The Sea Within

by Missouri Vaun

  Chapter Twenty-three

  Elle’s fingers shook as she struggled to affix the cap to the last container. She released the plastic jug to bob in the water as she zipped her vest. The wind off the ocean had seriously picked up. It was midafternoon and the morning’s warmth was gone. The air carried a damp chill that cut right through her clothing, amplifying her fatigue.

  The walk up the steep grade to the ATV warmed her a little, but not enough. She needed to add a layer of clothing to what she was wearing and change out of the damp trousers, still wet from the knees down.

  Elle slipped into the tent once they were back at camp and changed pants. She pulled on a sweatshirt and then put the vest back on. She handed a light jacket to Jackson.

  “You should put this on.”

  Jackson was only wearing a T-shirt. Adrenaline was probably keeping her warm, but Elle knew the minute Jackson stopped moving she’d chill.

  “Thanks.” Jackson didn’t argue with her.

  “What’s next?” Elle was so spent she just wanted someone to tell her what to do.

  “We’ll break camp and drive everything back to the ship.” Jackson braced her hands on her hips. “Have you ever driven one of these before?” She tipped her head toward the nearest ATV.

  “Um…no.”

  “This will be easy.” Jackson opened the vehicle door. “I’ll show you. Then you just follow me and go where I go, okay?”

  Elle nodded.

  “We’ll take it slow.”

  “How can we go back?” Elle asked

  “We just retrace our route from yesterday.” Jackson leaned against the open door.

  That wasn’t what she’d meant, but she was too tired to explain it just now. She was still sorting it all out in her head anyway. If Liam was behind all that had happened, then they couldn’t just return to the substation as if everything was normal. There was no way in hell she was going to deliver the samples right to his doorstep, not after all of this. There had to be another way.

  * * *

  Jackson consumed a full canteen of water during the drive back to the ship. They hadn’t had any food since early morning, and she wanted both of them to eat something because they had more work to do before they could stop for the day. She needed Elle to keep her strength up.

  The sleek, silver orb of the SLST was like a beacon. She spotted it while they were still fairly far way. The foreign object stood out like an alien life form on the grassy meadow.

  Jackson typed in a security code that opened the rear cargo hatch remotely from the ATV console. There was enough room to drive both light-duty ATVs and trailers into the bay side by side. She pulled in first and then waved Elle in. The tight space didn’t leave much room for offloading. Jackson stepped down from the driver’s side and walked around the front of the vehicle to face Elle.

  Elle didn’t get out. She maintained her grip on the steering wheel and rested her forehead against it. Jackson watched her through the windshield. When she didn’t move, Jackson touched her shoulder.

  “Just take one step at a time, okay?” She rested her palm on Elle’s back.

  Finally, Elle raised up. She looked at Jackson and nodded, still not speaking.

  “I don’t think I have the strength to do anything else.”

  “I know, I hear you.” Jackson rubbed the stubble on top of her head a few times. She was exhausted too. “We need to rest and eat. Not necessarily in that order.” She also wanted a shower. “Come on, I’ll help you.”

  Elle accepted Jackson’s hand as she climbed out of the ATV. Jackson closed the hatch behind them as they entered the main part of the ship. They walked through the gravity lounge where the vacant tubes stood open, toward the control center. The galley was on the left.

  Jackson stopped and motioned to the right.

  “There are two crew compartments here that we can use.” She dropped the small duffel she’d carried. “You can shower first. Just know that because of limited carrying capacity, the water will shut off after five minutes. The timer will chime to give you a one-minute warning before the water cuts off.”

  Elle tried to focus on Jackson’s words. She was taking some small comfort in the mundane detail of how much hot water she was allotted. Talking about a shower, thinking about fresh clothing, the normalcy of those things was so abstract at the moment. She must be in shock. She shivered and then hugged herself.

  “I’ll get your bag from the ATV.”

  She was grateful to Jackson for this small kindness because she didn’t think she could go back in the chamber with the bodies of their crewmates.

  After a minute, Jackson rejoined her and showed her how to operate the shower. It was a tiny, narrow square space with non-intuitive fixtures. Without Jackson’s help she’d probably have stood there for quite some time just trying to figure out how to turn it on. The technicians had no doubt gone over all of this during the introduction in the simulator, but she now had no memory of it. Her head was a jumble of thoughts, none of them having to do with basic self-care needs like bathing, or eating, or sleeping.

  After showering, Jackson set Elle up with a cup of coffee in the galley. She held the warm cup between her hands and stared into the inky liquid without sampling it. She’d have sworn only an instant had elapsed before Jackson rejoined her, but probably ten minutes had passed.

  “You know, I meant for you to actually drink that.” Jackson made a cup for herself and then opened several metal cabinets. She’d open one, without finding what she was looking for, and then move on to the next. “We need to eat something too. Do you think you could?”

  Elle nodded and took a sip of the coffee without looking at Jackson. She had no appetite, but she knew Jackson was right. They needed food; her system was running on fumes.

  “How does chicken teriyaki sound?” Jackson held a ration packet in her hand. “I mean, it’ll probably taste like mush, but…”

  “That sounds fine.” Nothing was going to sound edible. Might as well just pick something.

  Jackson added hot water from the dispenser and divided the contents of the pack into two serving bowls. Elle tried to choke down a few bites. She had a lump in her throat that just wouldn’t dislodge. No matter how many times she swallowed.

  “Yesterday…yesterday, everything was different. Today the world is upside down, cancerous at the root.” Elle stared at the tabletop.

  “Hey, you’re supposed to be the optimistic one.”

  “Am I?” She looked up to meet Jackson’s gaze. “How do you do this?”

  “Do what?”

  “This.” Elle swung her arm in an arc. “Death, betrayal…mission failure.”

  “Death happens, unfortunately.” Jackson paused. “And if it’s all right with you, I’m not quite ready to declare mission failure.”

  Elle realized what she’d said. Jackson certainly was familiar with loss. She regretted her word choice, but how could this not be a failure?

  “I’m sorry, but you can’t possibly consider this particular expedition a success.”

  “There are varying degrees of success.” Jackson ignored her sarcasm. “Did Ted say anything to you?”

  “Yes, he said quite a lot, in fact.” Elle realized that she hadn’t had a chance to share anything that Ted had revealed to her.

  “Well, maybe now’s a good time to fill me in, because I got nothing from Nunez or Harris.”

  “I’m really sorry about Wallace.” She sincerely was and felt bad about not saying it sooner. The entire day had been so surreal that her emotions weren’t at all in sync with her brain, or her words.

  “He was a good guy.” She cleared her throat. Elle couldn’t tell if Jackson was upset or angry or a mixture of both. “He didn’t deserve to go down like that.”

  Elle gave them both a minute to come up for air before she launched in.

  “Ted basically told me that Liam set this whole thing up.”

  “Really?” That bit of news obviously surprised Jackson.


  “Let me see if I can remember everything…” She tried to focus despite the fatigue. “He kept talking about they. They wrecked his car, they threatened him, they could get his son an organ transplant, but only if he did this…Only if he helped them.” She’d been staring at her unsavory bowl of freeze-dried chicken. She looked up, making eye contact with Jackson. “And then he said that it was actually Liam who was calling the shots.”

  “That just doesn’t sound right.”

  “I know, so I pushed Ted to help me understand why. Why would Liam do this?” She tried to visualize the conversation in her head. “He said greed, selfishness…so, it’s got to be about money.”

  “If we took the specimens back as planned, then BIOME would utilize them and no single person would make a profit from the discovery.”

  “But if one person controlled the release of the phytoplankton and held it back until the situation was much worse, then they could charge governments anything they wanted for the samples to reseed the oceans.” This still sounded like some comic book scheme for world domination. Was Liam really diabolical enough to sell everyone out? “I’m sure there’s a black market for biological material like this. I mean, that’s what happened with rare and extinct animals.”

  “That’s a cruel business for sure, but those guys weren’t trying to hold the entire planet hostage for cash.”

  “I know.” Elle covered her face with her hands. “I’m going to need to think this through when my head is clearer…maybe tomorrow. It’s just so hard for me to believe.”

  “We have to believe it. Regardless of how painful it is to face a betrayal as huge as this.” Jackson sounded pissed. “Four people died today. That’s pretty serious collateral damage.”

  “Obviously, the plan was to shoot three of us. Half the team.” Elle was supposed to be one of them, and then Wallace, and Jackson.

  “I can’t imagine Ted would have made it back.” Jackson sank back in her chair with her arms stretched out on the table in front of her, palms down. “My guess is the science team knew too much.”

  Elle didn’t respond. Her intuition told her that Jackson was probably right.

  “My question to you, Dr. Graham, is are we going to let these bastards get away with it?”

  “No, Commander. Not while I’m still standing.”

  “Good.” Jackson nodded. “We’re on the same page.”

  Elle finished the last spoonful of dinner and downed a cup of water.

  “I set up the sleeping bags in the crew compartment. We both need rest.” Jackson stood up. “We can figure out our plan tomorrow.”

  Chapter Twenty-four

  The small bath area separated the two crew cabins. Standing between the two rooms, Elle could see Jackson had set up a sleeping bag in each room. That discovery heaped even more disappointment on the shittiest day ever.

  “Can’t we sleep in the same room tonight?” The question wasn’t supposed to sound needy, but she was afraid it did.

  “Um, sure, I…” Jackson fumbled her words. “I just didn’t want to assume.”

  “A psychotic private security team just tried to take out our entire team, we’re surrounded by infinite wilderness, and currently we’re the only two humans on the entire continent. Please, by all means, assume.”

  “Good point.” Jackson retrieved Elle’s sleeping bag.

  “And please, don’t toy with me.” Elle shook her head. “Zip them together. I’m not sleeping alone. Not tonight.”

  Jackson did as she was directed and then returned to Elle.

  “Better?”

  “Much…thank you.” Elle smiled.

  Jackson held Elle’s face in her hands tenderly and ran her thumb across Elle’s cheek. As if in slow motion, the space between them began to shrink. Like the slowly collapsing orbit of a celestial body, she sank into Jackson. Their lips met and she kissed Jackson. And then Jackson was kissing her back.

  As certain as she was now of the non-linear nature of time, the melting of the polar ice caps, and the spinning of the Earth—their meeting seemed just as inevitable.

  “Hey, what’s going on?” Jackson stroked her hair.

  “I don’t want to be alone right now.” She hated to be demanding. But after all that had happened, she hated even more to be dishonest. “Is that okay?”

  Jackson kissed her forehead but didn’t speak.

  Was she more afraid of the future or what she was feeling right now for Jackson?

  “What do you need?” Jackson asked as if she really wanted to know.

  “I want you to make love to me as if you care for me.” Elle swallowed. “Not as if I’m some stranger you met at the Green Club, but someone you truly desire.”

  “That won’t be hard.” Jackson kissed her gently.

  “I want to believe you.” If tomorrow was the end. If the whole thing went badly, then she wanted tonight to feel as if it were the real thing.

  “I always tell the truth.” Jackson’s statement was reassuring.

  “Do you?”

  “Yes.”

  They had methodically undressed as they talked. Elle was still wearing her bra and underwear, having discarded the awful military cargo pants. Jackson was in white, Y-front briefs. Jackson’s fingers swept slowly down Elle’s arms giving her goose bumps.

  “What truth do you want to share with me right now?” Elle asked softly.

  Jackson smiled, as if she were about to reveal some deep secret.

  “The truth is, I don’t really want to be friends.” She slipped one of the bra straps down and kissed Elle’s shoulder. “Does that make me a terrible person?”

  “No, I don’t really want to be friends either.” Elle’s words came out breathy, almost like a moan. Jackson was kissing her neck and caressing her nipple through her bra.

  Elle felt the side of the bed at the back of her legs and eased onto it. She unfastened her bra as Jackson followed her backward crawl until they were snuggled into the joined sleeping bags, facing each other. Elle’s breasts brushed against the firm points of Jackson’s. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath in an attempt to slow her heartbeat.

  This wasn’t the first time she’d been in bed with Jackson, but somehow, it felt different. Possibly because they knew so much more about each other. Possibly because she’d forgotten how unbelievable Jackson’s body was. Possibly because everything was laced with urgency. Almost losing your life made every moment and every detail of living precious.

  She had the urge to trail her fingertip across Jackson’s shoulder and down her arm to commit to memory the muscles of her bicep and forearm. And then there were her strong hands. Those beautiful, strong hands. She brushed the back of her fingers up Jackson’s stomach. The contact sent a jolt of electricity to the throbbing place between her legs.

  “Can I take these off?” Jackson slipped her fingers beneath the waist of her panties.

  “Yes, please.” She kissed Jackson while Jackson got rid of the last barriers of clothing between them.

  They lay facing each other, their legs intertwined. Jackson drew Elle close, kissing her languidly, as if they had all the time in the world. Maybe they did.

  “What do you need?” Elle asked Jackson the same question.

  “I think all I need right now is this…you.” She held Elle closely in her arms.

  From deep inside her body, from the cord of her spine, the nerves spiderwebbed outward, to the muscles across her ribs. The tingling sensation traveled up Elle’s back and then settled as tightness in her stomach before rising to her chest. She tucked her head under Jackson’s chin. She wasn’t sure if she’d wanted to make love, or simply be held. She was exhausted and the warmth of Jackson’s body was soothing her, lulling her into letting go.

  As much as she wanted to be swept along by her intense desire, exhaustion weighed her down, and she dozed off in the solace of Jackson’s embrace.

  Chapter Twenty-five

  Jackson woke first. Her arm beneath Elle’s head was numb.
Elle’s back was pressed against her chest. She gently dislodged her arm. It tingled as the blood flow returned. She wasn’t sure of the time. They’d fallen asleep so suddenly and completely that she wasn’t sure she’d even shifted her position all night.

  Elle’s breathing was slow and steady. She was still asleep. Jackson unzipped her side of the sleeping bag and padded barefoot to the bathroom. After relieving herself, she stood at the sink and studied her face in the mirror. The harsh fluorescent glow was fairly unflattering even on a good day, but this morning was not a good day. She touched the bruises around her right eye. She looked as if she’d been in a boxing match and lost.

  She filled the sink with cold water and sank her face into it. Ice would have been better, but this would have to do. After a few minutes of soaking repeatedly, she reached for a towel. She’d taken her watch off before showering and left it on the small shelf above the sink. It was still very early. Even in the deep past, she couldn’t sleep late.

  In the dark room, she searched through discarded clothing for her T-shirt, underwear, and pants. She’d considered climbing back in bed with Elle, but that would only lead to other things. She was surprised they hadn’t made love, but at the same time she wasn’t. By the time they’d crawled into bed her limbs had turned to rubbery mush from exhaustion. Probably both of them were feeling emotionally spent and raw; she knew she was. So, it was probably best that all they’d done was hold each other and sleep. Just that simple act of comfort had been incredibly satisfying for Jackson.

  She’d said she didn’t want to be friends, but the truth was, Jackson genuinely liked Elle. Liked her in a way that she hadn’t liked any woman in a very long time. Last night, holding Elle, she’d been completely present. She was with Elle and thinking only of her. That was a first. She’d met women she was attracted to, she’d sleep with them, and in every instance immediately compare them to Camille. She and Elle had fallen asleep in each other’s arms and she hadn’t thought of Camille until this morning, and then only to note that she hadn’t thought of her. This was strange new territory.