by Laura Winter
She shrugged. “I have a headache, but I can handle it. I’m just glad to be back.” Her fingers traced down my chest. “So, would you be okay if I still went by Finnley?”
“What?” I asked, taken aback. “Of course I would be okay with that, it’s your name. Why are you worried about that?”
“I don’t know,” Finnley said, frowning. “I’m back, but it’s all just really confusing. There are a lot of conflicting emotions and there’s four personalities trying to fight for control right now. Crazy Finnley, Clara, empty Finnley, and now this. Honestly, it just feels weird.”
I thought hard for a second. “So on the four personality spectrum, how do they each stand on still being engaged to me?”
She smiled, thankful that I had changed the mood. Her hands slid over my shoulders and she pulled me into her body. I love you. My answer is always forever yes.
Finnley set her phone and necklace back up on the desk and started her music without leaving my lips.
With Me All Along. Bronze Radio Return.
* * *
Ellie was thrilled when we got home Friday night. Besides some flashes of different emotions and seemingly drastic mood swings, Finnley was finding her place with it all and learning how to deal with the conflicting things happening in her head. Having four personalities that seemed to clash didn’t sound like a lot of fun, but she was handling it well considering the circumstances.
Unsurprisingly, Madeline didn’t leave Finnley’s side all weekend. She even slept between us because she was afraid we would leave without her knowing. It was hard to see her struggling with her powers and trying to figure out the difference between the past and the future. Keeping those things straight was hard enough with the ups and downs of Finnley’s memory, so I couldn’t imagine how frustrating it was for a five-year-old.
Ellie had warned us about Madeline’s struggles the first week of school. She had refused to make any friends and had a hard time sitting still in class. The teacher had already written her up twice and even suggested Madeline see a counselor for ADHD.
Madeline was having a hard time sitting still now. She fidgeted in Finnley’s lap as they worked through their homework. It looked more like Finnley was completing Madeline’s work for her while Madeline read through Finnley’s notes. Still, it was the distraction we needed as I snuck more library books out to the car without Ellie noticing.
“Mads,” Finnley sighed, snapping her fingers. “Pay attention. You have to be better in school if you want to come to college next year with us.”
“Can I come to college with you on Monday? Your school work is more interesting than mine,” she huffed, picking her pencil out of Finnley’s hand to finish the rest of her work. Clearly her acting out was a plot to keep us here longer.
Ellie ran her hand through her hair. “Madeline, I’ll make a deal with you. If we let you spend a day at college, you have to come back and stop acting out. You’ll do all of your homework and you won’t complain about being smarter than the teacher.”
“Wait, really?” Madeline and Finnley both perked up at the same time.
I knew Finnley was missing Madeline, but it almost looked like she was more excited about this idea than Madeline. They really did have a strong bond.
Ellie raised her finger. “You get one day. I have things I can finally get to with Angie and Tom about our Complex. It would be helpful to not be interrupted every few minutes.”
“Mads,” Finnley said, turning Madeline around on her lap to face her. “You can’t be loud or distracting in lectures. Can you do that?”
“Don’t worry,” Madeline said, puffing her chest. “I’m gonna take notes so I can be smart and remember it for later.”
Finnley grunted as Madeline jumped off her lap and landed on her foot. Madeline took off toward her room so she could pack her bag.
“Oh, thank goodness,” Ellie said with a deep sigh. She shifted over to the couch and plopped down dramatically. “I’m too old for this shit. You two are going to have to adopt her when you get married. She only behaves when you’re around.”
I went over and hugged Finnley from behind. “She’s been through a lot, and we don’t even know how long she was in that place or what she had to deal with before we got there.” I kissed the top of Finnley’s head. “I know you didn’t want kids, and I kind of threw her at Glitch to get her out.”
Finnley reached up and held my hand. “You saved her, and I will always be thankful for that. I couldn’t imagine leaving her behind. She was my only friend, and she saved me so many times. Mads is different, and we can help her.”
“I guess tomorrow is a trial run on parenting,” I replied, shrugging. “Let’s get her to the car. We should head back before it gets too late.”
Finnley laughed to herself. “I don’t think getting her to the car will be a problem.” She pointed behind her as Madeline sprinted to the door, her backpack bouncing wildly.
“Finnley can sit in back with me,” Madeline cheered as she dashed outside. She didn’t even say goodbye to Ellie, but I realized it was because she was already asleep on the couch.
50
Finnley
My professors didn’t seem bothered to have Madeline sitting in on class. On the drive back, she had flipped through my textbooks to catch up on the week of college she had already missed while I had sent emails to make sure it was okay.
After a weekend of recovery, I was getting a better handle on my emotions. When you’ve been living with an evil power source for eighteen years, it’s hard to break old habits. I had to control my instincts to fight at the slightest inconvenience. I also probably owed Caden an apology. Sure, his friendship methods were a little aggressive, but having mind reading abilities helped me see he just had that personality. I knew about that better than most people.
I got Madeline to English class early so I could talk her through the rules again. “Mads, you can’t interrupt in class and you need to sit still. Oh, and Caden has class with us this morning. He thinks you’re Nate’s sister.”
She frowned. “Glitch told him I was his sister.”
Shit. I didn’t have time to think of a new explanation when Caden stood in front of her, laughing.
“You stole my seat, Madeline.”
“Hi Caden. You can sit on this side of me so I can copy off your notes if I get confused.” She clicked her pen a few times to show she was serious, watching him as he sat down next to her.
Caden leaned behind the seats and pointed to the cup on Madeline’s desk before whispering. “You gave her coffee when she’s already a ball of energy?”
“Finnley thinks I didn’t hear her order decaf mixed with hot chocolate,” Madeline interrupted, giving me a side eye.
I shrugged. “Sorry, Mads. You don’t need any more energy than you already have.”
She turned to Caden and whispered, loud enough for me to hear. “It’s okay, I took a drink of hers when she wasn’t looking. It has just as much sugar as my drink does.”
Caden leaned down and whispered just as loud. “That means she has to go get another coffee with me after class.”
Madeline took notes the entire class, asking me a few questions whenever the professor said a word she didn’t understand. Afterwards, she ran up with her sheet of notes and questions to talk to the professor. He didn’t seem to mind as Caden and I hung back to wait for her.
“How’d you get stuck babysitting your boyfriend-maybe-fiancé’s little sister?” Caden asked, laughing as Madeline started to write the professor’s answers to her questions.
“Um, okay, slight miscommunication. She’s Glitch’s sister, not Nate’s.”
He raised his eyebrow. “Weird thing to get confused about.”
“Sorry. I was in a weird place that day, I was overwhelmed, and I was kinda trying to blow you off. It was shitty of me, and I apologize for that,” I said, folding my arms over my stomach.
Caden didn’t seem too upset. “It can be overwhelming. First time awa
y from home jitters get to a lot of people.” He paused and bit the inside of his cheek. “Okay, wait. Which one is your boyfriend-fiancé? The blond one?”
I laughed. “No, that’s Glitch. Nate’s the other tall one.”
He breathed a sigh of relief. “Oh thank goodness. I was worried I was gonna have to break it to you that he was cheating on you with your other friend…”
“Luci,” I said, nodding. “Yeah, Nate and Glitch have known each other forever, I met them last year when I moved, and Luci is the most recent addition since early this year.”
Caden frowned, but didn’t speak.
“What?” I asked.
He shrugged. “They don’t really seem like your type.”
I moved my arms to cross them now, reading his thoughts. “They don’t, or Nate doesn’t.” Caden shifted uncomfortably and I used it to my advantage. “Are you saying that because you have a thing for me?”
He bounced back surprisingly well, almost catching me off guard by his honesty. “The thought crossed my mind. But I guess the group of you seem a bit… interesting.”
“Because two social outcasts, a popular girl, and a girl with purple hair hang out together?”
He laughed. “Because I’m pretty sure you’re a bad influence on all of them.” I couldn’t argue with that as he nodded back to Madeline. “So, you got stuck with her today?”
I nodded. “She’s acting out in school. She thinks she’s smarter than her teachers and she straight up tells them that. We made a deal that she could come here with us for a day if she’d behave the rest of the year.”
“Acting out? How old is she?” Caden asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Five. She’s had a rough time lately and doesn’t quite understand what acceptable behaviors is,” I replied, looking over at her. I smiled watching her shake the professor’s hand. “Sometimes she’s a little girl, and sometimes she does things like that and I wonder if she’s actually older than me.”
“Well, she’s quite attached to you. Careful she doesn’t run off and dye her hair purple,” he laughed.
Madeline ran up the steps toward us, excited. “The professor says I should write a thesis. Maybe I can practice by helping you with yours, Finnley.” She was beaming as she stuck her notebook back in her bag.
I froze, knowing the thesis she was referring to was my work on the beacon. It was how we were going to track down Jackson. Not a great thing to bring up in front of Caden who knew nothing about it.
“You’re already writing a thesis? It’s the second week of school,” he said, stunned.
“It’s just research. I’m not sure it’ll become a thesis any time soon,” I replied, nudging Madeline to try to keep her from announcing any more secrets. “Hurry up, Mads. You drank half my coffee and I’m going to need three more if I want to keep up with you today.”
“Okay. Come on,” she said, grabbing Caden’s hand and my shirt to drag us forward.
I didn’t exactly want Caden hanging around when Madeline was unpredictable, but she was adamant he stay with us. She took my card and went up to order, wanting to prove she could do it herself. Caden watched her carefully, worried that she was being left unsupervised by me, but he didn’t know how I was keeping track of her.
“So, is it like a developmental thing with her?” He asked, leaning back in his chair.
“What do you mean?”
Caden scrunched his nose. “Sorry, it’s the genetics and psychology in me. I’m just watching how she interacts and the difference I see when she’s around you. Plus, you said she’s been through a lot.”
My chest started to tighten thinking about all the things Madeline might have suffered in the psych ward before we got there. I knew the things I went through after I died, and even the things I felt after being drugged out of my mind. If I, a brilliant nineteen-year-old girl, still struggled with that stuff and had massive repercussions from it, what could Madeline be going through?
“We have a really good bond, but I don’t know about anything else. I just do what I can to look out for her.”
Madeline came skipping up, her hands full with two coffees and a cookie for herself. She pulled about ten sugar packets from her pocket and dumped them on the table for me before handing Caden his cup.
“Thank you, Madeline,” Caden said, smiling. “Finn tells me you two are pretty close.”
My paper cup crushed underneath my fist, sending hot coffee spraying over my hand and the table. Thankfully it was still resting on the table or I’d have hot liquid running down my lap. I grabbed a handful of napkins and started cleaning up.
“You can’t call her that,” Madeline said, trying to distract Caden as I shook out of my trance. I guess some emotional triggers were going to be harder to adjust to, especially since shortening my name was a common thing for people to do.
“Sorry, I didn’t realize,” Caden said, his face a bright red as he handed more napkins over to me.
“It’s okay, we just don’t remind her about bad stuff,” Madeline chimed in for me, hopping up on my lap when I was done cleaning up. “This is why I take care of her when she needs me. I always take care of her.”
“All good, Mads. He didn’t know,” I said, wrapping her in a hug. I leaned in to whisper in her ear. “Careful, he doesn’t know about us.”
“He doesn’t?” Madeline asked, thinking hard. She shook her head and changed the subject. “Do you have more classes with Caden? His notes are easier to understand than yours.”
Caden seemed to relax slightly. “No, I only get to hang out with her in the morning. I might have to take you to my other classes, though. You can help me understand psychology.”
Madeline started wiggling and slid out of my arms, unable to sit still after the long lecture this morning. “That’s the brain things, right?” She turned to look at me. “Can we go to psychology class? You need that stuff.”
“Gee, thanks Mads,” I said, rolling my eyes. Nothing like having a five-year-old announce to the world that you have issues. I looked up at Caden. “What time is psych?”
“1:30. Sorry, I didn’t mean to give her the idea,” he said, frowning.
I felt bad for the shit show this had just become for Caden. His thoughts were spinning a lot right now and I didn’t want to make it worse.
“Sure, we can go. But Mads, you’re going to have to tell Nate why you’re not going to his marketing class. He’s going to be bummed you don’t want to hang out with him.”
51
Nate
Finnley set Madeline’s tray down next to me as Madeline slid into the seat and gave me a hug.
“You tell Nate what you’re doing later while I go back to get my food,” Finnley said, kissing the top of my head before walking away.
“What are you doing later?” I asked, trying to look at Madeline’s face. She just kept it buried in my side.
“Can I go to Caden’s psychology class instead of marketing? It sounds more interesting, and I wanna learn about the brain,” she said, breathing hot into my shirt.
“When did you talk to Caden?” I asked.
Madeline peered up at me. “This morning. He and Finnley have English together, but he asked me to help him in psychology because it was hard and I know things about the brain.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Should I be jealous that you like Caden more than me?” Maybe I was jealous that Caden and Finnley were hanging out.
“That’s not true,” Madeline said, frowning. “I like you more, but I like Caden’s class subject more right now.”
“Well, I’ll try not to be too upset that you don’t want to go to marketing with me,” I said, giving her a squeeze. “Why are you interested in psych?”
“They can talk about stuff that goes on in your head. Maybe it’ll help me and Finnley out with our head problems,” she said, her mouth full of pizza. “If we can understand our heads, we might be able to get better.”
I sighed and held her closer. “Madeline, are you having problem
s with your head? Is it your powers?”
“No, I can handle things better because I’m like you. But Finnley had the voices and then she died and then got confused when we were locked up. It wasn’t nice to her, and she needs my help. If I learn stuff today, I can help her better than I did in there. I have to help her,” she said, sinking her chin into her chest.
“Madeline,” I said, tucking some of her hair behind her ear. “I have no idea how you are so mature. You did so much to help her when you were locked away, and that’s why you two are so close. I know you want to help, but that’s not solely your responsibility. We’re supposed to be the ones helping you.”
