My date was a vampire.
I guess I should have expected it. I mean, what with Vie being a vampire, it was only predictable that he would line me up with another vampire for a date. It just hadn't been predicted by me!
"Hi!" the vision of loveliness smiled, showing a pair of sharp canine teeth. "I'm Cassandra. You must be Vic's friend."
"Good God!" Bunny said, the words escaping from her in a gasp as she stared at my visitor.
"And who's this?" Cassandra said, sweeping Bunny with a withering gaze. "The warm-up act? You must be quite a tiger to book two dates, one after the other ... or is she coming along with us?"
"Cassandra, this is Bunny ... my administrative assistant," I intervened hastily. "We were just going over some office matters."
This seemed to mollify Cassandra somewhat. At least enough so that she stepped forward and coiled around my arm, pressing close against me. Very close.
"Well, don't wait up for him, Sugar," she said with a wink. "I figure on keeping him up for a long time ... if you get what I mean."
"Don't worry. I won't."
Chumley had once tried to describe something called "dry ice" to me. At the time, I had trouble imagining something cold enough to burn. Bunny's tone and manner as she spun on her heel and marched out of the room went a long way toward clarifying the concept for me. I might not be the most perceptive person in all the dimensions when it comes to women, but it didn't take a real genius to realize that she didn't approve of my choice of dates ... even though I hadn't really made the choice.
"Alone at last," Cassandra purred, pressing even closer against me. "Tell me, Tiger, what are your thoughts for the evening?"
As I said, I hadn't really settled on anything. Still, I had an overwhelming urge to get this particular bombshell out of the castle, or, at least, out of my bedroom, and as far away from Bunny as possible.
"I don't know," I said. "I was thinking of maybe doing dinner or getting a couple of drinks and kind of letting the evening take care of itself."
"Sounds good to me," my date declared, giving a little shiver that seemed to take her entire body. "Are there any good clubs on this dimension?"
It only took me a second to realize she was talking about nightclubs, not the kind of club you beat people across the head with. I DO catch on eventually.
"I'm not sure," I admitted. "My work doesn't leave me much time to check out the nightlife."
"Hey! When it comes to nightlife, I'm your girl. I know some GREAT places over on Limbo."
Limbo! The dimension of werewolves and vampires. I had only been there once, and the memory wasn't all that pleasant.
"Urn, I'd rather not if you don't mind."
"Really? Why not?"
"Well ... if you must know, my dimension traveling skills aren't all they could be," I said, blurting out the first thing that came into my mind. Actually, my ability to travel the dimensions without the mechanical aid of a D-Hopper was non-existent, but I saw no need to be too honest.
"If that's the only hitch, no problem," Cassandra said. "Just leave the driving to me, Tiger."
So saying, she hooked one arm in mine, did something I couldn't see with her other hand, and, before I had the chance to protest further, we were there!
Now, for those of you who have never been there (which, I assume, includes most of my readers), Limbo isn't much of a dimension to look at. That is, it's hard to see much of anything because it's DARK. Now, I don't mean "dark," I mean DARK!! Even when the sun is up, which it currently wasn't, it doesn't push much light through the perpetually overcast sky. Then, too, the predominant color of the architecture, roads, etc. is black, which does nothing toward brightening up the landscape. That in itself might make things look bleak, but when you added in the decorative flourishes the place looked positively grim.
Everywhere you looked there were gargoyles, dragons, and snakes ... stone ones, fortunately . .. peering back at you from rooftops, balconies, and window ledges. Normally I don't mind such creatures. Heck, as you know I have a dragon of my own, and Gus is one of my best friends even though he is a gargoyle. It should be noted, however, that those individuals manage to maintain their relationship with me without constantly displaying their teeth in bloodthirsty glee, a courtesy which their stone counterparts here in Limbo did NOT extend.
Then, too, there were the bats.
For every one of the aforementioned frightful creatures, there must have been ten or twenty bat decorations on display. They came in all sizes, shapes, and poses, and seemed to have only one characteristic in common ... none of them looked friendly. It was an unnerving reminder that a goodly proportion of the dimension's inhabitants were vampires.
"Umm ... Is this Blut, by any chance?" I said, ostensively studying the buildings around us while, in actuality, sneaking sideways peeks at Cassandra, trying to get another peek at her teeth.
"As a matter of fact, it is!" my date confirmed. "Don't tell me you've heard of it?"
"Actually, I've been here before."
"Really? That's strange ... but then again, Vie did say that you were better traveled and informed than most off-worlders." Cassandra seemed genuinely impressed. "So, what did you think of the place?"
"I didn't really get to see much of it," I admitted. "I was sort of here on business and didn't have much time for socializing or sightseeing."
Again, this was a bit of an understatement. I had been here trying to bust Aahz out of jail before they executed him for murder. It occurred to me, however, that it might not be wise to go into too many details of my previous visit. Fortunately, I needn't have worried.
"Well we can fix that right now," Cassandra declared, grabbing my hand and pulling me along behind her as she started off. "There's a little club around the corner here that's all the rage currently. It's as good a place as any to start our expedition."
"Wait a minute," I said, digging in my heels a bit. "What about me? I mean, if I recall correctly, off-worlders in general and humans specifically aren't all that welcome here. In fact, don't most vampires consider us humans to be monsters?"
"Oh, that's just the superstitious old fuddyduddies," my date insisted, continuing to tow me along. "The kind of folks that hang out at the clubs are pretty open-minded. You'll see."
Somehow, the phrase "pretty open-minded" didn't suffice to calm all my fears. I was all too aware that I was a long way from home with no independent means to get back there if anything went wrong and I got separated from my date. Just to be on the safe side, I started casting about for force lines ... the energy source I was trained to tap into for my magik. Limbo was notoriously short on them, which had caused me no small amount of problems during my last visit, and if I was going to have to do anything on "reserve power," I'd be wise to start mustering it well in advance of any trouble.
"There it is now!" Cassandra chirped, interrupting my concentration.
The place she had selected was easy to spot. It had a line of customers out front that stretched to the corner and around it. It also, however, had a strong force line running right over it, which made me much more willing to agree to it as a relaxing stop on our tour.
"Darn it!" my date said, slowing slightly. "I was afraid this would happen, what with us showing up so late atid all. How are you fixed for cash, Tiger? A little palm grease could cut our wait time a bit."
"Well, all I have is a couple hundred in gold," I said hesitantly. "If that's not enough, we can always ..."
"Whoa!" Cassandra stopped in her tracks. "Did you say a couple hundred!"
"That's right," I nodded, letting go of her hand to reach for my belt pouch. "I wasn't sure how much ..."
"Don't show it around here!" my date gasped, quickly stopping my hand with her own. "Geez! Do you want to get mugged? What are you doing, carrying your whole bankroll around with you? Don't you believe in banks?"
"Sure I do," I said, a little hurt. "This is just mad money. I wasn't sure how much this evening was going to cost, so I broug
ht a long a couple hundred ... that and a credit card."
"Really?" she said, obviously impressed. "How much do you ... never mind. None of my business. Vie never said you were rich, though. I've never even known someone with a credit card before."
I had only recently acquired my credit card while looking for Aahz on Perv, and hadn't had a chance to use it yet. (Frankly, except for a few dimension travelers like my colleagues and me, I don't think anyone on my home dimension of Klah has even heard of a credit card. I know I hadn't until I hit Perv.) If anything, I had tended to down play it, since it seemed to upset Aahz. My partner wasn't here, though, and my impressionable date was. If nothing else over the years, I've learned to go with the flow.
"Oh, it comes in handy," I said loftily, producing the item under discussion with a flourish. "Keeps me from having to carry too much cash, you know."
The card disappeared from my fingertips as Cassandra seized it and gaped at it in open awe.
"A solid gold card!" she exclaimed breathlessly. "Wow! You sure know how to show a girl a good time, Tiger. Are we going to party tonight!!"
Before I could stop her, she had grabbed my hand again and plunged into the crowd, holding the card aloft like a banner.
"Excuse us! Coming through!"
The people in line who we were elbowing our way past didn't like it. A few went so far as to bare their fangs in annoyance. The card seemed to have some magik effect, though, because, after one glance, they all stepped back and cleared a passage for us ... or, rather, for Cassandra. I just trailed along in her wake.
There was a velvet rope barring the door, and a big guy beside it whose only function seemed to be to admit people a few at a time as others left ... that, and be intimidating. I mean, he was BIG ... and that's coming from someone who has his own bodyguards. As soon as he spotted the card, however, he snatched the rope from the door, shoving a few of the line people back to open a path for us, and actually tried to twist his features into a smile as we swept past.
It was occurring to me that there might be more to this credit card business than I imagined. This didn't seem to be the time to ask, however, and a moment later we were in the club ... and I lost all ability to think of anything else.
Chapter Nine;
"I love the nightlife."
V. DRACULA
I DON'T KNOW what I had expected for the interior of a vampire nightclub, probably because it never occurred to me that I might visit one someday, but this definitely wasn't it.
First and foremost, it was bright. I don't mean bright, I mean BRIGHT!!!
The lighting level was so intense the glare was almost blinding, particularly coming in from the darkness outside. Even squinting, it was so bright I could barely make out the features of the room and even had to grope a bit to keep from tripping over things.
"Whatdaya think?" Cassandra shouted over the music as she clung to my arm.
"Hard to tell!" I called back. "It's kinda bright!"
"I know! Isn't it great!" she said, flashing a smile that shone through the light. "Real spooky, isn't it?"
For some reason, that made sense. In fact, suddenly the whole club did. Humans were primarily daylight lovers. When they wanted to feel daring or be scared, they went to dark places. Vampires on the other hand, normally tended to shun the light. As such, I supposed it was only natural that a place lit up like a flare would be scary to them.
"Oh, it's not too bad ... once your eyes adjust to it," I said loftily.
It was the truth. My eyes were slowly getting used to the glare, allowing me to look around the place.
What it lacked in size, it made up for in noise and customers.
What seemed like hundreds of people were packed around an expanse of tiny tables, each table having a small umbrella to provide limited relief from the bright lights like ... well, like candles on tables in a dark room back where I came from.
The only portion that seemed even more crowded than the tables was a small space I took for a dance floor. I made this assumption based on the fact that the customers packed in there cheek to jowl were all moving rhythmically in unison to the music which was blaring through the place at a volume level to match the Big Game. I couldn't see a source for the music, unless it was from the one weird-looking guy who was ensconced behind a table overlooking the dance floor. Every so often, there would be a break in the music and he would shout something, whereupon the crowd would shout back at him and a new tune would start. From this, I guessed that he had something to do with the entertainment, but exactly what I couldn't be sure, as there was no sign of an instrument. Just stacks and stacks of shiny discs he kept feeding into a machine in front of him.
The music itself was beyond description ... unless that description is "loud." Mostly, it sounded like jarring crashes of noise repeated endlessly to a driving beat. I mentioned that there would be pauses and new tunes, but in truth they seemed remarkably alike to me. I mean, whether one is repeatedly hitting a sackful of tin cans or a sackful of pots and kettles, or alternating between the two, the overall sound effect is the same for all intents and purposes. The crowd seemed to enjoy it, though, or, at least, it was sufficient to keep them cheering and gyrating with apparently limitless energy.
With all the noise and activity that was going on, I was almost surprised that I managed to notice the decorations hanging on the walls. Perhaps they caught my eye with their sheer incongruity.
There were strings of garlic-fake, to look at it-as well as vials of water and strings of beads, all marked with various religious symbols. Not exactly what I'd pick to have around while I was trying to relax ... if I were a vampire. Then again, the objective of the place didn't seem to be to provide relaxation.
"Interesting decor," I said, still looking at the stuff on the walls. "What's the name of this place, anyway?"
"It's called The Wooden Stake," Cassandra supplied, giving a mock shudder as she hugged my arm even tighter. "Isn't it a gas?"
"Uh-huh," I managed noncommittally.
Actually, her little shudder was quite distracting ... particularly crowded as close to me as she was.
"Quite a crowd here," I added, forcibly pulling my eyes away from her to look around again.
"I told you it was the hottest club around," she said, giving my arm a small shake. "Look. Everybody's here."
If it seems that I've been dwelling on the physical description of the club, it's because I've been hesitant to tackle the job of describing the patrons. They were like something out of your worse nightmare ... literally.
As might be expected, there were vampires. If their red eyes and flashy clothes didn't give them away, there was always the minor detail that they tended to float above the dance floor and along the ceiling to get away from the crush of the other dancers.
The list didn't stop there, however.
There were 'weres' around. Not just werewolves, but were-tigers, were-bears, and were-snakes as well. There were also mummies, lizard men, a night-shambler or two, and even a couple ghosts. At least, you could see through them so I supposed they were ghosts.
Just your average, run of the mill, neighborhood bar crowd ... if your neighborhood happens to be the intersection of half a dozen horror movies.
"I don't see the Woof Writers anywhere," I said, just to be cantankerous. I didn't know many people here on Limbo, but the few I knew weren't here, so obviously everybody wasn't in attendance.
"Oh, Idnew is probably around somewhere," Cassandra said absently, scanning the crowd. "Don't expect to see Drachir, though. He's usually holed up somewhere quieter talking business or ..."
She broke off suddenly and looked at me sharply.
"You know the Woof Writers?"
"Like I said" I smiled, squeezing her arm for a change. "I've been on Limbo before."
"Look! There's a table!" She grabbed my wrist and took off through the crowd, towing me along behind. If I had been hoping to impress her, I'd have to work more on my timing.
; We barely beat out a vampire couple for the table, who favored us with dark glares before continuing their search. I watched their departure with a vague sense of relief. I really didn't want to get into a fight tonight ... and especially not here in The Wooden Stake. I hadn't felt so much like an outsider since I returned from Perv.
The view from our table was notably much more restricted than the one we had when we were standing, due to the crush of people around us. The only real advantage to having a table, that I could see, was that we didn't have to hold our drinks ... except we didn't have any drinks.
"What'll you have?"
For a moment, I thought the question had come telepathically in answer to my thoughts. Then I realized there was a ghost hovering next to me, nearly translucent, but carrying a solid enough tray. I supposed it made sense. A ghost to pass ethereally through the crowds, and a solid tray to carry the drinks on. Maybe if other bars and restaurants used the same idea, service would be faster.
"Hi, Marley. I'll have a Bloody Mary," Cassandra said. "What do you want, Tiger?"
I'll spare you the image which my mind came up with to associate with the name of her ordered drink. While I knew from my earlier visits that vampires don't necessarily drink human blood exclusively, the idea of imbibing any kind of blood was pretty low on my list for taste treats.
"Urn ... What all do they have?" I stalled. "I'm pretty much just used to wine."
"Don't worry, it's a full service bar," she informed me brightly. "They've got pretty much ... Oh! I get it!"
She threw back her head and laughed, then gave my arm a playful slap.
"Don't get uptight, Tiger. They do have drinks for off-worlders."
Again I was relieved, but at the same time, I wasn't wild about being laughed at. I seemed to be losing ground in the "impress your date" department.
Sween Myth-tery of Life m-10 Page 7
