Rule of Thirds

by Aidan Wayne

  “Like we’ve been doing, you mean?” Chase asked, for clarification.

  “Um. Yes.”

  “Has that been bothering you?”

  “A little,” Jason admitted.

  Shade shifted in Chase’s embrace. “Why?”

  Jason shrugged. “I guess I feel like an intruder,” he eventually managed. “You two are already so—right, together. I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing. Or why I’d be doing it.” The you don’t need me hung heavy in the air, and Chase rushed to dispel it.

  “We include you because we want to,” Chase said. “And we’re not expecting anything of you. If you don’t want to give something, you don’t have to. As for feeling like an intruder, I wish I could convince you that that’s not how we see it.” Shade shifted again, then waved a hand.

  “Want to talk,” he told Jason. “With sync. Okay?”

  “Sure,” Jason said. He picked up his forgotten fork again, stared at the food on his plate. With the ease of long practice, Chase started to translate for Shade once they synced up. “Shade’s words: If I were hurt, you and Chase would both comfort me. If Chase were sad, we would both be there for him. Is it so hard to believe that we want to do the same for you? That we want to hold you when you’re hurt and comfort you when you’re sad?”

  “I—I never really thought—about it. Like that.”

  “Please do,” Shade said aloud.

  “I’ll try,” Jason said, looking back down at his plate. He’d eaten over half of it, but Chase wasn’t optimistic that it was going to be finished.

  “Come here?” he said instead. “If you’re up to it. Let us be a comfort.” When Jason hesitated, he added, “Being able to do that gives us pleasure too, remember.”

  Jason eyed them, their positions. “Okay,” he said slowly, setting his tray down on the coffee table. “How?”

  Shade grinned at him and opened his arms. “Shade in middle this time,” he said smugly.

  Jason actually let out a laugh, then looked thoroughly surprised with himself. But he stepped forward, taking a shuddering breath. “Okay.”

  JASON WASN’T too surprised that he couldn’t sleep that night. He’d already worked himself to exhaustion once and had dozed a bit, but now, at two in the morning, sleep was looking less and less likely.

  He sighed and rubbed at his eyes. This was why sleep deprivation was considered torture.

  Jason took small comfort in the fact that at least he wasn’t expected to do anything in the morning. He’d have Chase and Shade, and they’d make breakfast and eat it together like they’d been doing, maybe move into the living room for a little bit after and… maybe they’d sit near him again. Shade liked to cuddle, and Chase was only slightly less tactile, and Jason….

  This was why Jason couldn’t sleep.

  Thinking about it more, Jason mostly got stuck on what would and wouldn’t change. He liked things the way they were now, though he knew that he could still improve. Leaving the house for training and language lessons was a huge step. But at some point he’d like to actually see Chase go grocery shopping, instead of just listen to Shade talk about it with notes of fond disgust over how long Chase liked to take. Or join Shade for a walk, because Shade enjoyed being outside (and had before the… before).

  H-AI relationships were big in politics right now, and lots of different places catered to them. There were places for H-AI friends and couples to go out that offered charging stations with different voltages of electricity and aromatic teas or oils, as well as consumables for the humans. Jason knew something like that was a long, long way away from what he’d probably be able to handle, but it was a nice dream.

  Not that he knew if Chase or Shade would even like that sort of thing. Chase might. Shade would probably scowl at all the people and prefer somewhere more solitary.

  There were several moving obstacle courses at base that Shade would probably really enjoy, if he was able to get over the fact that they were at base. Maybe Jason could suggest that. At some point.

  He rolled over, irritated with himself. He could barely ask for a hug for fear of unbalancing something fragile, and here he was trying to plan dates. What was wrong with him?

  Jason sighed, folding his arms behind his head. He knew exactly what was wrong. Things were going to change, and he didn’t want them to. He felt safe the way things were. Even if he felt like scum some of the time, this was still better than he’d ever felt. Chase and Shade were directly responsible for that. He didn’t want to lose them.

  But caring for them this way—even knowing those feelings were returned—threw in variables. A new branch of unpredictability on top of how things had been going so far. All he wanted was for things to stay pretty much the way they were. He didn’t know what they wanted, even though he already knew he’d do his damn best to give it to them.

  Shaking his head, Jason pushed up to standing and lurched for his door. He needed to do something else or he’d go out of his mind. Making himself some tea and then maybe watching something would at least help keep him busy for an hour or two.

  He’d been watching something about ancient Egypt for about fifteen minutes when Shade padded into the room.

  “Not sleeping?” he asked.

  Jason shook his head. “Thinking a lot.” No point beating around the bush.

  Shade nodded and hesitated at the foot of the couch. “Can Shade join?”

  “Sure.” Jason wasn’t taking up that much room. He tended to tuck himself up into corners. Shade looked at him, expression unreadable.

  “Can… I join… close?”

  “Um. Yes?” Not a question, a statement. “I mean yes. If you want to.” Shade smiled slightly at him and took the seat next to Jason. Not quite touching, but it’d be easy if either of them tried. Jason took another swallow of his tea. “Is, uh, is Chase sleeping?”

  Shade nodded. “Needs to rest,” he said. “Up too late a lot, like Jason.”

  “Oh.” Jason looked down at his mug.

  “Not because of Jason,” Shade hurried to clarify. “Shade too. Not rest well.”

  “I get that,” Jason said, lifting his mug to Shade before taking another swallow. “Nightmares suck.”

  “Yes.” A pause. “Tonight, nightmares?”

  Jason shook his head. “No, just thinking too much, like I said before.”

  “Think about us?” Shade guessed.

  “Yeah.”

  Shade shifted so that his foot was touching Jason’s knee. “Not happy?”

  Jason shook his head again. “No. I… you both make me happy. Really happy. To the point where I don’t know what to do with it sometimes. I’m better than I’ve been in a long time, thanks to you two. I was just… thinking about how this all works. I never, um, considered that anything more would be a possibility. So I never bothered trying to think about it. Kind of, uh, the opposite.”

  Shade nodded in understanding. “New things,” he said. “Not easy. But not bad?”

  “I hope not,” Jason said. “Not unless you think so. Or Chase does.”

  “Want to try,” Shade said immediately. “Not bad.”

  “That’s good.” Jason shifted so he could face Shade a little better. “I guess part of me is wondering why, too,” he added after a beat. “You’re already so great together. I don’t know what you—you get from me. You know?”

  Shade frowned. “Chase could say better.”

  “You talk fine.”

  Shade scooted forward a little more. “Jason adds Jason,” he said after a moment. “Jason’s thoughts and feelings. Jason’s goods and bads. Likes to talk to Chase. Understands Shade. Likes to talk to… me.”

  “But we did all that before,” Jason said, a bit desperately. “The only thing that changed sounds like… on my end.”

  “Worried,” Shade said, frowning again. “Because not good enough? Worried… we will leave?”

  “Like I said, I don’t have anything to add,” Jason mumbled. “Not really.”

&nbs
p; “Going in circles,” Shade grumbled. He scooted forward again, rested his head on Jason’s shoulder. Jason couldn’t help freezing under the touch. He forced his muscles to relax. Shade paid it no mind and continued, “Love means… wanting to come home to Jason. Not wanting to leave. Believing that.”

  “Right. Yeah.”

  “What does Jason want?”

  Jason blinked down at Shade. “What?”

  “What does Jason want?” Shade repeated. “From love.”

  “I….” Jason stared at his hands.

  “Shade? Are you—oh.” Chase looked at the both of them curled up on the couch and smiled. “Hello, Jason. Couldn’t sleep?”

  Jason shook his head.

  “Thinking about us,” Shade said.

  “Oh. Good things?” Chase asked, tentatively.

  “Just… trying to figure stuff out,” Jason said.

  “Well, you certainly don’t have to do that alone,” said Chase. “May I join you?”

  “Of course, sure.”

  Chase flashed another smile and sat down on the couch across from Shade, who immediately put his feet in Chase’s lap.

  “I’m sorry I interrupted,” he added. “Please, go on. Unless it’s a private conversation?”

  Jason shook his head again. “No, it’s—it’s good you’re here actually. It’s something you should probably hear too.”

  “What is?”

  “Shade was asking what Jason wanted. Out of love from Shade and Chase.”

  “Oh,” Chase said, eyebrows raised. He let out a soft chuckle. “Straight to the point, huh?”

  “Better than around,” Shade replied, nuzzling farther into Jason’s shoulder.

  “I don’t mind,” Jason said. “I mean, I like it. Prefer it. The bluntness. I’m not really one for beating around the bush either, not when it’s important.”

  “We know,” Chase replied, smile soft. “And… did you have an answer? About what you wanted?”

  “I—I guess, what we’ve been doing, mostly.”

  “Mostly?”

  “I… I like what we’ve been doing. Spending time together. Talking. The usual stuff. The—the touching. What we’ve been doing with that. Like right now.” Jason swallowed. If he moved too much, he’d jostle Shade. “But I don’t know if I could handle anything else, to be honest. Even if, uh, I wanted to. Or… you wanted to.” He felt himself flush. So much for being a hardened war vet.

  “Jason,” Chase said carefully, “just to be clear, are you talking about sex?”

  Jason nodded, feeling stupid.

  “All right. And you said ‘even if you wanted to,’ so… you don’t want to, I’m guessing?”

  “Had a mission a couple years back,” Jason muttered, self-conscious. “Haven’t really cared about it much since.”

  “And that’s fine,” Chase said, voice almost sharp before he calmed again. “Sex is a big step for a lot of people, especially for those with your background. You don’t—Jason, we’d never ask you to do something you were truly uncomfortable with. You know that, don’t you?”

  “I know, I do. I don’t think that of either of you guys, I promise. It’s just that, I guess I’m stuck on what will change, if that doesn’t.”

  “Nothing has to change, Jason,” Chase said gently. And he kept saying that. “Not if you don’t want it to.”

  “Then what was the point of—digging up my feelings?” Jason burst out, frustrated and tired.

  “Our feelings,” Shade said, looking at Jason pointedly.

  “And we’re thrilled they’re reciprocated,” said Chase. “It’s… it’s nice to be able to be close to you and know you love us back. That’s something important to me. The knowing.”

  “Allowed to love,” Shade said. “Even if Jason doesn’t want more. Still allowed to love. Not feel guilty.”

  “Oh.” And Jason had to stop and think about that because, yeah, part of what had been eating him up inside had been the raw guilt of loving Chase and Shade and wanting them to love him back.

  That. That made things easier. He felt something release.

  “Did that help?” Chase asked, voice still so gentle.

  “Yeah,” Jason said. “I think I just… needed to hear that out loud.”

  “And we can work on everything else as it comes,” Chase said. “All right?”

  “Okay.”

  Chase leaned forward to first brush a hand down Shade’s cheek, then to run a hand over Jason’s short hair. “Do you want to try getting some sleep?”

  The last thing Jason wanted to do was leave them, lose Shade’s warmth, Chase’s comforting presence. But he did need to sleep. “Yeah,” he said. “I probably should.”

  “Not in mat room,” Shade said, scowling. “Stay here.”

  “What?”

  “It’s just, we don’t really think that you sleeping in your training room is healthy,” Chase said in a rush. “We’ve been wanting to bring it up for ages. Shade and I would both be much more comfortable if you tried to sleep here for the night. Or in our room? Your old room.”

  “I—no, that’s okay, it’s your room now, your space,” Jason said awkwardly.

  “Jason,” Chase said, and this time Jason could hear him trying to sound patient, “we can literally recharge anywhere in your apartment. You need a proper bed. Or couch. Pick one for tonight.”

  “Couch,” Jason said immediately, not about to kick his Companions out of their own room. “I’m fine out here.”

  “And you promise you’ll stay here, to sleep?”

  “I’ll do my best?”

  Chase sighed. “That’s all I want from you. I’ll—” He moved to get up, but Shade hopped up before he could, going to the hall closet to snag a blanket and extra pillow.

  “Here,” he said, offering them to Jason. “Lie down.”

  “Tucking me in?” Jason asked, trying for a joke after such a heavy conversation.

  Shade smiled down at him. “Yes.”

  Chase moved off the couch too, giving Jason the space to fully lie down. Shade, as promised, tucked in the edges of the blanket around him.

  “Jason, would you like us to stay a little while? Just until you start to drift?”

  “On guard,” Shade said. “No worry. Will protect.”

  “Thanks,” Jason mumbled, grateful he hadn’t had to actually ask. He closed his eyes.

  THE NEXT afternoon, after a forced-normal breakfast and a language lesson, Jason returned and approached Chase with a request.

  Chase had offered massages about a dozen times since he’d moved in with Jason. Jason had always taken a thanks but no thanks approach to the offers. Now….

  “I really was just… uncomfortable about it, at first,” Jason said. “And then after I started, um, feeling things for you guys, it felt even more wrong to want one. But I figure… if you like me and I like you and Shade is included too… my neck and back are always killing me so….” He shrugged. “It was an idea. And, um, I’d like it. I think.”

  “I’d love to,” Chase said with feeling, immediately starting to run through options in his head. Oils were always good to work into the skin, and Chase had some warming ones that would probably help the constant soreness that came from Jason overworking his body. And Shade loved to work on hands and feet, so if Jason was up for it, maybe they could both work on him at once, if that wasn’t too overwhelming…. “Now?”

  Jason startled. “Uh, we could, now, if you wanted. I was sort of thinking maybe this evening but—”

  “We could do it then too,” Chase said, hoping he didn’t sound too desperate. “Two massages in one day won’t hurt you. It might even be a good idea to use one session to focus on some areas, and the second to focus on others.”

  Jason still looked a little taken aback, but he nodded. Chase appreciated how hard this man tried. “Then, uh, sure. I’m game if you are.”

  “Go to our room?” Chase asked. “I’m just going to get some towels for the bed.” Better than accidental
ly ruining the sheets with oil, though if this turned into something regular—and he hoped it would—then maybe they could also invest in a massage table.

  “Towels?” Jason asked, but he was already walking away.

  Chase wasted no time gathering the extra towels from the hall closet, moving quickly because part of him still expected Jason to spook and change his mind. He made a detour to the living room to collect Shade, who had abandoned the book he’d been reading for blatant eavesdropping.

  “Asked you,” Shade said, going back to his book. “Shade will come later.”

  “And I’d bet he wants both of us,” Chase said. “Just come. You know he’s good about saying no if he doesn’t want something.”

  Shade shrugged but didn’t move. “Asked you,” he said again. “Let it be just for Chase now. That’s important too.”

  Chase looked at him for a long moment. “All right,” he said eventually. “But I do expect you to show up at some point.”

  “Go, go. Keeping Jason waiting.”

  Chase rolled his eyes and went.

  Jason was sitting on the bed fidgeting with his thumbs, a sure sign that he was nervous.

  “I’m just going to put these on the bed,” Chase said, holding up the towels.

  “I can do it,” Jason said, moving to stand. “Um, what are they for?”

  “I thought I’d use some warming oil,” Chase said, moving to search around in the closet for his kit. It was a good thing he was an optimist and kept it on hand. He straightened up after finding it, turning around to see that Jason hadn’t moved, still clutching the towels. He was standing ramrod straight. “Jason? Are you okay?”

  “I—oil? On my—on my back?”

  “Just warming oil,” Chase explained, unsure about the reaction. “It’s for working on sore muscles. And, um, to release tension. I thought you might like it.”

  “This… goes on my skin?”

  “If that’s a problem, we don’t have to use it—” Chase said, before stopping. Oh. Oh, of course. Jason only ever wore long sleeves and long pants, regardless of temperature. Even at home, Chase had never seen the man in even short sleeves. “Of course you can keep your shirt on,” he rushed to add. “I’m sorry, when you asked for a massage I just assumed—but of course that’s not necessary.”