Engaged to the Single Mom

by Lee Tobin McClain

  He leaned over and clamped a hand on her forearm. “I’m not going to fall through. I’m here for you!”

  She stared at him, meeting his eyes, trying to read them. But something about his expression took her breath away and she pulled free and turned to look out over the fields, biting her lip.

  God, what do I do?

  She wanted to trust Troy. She wanted to trust God, and hadn’t she been praying for better medical treatment? Hadn’t she had her own issues with Dr. Lewis’s wait-and-see attitude?

  Xavier banged out the front door, sporting a T-shirt Angelica hadn’t seen before, and she pulled him toward her, hands on shoulders, to read it.

  Rescue River Midget Soccer.

  “Where’d you get this, buddy?”

  He smiled winningly. “Becka gave it to me. It’s her old one. But she said I can get a new one as soon as I’m ’ficial on the team.”

  Angelica’s heart gave a little thump as she put her arms around him, noticing he was warm and sweaty. He must have been running around inside.

  He wanted this so badly, and she did, too. But she worried about whether it was the right thing to do.

  Here Troy was offering her an opportunity to get the best medical opinion, even on something so minor as whether a six-year-old could play soccer. Shouldn’t she be grateful, and thanking God, rather than trying to escape their good fortune?

  Even if it poked at her pride?

  She took a deep breath. “Guess what! Mr. Troy found us a new doctor for you, a really good one. We’re going to get you a super soccer checkup, to make sure you’re ready to do your best.”

  * * *

  The next day at the clinic, watching his friend and expert cancer doctor, Ravi Verma, examine Xavier’s records and latest test results, Troy heaved a sigh of relief.

  He had to admire the way Angelica was handling this. He knew he’d gone beyond the boundaries when he pulled strings to make the appointment, but he just couldn’t stand to think that they were making do with a small-town doctor when the best medical care in the world was just another hour’s drive away.

  Obviously Angelica hadn’t loved his approach, but she wasn’t taking it out on Xavier. She’d pep-talked him through today’s blood tests and played what seemed like a million games of tic-tac-toe as a distraction. Now she had an arm around her son as he leaned against her side.

  She was a great mom. She was also gorgeous, her hair curlier than she usually wore it and tumbling over her shoulders, her sleeveless dress revealing shapely bronzed arms and legs.

  Troy swallowed and shifted in his plastic chair. Man, this consultation room was small. And warm.

  The doctor cleared his throat and turned to them. “There’s so much that looks good on his chart and in the testing,” he said, “but I’m afraid his blasts are up just a little.”

  “No!” Angelica’s hand flew to her mouth, her eyes suddenly wide and desperate.

  Troy pounded his fist on his knee. Just when things had been going so well. “What does that mean, Ravi?”

  His friend held up a hand. “Maybe nothing, and I can see why my colleague Dr. Lewis wanted to wait—”

  “He didn’t even tell us about it!” Angelica sounded anguished.

  “And that’s common. The impulse not to alarm the patient about what might be a normal fluctuation.”

  “Might be...or might be something else?” Angelica’s throat was working, and he saw her taking breath after breath, obviously trying to calm herself down. She stroked Xavier’s back with one hand; her other hand gripped the chair arm with white knuckles. “What can we do about it?”

  Ravi nodded. “Let’s talk about possibilities. The first, of course, is to wait and see.”

  “Let’s do that.” Xavier buried his head in Angelica’s skirt. He sounded miserable.

  “Other options?” Troy heard the brusqueness in his own voice, but he couldn’t seem to control his tone. Hadn’t had the practice Angelica had.

  “There is an experimental treatment for this kind of...probable relapse.”

  Angelica’s shoulders slumped. “Probable relapse?”

  Ravi’s dark eyes flashed sympathy. “I’m afraid so. You see, his numbers have crept up again since his last test. Not much at all, so not necessarily significant, but from what I have seen in these cases...” He reached out and put a hand on Angelica’s. “I think it might be best to treat it aggressively.”

  “Treat it how?” Angelica’s voice was hoarse, and Troy could hear the tears right at the edge of it.

  Xavier looked up at his mother. “Mom?”

  “We’ll figure it out, buddy.” She smiled down reassuringly and stroked his hair with one hand. The other dug into the chair’s upholstery so hard it looked as if she was about to rip it.

  “The traditional protocol is radiation and chemo, quite intensive and quite...challenging on the patient.”

  Angelica pressed her lips together.

  Troy leaned forward. “Is there another option?”

  “Yes, the experimental treatment I mentioned. Cell therapy. Using the body’s own immunological cells. Now, most of the participants in the trial are adults, but there is one other child, a girl of about twelve. It’s possible I could talk my colleagues into allowing Xavier in, if he passes the tests.”

  “Isn’t that going to be really expensive? We don’t have good insurance.”

  “In an experimental trial, the patient’s medications are fully funded. However...” He looked up at Angelica. “There may be some expenses not covered by our grant or your insurance.”

  “That’s not a problem,” Troy said. “Is this new treatment what you’d recommend?” he pressed.

  Ravi looked at Xavier’s bent head with eyes full of compassion. “If he were one of my own, this is the approach I would take.”

  Angelica opened her mouth and then closed it again. Shut her eyes briefly, and then turned back to Ravi. “How difficult is the treatment?”

  “That is the wonder of it. It is noninvasive and not harmful as far as cancer treatments go because it uses the body’s own cells. Of course, there are the usual tests and injections...” He reached down and patted Xavier’s shoulder. “Nothing about cancer is easy for a child.”

  “I don’t want a treatment.” Xavier’s head lifted to look at his mother. “I want to play soccer.”

  She lifted him into her lap and clasped him close. “I know, buddy. I want that, too.”

  Troy leaned toward the pair, not sure whether to touch Xavier or not. In the mysteries of sick children, he was a rank beginner. He had to bow to the expertise of Ravi, and especially of Angelica. At most, he was a mentor and a friend to the boy. “Buddy, this could make you well.”

  “It never did before.” Xavier’s expression held more discouragement than looked right on that sweet face. “Mom, I don’t want a treatment.”

  “We’ll talk about it and think about it. And pray about it.” She straightened her back and squared her shoulders and Troy watched, impressed, as she took control of the situation. “Listen, I think Mr. Troy is feeling worried. And I also think I have a bag of chocolate candy in my purse. Could you get him some?”

  Xavier sniffed and nodded and reached for her purse. She let him dig in it, watching him with the most intense expression of love and fierce care that he’d ever seen on a woman’s face.

  “Here it is!”

  “Give Mr. Troy the first choice.” She took back the purse and reached in herself, pulling out a creased sheet of paper. While Xavier fumbled through the bag of candy, patently ignoring her instruction to let Troy go first, Angelica skimmed down a list and started pelting Ravi with questions.

  Troy imagined he could see the sweat and tears of their history with cancer on that well-worn paper. He didn’t pray often enough, but
now he thanked God for allowing him the honor of helping Angelica cope.

  He focused on Xavier for a few minutes while the other two talked, bandying about terms and phrases he’d not heard even with his vet school history. Finally Angelica folded the paper back up, glanced over at Xavier and frowned. “Is there time for me to think about this?”

  “Of course,” Ravi said, “but it’s best to get started early, before his numbers go up too high. If there is any chance you’ll be interested in participating, we should start the paperwork now.”

  She closed her eyes for a moment, drew in a slow breath and then opened her eyes and nodded. “Let’s do it.”

  During the little flurry of activity that followed—forms to fill out, a visit from the office manager to pin down times and details, some protests from Xavier—Troy kept noticing Angelica’s strength, her fierceness and her decision-making power. She’d grown so much since he knew her last, and while he’d been aware of it before, he was even more so now. She had his total respect.

  And she deserved a break. When Xavier’s protests turned into crying and the office manager started talking about initial tests that would be costly but not covered by the trial’s grant, he nudged the boy toward her. “Why don’t you two go out and get some fresh air, maybe hit the park across the street? I need to talk to my friend here for a minute. And I’ll settle up some of the financial details with the office manager and then come on out.”

  “Can we go, Mom?”

  She pressed her lips together and then nodded. “I’ll be in touch,” she said to Ravi. She mouthed a thank-you to Troy, and then the two of them left.

  Troy stood, too, knowing his friend’s time was valuable, but Ravi gestured him back into the chair. “You cannot escape without telling me about her.”

  “She’s...pretty special. And so is the boy.”

  “I see that.” Ravi nodded. “They’ve not had an easy road, I can tell from the charts. Lots of free clinics, lots of delays.”

  “Has it affected the outcome?”

  “No, I think not. It has just been hard on both of them.”

  “What are his chances of getting into the trial?”

  “Honestly? Fifty-fifty. We have to look more deeply into all his previous treatments and his other options. But I will do my best.”

  “Thank you.” And Troy made a promise to himself: he would make sure they got in. And, God willing, the treatment would make Xavier well.

  * * *

  That night, Angelica was helping Lou Ann clean up the kitchen—they’d all eaten together again—while Troy and Xavier sat in the den building something complicated out of LEGO blocks. The sound of the two of them laughing was a pleasant, quiet backdrop to the clattering of pots and dishes, and Angelica didn’t know she was sighing until Lou Ann called her on it. “What’s going on in your mind, kiddo?”

  Angelica smiled at the older woman. “I’m just...wishing this could go on forever.”

  “Which part? With Xavier, or with Troy?”

  “Both.”

  “Xavier we pray about. Is there a problem with your engagement we should take to the Lord, too?”

  Lou Ann didn’t know that the engagement was for show, and normally Angelica felt that was right and would have continued the deception. But something in the older woman’s sharp eyes told her that she’d guessed the truth. “Yes,” she said slowly, “we could use some prayer. I just don’t know that it will work, not really.”

  “Why’s that?” Lou Ann carried the roaster over to the sink and started scrubbing it.

  Angelica wiped at the counter aimlessly. “Well, because I...I don’t know, I just don’t believe it can happen.”

  Lou Ann shook her head. “Why the two of you can’t see what’s under your noses, that you love each other, I don’t know.”

  “We don’t love each other!” And then Angelica’s hand flew to her mouth. If the fact that their engagement was a sham hadn’t been out before, it was now.

  “I think you have more feelings than you realize,” the older woman said. “So what’s holding you back, really?”

  Angelica leaned against the counter, abandoning all pretense of working. “I...I just don’t believe he’ll love me. Don’t believe I’m able to keep him.”

  “The man’s crazy about you!”

  Lou Ann’s automatic, obviously sincere response made Angelica’s breath catch. “You really think so?”

  “Yep.”

  Lou Ann’s certainty felt amazing, but Angelica couldn’t let herself trust it. “That’s because he doesn’t know much about me. If he did, he’d feel differently.”

  Lou Ann pointed at her with the scrubber stick. “What did you do that’s so all-fired awful?”

  Angelica shook her head. “Nothing. I...I can’t talk about it.”

  “If it’s about Xavier’s daddy,” Lou Ann said with her usual shrewdness, “I think you should let it go. The past is the past.”

  “Not when you have a child by it,” Angelica murmured, starting to scrub again.

  “Look,” Lou Ann said, “all of us have sinned. Every single one. If you’d look at the inside of my soul, it would be as stained and dirty as this greasy old pan.”

  “You? No way!”

  “You’d be surprised,” Lou Ann said. “For one thing, I wasn’t always as old and wrinkled as I am now. I had my days of running around. Ask your grandfather sometime.”

  Angelica laughed. “Gramps already told me you were the belle of the high school ball. In fact, I think he has a crush on you still.”

  Lou Ann’s cheeks turned a pretty shade of pink. “I doubt that. But the point is, we’ve all done things we’re not proud of. I ran around with too many boys in my younger days, and I’ve also done my share of gossiping and coveting. Not to mention that I don’t love my neighbor as well as I should.”

  When Angelica tried to protest, Lou Ann held out a hand. “Point is, we’re all like that. We’ve all sinned and fallen short, that one—” she pointed the scrubber toward the den where Troy was “—included. So don’t go thinking your sins, whatever they are, make you worse than anyone else. Without Jesus, we’d all be on the same sinking ship.”

  “I guess,” Angelica said doubtfully. She knew that was doctrine, and in her head she pretty much believed it. In her heart, though, where it mattered, she felt worse than other people.

  “I think you need to sit down and talk to the man,” Lou Ann said. “The two of you spend all your time with Xavier, and you don’t ever get any couple time to grow your relationship and get to know each other.”

  “But our connection...well, you’ve pretty much guessed that it’s mainly about Xavier.”

  “But it shouldn’t be,” Lou Ann said firmly. “You two should build your own bond first, like putting on your oxygen mask in a plane before you help your kid. If Mom and Dad aren’t happy, the kids won’t be happy. Xavier needs to see that you two have a stable, committed relationship. That’s what will help him.”

  Angelica sighed. “You’re probably right.” She’d been thinking about it a lot: the fact that their pretend engagement had grown out of their control and was now of a size to need some tending. Half the town knew they were engaged, and more important, her own feelings had grown beyond pretend to real. She didn’t want to think about ending the engagement, partly because of what it would do to Xavier, but also because of what it would do to her.

  “You need to get to know him as he is now, not just the way he was seven years ago. Things have changed. He writes articles in veterinary journals now, and other vets come to consult with him. He’s way too busy. And on the home front, his dad’s not getting any younger, and Troy needs to make his peace with him. You’re the one with the big, immediate issues in the form of that special boy in there, but Troy has his own problems to solve. You n
eed to figure out if you can help him do that.”

  “Sit down. Take a break.” Angelica nudged Lou Ann aside and reached for the scrubber, attacking the worst of the pots and pans. “I’ve been selfish, haven’t I?”

  “Not at all. You’re preoccupied, and that makes sense. But promise you’ll talk to him soon. Maybe even tell him some of that history that’s got you feeling so down on yourself.”

  Angelica sighed. The thought of bringing up their engagement, of having that difficult talk, seemed overwhelming, but she could tell Lou Ann wasn’t going to let it go. “All right,” she said. “I’ll try.”

  Chapter Ten

  Angelica strolled toward the field beside the barn, more relaxed than she had felt in a week.

  She’d tried to work up the courage to talk to Troy about their relationship, even to tell him the truth about why she’d left him, but it hadn’t happened. Finally this morning, she’d turned the whole thing over to God. If He wanted her to talk to Troy, He had to open up the opportunity, because she couldn’t do it on her own strength.

  Red-winged blackbirds trilled and wild roses added a sweet note to the usual farm fragrances of hay and the neighboring cattle. Beyond the barn, she could hear boys shouting and dogs barking as Troy’s Kennel Kids tossed balls for the dogs.

  Today—praise the Lord—she’d gotten word that Xavier was accepted into the clinical trial. He’d go for his treatment in a couple of days, and Dr. Ravi was reassuring about everything. The treatment wouldn’t be difficult, and he was optimistic that the trial would work, told stories of patients’ numbers improving and “positive preliminary findings.”

  Impulsively she lifted her hands to the sky, feeling the breeze kiss her arms. Lord, thank You, thank You.

  She rounded the corner of the barn and froze.

  One of the Kennel Kids, older and at least twice Xavier’s size, loomed over him, fist raised threateningly.

  “Hey!” Poised to run to her son, she felt a restraining hand on her shoulder.