by S S Bazinet
His shoulders slumped under the burdens he saw in his future. He’d been so quick to judge, to make Kevin out to be the bad guy. Now he knew how the young man felt. But he meant what he said.
I will be there for Carol and her baby.
Just having that thought bolstered his ego enough to have a second thought. He had eight months to figure things out. Maybe he’d come up with a solution. His grimace eased a little.
I’ve got eight months to get Kevin in shape to be the father of his child.
The thought didn’t last long. He was making excuses. He couldn’t expect Kevin to do something he wasn’t prepared to do himself. He had to get used to the idea of fatherhood. He’d buy diapers and learn what to do with them. He’d take Junior to the park twice a day to play with other children.
Feeling a little better, he thought about Kevin and their interaction. When he’d first arrived, he’d made a few blunders, He’d accused his friend of being a bastard, but he’d quickly made amends. They had finished up on a good note. When Kevin returned to the apartment, he seemed much more secure and stable.
I guess I did alright.
He got into the car and started to put his seatbelt on. He was just starting to relax when the next thought hit. He didn’t have eight months. His job as a parent had already started.
Kevin needs a fatherly role model. That’s why he called me. And Carol came to me too. I already have kids, grown up kids.
He groaned as he snapped the seatbelt into place and put the key in the ignition. He had to be the adult from now on.
It’s not just me anymore. People are depending on my being there for them.
His body went weak at the thought, but only for a moment. As he searched for a solution, he smiled. “Michael! He’s always saying that he’ll be there for me. Now’s his chance to be there for me and whoever else I’m parenting. And dammit, he can learn to diaper a baby too.”
Seventy-Three
AFTER TEN MINUTES of listening to Kevin outside the bedroom door, begging for forgiveness, Carol threw her soggy tissue in the trash. She got up and slowly turned back the lock on the door. When she opened it and saw Kevin, she scowled. “You were horrible,” she said, crossing her arms.
Kevin put a hand on the door jamb and leaned in. “Please, Carol, I’m so dumb when it comes to stuff like this. Please forgive me.”
Carol’s first impulse was to yell at him for making her feel so miserable and alone. She hesitated long enough to look at Kevin’s face. She’d never seem him look so scared. Even when Peggy had her accident, Kevin had remained strong in his anger and determination to be there for his sister. Now his eyes were more like those of a frightened child. She looked away and grabbed another tissue from the box on the vanity. “I don’t understand why you acted like you did.”
“Help me to know what to do,” Kevin pleaded. “Tell me how to be a good father.”
“Is that what you think, that you won’t be a good dad?”
“I’m always screwing up. Like now, look how I made you feel. I don’t want to keep doing that, especially with our baby.”
She paused. Kevin was looking to her for answers. It made her swallow back a little of her anger. “You’re not the only one with doubts. I might be a terrible mom.”
Kevin straightened up at once and shook his head. “No you won’t. That’s one thing I know for sure.”
“Really, you think I’ll be a good mother?”
“Of course, you’re always sweet and thoughtful. You’re not a fumbling dunce like me.”
“Kevin, don’t say things like that.”
“That’s how I feel when I do stupid things, like how I acted when you told me about our baby.”
“That’s right, it’s our baby.” She stepped out into the hall and pulled him closer. “And I wanted so much for you to be happy about it.”
“If it’s like you, it’ll be a perfect baby. I just don’t want to ruin it.”
“So you do want our child?”
“Of course. That’s not the point—”
“It is for me. We’ll figure out the rest as we go along, okay?”
Kevin nodded. “I love you, and I want to do whatever I’m supposed to do.”
“You will, sweetie. I know you will,” she whispered.
Seventy-Four
MICHAEL WALKED INTO the living room carrying a two tier, crystal platter and placed it on the coffee table in front of Carol and Kevin. “Some hors d'oeuvres for our festive occasion.”
Carol’s eyes lit up with delight as she examined the carefully presented appetizers. “You said that Arel made these? They’re almost too beautiful to eat,”
“Let’s not go that far,” Kevin laughed. He leaned over the assortment with an appraising eye and pointed to one. “What have we got here, Michael?”
“Arel told me, but I have to admit, I wasn’t paying close attention.”
“I can’t believe you weren’t listening,” Arel teased as he came out of the kitchen. He joined the group wearing a spotless, white apron over his shirt and slacks. He began pointing out his masterpieces. “We have artichoke and goat cheese bruschetta, filo tomato tarts, and smoked salmon and cheese crostini. There are various cheeses mixed in.”
“They all sound good to me,” Kevin said as he reached for one of the tarts. He popped the small sampling in his mouth and smiled just as the doorbell rang.
Carol stood up immediately and hurried towards the foyer. “That has to be Peggy and Tim.”
Before Carol reached the door, Peggy was already letting herself in. She called out in an excited voice. “Thought I’d give everyone a heads up with the bell,” she explained as Tim followed her into the house.
“We’ve been waiting for you,” Carol said as she greeted them.
Peggy grabbed Tim’s hand and followed Carol into the living room. “We’ve been house hunting all day.”
Kevin gave her a brief glance before he picked up another appetizer. “Did you have any luck?”
Peggy’s face lit up. “Yes, Tim and I found a house.”
“Congratulations!” Everyone shouted out the word at the same time.
Carol was the first to give Peggy a hug. “We’re so excited for you. Where is it? Did you finally find a neighborhood you like?”
Tim looked at Peggy and hesitated. “We both decided that we love the neighborhood and the house. But there is one possible consideration, the next door neighbor.”
Kevin stopped eyeing the food and looked up. “Did you hear something bad? Are they unfriendly?” he asked with concern. “I remember growing up with a crabby, old lady next door. What a nightmare. You might want to reconsider buying a house with a miserable neighbor.”
“Oh, but the house is perfect, and it’s in our price range,” Peggy moaned.
“Kevin’s right,” Arel added. “I’d be very careful. You might have to put up with an annoyance for years.”
“Actually, I hope the guy stays around for a long time,” Tim smiled.
Arel crossed his arms. “Why would you deliberately move next door to a problem?”
Peggy laughed mischievously. “We didn’t say he was a problem, did we, Tim?”
“Alright,” Kevin said, checking out Tim’s shifty eyes. “What’s going on?”
“Shall I tell them?” Peggy asked, looking up at Tim.
Tim hugged her back. “Sure.”
Peggy’s gaze targeted each one in the group. “We bought the house next door to Arel!”
“Yep,” Tim said sternly. “He’s going to have to keep his music turned down.”
Arel’s jaw sagged as his hands dropped to his sides. “What are you saying? Are we . . . are we going to be neighbors?”
“You bet,” Tim smiled.
Arel walked slowly over to the sofa.
“Are you alright, sweetie?” Peggy asked. “We’re not overwhelming you, are we?”
Arel blinked a couple of times. Finally, a broad grin spread across his face. “I can’t belie
ve it. I just never dared to think that you’d want to live that close.”
“Of course, we want to be close,” Tim said. “If you need me to paint the outside of your house or add an extension to your back bedroom, I won’t have to go far to crawl into bed at night.”
Arel blushed. “I guess I have been a little overbearing.”
“Excuse me,” Kevin interrupted as he stood up. “I know you’d love to continue figuring out Tim’s work schedule, but we have an announcement too.”
Peggy blushed and looked at Kevin, then Carol. “Oh, my goodness, I’m so sorry. This little gathering is all about your special announcement. We shouldn’t have blurted out everything like that. I was just so excited.”
Carol smiled. “It’s fine, but like Kevin said—”
“Are you two getting married?” Peggy asked excitedly.
Kevin looked at Carol, “Well yes, but—”
“Great going!” Tim said as he went over and patted Kevin on the shoulder.
“We’ll be sisters,” Peggy gasped as she grabbed Carol’s hands.
“There’s more.” Kevin raised his voice trying to get the floor again.
“We’re having a baby,” Carol said quietly.
Peggy and Tim were stopped in their celebratory tracks. “What?” they said in unison.
“Oh my heavens, congratulations!” Peggy’s eyes softened as her gaze settled on Carol. “A baby,” she cooed. “How far along are you?”
“Not very far, only about six weeks.”
Tim’s eyes went to Carol and then lingered on Kevin. “I’m really happy for you both.”
* * * * *
After Arel’s four course dinner, Tim moaned out an excuse, saying he needed some air. Kevin followed his lead. The two men went outside on the back patio where the night air was cool. It was a sure sign that fall had arrived. Tim sat down on one of the cushioned chairs and eyed Kevin. His friend showed signs of anxiety several times during the evening. It was time for Tim to find out why. But first, he’d begin the conversation with a neutral comment. He looked up and smiled. “We’ll need jackets soon.”
Kevin rubbed his hands nervously. “I can’t believe how fast time goes. Before you know it, winter will be here.”
“And the baby’s due in the spring, right?”
“Right.” Kevin glanced at Tim. “All of this was kind of sudden and unexpected.”
“Good unexpected or bad unexpected?” Tim asked, taking on the older brother role. Kevin was skittish enough about marriage, but he’d bypassed that institution and went right for the biggest responsibility, a child.
Kevin shrugged. “Just unexpected.”
“How’s Carol doing, really?”
“I think she’s a little scared. But she’s being a trooper about it.”
“You’re going to make a great dad, Kevin.”
“I wish I could believe that. And sometimes, I can stop worrying a little.”
Tim laughed. “Like when you were polishing off those canapés?”
“Yeah, I feel like a kid myself half the time.”
“I thought that was Arel’s role.”
“Actually, Arel seems thrilled about the baby. I’ve prayed to feel like he does.”
“Give it time. You will. It’s all new.”
Kevin gave Tim another hard look. “What about you? How would you feel if Peggy . . . you know, if she—”
“Gets pregnant? I don’t know if anyone feels totally ready. Raising a child is a big step, but I’d be fine with it. Peggy and I both want kids, and to tell the truth, we’re not doing much to prevent something from happening.”
Kevin took in a deep breath of the chilled air. “We really thought we had our bases covered.”
“Sometimes, the unplanned stuff works out great.”
“Maybe you’re right. But I don’t know anything about babies. I don’t even know how to pick one up.”
“Kevin! Tim!” Peggy called out. She stood at the kitchen door, holding it open. “Come inside, quick!”
The two men exchanged glances and ran for the house.
Peggy gestured them in. “We have to get Carol to the emergency ward. She thinks that she might be losing the baby.”
Seventy-Five
AS SOON AS Arel felt he could get away from the hospital waiting room, he grabbed Michael’s arm. Once they found a place where they could talk, Arel blurted out his concerns. “What’s going on, Michael?”
Michael sighed. “What do you want me to tell you?”
“Is the baby going to be okay? What about Carol?”
“Sometimes, you have to wait and see.”
“No!” Arel shouted out the word and glanced around to make sure they were alone. “You know about these things, just like you’ve been to a million weddings.”
Michael crossed his arms. “Sometimes a soul who’s planning on another lifetime in the physical, waivers and changes its mind.”
“Why? Carol and Kevin would be great parents.”
“How can you know what’s best for them, or what would be best for the soul involved?”
“Michael, I know I’m no expert on most things, but if Carol and Kevin lose this baby, they may not get over it. They’re on shaky ground already.”
“That’s their choice, their life.”
“Of course it is. But I also know a little about Kevin’s makeup, and I know a lot about guilt. This time you have to trust me. It could eat him up if they lose this child. He needs to know he’s a good man.”
“There are other ways to learn that.”
“Michael, please!”
“What would you suggest?”
Arel leaned in closer. “Talk to the child’s soul! Tell it to give these guys a chance.”
“You don’t have any idea about what you’re asking.”
“So it’s hopeless?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“What are you saying?”
“I’m simply telling you that I don’t have the answers.”
“But I need answers!” Arel’s voice was a shouted whisper. He was discussing Carol and Kevin, but he knew that his needs were there too. He’d promised to act as the baby’s father if Kevin couldn’t handle the role. Now, he almost felt like this was his child too. Finally, he pulled back. “I’m doing it again, aren’t I? I’m thinking of myself at a time when I should be there for Carol and Kevin.”
“They could use your support no matter what happens. And Kevin’s having a very hard time.”
“What do I say to him?”
“Trust yourself. You’ll know.”
“You’ve been telling me that forever.”
Michael gave him an encouraging smile. “Then maybe it’s time that you took my advice.”
* * * * *
When Arel got back to the waiting room, it was quiet. In one corner, a middle-aged man had his head laid back against the wall and was sleeping. A couple of chairs away, a white haired, matronly type was reading. On the other side of the room, Peggy and Tim sat in adjoining chairs. They held hands as they chatted. Kevin sat a few seats away from them. He was leaned over and wore the disappointed look of a player who’d been benched. He barely looked up when Arel came over to him. “Can we talk?” Arel asked, motioning to the hall.
Kevin’s eyes remained distant, but after a moment, he nodded. Like Michael, he allowed himself to be guided away from the group. When they got to a private area and stopped, Kevin’s brows were still creased with worry. “What is it?” he asked.
“I want to apologize again for the way I acted that night you called me. Some things that I said . . . I was way out of line. Again, I’m sorry.”
Kevin lowered his gaze. “No, I was the one who—”
“You were doing your best.”
“I was thinking about myself instead of what’s important.”
“You’re human, Kevin. You have feelings that need to be expressed. When you found out Carol was pregnant, it triggered all your self-doubt, that’s all
. Those were normal feelings. People who truly care sometimes get upset while they’re trying to gauge their abilities.”
“I didn’t feel caring, just scared.”
“But how do you feel now?”
“I’m worried as hell about Carol and the baby!”
“Exactly, underneath your doubts, you love Carol and the child that she’s carrying.”
“Was carrying!” Kevin snapped.
“You don’t know that.”
“I do love Carol, and I want to be a good father. Now I’ve lost my chance to prove it.” Kevin huffed out the words. His eyes were wide, like those of a bull in the ring who doesn’t know how to get at his tormentors.
“No matter what happens tonight, you do have a chance. Carol feels alone. She needs you. She wants you.”
“I wish I could believe you.”
Arel let out a gasp of frustration. “I’ll admit it’s not easy. Hell, you know me, Kevin. I’ve been the ultimate case of self-doubt. But you and the rest of the group refused to give up on me. You were there so many times, putting up with my crap.”
“We were concerned about you.”
“But why? Talk about a self-indulgent jerk, I was the worst.”
Kevin let out a snort of aggravation. “Don’t talk about yourself like that. When it counted, you didn’t hesitate. Dammit, Arel, you’re willing to raise my child.”
“That’s right, I am,” Arel whispered, surprised at himself. He was filled with a brief moment of pride. “That’s the point. I didn’t know I had that in me either. It took a long, long time to find out that I do. Michael says that facing ourselves takes tremendous courage.”
Kevin’s eyes drifted over to Arel’s face. “But this is different. I dropped the ball . . . big time.”
