Footprints

by Nicky Jayne

  I’m breathing heavy with him. I don't dare ask him any other questions, for fear of getting my head bitten off. I know he didn't mean it, but it still kind of stung a little bit, especially after that kiss.

  Miles fly by, red lights are simply a hazard to him, but he keeps going and doesn't stop. As we approach the turn off for Masons, a stream of colored lights line the road. My heart begins to race, and I grip the chair so tight that I can feel the blood drain from my knuckles.

  I must’ve whimpered, cried, I don't know, but I made enough noise to get his attention. His hand reaches out to hold mine, running his thumb over my snow-white knuckles, but still no words.

  The closer we get, the brighter the lights get, the louder the sirens. I look for my uncle’s truck, but remember that it isn't there. I can’t see my mom’s car, but it was parked on the other side of the building.

  “Tanner?” I croak.

  “I know…I know, Riley,” Those last few hundred feet or so fly by. He pulls into the parking lot with a screech. My mom’s car isn't there so I breathe a small sigh of relief. It dawns on me then that I should’ve called her. Why didn’t I call her, to see if she was still there? Damn it, Riley.

  Tanner leaves the truck, so focused he doesn’t even come round for me. Eloise’s standing by the door of Mason’s, her head in her hands. I watch as he grabs her in his arms and takes her inside.

  Reaching for my phone, which has fallen down the side of the truck, I find the piece of paper that nearly blew away as we left. Unfolding it slowly. My eyes are searching the paper, not believing them, each letter, each word seems like a lie.

  I scan over and over the words. Afghanistan. OSPSEC. Date of arrival, and date of departure duration. All these words pop out from the paper. My eyes scan, not believing the words I see before me. Something inside me snaps, something inside me sends a shooting pain through my body.

  He is leaving. He’s leaving and he’s going over there.

  I’ve known him for all of one afternoon and the thought of him leaving kills me. For what reason, I don’t know. There’s no air left in cab of the truck, I’m fighting to breath. I need some air.

  How could I be so stupid? I knew this was coming, knew that this wouldn’t be easy. I didn’t know I would fall so fast. Those words etched in black prove that he’s no good for me. I already can’t handle him going away and we’ve only known each other for a few hours. Could you imagine what it would be like after years and then lose him? NO! I will not allow it. I refuse to. I can’t.

  Discarding the paper in my hands, I jump from the truck and look around. Whatever happened here has died down and he’s forgotten about me. I don’t blame him though. If anything good came out of today, I got to experience him for a few hours, but now, he must handle what happened here and I must move on. Pushing back the memories of his lips on mine, I take one more look at the door, closing my eyes and saying a silent farewell to Tanner. I begin the long walk back to Marcie’s. Here’s to hoping that the rain stays away.

  CHAPTER NINE

  Tanner

  Holding my sister as she cries into my chest is harder than I ever imagined, these aren't baby tears anymore these are full on heartbroken tears. We’ve been sitting in this waiting room for over an hour now and we have absolutely no answers. I feel like a total ass. I made her wait for me, she should’ve come with him and now she’s none the wiser than I am. I’ve used everything I could to get answers, but nothing is working. Simply because as of right now, there are no answers to be had.

  All I got out of Eloise is that dad fell suddenly in the kitchen. She blames herself, she spooked him or something and he went down, holding his chest. The doctor and nurses have all told her that he was more than likely already having the attack when she came in. With his back turned she’d never have known.

  That doesn’t ease her fears though. He’s been in surgery for nearly an hour now and I’ve paced the hallway and the waiting area a thousand times. I’ve left scuff marks and a line of dirt from my boots.

  Looking down at my feet, I think of her. She wasn’t in the truck when I returned. I’ve failed twice today. Leaving her in the truck and making Eloise wait. Dammit, I’m such a fool.

  I found my orders on the driver’s seat, I can only imagine what she must’ve been thinking when she found them. I swear, if I thought that piece of paperwork was my leave paperwork, it wouldn’t have been there. I’d never openly leave orders around. I must’ve gotten them mixed up.

  I try hard not to think of her, but her sweet taste still lingers on my lips.

  Eloise moves in my arms as I cradle her like a child. I’m so much bigger than her that she still fits in my arms. Her hand wipes over her face while I stroke her hair back away from her eyes, correcting her on my lap.

  Thinking of Riley has become very uncomfortable, especially with my sister on my lap.

  “You okay, honey-bee?” I whisper to her.

  She doesn’t answer, so I squeeze her tighter in my arms, just as a white coated man walks by the window. I jump up in preparation of him coming to give us some news, setting Eloise down on the chair beside mine, but he passes right by. Pushing my hands through my hair, I snag my ring. It pulls slightly, making me wince and yelp.

  “What?” she croaks. She’s cried so much in the last hour that her voice has grown horse.

  “Ah, nothing. Lay back honey-bee, I’m sure we’ll get some answers soon.”

  She looks at me long and hard and I watch her eyes wander. I quickly jump to straighten myself out. My jeans have become stretched after all the rain today, they’re sagging in all the wrong places and well, they sit firm in all the places that I’d rather not draw attention to right now.

  Dammit, Tanner, get your shit under control, I scold myself.

  “OHMIGOD, Tanner, are you fucking serious right now?” her screeching voice is back.

  Before I’m able to defend myself, the door pushes open. Col. Crass and a doctor walk into the room and I stand straight as a nail. Col. Crass’ in uniform. I may not be, but it’s still a sign of respect.

  “Family of Jake Barker?” the doctor asks.

  With one gasp, Eloise sucks in all the air in the room. I turn to grab her in my arms, she’s always feared the worst of everything, and Col. Crass being here can’t make her think anything positive. A lot of people would say that there’d only be one reason for him to be here, but many of them don’t know about the bond that the Barker family and the Crass family have. So, I’m still somewhat optimistic. Like I said, I called in all the favors I could. Maybe it got all the way up to him and he pulled some serious strings. It wouldn’t be the first time.

  “Yes,” I croak, clearing my throat.

  “Tanner, Eloise, I’ll be right outside, okay?” Crass says quietly, giving us a small smile before he turns and leaves.

  “Tanner, is it?” the doctor asks and I nod. “The surgery went very well. He lost a lot of blood from the wound to his neck, but we were able to stop the bleeding and stitch it up. Now, his heart did stop during surgery, but we are optimistic that he’ll pull through. We’re unsure how severe the head trauma is, so we’ve induced a coma and will send him up for a MRI here shortly. If there’s no swelling then we’ll bring him out of it slowly, but if he has substantial damage we’ll have to maintain his coma until we see significant swelling reduction.”

  His words ball into one. All I heard is blood, coma, blood, coma, MRI, blood, coma. Eloise is rigid by my side. My hands have instinctively locked around her as she takes in all the news.

  “Do you have any questions for me?” he asks.

  I snap right then. His words have scared the living shit out of me and I have no idea what he has said. I say the only thing that I can think of.

  “Will he be okay?”

  Eloise sharpens, her body rigid beneath my hands while she waits for the answer.

  “Like I said before, we’re optimistic, but we have to keep an eye on him. Things can change, son. We just ask t
hat you give him time. He’ll be down from his scan in the next hour or so. I’ll send someone to come and get you, okay?”

  I nod. Optimistic is good. Okay. I can work with this.

  “Elli?” I whisper.

  She doesn’t answer, her body’s still rigid, but her eyes are closed. I sit her down gently on to the chair to watch her, she’s breathing steady and the minute her head hits the soft chair her body relaxes. Poor girl! She’s worn out, she crashed. Running my fingers down her face and laying a small kiss to her cheek, I get up in search of a blanket or something to cover her with.

  When I open the door, his blue uniform catches my eye. He’s leaning against the wall, texting someone or checking email. Who knows, with the damn Blackberry’s they get issued.

  “Sir!” I say, when I get closer.

  “Tanner, son, how is he?” his voice is laced with concern. I don’t know why he didn’t stay in the room.

  “They’re optimistic that he’ll make a full recovery. Sir, can I ask you something?” I inquire.

  “Yes, son. Anything.”

  Okay. Just ask, Tanner. Seriously.

  I bring up the words that have been bugging me for the last couple of hours, the ban-chi screech comes bellowing down the hallway. Ringing off every wall.

  “Dad?” she calls.

  Dad? I look in her direction, trying to find the poor guy who could have laid seed to this girl, but her eyes are fixed in my direction. I look over my shoulder hoping to God there’s some one behind me.

  “Dad!” she screeches once more.

  “Annie, keep your voice down, will you!”

  I stand stunned. Crass walks over to her, grabbing her by the shoulders and bringing her in for a hug, her head laying on his shoulder.

  Well, hell, I never saw that coming. I knew that there’s a bond between Riley and Annie. I figured it, after she let her comments in Marcie’s go as easily as she did, but, damn, I never saw this. How could they be related? They’re nothing alike. From what I’ve seen they are complete opposites.

  I stand, gawking at them as they walk closer to me. Shuffling my hands in my pockets, I hope that Riley hasn’t told her anything and I mean anything. This could end before it’s even started. Standing in the bright hallway, watching the personal exchange between Annie and her father, makes me think of Eloise. I have to get back in to see her. My questions for Crass can wait.

  I turn on my heel, stepping away from them, when she busts through the door, looking like she’s just lost a pretty intense fist fight. Her face is pale yes, but red lines streak down her cheeks from where she’s obviously been wiping away her tears. Her hair’s pulled slightly to one side, loose tendrils hang down.

  Her breathing’s heavy and rapid, like she’s just run a marathon or two. Grabbing the door way with both hands, her head looks back and forth. The second her eyes land on me, her body gives way, she lands on her knees, before I can even reach her. I hold my sister tight to my chest rocking her back and forth on the cold floor as she cries into my shoulder.

  She must’ve woken and I wasn't there. I was only gone for a few minutes. Did she have a nightmare? I’ll ask her of course, but now is not the time. Now, she needs comforting.

  “I’m here, Ellie,” I whisper into her hair while her cries turn to small sobs.

  “Tanner?”

  I turn as his hand touches my shoulder. I look up at him at that moment and all I can see is a face of concern. I still don't know why he is here, but in a way I’m kind of glad he is.

  “Let’s get her up, okay? Sitting on this floor is going to do nothing for you or her,” he gestures to the small fragile bundle, curled up in my arms. He’s right of course. After the events of today, my body’s become sore, muscles strained and tense. I feel like I have a hundred pound weight sitting in between my shoulder blades.

  Annie reaches for Eloise. I snap her back against my body and snarl at her. I’ve heard the nasty sting of her tongue today and I won’t allow her to do the same to Elli.

  I don't know whether the exchange was ignored or simply not noticed by Crass, but I honestly don't care. My emotions are sitting on the edge of a blade. I could snap at any time and Annie’s in the line of fire. The sound of the door closing behind me doesn't do anything for my nerves. I’m locked away once more in the box of a room, my dad’s in here somewhere, having God knows what done and I’m utterly helpless. My sister, still bundled in my arms, is an absolute mess and I just can’t seem to find the right words to console her. Do I have it in me?

  Hours pass by, the hand on the clock continues to click around the blue center, but still nothing. Eloise has fallen back asleep. She’s struggling in her sleep, every so often a small whimper will escape or a thrashing hand will fly out from beneath her body. It’s made me jump a couple of times, but as I am beginning to doze myself, they don't bother me so much.

  I close my eyes and the smell of spring hits me. Her blue eyes swim past and her hair flows in the wind. The yellow blossoms whip around her in the autumn breeze. Small pieces landing in her hair, adding color and beauty to the thin locks of silk. I feel my feet move, I’m following her, but suddenly I stop, when she takes a seat just feet from the fallen tree. She’s wearing a simple dress, which flicks up and dances with each gust of wind that catches it. Her eyes are fixed on the tree. I follow her gaze, something is out there, but it’s too far away, it’s too faded. Moving closer the sound of her whimper makes me halt once more.

  She mumbles something under her breath as she lays her head in her hands. I can feel my body react. I run the remaining steps to her, but she doesn't notice me. I’m right there in front of her, my hand laying on her knee. I call her name, but still she doesn't respond.

  Just as my fingers touch her face, I think she may have seen me, but then her eyes look right through me and back towards the tree. A word slips from her mouth. “Tanner.”

  I stumble back when I see the tears fall from her eyes. Her eyes paled with whatever’s behind me. Turning sharply towards the tree. As quickly as it comes into sight, the shadow disappears. No one’s there anymore. All that’s left from where he stood is a swirl of yellow blossom. Why can’t she see me? I turn again, reaching for her, but my hand falls down. She’s gone. I search the area, but nothing. I jump to my feet looking for her, but to no avail. All that’s left of where she sat is a small ladybug pendant. I grip it between my fingers, but I don’t understand the meaning behind it.

  A loud screech breaks me from stare before everything goes black.

  Waking with a start, my neck aches with a dull pain, I rub my hand over the sore, tight muscles lining my neck. A dull thud looms just at the base of my skull. I feel like I‘ve been hit over the head with a baseball bat.

  Voices echo around me while I familiarize myself with where I am. Rubbing my eyes, clearing the blurry figures across the room from me, I stand and begin to pace the small room. Crass sits cross legged in the corner with Annie held close to his side. Eloise is across the room, putting on a happy face that anyone who didn’t know her would think was real. Her voice is deep, but shallow and she asks questions, perhaps to keep her mind off the why we’re here.

  “Tanner,” Crass calls.

  My eyes watch through the window when I answer him. My throat’s dry, so the words don’t come out.

  Clearing my throat, I reply, “Hey.”

  My eyes scan the room once more. My fragile sister has her small body under a thin sheet given to her by the hospital staff. She seems to have a little more color to her skin, but her eyes are still red and raw from crying so hard.

  “Any news?” I ask, as I walk closer to her, wanting to be there in order to comfort her. I’m aggravated with myself for obviously passing out and taking a cat nap. I should’ve been on alert, she should’ve been the one napping. The events of today have worn me out, mentally and physically.

  I take a seat, reaching for her hand. Her eyes find mine and she shakes her head.

  Holding her tight in my
arms, squeezing her against my body, I anchor her to me. A muffled ring comes from across the room. Crass stands fast reaching for the cell in his back pocket and he answers, a line crossing his brow which makes me lock eyes with him. I follow his movements as he paces, listening in to the one-sided conversation. He stops for only seconds, just before he leaves the room. The silence is deafening, with no one talking. It’s so damn quiet, I fear that no one’s breathing. If it wasn’t for the fact that Eloise was huddled so close to my body, letting me feel her body move with each breath, I’d have checked her pulse.

  Every couple of seconds his uniform passes across the window, drawing my attention away from the evil cat-like stare that I’m getting from Annie right now. She’s burning holes through my head and I can feel each laser as it burns through my brow.

  The door opens slightly and I expect him to walk back in, but instead, we’re greeted by a small older lady, no more than five-two, in royal blue scrubs. I look at her bewildered, waiting for her to respond, to say something, but she just smiles. I smile back, thinking for a split second that she may be in the wrong room. I wait for her to turn, but she doesn’t. She just stands and smiles, looking back and forth between Eloise and Annie and then back to me.

  Loosening my hold on Eloise slightly, I begin to move from my chair.

  “Barker?” she calls.

  We all jump up before she is able to finish the word. Eloise runs to her side, waiting, begging even, for her to say something. She doesn’t, she just smiles and opens the door.

  “I’ll take you to him now. The room’s small, so I ask that only one visitor goes in at a time.”

  Eloise turns, her eyes buried deep within her lashes. Taking the small steps to her side, I give her a small smile and pass her off to the nurse.

  Watching her walk away from me, my heart sinks. I can see that her body is slumped at the shoulders. This is all way too much for her to bear. She blames herself. I wish I could make her feel better about it, I just don’t know what to do.