Rule of Thirds

by Aidan Wayne

  “Ready?” Chase asked, from his position on the bed. Jason swallowed but nodded, fighting the urge to wrap his hands around himself. They were trying something new, something Jason wanted to see if he could handle.

  He felt stupidly nervous. He wanted to be able to do things so badly, and he knew how far away he was from actually being able to do them.

  Chase sat back against the headboard, arms open and waiting until Jason crawled onto the bed in front of him. Then he pulled Jason in and curled his arms around his waist so that they were back to chest, bare skin to synth-skin. Shade sat across from them for a moment, just watching, before moving forward and settling himself in Jason’s lap.

  Jason bit back a gasp at the movement, the—the feeling of being held and warm and encompassed, before letting out a shaky breath. For some reason this felt different here, in Chase and Shade’s room, than whenever they cuddled together on the couch. He felt the heat rise to his face, other parts of him reacting too. But that was okay; this was okay.

  “Jason?” Shade asked, moving so that his hands twined with Jason and Chase’s already linked fingers. “Too much?”

  “A lot,” Jason managed. “But… not too much. Would’ve been a month ago.”

  Chase leaned forward, nuzzling into Jason’s neck. “I’m glad,” he said, the words warm puffs against Jason’s skin.

  “Me… me too.”

  They sat like that together for long moments, Jason’s quiet breathing the only real sound in the room. The minute Jason shifted, Shade moved back and Chase released him, letting him go.

  “Sorry,” Jason said, as he moved away. Got off the bed, took a step back and gained some distance, pulled his shirt back over his head, feeling more settled once it was back on. Shade moved forward to take his place in Chase’s arms, both of their attention squarely on Jason. The feeling of love and acceptance poured over him, made him ache, and that was what was the hardest part, almost. “It was—it was nice. Really nice. I just—I can’t—” And he must’ve looked pretty damn upset, with how fast they both rushed to assure him.

  “It’s fine,” Chase said, words ringing with sincerity. “Only what you can handle, Jason.” He smiled, bright and calm. “This was a gift.”

  “Gift,” Shade agreed, nodding. “Thank you.”

  “I guess I just wish you guys got something out of it,” Jason said. “I still kind of feel like I’m shoving my way in. You guys are always there for me, and I can’t even—I can’t even deal with a little shirtless cuddling.”

  “We talked about this already,” Chase said sternly. “You add just by being yourself. And that’s all we want.”

  “Not broken,” Shade added voice adamant. “Not. Just… hurt. Is fine.”

  “Yeah, and I still can’t—” It’d been weeks, and even though Jason was able to get aroused now, he still wasn’t able to deal with contact at the same time. It made him feel awful and panicky and—nothing he wanted to associate with his Companions.

  They were being achingly patient, but Jason was getting frustrated with himself even if they weren’t. He wanted to be able to do this with them, experience another level of intimacy. Especially since he knew for a fact that sex was something Chase enjoyed.

  “Jason,” Chase said, “it’s fine. There are so many other things we already do together that I like. I don’t need this from you. And I don’t want you to think that I need it either.”

  “Need or not, it’s something that’s important to you,” Jason said. “You always say that to me. Whatever I want or need. Right? It’s a two-way street, Chase. Three-way,” he added, looking at Shade.

  “And that’s very true,” Chase said. “And part of what you need is certain boundaries. Sex might be something that’s important to me, but your health is much, much more of a priority.”

  “Hello,” Shade said, voice bland. “Shade is also here. Can give Chase plenty.”

  Jason faltered. “Sorry,” he said, ducking his head. “Of course. I know you both already—sorry. I didn’t mean to imply—”

  “Jason,” Shade interrupted with a sigh. “No. Meant joke. Is fine.”

  “Right,” Jason said. But the moment from before, the peaceful mood, was dying.

  “Maybe we’re going about this the wrong way,” Chase suggested suddenly.

  “What do you mean?”

  “We’ve been trying to focus on you,” Chase said, from where he was still holding Shade. “But I’m wondering if you being the, ah, center of attention isn’t helping. What if we tried something else? You focusing on one of us, instead of the other way around? It’s still a way to be intimate, just that you’d be giving pleasure instead of trying to receive it. That might… help. Or at least, it’s something to think about.”

  “Yes,” Jason said immediately. Even the thought of that sounded… good. More butterflies in his stomach, but they were the positive kind. An excited nervous. “Let’s try that.”

  Chase looked taken aback. “Oh, um, all right. You don’t want to think about it first?”

  Jason shook his head. “No, I want to try it. Now.” He stopped. “I mean. If, um, if you want to. I mean, we’re all here already. And….” He fidgeted with the hem of his shirt while his Companions waited patiently. “And I think it’s a good idea,” he said at last. “Get some of my own back. I think it’d be good to remember that I can give nice touches. Even if I have trouble taking them.”

  “Jason already does,” Shade pointed out. “Good at holding.”

  “Yeah,” Jason said. “I guess so.”

  “Jason, could you tell us the real reason why it’s so important to you? I admit to having an idea. But I don’t want to make assumptions.”

  “Whatever they are, they’re probably right on the money,” Jason said. “The mission. Um. The one that kind of… helped start my spiral,” he clarified. “I never gave back as good as I got. But you lose part of yourself with that kind of treatment. A sense of feeling, of worth.” He took a steadying breath. It’d been a long time since he’d tried to talk about it. “And you kind of get the sense that everything you touch is gonna get ruined. So I’d—I’d like to try making you happy. If that makes sense.”

  In answer, Chase held out a hand. “Come here?”

  Jason walked forward.

  “Why don’t we start with something we already know we all like,” Chase suggested, voice quiet. Shade shifted out of Chase’s lap, turning to face the both of them, attention rapt. “Kiss me?”

  And Jason could do that, could lean in to ghost his lips over Chase’s once before tilting down more into the kiss. A closed-mouthed press once, twice, three times, then again at the jaw and, oh, that was Chase gasping, just a little.

  “I liked that,” Jason murmured once he’d pulled back a bit. One hand was on Chase’s shoulder. He reached out to Shade with the other.

  Chase smiled slowly up at him. “So did I. You’re welcome to do it again.”

  This time Jason leaned forward with intent, nuzzling a little at Chase’s jaw before slanting their mouths together. Chase reached up, placing a hand on the back of Jason’s neck. It was shaking just a little bit, and Jason was suddenly struck by how much Chase wanted this.

  Emboldened, Jason opened his mouth, swallowing a whimper from Chase, who pressed even closer. The hand at Jason’s neck slid down to Jason’s shoulder, clenching in the material of his shirt.

  It was full minutes before Jason had to pull away, panting, face flushed. He—that had been good. Felt good, felt easy, and not at all like the trapped unhappiness from before. No guilt from having to end things too soon. Just a rush of pleasure at how affected Chase looked, expression hazy and smiling. He leaned in again, quick, pressing another kiss to the corner of Chase’s mouth, and received another little inhale for his troubles.

  Something squeezed his other hand, and he turned to look at Shade, who was watching them, eyes wide and dark.

  “Shade’s turn?” he asked, squeezing Jason’s hand again. “If okay. I
f can handle.”

  “C’mere,” Jason said, lips quirking up. He could do this. This, he could actually do.

  CHASE REALLY liked kissing. He was perfectly happy to give long minutes to the quiet press of lips, the exploration of tongues, the feel of hands sliding up and down his body, curling over shoulders and elbows.

  Jason was a quick study.

  “Jason,” Chase gasped, arching up as Jason sucked a mark over his collarbone. He felt Jason grin against his synth-skin, nipping at the spot before moving a touch lower. Chase’s hands came down to stroke over and over Jason’s short hair, unable to keep still.

  “Likes it,” Shade murmured approvingly from his spot behind Chase. His eyes glittered as he watched the both of them move. “Bite again. Likes that.”

  Jason obliged, tracing the area with tongue and teeth, as Chase whimpered and gasped underneath him.

  “Good.” Shade sounded very smug.

  Jason groaned and had to rest his head on Chase’s chest and breathe for a second at the praise. It was heady, making Chase feel good, making Shade happy. He was riding the buzz of arousal, and while part of him wasn’t quite sure what to do with it, the rest of him knew.

  He canted his hips against the bed, groaning again at the pleasure that pressure caused, and then Chase was sitting up, reaching for Jason, tugging him closer.

  “Could I?” he asked breathlessly, one hand hovering low.

  “I—yeah—” Jason managed, “Yeah, we can, we can try.”

  Chase reached out to brush the waistband of Jason’s jeans, popping the button and pulling down the zip before carefully moving down toward the top of Jason’s briefs.

  “Okay? Is this okay?”

  Jason was holding himself so still, as if mesmerized by Chase’s hand touching him. “Yeah. Yeah, it’s okay. You can keep going.”

  When Chase wrapped a hand around him, Jason’s hand shot out, grabbing at Chase’s wrist. “Sorry,” he bit out through gritted teeth, forcing himself to let go. “Sorry, I—”

  Chase withdrew his hand. “It’s okay,” he murmured, leaning forward to press a kiss to Jason’s forehead. “It’s okay. We can try again next time.”

  “Right,” Jason said, breathing shaky. “Yeah. Next time. Okay.”

  A GOOD two weeks after the Fourth had passed and Jason was no longer worried about any lingering firecrackers, he asked Chase if he wanted company going to the grocery store.

  “I think I could manage it,” he said. “I was actually going to ask you before, but then, uh, the holiday happened. And I’ve been feeling kind of antsy anyway. I sort of have been wanting to try leaving the house more. Aside from just base and the language classes. Which are, you know, still at base.”

  “I’d love your company,” Chase said. “It’s nice when Shade comes with me, but he’s not all that patient. But I can do a shorter trip too! I prefer to take my time, but that doesn’t mean—”

  “I like to take my time also,” Jason said, lips quirked. Chase made a cute flustered. “And I haven’t had the chance to do that in a long time. But I… I kinda think I’m ready to try. Feels right.”

  “Then by all means.” Chase beamed. “To the grocery store we go.”

  Jason laughed, and wasn’t that an amazing feeling too, to not be riddled with anxiety over the idea of going to a busy, people-filled place. Mostly he just felt excited and good-nervous to be spending the time with Chase.

  They detoured to tell Shade where they were going, and he gave them a very nice send-off. Then it was down the stairs (sorry, Chase) and to the parking lot.

  They paused when they reached the car. Chase had his own set of keys to Jason’s car now, and Jason realized they hadn’t talked about who would be driving. Jason wanted to let Chase take the wheel, but he also didn’t know if he could.

  “How about this,” Chase said into the silence that descended. “There’s a store not that far from here. Walking distance. I walk myself on nicer days, when I know I’m not buying a lot. But between the two of us, we could easily carry everything I’d planned to get.”

  “That sounds great,” Jason said, not bothering to hide his relief. He should have expected that things were already getting complicated. They weren’t even at a store yet. But it was probably wishful thinking that it’d go without a hitch.

  “It’s just over this way,” Chase said, taking the lead.

  “Right.”

  “This is the store I normally go to with Shade anyway,” Chase added, as they walked. “He likes the walk, so it almost makes up for the fact that he has to spend time in a store.”

  “I actually can’t remember how long it’s been since I went grocery shopping,” Jason said. “Months at least. I got my groceries delivered for a while, before you guys came.”

  “I remember,” Chase said. “Preportioned, vacuum-sealed everything.”

  Jason shrugged. “Yeah. I needed tamperproof for a while. But I don’t miss it. I really like it when you and Shade cook for me.”

  “That’s good, since we do it a lot. It’d be a real blow if you’ve been lying all this time about our cooking.”

  Jason chuckled. “No lie, promise. I, uh, I sometimes take the stuff you bake to base with me. To share. Since I can’t eat it all myself.” Jason was getting a lot better with food in general, but he still had trouble sometimes eating “empty” calories, even if he enjoyed the taste. This didn’t always mesh well with Chase’s love of baking.

  “I was wondering how those brownies and cookies kept disappearing so fast.” Chase leveled a look at Jason. “You mean to tell me you’ve been foisting my baking off onto other people?”

  Jason shrugged, grinning. “Will it help if I say they all liked it?”

  “Maybe a little. All right, I’ll allow it.” Chase nodded at Jason. “But you know, you can always tell me that I’ve made too much. That’s what freezers are for. And I don’t have to make something new every week.”

  “But you like to,” Jason pointed out. “Besides, I can just keep bringing stuff in, because everyone really enjoys it, and I… I like bragging about you.”

  Chase stopped walking, eyes wide. “What?”

  Jason shrugged again, rubbing at the back of his neck. “I, uh, I might tell them that I’ve got a great couple of Companions at home. They’ve really helped me out, wouldn’t be where I am without them. And also Chase? He loves to bake, yeah, he’s pretty amazing, isn’t he?”

  “Well… I’m flattered. Jason, really that’s… wonderful to hear. Thank you for telling me.”

  “Also, uh, now that we’re talking about it, Tyson might want the recipe to those cookies you made a couple weeks ago? The ones with the pretzel pieces.”

  “Jason! Why didn’t you say something? I could have given you that recipe the last two times you went to train with him.”

  “Forgot.”

  “Well, I’ll put it together once we get back home, and you can bring it in with you the next time you see him. Do you know when that’ll be?”

  “Not for a couple of days,” Jason said. “He’s got some other stuff to take care of for work. I was asked to train a few other people in the meantime. And I’ve got another evaluation coming up.”

  “Oh. Is that… good?”

  “It’s… different,” Jason said. “I’ve never been much of a teacher. I’m not really sure what I’m supposed to be doing.”

  “Clearly you’re good at something,” Chase said. “Since they’re assigning you new trainees.”

  “Yeah. I just….” Jason swallowed a sigh. He’d been turning this over in his head a lot recently. “I think they’re trying to assemble a team for me. So it, uh, it might be back to fieldwork soon.” He didn’t know how he felt about that anymore. “Hey, uh, is this it?”

  Thankfully Chase recognized a request of topic change. And they had arrived at the grocery store. Jason figured it was better to avoid things that might cut deep, when he was already going out on a limb.

  “Okay,” Chase sai
d, “I’ve got an internal list, but I wrote it down, too, because I like having something concrete to look at.”

  “Right, I remember.”

  “Obviously feel free to add anything you’d like to the list.”

  “Will do.” Jason looked at the store’s entrance. There were a few people going in and out, but it wasn’t peak time or anything, so it hopefully wouldn’t be too busy. Still. “I’m happy to let you take the lead, though. I’m just here to keep you company.”

  Chase smiled at him. “Shall we?”

  JASON FELT the air pressure change once they actually stepped inside, a press on his chest that was hard to ignore. There were a lot of people.

  But no one was looking at him. They were all busy doing their own shopping. And the aisles were wide; probably he wouldn’t brush up against anyone by accident. Even if he did, it wouldn’t be so bad. He could handle it. He had Chase to lean on if he had to.

  It’d be all right.

  Chase kept up a stream of chatter, what he was planning on buying, why he was going to buy it, talking about the sales and price comparison that he didn’t even need to worry about, what with Jason’s pay and Chase’s Delegate stipend.

  And Jason was actually dealing all right. He found that as long as he focused on Chase and the immediate vicinity, he could ignore the various shoppers passing him by. The time was passing… pleasantly.

  “How are you doing?” Chase asked.

  “I’m okay,” he said, a little surprised by it. “A little twitchy, but I’m always a little twitchy. This is working.”

  “I’m glad to hear that,” Chase said with a smile. “I’m just about done. After this it’s just the cashiers, and then we can go home.” He turned toward the self-checkout, which not only didn’t have much of a line, but was also in a much more open area versus the manned cashiers’ stations that Jason had been eyeing with trepidation. Jason followed him, something else in him easing at the thoughtfulness of it.

  Chase scanned the items, and Jason bagged. Soon enough they were both laden with groceries and leaving the store. Jason took a deep breath as they exited, the sticky heat of mid-July still a sigh of fresh air.