Hunter's Bride and A Mother's Wish

by Marta Perry

  Matt ran the brush down Eagle’s silky neck, then patted the horse’s strong shoulder. He’d already decided that the boys would have their ride on Jenny’s placid pony, but Andi was something different. He had to smile again thinking about the expression on her face when he’d said he’d let her take a ride on Eagle. She’d looked as if an indescribably beautiful gift was within her grasp.

  Sarah had looked much the same the night before, when he’d held her in his arms on the Riverwalk. When he’d kissed her and wanted to keep her there forever.

  No. Some rational part of his mind still resisted. How could he even let such a thought in? Even if he were sure he loved her, even if she loved him, too much still stood between them.

  His life wasn’t here, in this quiet backwater. He belonged back in his busy, dangerous world, where there was no room for a man with a family. And there was no point in kidding himself that some kind of long-distance relationship between them would work. Sarah and her kids needed a real husband and father, someone who’d be part of their lives every single day.

  That couldn’t be him. A wave of something like panic went through him at the thought, and he leaned his forehead against Eagle’s warm neck. He couldn’t take responsibility for their safety and happiness. His stomach turned as once again he saw the walls of the mission station crumble, heard the children’s terrified cries, inhaled the acrid smoke from the bomb.

  The only safe life is a detached life. He repeated the words he’d drummed into his heart.

  Once he’d been convinced he could live by them. Now, since he’d met Sarah, he wasn’t sure that was possible. He straightened, looked out the open stable door and saw her coming.

  “Sarah.” Careful, he cautioned himself. Think this through. Don’t jump into something that will hurt everyone. The problem was, he didn’t want to be careful. He wanted to take her in his arms.

  “Hello, Matt.” She lingered in the doorway, the sunlight slanting behind her and outlining her figure with gold. Did he just imagine the constraint in her voice?

  “The kids are out at the paddock with Wanda and Jenny’s pony.” He lifted saddle and pad together to Eagle’s back. “We’ll be ready to go as soon as I finish saddling Eagle.”

  She came closer. “He still looks awfully big to me. Are you sure it’s a good idea to put Andi on his back?”

  “He’s as gentle as can be.” He reached for her hand and felt her swift, instinctive movement away. “I just wanted to show you how to pat him.”

  His stomach churned. Was that her reaction to what had happened between them the night before? Maybe he didn’t need to worry about what he was going to do. Maybe Sarah had already decided this was no good.

  “Sorry.” She seemed to struggle to produce a smile as she held out her hand.

  He took it in his, then smoothed her palm down along the strong, smooth curve of Eagle’s neck. His own hand cupped hers, and her sleeve brushed his arm. Awareness seemed to hum between them.

  “He’s beautiful,” she said softly.

  He’s not the only thing that’s beautiful here. He wanted to say the words, but they stuck in his throat. He couldn’t say anything.

  The moment stretched out. The only sound in the stable was the gentle shuffle of hooves against straw. Dust motes rose lazily in the shaft of sunlight from the door. Sarah was close enough that her hair brushed his chin, close enough that he could feel her breath. He fought back the impulse to press a kiss to the pulse that throbbed in her neck.

  “About yesterday,” he said abruptly, needing to put some space between them.

  Her gaze jerked up to meet his, something startled and wary in it. “What about yesterday?”

  “I wanted to thank you for going with me to Savannah. I’m not sure I’d have done it without you.”

  Sudden warmth banished the reserve in her manner. “Of course you would have. But I’m glad I could help.” She hesitated, then seemed to decide it was safe to ask what she must be wondering. “Did you tell your father what we found out about Emily?”

  “Yes.” He turned back to the horse, pulling the girth snug. How much should he reveal to her? Maybe there was no point in trying to hide anything. Sarah had already seen deeper into his heart than anyone else ever had.

  “I told him everything.” The memory of those moments on the Riverwalk leaped into his mind. “About Emily, I mean.”

  She nodded, patting Eagle’s neck while he slipped the bridle into place. “It was such a sad story. I’m surprised he never made an effort to find out what had become of her.”

  “Too proud, I’d guess. Caldwells tend to be like that. But when I told him—” He hesitated, reliving the look he’d surprised in his father’s eyes. “It was years ago. Puppy love, he’d called it. But when I told him what had become of his golden girl, I saw tears in his eyes.”

  “She was his first love,” Sarah said softly. “You can’t forget your first love.”

  “It wasn’t just that.” He wanted her to understand. “I’ve never seen that side of my father. I guess I didn’t think it existed. I didn’t think he could be moved by anything except business. Seeing him that way—” He swallowed hard, knowing he needed to tell her the rest of it. “You remember telling me once that you had to go on loving people, even when they disappointed you?”

  She nodded, and he saw something that might almost have been hope in her eyes. “I remember.”

  “I guess I finally understand what that means.” He shrugged, embarrassed at the way emotion had thickened his voice. “I think my father and I have started to come to terms with each other. Thanks to you.”

  “I didn’t have much to do with it. You were ready. Maybe that’s really why you came home.”

  He wanted to tell her that she’d changed him, but he couldn’t seem to find the words and wasn’t sure he should say them if he did. “I don’t suppose things will ever be the way they were before, when I was Jeffrey’s age and thought my father was a hero. But it’s better now. I feel…” He searched for the word. “Comfortable. I feel comfortable here now.”

  He wasn’t sure what he wanted her to say to that, but she just nodded. “I’m glad.” She clasped his hand briefly, then moved a step toward the door, into the patch of sunlight.

  Something tightened inside him, making it impossible to speak. The words he’d said about his father echoed in his mind. Maybe it was true he’d never see his father as a hero again. But he couldn’t help longing, no matter how foolish it was, that Sarah saw him that way.

  She had to tell him. She couldn’t. Sarah leaned against the paddock fence, watching Matt with her children. What was she going to do?

  For a moment, when Matt had talked about loving his father in spite of his faults, she’d felt a spurt of hope. Maybe he was learning that sometimes love could break through his rigid expectations of people.

  Things will never be the way they were before, he’d said, and the words had shattered that fledgling hope. When he knew the truth about what Peter had done—well, he might be able to accept the fact that she hadn’t known about it. But he wouldn’t be able to forget. And if she asked him to compromise his beliefs, let Sanders off the hook to protect her family…

  He wouldn’t agree. He couldn’t. And even if he did, things would never be the same between them.

  Help me, Lord. Her fingers tightened on the rough wooden plank until it bit into her skin. I don’t know what to do. How can I be honest with Matt and still protect my children from knowing what Peter did? How can I?

  She took a breath, trying to clear her mind, trying to listen for God’s guidance, but nothing came. Maybe that silence in itself was her answer. She couldn’t.

  “Mommy, look at me!” Ethan waved wildly as Matt led him past on the black-and-white pony.

  Matt gently put Ethan’s hand back on the reins. “You can’t let go, or Dolly won’t know what you want her to do. You’re the rider, so you’re the responsible one, okay?”

  Ethan clutched the rein
s, nodding solemnly. “Okay. I’ll remember.”

  The scene caught her heart in a painful grip. Ethan was so like Peter in his manner. He needed the example a strong, honest man could provide to show him what it meant to be a man.

  There was Jeffrey, arms draped over the lowest rail of the fence, waiting so patiently for it to be his turn. Jeffrey had blossomed under Matt’s attention. He’d begun speaking for himself instead of letting Ethan talk for him. Jeffrey needed someone like Matt, too.

  Why wasn’t this meant to be, Lord? It seems so right.

  She watched, not moving or speaking, while Matt took Jeffrey for his ride. Then, finally, it was Andi’s turn. When Matt helped her little girl onto the big horse, tension gripped Sarah. It was so far to the ground. Surely that horse was too much for Andi.

  But Matt was slow, confident, sure as he showed Andi how to hold the reins, how to cluck to the animal. Everything about him radiated competence. Andi was safe with him.

  And as for Andi—when Jenny swung easily into the pony’s saddle and the girls moved off at a walk side by side, Andi’s face was suffused with so much joy that Sarah wanted to weep.

  Matt’s eyes never left the girls as he walked slowly across to lean on the fence next to her. “Looks like she was born to ride,” he said.

  She swallowed the lump in her throat. “You’ve just made all her dreams come true.”

  “Probably not all of them,” he said. He propped his elbows behind him on the fence, the movement stretching his shirt across his chest. His forearm brushed hers, sending a wave of warmth up her arm.

  Jeffrey trotted up next to her. “Can I have another turn, Matt? Please?”

  “We might be able to do that.” Matt reached through the fence to pick the boy up, swinging him into his arms and then setting him on the top rail of the fence. Jeffrey perched there, breathless and grinning at him.

  Her throat tightened again. Jeffrey opened like a flower to the sun when Matt was around. Why hadn’t she realized how much he needed a man’s attention?

  A father’s attention. The words slipped into her mind and she had trouble ejecting them. Matt gave her glimpses of a different relationship—one where she didn’t have to shoulder all the burdens. One where love and responsibility could be equally shared. But even if it weren’t for the knowledge of Peter’s misdeeds, weighing heavy on her heart, too many barriers existed to a serious relationship with Matt.

  Matt would leave. That was the bottom line. He’d always intended to go back to his important job. And when he found out what an ethical dilemma his partnership with her had landed him in, he’d probably race to leave as soon as he could.

  Matt nudged her with his elbow. “I want to talk with you about the real-estate investigation. Why don’t I stop by after the kids are in bed?”

  Panic surged through her. If they talked about his investigation of Sanders, she’d have to tell him. She should have told him already, but she couldn’t. She hadn’t figured out how.

  “Tonight’s not good for me.” She hoped her voice didn’t sound as strangled as it felt. “Maybe tomorrow morning would be better.”

  She felt Matt’s gaze on her face, questioning, and kept her own focused firmly on the horses. If he asked what was so important she couldn’t meet with him tonight, what would she say?

  He shrugged finally. “Okay. Tomorrow morning.”

  She should feel relieved, but she didn’t. She’d only bought a few more hours in which to find a way to tell him about Peter. A few hours in which to enjoy the relationship that was doomed to end once she told him the truth.

  Chapter Fifteen

  A mostly sleepless night spent in prayer had shown Sarah what she had to do, little though she might like it. She had to be honest with Matt. He was her partner, and he had a right to know what Peter had done and what Sanders demanded of them.

  Matt would never agree to Sanders’s terms. She knew that without even thinking about it.

  She glanced around the small apartment that was so precious to her. She could hear the children’s voices in the kitchen with the sitter, smell the potpourri she’d put in the Delft bowl on the mantel, see the love she’d poured into making this place a home. Once everyone in Caldwell Cove knew that her husband had traded the newspaper’s integrity for money, what were the chances she could still call this home?

  Please, Lord, let us find some way of making this work out. Let us find a resolution that—

  She stopped, knowing what she wanted to pray. She wanted to ask that somehow she and Matt and the children could become a family.

  She couldn’t ask that. She couldn’t even let herself dream it. Even if there were no problem with Sanders, a relationship between them had been doomed from the start. Matt’s life was elsewhere. He hadn’t deceived her about that. He’d never be content with this life, and she had to put her children’s security first. There was no compromise that would make them both happy.

  Enough. She forced herself to move toward the door into the office. Matt was there; she’d heard him arrive. She just had to stop agonizing about it and go in there and tell him.

  Stomach churning, she opened the door and stepped through, feeling as if she walked knowingly into a nightmare.

  “Good morning.” Matt looked up from his computer, a slow smile lighting his face as his gaze rested on her. “I thought maybe you were sleeping in this morning.”

  “No, I just…I was running a little late.” It was the smile that hurt, she decided. The smile blindsided her with how much she’d grown to care for him.

  Not just care. She’d better be honest with herself about that. She loved him.

  She hadn’t seen it coming. She’d thought she was safely armored against loving again. The children were her life now, and she didn’t need anything else. But she loved him.

  She took a deep breath. That couldn’t make a difference in what she had to do. She had to tell him. “Matt, there’s something I need to—”

  “Take a look at this first.” He gestured to the computer screen. “I’ve found it.”

  “Found what?” She went to his desk, leaning over his chair so she could read what was on the screen. Her hand brushed against his shoulder, and she snatched it back as if she’d been burned.

  “Found the smoking gun.” Triumph laced Matt’s voice. “I know what Sanders has been doing down at the end of the island. He’s been buying up parcels of land under different names, so no one would get wise. And he’s negotiating to sell the whole thing to a commercial cannery.”

  “But…” Her mind whirled with the implications of that. “An outfit like that tried to come in a few years ago, and people made such a fuss that the town council blocked it. Nobody wanted a commercial outfit here, ruining the atmosphere and taking all the fish—that was the only thing the summer people and the islanders ever agreed on in their lives. How could Sanders hope to get it through now?”

  “At a guess, he’s got someone from the town council in his pocket. If he keeps it quiet until the permits have been granted, there won’t be much anyone can do.”

  She nodded slowly, thinking about her guess that Sanders had an informant at the county courthouse. That was certainly the way he operated. And if it were true—

  “Do you have facts?” she asked abruptly. “Solid, verifiable evidence?”

  Matt lifted an eyebrow. “Worried about being sued? Don’t be. There’s enough here to stop Sanders in his tracks without any fear of that.”

  The implacable determination in his face chilled her. His was the face of a crusader. He wouldn’t stop until he’d put every last fact on the front page.

  “Matt, I want to tell you something.” She gripped the chair back, trying to find the words. “There’s something you need to know.”

  The tone of her voice must have penetrated his focus. He shifted away from the computer to face her, and his hand covered hers. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

  She could hardly bear the concern in his face. She had to
tell him—now.

  The office door swung open. Jason Sanders stepped in, looking from one to the other of them. Then he smiled. “I hope I’m not interrupting anything.”

  The change in Matt vibrated through the air between them. In an instant he went from tender and caring to ready to battle.

  “Not at all.” Matt’s calm, businesslike tone didn’t hide the intensity beneath from her. “What can we do for you?”

  Nothing, she wanted to cry. Just leave, that’s all, and let me deal with this in my own way.

  Panic cut through her like a knife. Sanders had come for their capitulation. She’d run out of time to tell Matt. Now he’d learn the truth in the worst possible way.

  Jason sauntered to the counter as if he owned the place. “Just thought you might have something to tell me today.”

  “Tell you?” Matt’s level brows lifted. “About what?” He leaned back in his chair, assuming a casual air he couldn’t really be feeling, not when his evidence against Sanders spread across the computer screen in front of him.

  Sanders glanced from Matt to her and back again. “I see your partner didn’t confide in you.”

  Her panic edged up a notch. “I haven’t had time to talk with Matt about it yet. If you’d like to come back later—”

  Matt swiveled his chair to look at her. “What’s going on, Sarah? Talk to me about what?”

  “Just a little deal I offered Sarah.” Sanders’s tone spoke of his confidence that he would get what he wanted.

  “You always have a deal to offer, Jason. Trouble is, they usually only benefit you. You haven’t changed in twenty years.” The contempt in Matt’s voice seemed to dent Sanders’s assurance, and Sarah saw the flare of anger in his eyes.

  “Matt, I don’t think—” She put her hand warningly on his shoulder.

  “Still the white knight riding to the rescue, aren’t you, Caldwell? You’ll find it simple to rescue Sarah, actually. All you have to do is drop this little investigation of yours.”

  Matt’s tension tightened his shoulders. “In exchange for what?”