WTF Is Tarot

by Bakara Wintner

  She ain’t perfect, though. She shares with her daughter an unwillingness to censor herself or conform to societal norms, but where the younger one is a blazing bonfire she is smoldering, inextinguishable embers. She has learned to be utilitarian with her resources. The exception to this is if you fuck with her family, then you’re done. It’s not personal, but she will lay you to waste. This archetype will, in a heartbeat, kill for what she loves, and under threat we see the shadow side of this powerful feminine. She will not side with the teacher when her kid gets in trouble at school and has a hard time hearing criticism of her creations. She shares a love of beauty with The Empress, and is prone to vanity, self-obsession and impulsiveness. It is not uncommon for this fiery Mother to be emotionally demanding of those around her, especially romantic partners, and she can be harsh and unforgiving if someone shows weakness or cannot keep up with her. If she has kids, she’s probably a MILF.

  Father of Wands—The Mogul

  Everyone loves this guy. He possesses a physical presence that electrifies any room he walks into. You fight for a seat next to him at a dinner party. Under his gaze, you feel important, stimulated and giddy. The Father of Wands harnessed the latent charisma and intuition of the Son and grew it up. Here, fire meets structure, and where the Son is unfocused and destructive, the Father is a potent and dynamic energy. He’s combined his creativity and his work to great effect, and he wears his success elegantly. Whether he’s in jeans and a tee or a perfectly tailored suit, you know they’re all made by super cool Italian designers that you’ve never heard of and cost more than your rent. He may be sporting a casual, understated Rolex. He is in his full power, creativity and sexuality all at once and isn’t sorry about it, and no one wants him to be. You feel bigger in his presence.

  Cult leader vibes, much? Kind of. When the Father of Wands appears in a reading I always wonder how much of his younger self’s mask he held on to. To some degree, everyone wears a mask—whether that is necessary or not is a different matter—but his is just so fucking good. He works a room like a god. He’s deeply beloved and highly regarded by friends and colleagues alike. This doesn’t necessarily mean there’s a catch, but there is an inevitable shadow. Too self-aware to display outright narcissism, he may harbor feelings of superiority, judgment or boredom. Close relationships with this person may result in the feeling is that he’s looking at your eyes but not making eye contact. He is a big presence and will get restless if not surrounded by people he considers equals. What’s most disconcerting about this man is that he knows he is capable of using his powers in light and dark, and has done both over the course of his lifetime. His sensitivity and ability to read people makes him capable of great compassion, and also masterful manipulation. Matthew McConaughey is a Father of Wands, but so is Charles Manson. At worst, he’s appeared in readings as a perpetrator.

  The impact of the Father of Wands is a powerful one, but in what capacity can be unclear. To remain in the light, he must hold himself to high standards of integrity, surround himself with people who match him and find healthy outlets for excess energy.

  SWORDS FAM

  Gemini / Libra / Aquarius

  When you seek out the Swords Family house, you end up in the suburbs, in a neighborhood chosen for its low crime rate and excellent public school system. Dinner consists of a protein, vegetable and starch and is on the table at 6:30 p.m. every night. It’s pretty good. It would be better with wine, but there is none in the house. The conversation is perfunctory and polite, consisting of summarizing their days and goings-on at school or work. No voices are raised. Dinner ends at 7:15, by which time you’re really, really fucking bored. Routine and structure are the backbones of this family makeup, and the environment can feel severe, dry and strict. They are financially stable but never showy with it, preferring to smartly invest. This family gets a bad rap because they’re a drag and zero fun, but their stability is unwavering and their integrity second to none. Their kids will always be safe, always have dependable parents and always be loved—perhaps expressed through actions and deeds and not words. Talking about feelings is not the strong suit of the Swords. They are highly intelligent and feel more comfortable in the realms of rationality and logic than tenderness and intuition. Though the intentions are good, living in this atmosphere is both creatively and emotionally stifling. They probably don’t believe in magic.

  Daughter of Swords—The Killjoy

  She doesn’t mean to, but the Daughter of Swords is the well-meaning ruiner of everything. A chronic overthinker, she will suck the life out of a possibility before it even happens by mapping out every possible negative outcome. The curse of this Daughter is that she cannot be fully present in any situation. She is always watching herself from above in a state of self-censorship. She is a perfectionist and can be critical of others, but rarely to the extent she is with herself, and is crippled as a result. Obsessive, nervous and prone to anxiety, she probably bites her nails. Spontaneity is impossible for this cautious archetype, and it can be painful to watch the ways she refuses to be an active participant in her own life. It can also illuminate where we are too harsh with ourselves, or where we hold ourselves back out of self-consciousness. She is the voice in our head that cuts excitement and dilutes optimism. Whether it is to save from potential disappointment or to remain controlled in the moment, the effect is the same. Due to fear, we did not allow ourselves to fully experience something.

  If you are able to coax the Daughter of Swords out of her shell, you will most likely find someone very sweet, a little callow and smart as hell. Her powers of observation are uncanny, and her advice is fair and balanced. You trust her as an objective source on emotional matters, and her energy is an antidote to hysteria or weepiness. Her practicality is especially appreciated when we are feeling helpless, and she can see a possible course of action that we may have missed. She is a loyal friend, always honest, never reckless and will save you from disaster over the course of your relationship. Occasionally, she may even let you copy her math homework.

  Son of Swords—The Agro

  This card brings to mind a dude like Steve Jobs or Ari Gold. Great, accomplished men. Geniuses with absolutely no chill. Being around someone in this energy is hard on the nervous system because he is in a state of constant movement, ever charging ahead at full speed. Intensity is not a negative characteristic, but the type displayed by the Son of Swords can feel a little bloodless. It does not translate to the tireless efforts of a passionate individual, but rather the militant force of a soldier. This could be due to the fact that his brilliance is more technical than artistic, but either way he’s not what you’d call a people person. He’s scary and intimidating and makes others uncomfortable. He might be the friend you feel like you have to invite to a party but secretly hope he doesn’t come.

  Being well-liked is of little consequence to the Son of Swords; he is singular in his focus and urgent in his mission. His bravery can be seen in the way he pushes boundaries, of his own endurance and of the field he works in. The demands he places on himself are extreme. His standards are in a category of their own. He is not interested in perfection, because that is a pre-existing paradigm. He wants to go beyond what has been done before. He shares the quality of obsessive thinking with the Daughter of Swords, but where she internalizes it, he represents its outward manifestation. His insane expectations make him a difficult, if not impossible, person to work with—with colleagues often feeling freaked out, diminished or alienated. Team player is not on his list of special skills. But he also made Apple.

  The mystery of the Son of Swords is what motivates him? A love of discovery? A desire to prove himself? Unemotional and indifferent to the opinions of others, it seems unlikely. Maybe he is driven by a need to make a contribution, or to know what he is capable of. Addiction cannot be ruled out, either. Often, the advice of this card is to seriously consider if a situation calls for such an aggressive and excessive approach.

  In a romantic capacity, on
e must wonder what it might feel like to be the focus of his gaze. Personally, I’d swipe left. He’s the stuff of clingers and stalkers and gives off some serious SVU realness. A balanced relationship will not occur here, and he tends to attract partners who are either insecure and enjoy being worshipped or are heavily guarded because he has no problem ignoring boundaries. If you’re waiting for someone to come and break down your walls, it’s this guy. Careful what you wish for.

  The challenge of the Son of Swords is to better know himself and his motivations. His energy stabilizes if he can infuse his intense nature with passion and purpose, and diffuse it altogether when the situation calls for it.

  Mother of Swords—That Bitch You Don’t Wanna Fuck With

  The Mother of Swords has been burned in the past—badly, perhaps repeatedly—and is not going to let that happen again. She shut down her heart for the sake of protecting it, and she had her reasons, but she never went back to retrieve it. She’s got trust issues she never sought therapy for. She craves connection but cannot ask for it and refuses it when it comes her way. As a result, attempts at vulnerability come off stunted, translating as victimhood and blaming. You’re never comfortable around her. Her passive aggression borders on aggression at all times, and anything you say could make her snap at you.

  Honestly, she’s a bitch. She is sharp, jaded, mistrustful and quick to assume the worst about others. She rarely forgives and never forgets. Hurt people hurt people, and her cruelty is extra, utilizing her intelligence, pain and whatever she knows about you to go in for the kill. She confuses coldness for strength. She may feel a sense of pride for her paranoia, citing it as discernment. She justifies her behaviors because of what she’s been through and is motivated by self-preservation.

  This is no way to go through life. Healing is needed here. Maybe you want her as your divorce attorney, maybe you want to team up with her when you need to put your bad-bitch face on and play hardball with life, or negotiate with someone who isn’t taking you seriously or fight in at war, but beyond that she is severely limited. A strict mother, a frigid partner and a volatile boss, try to avoid entering into relationships with people like this involving power dynamics where they have authority over you.

  When the Mother of Swords shows up in a reading, we are asked to examine the fortress built around our hearts. How thick are the walls, how strong are the reinforcements, why did we take these protective measures in the first place and do we need them anymore? If not, thank the Mother of Swords for her service and release her. You may find a wounded inner child in need of care. You may find a heart that is intact and stronger than you previously thought.

  Father of Swords—The Dad Who Always Knows Where Your Paperwork Is

  This dad has his shit together, and he has your shit together too. Where I throw away important documents (without shredding them) because I don’t know where to put them and they’re probably online, anyway, the Father of Swords has a home office with file cabinets full of those things you never think about until you need them. Your tax return from 2004? No problem. Your medical records for the last fifteen years? He’ll fax them right over. Organization is how he makes sense of the world around him. He’s integrated the intellect and technical mastery of his Son and is well suited for jobs like accountant, lawyer, scientist or analyst. The people he works with know him to be fair, hardworking and pragmatic. He is an excellent leader and fair boss. His integrity is on point.

  The Father of Swords always makes me a little sad because he is an amazing dad who would do anything for his kids, but his mental intelligence far surpasses his emotional intelligence, and he is therefore largely mysterious to himself. He won’t write you a long, heartfelt birthday card, but he will keep you on his health insurance until you’re twenty-six, pay your phone bill and help you get a new social security card when you lose yours. He expresses his love by showing up, and that’s not bad. It’s better than the Fuckboy who will wax poetic about his love for you and then ghost. It’s difficult to tell if the Father of Swords is happy. I don’t think he even knows.

  Truly emotionally connecting with this person is challenging, kind of awkward, and they will never initiate it. With a father figure especially, it may be difficult to discover that, while he’s such a boss in other areas of his life, he is very young emotionally.

  CUPS FAM

  Cancer / Scorpio / Pisces

  You catch a train upstate to Woodstock to check out the Cups Family house. It’s an old barn with high ceilings and big plant-lined windows. The walls are covered in art. You look around and see records, the Son taking paintbrush to canvas, braids of garlic hanging from the ceiling and an eclectic and charmingly mismatched collection of furniture. The Daughter greets you, wearing a rainbow tutu and glitter eye shadow, hands you a flower and reads your palm. The Mother calls hello from the kitchen, pots and pans on all burners, and whatever she’s cooking smells like home. They’re hippies. Are you on a commune? You feel at ease. It’s a nice night, so you eat outside at a weathered picnic table, heavily carved with drawings, messages and initials. Fresh flowers adorn the table and candles flicker in their votives. You drink mead. The meal is an old family recipe, complete with vegetables from their garden, and you’ve never eaten anything so delicious. You ask for seconds and have to refuse thirds. You ask where the Father is, and the Mother laughs and brings out some moonshine. You don’t bring him up again. You crash on the couch because you’re too drunk to get home, and you don’t feel awkward about it. The next morning, the Mother sends you off with a tupperware full of leftovers.

  Daughter of Cups—The Space Cadet

  The dreamers, violet children and Luna Lovegoods of the world align with the energy of the Daughter of Cups. The world hasn’t beaten the shit out of her yet and—though her spaciness can be frustrating and unreliable—you hope it never will. If she’s an older person, she has somehow managed to protect her sense of wonder from the elements, to lovely results. She pursues what she finds to be beautiful and interesting with no real end—a novelty in this goal-oriented and career-motivated world. If you can hold her attention long enough, she will delight you with her proficiency in poetry and literature. She learned massage therapy in Costa Rica and did a yoga teacher training in India. She is fluent in three languages. Her art floors you, and you don’t even know anything about art. When you ask if she’s ever thought about selling it, she shrugs off the question. When you tell her you know a gallery owner you could connect her with, she changes the subject.

  Relationships with the Daughter of Cups can be baffling because they are sitting atop a goldmine of unharvested talent. It’s especially annoying when they’re a starving artist and can’t pay their rent. The Daughter of Cups isn’t very good at being a human. The logistics of life do not hold her interest, and she probably hasn’t done her taxes in three years.

  Be gentle with her and with this part of yourself. She is the source of all creative inspiration. The muse. She embodies the purest experience of awe, wonder and reverence humans are capable of. It is easy to ignore this, and she will not fight for your attention. Almost everything is more pressing and time-sensitive than what she offers us, but few things are as nourishing.

  Son of Cups—The Art Bro

  This sellout decided that it wasn’t realistic to make a living selling his paintings, so compromised by getting a job in advertising that has the word art in its title. He’s a hippie turned hipster who traded in the commune for thick-framed glasses and skinny jeans, but he still wears his dad’s old flannels. Honestly, he’s not a sellout, he probably wasn’t going to make a living selling his paintings, and there was nothing going on upstate anyway. In the Son of Cups, we see a harmonious reconciliation of femininity by a masculine energy. So let’s give him a break, okay? While a starving artist is a frustrating cliché, nothing seems to boil people’s blood more than a profitable one.

  The Son of Cups applied form and function to the Daughter’s creativity in order for it to evolve alo
ngside him, the act of which includes inevitable compromise. Even people living the artistic dream must negotiate the world around them. Artists have to price their work, coordinate with gallery owners, acquiesce to loyal patrons and make a website. Musicians must be in agreement with their bandmates, travel, consider the tastes of their audience, manage their social media and book and pay for time in a recording studio. And with all of it, there is the issue of profit as a contaminant. Grounding fluid creative energy into the structure of the physical world is an ongoing challenge, and the Son of Cups navigates it with grace and success. He’s supporting himself off his work. That’s hot.

  Now that you mention it, he’s kind of hot, isn’t he? He’s got that understated, boy-next-door thing going for him, and his appeal only grows when you get to know him. He’s mysterious but also knowable, a hopeless romantic with a rich emotional landscape. When imbalanced, he can be depressive, moody and retreat into fantasy. He’s probably a generous lover.

  Mother of Cups—The (Slightly Co-Dependent) Nurturer

  The Mother of Cups is going to scoop you into a hug the second you meet her, and not one of those limp, one-armed travesties. She genuinely wants to embrace you, and you want to let her. Her warmth immediately puts people at ease, and you may find yourself pouring your heart out to her. She is openhearted and inclusive, qualities that inspire vulnerability in everyone she meets. Being guarded doesn’t make sense, or feel necessary, in her presence. She’s an old soul. Both psychic and empathetic, she awakens our desire to be seen and accepted and offers herself up for the job. Cut out to be a therapist, social worker or nurse, she is naturally inclined toward helping others. She will intuitively connect with any healing modality she pursues, spiritual or otherwise. If she decides to offer it professionally, it won’t look much different than what she’s been doing her entire life. She is a born healer through and through.