by S S Bazinet
“Sorry, I haven’t had time for a beer lately,” Tim apologized. “Ever since we got back from the honeymoon, we’ve been house hunting. It’s taking almost all of our spare time. We’ve looked at a lot of neighborhoods, but we’ve come up empty.” He took a sip of his beer and sighed. “I really needed that game of racquetball today, even though you beat me.”
Kevin laughed, “I think I got lucky. We both know that you usually shut me down. As for the house hunting, I’ll trade you. I’ll look for a house, and you can take over coaching Arel.”
“No way, I can’t imagine that sort of punishment.”
“Let me fill you in. The first week, he complained constantly. The second week, he complained even more. The third week, things changed, we hardly had a civil word between us. We sort of grunted at each other. Finally, the fourth week, a miracle happened. I realized that Arel’s actually adding muscle. His legs are starting to look pretty good. His arms are getting a lot stronger too.”
“You’re a tough guy, Kevin. Most people would have folded by now. Of course, I’ve seen you when you set your mind to something.”
“Yeah, I was this close to giving up on him.” Kevin’s two fingers captured a half inch of air. “But you know Arel, he can be the world’s biggest pain in the ass, and still, somehow, he sucks you in. I knew I was his only chance of doing what he needed to do.”
Tim slapped Kevin’s back. “Be proud of yourself. You walked through the fires of Arel and survived.”
Kevin laughed too. “Yeah, well next time you get to do the walking.”
“Sorry, too busy.”
“Are you enjoying married life?”
Tim’s red face was all that Kevin needed. “Never mind,” he laughed as he drained the last of his beer.
“How about you and Carol?”
“We couldn’t be better.”
Tim hesitated. “So you and Carol are . . . uh . . . really together?”
Kevin’s face, the opposite of Arel’s poker face, flushed darker than Tim’s.
Tim gave him a good-humored smile, and then he sobered. “Carol has a good man. I’m happy for you both.”
Sixty-Nine
SITTING AT HER kitchen table, having a cup of tea, Peggy studied the real estate section of the morning paper. “Nothing again,” she sighed as she tossed the paper aside. She raised her face heavenward. “We need some help. I know there’s something out there for us, so give us a shove in the right direction. Thank you.”
She didn’t know why, but she had a bad case of nesting fever. She looked up again. “And I almost forgot, thanks for helping Arel get in shape now that he has his health back.”
Everything in her life was perfect except for the house hunt. She tried to get her focus off of the dozens of homes that paraded through her mind. It was easy when she thought of Tim. She looked at her hand and smiled. The gold, wedding band on her finger was simple, with no engraving work or extra diamonds. It was exactly what she’d wanted. It expressed their simple, steadfast kind of love. She’d been blessed with the best guy in the world.
When Tim took her into his arms, she felt pressure, a great swell pushing at the boundaries of her heart. Sometimes, she loved him so much, she felt like she needed more room in the vessel. Just the thought of his body wrapped around hers could give her goose bumps.
“Stop it, girlie!” She grabbed the paper again. Now she had to get her mind off of Tim. Why did her body seem to want him all the time lately? “I’m becoming a sex addict,” she groaned.
She started searching the ads again, running her finger down the columns. She paused halfway down the third column. There was a newly listed house on the market, one that she’d missed on her first time through the ads. “Oh my goodness, this might be the one!”
Seventy
AREL INVITED CAROL into the foyer and gestured to the living room. “This is an unexpected pleasure. It’s so nice to see you.”
Carol returned a weak smile as she walked over to the sofa and sat down. She remained very quiet as she studied a tissue in her hand.
Arel took a seat too, wondering why he felt suddenly nervous. “Is everything okay?” he asked. The question slipped out so automatically, he didn’t have a chance to censure himself.
Carol shrugged and settled back into a corner of the couch. “I wanted to see you, but I hope that it’s not a bad time.”
Arel offered an enthusiastic smile. “Of course not. You’re always welcome.”
Carol glanced back at him. After a long moment, her eyes recovered a bit of their usual sparkle. “I know you’ve been working out. It shows. You look great.”
“Thank you.” Arel was pleased that Carol had noticed the change in his body. He certainly saw a big difference when he looked at himself in the mirror. His slender build had taken on a wiry, athletic look. His eyes were brighter, and his cheekbones weren’t hollowed out any more. He even had a tan. “It’s been a long time since I felt this good.”
“You must have really worked hard.”
“Well, I guess I have to give Kevin most of the credit. He’s quite the—” He paused, needing to be careful about how to word his feelings. “Kevin is the kind of coach that doesn’t give up on raw rookies.”
Carol giggled softly. “He was happy to help.”
Arel knew Kevin’s take on coaching him wasn’t much of a secret among the group. He gave Carol a knowing, embarrassed glance. “I’m sure that he was.” He quickly changed the subject. “But there’s more exciting news than my workouts. I hear that you and Kevin moved in together.”
Carol blushed. “Too fast?”
“Oh no, I wasn’t thinking that. When you’re with someone you love, why wait? Share every minute that you can.”
“I didn’t want it to seem impulsive.”
“I’m glad that the two of you are happy. That’s all that counts.”
Carol bit her lip. “It was going perfectly until—”
Arel leaned forward. “Was?”
Carol’s gaze dropped to her lap. As she tore at the tissue she was holding, she began to take little gasping breaths.
Arel got up and went over to the sofa. He sat down next to her and reached out for her hand. “It can’t be that bad, can it? Tell me what’s going on. Why are you upset?” As soon as he asked the question, he knew he’d made a mistake.
Shrugging again, Carol burst into tears.
Arel reacted just as fast. He put his arm around her shoulder and gently hugged her. “It’s going to be okay, I promise.”
Carol fell into his embrace and sobbed so hard that her body shook.
Arel tried to comfort her. “I’m here, I’m here.” The words were repeated with genuine concern, but he doubted that Carol heard him over the sound of her sobs.
“I’m sorry,” she sniffled when she was able to calm down. “I guess I’ve been holding that in.”
Arel nodded reassuringly, but remained quiet. He’d learned that simply listening was his best bet.
After a couple of heavy sighs, Carol sat up straighter and pulled back. With a forthright gaze, she brought her eyes in line with his. “I’m pregnant!”
Carol blurted out the news so unexpectedly that Arel jumped. “What?” The word was a loud whisper, a raspy sound of awe.
Carol clarified her news. “I’m going to have a baby.”
Arel was instantly lightheaded as if he’d never heard of such an event before. He tried to give voice to words he hadn’t spoken in his entire long lifetime. “Baby . . . you’re going to have a baby?”
Carol looked concerned. “You’re not feeling sick, are you? You’ve gone kind of pale.”
Arel finally rallied and found the words to express his feelings. “I’m thrilled! This is the most wonderful thing I can imagine.”
“Really? That’s a relief, for a moment—”
Arel jumped to his feet. He’d gone zombie for an instant, not knowing how to integrate Carol’s momentous news. Now, his mind and body reacted together. A r
ipple of joy surged through him. The thought of a new life reinforced his own recent rebirth, his appreciation of how beautiful life could be. Taking Carol’s hands in his, he pulled her into a standing position. “Let me look at you. What a miracle!” He pulled her into his arms and hugged her so enthusiastically that she made a small, squeaky sound.
He let her go at once. “I’m sorry. I guess I forget that I’m stronger now. Are you okay? I didn’t hurt you . . . the baby?”
She smiled back at him through her tears. “No, I’m just surprised that you’re happy.”
“Why wouldn’t I be happy? A baby!” As he was celebrating, he paused long enough to look at Carol again. She didn’t seem to be as excited as he was. “You don’t want . . . it?”
Carol started to sniffle again. “Of course I want it. It’s just that I don’t know if Kevin will. I haven’t told him yet. We’ve never discussed children seriously. It was a general, someday in the future, sort of thing. We didn’t know we had to think about it. We thought we were careful.”
Arel straightened. “Now listen to me. I know Kevin. And I know that he’ll want this child.”
Carol’s eyes sparked a little. “Really, do you think so?”
Arel took her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. When he spoke, he made sure that his tone was soft, but stern in a fatherly way. “Please, tell him the good news tonight.”
Seventy-One
KEVIN COULDN'T MOVE. He sat on the sofa stiff as stone. When he looked at Carol, at the mother of his child, he suddenly knew how Arel felt when he was ready to faint. “Are you positive?” he managed to gasp out the words with what little breath he had left in his lungs.
“We’re going to be parents,” Carol said more forcefully. She was suddenly in charge of their lives, telling him things that he couldn’t change no matter how scared he was.
A voice in his head began yelling out orders. It was a triage voice, one that yelled at a soldier who’d just been wounded in battle. “Stay calm! Stay calm!” The phrase kept repeating, but another message was overriding the directive. “This can’t be happening!” When he tried to look up at Carol again, his eyes dropped to the floor instead.
“Say something,” Carol urged. “Are you happy?”
He tried to think, but his brain stalled. “Just surprised,” he managed. The words came out in a rush as he stared vacantly into his future.
Carol frowned back. “Yes, me too.”
He knew he needed to say more. He even tried opening his mouth, but nothing came out.
Carol backed up, putting her arms around herself. “You don’t want it. You don’t want our child.” Her voice had a breathless quality, like she’d fallen off a swing and couldn’t get any air. “I can’t believe this. I thought you wanted me, that you wanted a life with me.”
He was finally able to look up at her. He hated what he saw. Carol’s eyes were filled with disappointment. He’d failed her completely, but he didn’t have a clue about what to say. “I’m sorry,” he finally whispered.
“I’m sorry too, sorry that I ever gave you another chance!” Carol half sobbed out the words as she turned and ran from the room. A moment later, the bathroom door slammed. A miserable sound followed that brought Kevin out of his immobile state. Carol was crying, but her uncontrolled weeping frightened him even more. “What the hell do I do now?”
He needed help. His best friend, Tim, was the first to come to mind. But if he called Tim, Peggy would also get involved. As low as he was feeling, he didn’t think he could take advice from his sister. There was only one other person he could turn to.
Seventy-Two
AAREL DROVE TO Kevin’s apartment with a tight grip on the steering wheel. Memories from childhood were surfacing. His father had been a raging maniac with eyes that were glassy pools of washed out blueness, swimming in hate. The message his father had beat into him was repetitive. Arel should never have been born.
His father’s hatred reached up to the heavens. He despised a god who took his cherished and beautiful, firstborn son. His hatred reined on earth as well. Its black presence filled up the place Arel called home, where he hid in closets, trying to escape the physical pain of a beating and the emotional anguish of knowing that he wasn’t wanted.
In a strange twist of fate, Arel’s friend, Kevin, seemed to have deep reservations about having a child too. Arel didn’t understand his father or Kevin. How could a parent not want their own child?
A few hours earlier, after Carol’s visit, Arel was in a state of jubilation. He had dreams of holding a rosy cheeked baby, of taking a sweet, adorable toddler to the park in a stroller. At Christmas, he’d dress up like Santa and put presents for the little one under the Christmas tree. He’d set up a college fund. Then he got Kevin’s call. Kevin’s voice was anything but jubilant. The young man’s speech was halting and desperate. Arel reacted at once, promising to put things right.
Now, he didn’t know how to keep that promise. Instead, he pressed down on the Mustang’s gas petal, speeding through the dark streets with desperation too.
How can you not want this baby, Kevin? It’s so wrong!
If only he could reach Kevin quickly, if he could somehow patch up some deficit in the young man’s character, things would work out. At least that was his fondest wish. When he arrived at the apartment complex and stood in front of Kevin’s door, he rapped on the structure with his neediness still in place. Whatever he told Kevin, he was determined to change Kevin’s mind, to get him back on the right track. He began to rehearse what he’d say to the young man. “This is a wonderful blessing. Can’t you see that, Kevin?” As he practiced the words, he heard someone call out to him.
“Arel!”
He jumped back, wide eyed and suddenly frightened. For a moment he thought he’d heard his father’s voice. He was clutching at his chest when Kevin stepped outside the apartment.
“Arel, are you okay?” Kevin asked.
Arel blinked back. When he realized that his mind was playing tricks on him, he nodded. “I’m fine,” he lied. He stood up straighter and even tried to smile. “I came as quickly as I could.”
Kevin shut the door behind him. “I appreciate it,” he said as he motioned to Arel. “There’s an open area close by. Let’s talk there.”
Arel hurried to keep up with Kevin. “What’s going on? On the phone—”
“I screwed up. That’s what is going on.”
“I don’t understand the problem. When I talked to Carol this afternoon—”
Kevin jerked to a stop and spun around. “You talked to her? Carol told you about the baby before she told me?”
“Yes, and I was thrilled. I told her that you’d be thrilled too.”
Kevin clenched his fists. “You had no right to tell her that!”
“Why? I thought you’d be happy, I—”
“You thought wrong!” Kevin’s breath heaved in and out as he scowled back. “This is a real mess!”
Arel paused long enough to note Kevin’s rigid posture. He saw the anger in the young man’s eyes. It was clear that Kevin wanted no part of his own child. The idea hit Arel’s gut so powerfully that he was instantly sick and furious at the same time. “So that’s how it is. You bastard! How can you call an innocent child a mess? How can you want to wish it out of existence? How can you hate a baby?”
The color drained from Kevin’s face as he stepped back. “What are you talking about? I don’t hate any baby! I love children. Is that how you see me? Do you think of me as some heartless monster?”
“The things you just said . . . I don’t know—”
“That’s right! You don’t know!” Kevin yelled as he made his way over to a bench. He sat down heavily, clasping his hands and rocking himself.
It was enough to bring Arel back to his senses. He’d projected his own fears on Kevin, but Kevin was nothing like his father. Yet, he’d been so ready to judge Kevin without even knowing the facts. “I’m sorry, maybe I got the wrong idea.”
&nb
sp; “Yeah, you did. I love Carol. I want to be there for her and this child, but—”
Arel sat down too. “But what? Talk to me. Tell me why you’re so upset.”
“I’m just learning how to love Carol and how to be there for her. The idea of being responsible for a helpless baby scares the hell out of me. Ask Peggy, I act like a kid myself half the time.”
“I know that feeling, but can’t you try to give this thing a chance? You might surprise yourself. People grow and change. Look at me. When we met, I was self-destructive and ready for the grave. But you and the others helped me to see things differently.”
“You don’t understand, Arel. You only have yourself to worry about. This is about a baby, a helpless infant who needs a good dad. I’m not cut out to be that person.”
Arel took a couple of deep breaths, trying to understand how he was supposed to help. His earlier plans for Carol’s baby came to mind. “How about this? Talk to Carol and tell her that you’ll be there for her. If you still feel this way when the baby is born, I’ll help out. I can’t be the baby’s father, but I can make sure it’s safe and has what it needs. To the best of my ability, I’ll love it like my own. I give you my word.”
Kevin slowly raised his head and looked at Arel. “You mean that, don’t you?”
Arel nodded. “Of course I do.”
As Kevin paused and pondered his offer, Arel’s mind skipped ahead in time. He’d make sure that Kevin’s child had everything he was capable of providing.
Kevin finally sat up and ran a shaky hand through his short hair. “That really helps. I mean, I want to be responsible, but if I screw up, knowing that you’ll be there—”
“I will, I promise.” Arel reached out and patted Kevin’s shoulder. “You’re not alone, remember that.”
Kevin studied him for a long moment, and then pushed Arel’s hand aside. “Thank you.” He leaned in and clasped Arel in a powerful bear hug.
* * * * *
Arel walked back to the car in a daze. His head was spinning. Did he actually offer to raise a child? He leaned against the Mustang’s hood to steady himself. Suddenly the future he’d envisioned changed drastically. He wasn’t holding a rosy cheeked baby. He was holding an economy sized case of diapers, wondering what to do with them. He was in a principal’s office trying to explain why his child refused to interact with other children, why his child was so shy and backward. His answer was lame. “I guess Junior has been watching me.”
