”

  “I hadn’t realized how he was hanging on for Sunny until she got here. Now he’s growing worse by the day.”

  “He has nothing left to wait on,” Will said. “He’s ready to go home.”

  They blessed the food and dug in while the kitchen ceiling fan clicked rhythmically overhead. Soon she heard the front screen door open. Apparently Sunny had returned. “We’re in the kitchen,” she called, getting to her feet.

  Sunny came into the room, looking almost scared. Her eyes were wide. “Aunt Glynnis,” she whispered as she stood at the door. Kathy saw her stiffen even more as she took in the cozy luncheon scene. It was almost like she was steeling herself against whatever criticism might be coming.

  Glynnis got to her feet and went to Sunny without a single word. She opened her arms and pulled Sunny into a tight embrace. Kathy watched Sunny relax against her aunt’s hold.

  “Welcome home, darling. I’m so glad to see you again.”

  Will was on his feet still holding his napkin. He smiled as Glynnis led Sunny to the table. “Look here, Will. Isn’t she the spitting image of her mother?”

  “She sure is. You’re a sight for sore eyes, Amy. Whoops, I mean Sunshine.”

  “Call me Sunny. Everyone does,” she told them. “I would have come home sooner had I known you were already here. We didn’t figure you’d be in until later today.”

  “We got a really early start,” Glynnis said as they took their seats again.

  “Sunny, are you hungry?” Kathy was already reaching for an extra plate before her sister could answer. She suddenly felt the need to make everything seem as normal as possible.

  “I’m famished, actually.” She smiled and sat down between her aunt and uncle. “So how was your trip?”

  Glynnis picked up her napkin. “It was pretty nice. The weather has been beautiful and there wasn’t much traffic.”

  “Have you visited Dad?” she asked, taking the plate that Kathy offered.

  “Yes, we chatted with him a bit before sitting down to lunch. I hadn’t expected to see him quite this far gone,” Glynnis admitted.

  “Kathy and I are actually surprised he’s still hanging on.”

  “Your dad was always a strong man,” Will offered.

  Sunny picked up a couple of slices of bread and began to build her sandwich. “That’s true.”

  “You don’t suppose there’s something else he’s waiting to see happen, do you?” Glynnis questioned.

  The thought pierced Kathy’s heart. She had worried that maybe Dad was just lingering—waiting for her to make peace with Sunny. There were moments when Kathy thought that would be easy enough to do. But then as soon as she would explore the possibility and try to figure out how to go about the matter, something would happen and her heart would grow hard again.

  But it’s not really a hardness, she told herself. It’s fear. I’m afraid of what will happen if I open myself up to Sunny. She looked at her sister for a moment before fixing her attention on the food. Sunny had fooled them all so many times. When she’d still been in high school she had come home sick one night after a party. She swore up and down it was the flu and for all intents and purposes it seemed to be. She promised her mother she hadn’t had a drop of liquor, even though there had been some at the party. Kathy remembered they had all felt sorry for Sunny. The next day a group of her friends was planning a trip to a lake and Sunny couldn’t go because she was still feeling so wretched. They had honestly believed she had the flu, but not long after that Sunny had admitted to Kathy she had been drinking, and quite heavily.

  Then there was the time when Sunny came home with several purchases from Hays. Kathy had been amazed
that she had gotten so much for so little. She had beautiful lacy bras and panties, expensive socks, a new purse, and several CDs. She had gone on and on to their mother about the sales she’d found. But again, Kathy later learned that her sister had shoplifted most of the items.

  Yes, she’d been a child then. But from what Sunny had shared, her choices as an adult left a lot to be desired. Could Kathy believe her now? Were Sunny’s words about forgiveness and making things right trustworthy?

  After lunch Kathy slipped away to finish setting up her bedroom for Glynnis and Will. Rearranging the yellow roses she’d picked earlier in the day, Kathy looked around to see if anything else needed her attention. She was just placing the vase on a table at the end of the bed when Glynnis came in with a small suitcase.

  “Will can bring up the rest after a bit. He’s having another visit with your father.”

  “I’m sure Dad appreciates that. He loves you both so much.”

  Glynnis put the case on the bed and came to where Kathy stood. “These are beautiful. Did you grow them?”

  “They’re from Mom’s bushes out back. They’re the ones I told you I’d probably dig up and take with me when I move.”

  “Well, they smell glorious. I don’t blame you.” Glynnis straightened and smiled. “So you seem more comfortable with Sunny than I had expected.”

  “Things are better,” Kathy replied. “I can’t say they’re perfect. I still find myself so angry. I don’t know why, but it sort of spills out at the most awkward moments.”

  Glynnis chuckled. “I’ve been known to spill out on occasion myself. You’ve been through a lot—you’re still going through a lot. Don’t push yourself too hard. Just rest in the Lord. He has already taken care of everything. You might as well let Him have your worries and hurts, ’cause they’ll do you no good.”

  “The people in town are as mad at her as I am. Oh, she has her friend Debbie, but otherwise, most of the folks at church and elsewhere are amazed that she had the nerve to come back at all.”