Revenge Love

by Kata Čuić

  She rolls her eyes. “Geez, Emma. It’s no wonder you had no idea Rosie’s a lesbo. The rest of us have been speculating about that for years.”

  Well, at least they believed me when I insisted I didn’t know about Rosie’s sexuality before she made her announcement. I guess that counts for something, even if they think I’m more innocent than I really am. Just because I don’t have much relationship experience doesn’t mean I’m naïve.

  “Jill and Adam have been together since high school. He’s safe, but Jill always complains about the lack of passion in their relationship. I think she’s been looking for it elsewhere while using Adam to make sure she never spends Valentine’s Day alone.”

  I can’t mask my disgusted reaction. Being used never feels good. I would know. “That’s awful. Poor Adam.”

  She shrugs. “I kind of think he knows but is probably doing the same because he never calls Jill out on it.”

  Lisa waves her hand. “Unless Jill has come out and admitted it, or you’ve caught her cheating, then it’s all speculation. Although, maybe you’re onto something since you haven’t received a response to your text.”

  She checks her phone and frowns. “Crap. That’s going to make for an awkward weekend when he finds out the truth.”

  “There’s only one option left,” I point out.

  “On it,” Lisa bounces back, already typing. “Yes. Twenty on Gould. Number two.”

  An immediate ping resonates through the air. Her eyes widen as she stares at her phone, up at us, then at her phone again.

  “Well?” Jacquelyn practically screams. “What does it say?”

  “Friday. Ten PM. Phi Kappa house. Show this message to be admitted.”

  “Aww.” Omega leans back against the couch, pouting. “If they’re making people show the response, then we can’t crash the party. You know how the guys get sometimes. They’ll have their guard dogs out front, and no one will get through who isn’t invited.” She snickers. “If they’re really serious, they might even be armed with their lacrosse sticks.”

  The perfume of coffee in the air calls to me, but there’s just one more thing I’m curious about before I leave my perch to place an order with the barista. “Do you think it’s really a lie? Angela definitely never struck me as the kind of person who would try to break up a marriage, but there must be a kernel of truth to all three of the suggestions.”

  Jacquelyn shrugs, bumping her shoulder into mine. “Who cares if it’s a lie? It’s none of our business. Besides, even if it is true, maybe she doesn’t know he’s married.”

  Tara rolls her eyes. “Why would that text have been sent if there wasn’t something to it? Someone obviously knows the dirty professor has a wife. Maybe the lie is only that it isn’t Angela he’s sleeping with.”

  “This is bullshit.” Jacquelyn finishes off her latte in a single gulp. “The text should have outed the professor. He’s more at fault than any of his students.”

  Lisa frowns. “It’s probably better for everyone if his identity isn’t revealed. It could mean a lot of blowback for Angela or any other student he’s involved with, plus major changes to campus policy which are already strict.” She releases a bark of laughter. “Can you imagine if we knew who he is? Either everyone would be signing up to take his class to try and get a better grade, or he’d be receiving death threats at his office every day. It would be chaos.”

  I stand, stretching out the delicious tension in my body. A tall black magic mocha is in order. The extra caffeine will help me focus enough to get through our planning session. And maybe just one Danish. After two weeks of going dry, I’m starting to have withdrawals. Drool pools in my mouth, anticipating a hit of warm sweetness.

  “What about you, Emma?” Tara raises her chin in my direction. “If you didn’t get a text, how will you have a chance to go to the next fight?”

  “I have no interest in going.” I wave my hand in the air dismissively, like batting away an annoying mosquito before it can draw first blood. “I didn’t even go last night. Amateur boxing isn’t really my thing.”

  Omega giggles. “It didn’t look so amateur from where I was watching. Jason Gould must be a professional bodybuilder. I can stand a little blood for the chance to watch him flex his sweaty muscles.”

  “Were you one of the women plastered all over him after the fight?” Tara wrinkles her nose in disgust. “He might have a hot body, but I’d have to keep my eyes closed to kiss him. I couldn’t believe the ladies fighting over him like a piece of meat. I, for one, wouldn’t be able to go through with it.”

  It takes every ounce of willpower not to curl my hands into fists.

  Jacquelyn outright glares at the girl, which only makes me like her more. “I couldn’t sleep with someone who’s capable of that sort of violence. Who knows how rough he’d be in bed?”

  Lisa’s eyes light up as a grin spreads across her face. “Oh, come on. Every lady likes it a little rough now and then. Would you really say no if he chose you for the night? He’d probably tie you up, spank you, and make your wildest fantasies come true.”

  Tara shakes her head. “And then you’d open your eyes and realize the pleasure wasn’t worth the disgust you’d feel the next morning. I’d rather have a lifetime of self-respect than a single night of orgasms, even if they’re mind-blowing.”

  I don’t launch into an interrogation about her definition of self-respect. If it involves being okay sleeping with a man who has a perfect face, I’d rather not know about her hypocrisy. With a small smile, I abandon the devolving conversation about sex to get in line at the front counter.

  I order only a coffee. I’ve lost my appetite.

  Truth: What’s done in the dark will be brought to the light.

  “How did your fishing expedition go yesterday?” Kieran smirks as I let him into my apartment.

  His expressions are really starting to grate on my nerves. Two years and not a blip of anything other than almost boredom on his face. In the span of only a few weeks, he’s turned into a completely different person. This clandestine revenge plot genuinely makes him happy.

  “Everything seems to be running smoothly. Reactions are better than expected to the reveals, and the texting algorithm seems to work as planned.” I throw my bag and jacket on the floor in a heap instead of hanging them up like I usually do. Nor do I bother turning on the lights. I simply don’t have the energy. Being devious is exhausting, and I need the cover of darkness to breathe. “Are you sure Josh won’t rat us out?”

  Kieran shakes his head, a more somber demeanor taking over. “I pay him not to. The guy works on the dark web. Trust me, we’re not even a blip on his radar compared to some of the shit he’s involved in.”

  I pause mid-stride on my route to the kitchen for a glass of water. “He’s only nineteen. What on earth could he possibly be involved in?”

  “Personally, I think he’s part of Anonymous.”

  A healthy dose of panic injects into my veins. Not for the first time, I curse my lack of tech knowledge. “Kieran, that’s a serious accusation. They’re criminals. If he’s mixed up in that world, he’s the last person we should have trusted to help us.”

  When am I going to learn to be more skeptical of people? The amount of betrayal I’ve experienced in the past month should have been an excellent teacher.

  Kieran takes a seat on the couch, making himself completely at home. He doesn’t touch the lamp on the end table. “Actually, that’s exactly the reason I trust him. Anonymous might engage in criminal activity, but their track record speaks for itself. They serve justice in ways people who follow the laws can’t. Or won’t.”

  A bitter flavor spreads over my tongue, no matter how much water I gulp to wash it down. “You really believe that’s what we’re doing? Serving justice?”

  His sigh reaches across the distance between us. “Are we really going to have this conversation again?”

  Light from the street lamp below filters in through my kitchen window. I draw t
he curtains shut in an effort to block it out. It’s eleven o’clock on a Monday night. No one witnessed Kieran and I cross campus together after I wrapped up homework in the library. Still, my skin pricks with the feeling of being watched.

  I turn to face him, bracing my hands behind me on the kitchen counter. “I understand you’re in pain from your loss. I even get why Rosie wants to lash out at the sisters who betrayed her.” Actually, I don’t. Rosie is more like them than she knows if the way she played me is anything to go by. “And, Jason’s rage issues make sense. What I watched him go through in high school was reprehensible. No one should ever be treated the way he was.”

  Kieran’s head pops up from its resting place on the back of the couch. “You two went to high school together?”

  I roll my eyes, fully realizing he can’t see me in the darkness. “Yes, but that’s not the point. Revenge is not the same as justice. This plan isn’t going to fix what’s hurt the three of you. You’re not sending any sort of message.”

  He hops up from the couch, stalking toward me in a way that makes me wish the lights were on. “The hell we aren’t. We’re teaching people they can’t do whatever they want without consequences. Each reveal is justice for what your sorority did to Rosie. Every hit Jason lands on those preppy assholes shows them he’s better than they are.”

  “Rosie isn’t offering up the information. I am. So, that’s not a very teachable lesson for the way SST banished her without a care, not to mention random texts that don’t reveal the source don’t really accomplish anything. Jason isn’t any better. He’s fighting for the guys who tried to convince him to rape a woman, not against them. And all the money you might make from arranging these matches won’t bring your girlfriend back.”

  He jolts like I’ve slapped him. “I’m making sure what happened to her doesn’t happen again.”

  I’ve shied away from questioning what Kieran gains out of all this. Though it has to be connected to his broken heart, the puzzle pieces won’t fit together without more information. I can’t play this game effectively without knowing the players in a way they’ve never allowed me to before. “How? How are you changing things for the better? From my perspective, you’re nothing more than a bully who’s too cowardly to fight in the open. You are not honoring her memory this way.”

  Just like he’s not honoring her by refusing a real relationship while still accepting sex.

  “I’m not a bully,” he whispers, his voice shaking. “I’ll never have a chance to fight the people who took so much from me. The best I can hope for is to teach the bullies here that we won’t all be victims. Some of us will fight back.”

  The urge to reach for him, to soothe his pain, threatens to crack my control. In the interest of saving myself, I hold back. Feelings are a weakness I can no longer afford. Realizing there are some people I can’t help has been the hardest lesson of all. “You’re not teaching them anything, though. You said it yourself. Men are bloodthirsty. They enjoy the fights. Every text reveal only adds fuel to the rumor mill on campus. You’re giving them an easy opportunity to continue doing what they’ve always done. Nothing will change.”

  He nods, suddenly confident again. “It will. This is only the beginning. With each ego Jason knocks down a peg, and every woman on campus whose dirty secrets are exposed, we level the playing field. Give it a few months. You’ll see a difference. I promise you that.”

  A sigh escapes my tight chest. I’m in too deep to back out now. “Fine. Just remember our deal. Rosie and Jason can never know I’m involved.”

  “Oh, it’s too late for that,” a familiar, gravelly voice intones from the doorway of my bedroom. “I suspected, but now I know.”

  Kieran whirls around to face the intruder. “How the hell did you get in here?”

  “With my key.” His voice echoes around the space, completely deadpan.

  “He has a key to your apartment?” There’s no accusation in Kieran’s tone, only genuine curiosity. And why should he be jealous? He offered to loan Jason my body, after all.

  What he didn’t know when making that oh-so-generous offer is that the man slowly walking toward us hates me.

  I hold out my hand. “I’ll be taking that key back.”

  He nods, never taking his dark eyes off me. “I’ll give your key back when you abandon this little operation.”

  Did I really expect him to follow my command? He is an insufferable asshole. If he suspected my involvement, then someone else might, too. As much as I’d rather never speak to him again, I need to pump him for information. “How did you know? I covered my tracks. The texts come from a blocked number. I wasn’t even at the fight Saturday night.”

  “Your fingerprints are all over this. Everything you worried about at the first fight magically has a solution, and then some. Rosie’s a smart girl, but she’s not the type to consider every possible scenario the way you do.”

  “You told me I wasn’t capable of saving myself. It seems my ability to fantasize has come in pretty handy.” I slap a mental high five for that witty two-liner.

  “Goddammit, Emma!” He pounds his fist on the countertop violently enough to make Kieran and I jump. “This isn’t one of your stupid daydreams! Stay out of it!”

  “Wait a minute.” Kieran glances between us several times before settling on Jason. An obvious epiphany blooms across his face. “You’re not the reason she approached me with all the improvements to our plan.”

  “Fuck,” Jason breathes. He leans against the counter, pulling his hands through his hair.

  More suspicion piles up in my brain. “Why would he be the reason I approached you?”

  “Because I told him to get you on board, no matter what it took,” Kieran spits. “You thought of everything I hadn’t, and I knew we needed you to make this work. I figured if anyone could play the pity card enough to get you to commit, it was Jason. Obviously, I was wrong.”

  My body curls in on itself as a rush of nausea swirls up my chest. There’s no end to the manipulation. It’s all I can do to physically protect myself.

  “You’re dead wrong.” Jason’s voice carries a threatening undertone, enough to make me cower further into my little corner of the kitchen. “I’d rather never see a dime of that prize money than have her involved in this. Let me teach you something you don’t understand, King. You can’t blackmail someone who doesn’t have anything to lose. Either you keep her out of this, or I walk. I don’t care about the money.”

  An almost feral smile creeps over Kieran’s lips. The way he bares his teeth seems more animal than human. His gaze hovers on me long enough to make me shiver. “I think I understand very well, Gould. Since we’re all friends here, let me teach you a lesson. Everyone has something to lose. You’re no exception. If you wanted to win, you shouldn’t have shown me all your cards.”

  “You’re not reading the players very well.” Jason makes a tsking noise that sounds like something my mother would do when she’s disappointed in me. He tips his head in my direction but doesn’t break eye contact with Kieran. “She isn’t my weakness. She’ll be the weak link to bring us down. I don’t trust her, and you shouldn’t, either.”

  Four little words out of his mouth send me from whimpering damsel to sword-wielding knight. “You have no idea what trust means because you’re too busy always looking out for yourself. If it wasn’t for all my changes to your stupid amateur operation, you wouldn’t have gotten laid Saturday night. All the women who threw themselves at your Adonis-like pecs would have been crushed behind the men who were in a frenzy for the chance to pummel you. I made it manageable, safer, and more accessible to everyone.”

  He swivels his head my direction with absolute fire raging in his eyes. Every word he speaks is enunciated slowly like he’s talking to someone who doesn’t comprehend English. “Is it possible for you to keep your mouth shut? If you have an off switch hidden somewhere, I’d love to know where it is.”

  “Fuck you, Jason Gould.” Apparently, I’m too flus
tered to come up with anything more than a repeat of what I’ve previously said to Kieran.

  A positively gleeful expression brightens Kieran’s face. His teeth shine in the darkness in a completely different manner than before. “Let me make this easier for you two. If Jason walks away, I tell the entire campus Emma is the informant for the reveals. If Emma walks away, I turn Jason over to the authorities. Any questions?”

  I have plenty of questions, but I can’t catch my breath enough to give voice to a single one.

  Jason, apparently, doesn’t suffer from my predicament. “Turn me in. She’ll bring us down, anyway.”

  “I don’t think she will. Like you said, she’s thought of every possible scenario.” Kieran leaves without a look back, a trail of uncharacteristic laughter following in his wake.

  When absolute quiet finally descends on my apartment, I sink to the floor without any sound to buoy me. Jason doesn’t want me to speak, and I couldn’t if I tried. Too many scenarios I never imagined pummel my brain. It’s not until a large hand makes contact with my shoulder that I inhale a full breath.

  “Don’t touch me,” I scream, needing something to fill the void even if it’s only my own pathetic voice.

  He raises his hands in defense, backing away enough to let me know he isn’t an immediate threat.

  Silence settles between us. An urge to fill the discomfort stretches my skin to the breaking point, but I fight against my old instincts. There’s no point stifling the pain when I already feel broken.

  “I didn’t get laid after the fight,” Jason croaks, surprising me by breaking our stalemate first. His face twists into a strange mixture of curiosity and repulsion. “Pretty sure Rosie did, though. I saw her go upstairs with one of the Phi Kappas and another girl. She wouldn’t admit anything, but she couldn’t stop smiling the rest of the night, either. It was weird.”

  Jason’s revelation cements my resolve. While I’ve spent the past week scheming and trying to keep up with my course load and Greek obligations, the two people I once considered my closet friends were going on about their lives as if nothing was missing. As if I wasn’t missing. They probably spend every evening in their shared apartment watching lesbian porn.