by Lois Richer
Once that was done, she carried a cup of peppermint tea to her favorite chair in the living room and snuggled into it, a quiver inside betraying her eagerness to hear his voice again.
“Everything okay?” he asked her.
“Fine. I think they’re already asleep.” She liked that the twins were uppermost in his mind. “Did you have a successful day?”
After a very long silence he said, “I don’t know that I’d call it that. It was a long meeting. That’s why I’m driving home so late.”
“You shouldn’t be talking if you’re driving,” she worried.
“It’s hands-free. How was your day?” he asked and suddenly Penny found herself sharing her day just as the twins had, something she’d longed to do ever since her broken engagement.
“It seems so odd to me that Molly’s so uninterested in her baby. I’ve asked her questions, suggested I hold a baby shower, done everything I can do to get her to discuss the future but she doesn’t respond.” She sighed. “I don’t get it. If that was me and I was going to have a baby, I’d be talking about it nonstop.”
“Yes, but we all know you’re a little over-the-top when it comes to kids,” he teased. He was silent a moment then asked, “Do you think she might be trying to stay disinterested on purpose?”
“Why would she do that?” Trust Rick to look at it from a different perspective.
“You said before that Molly doesn’t seem interested in the baby. Maybe that’s because she doesn’t intend to keep it.”
The words pinged against Penny’s conscience like rocks hitting a wall.
“Of course,” she murmured. “That’s it. She’s been saying she doesn’t want to be a mother. She’s going to give up the baby for adoption. She doesn’t want to let herself get too close because she’s afraid she won’t be able to let go when the time comes. You’re a very smart man, Rick Granger.”
“You can say that as many times as you like,” he teased.
“So how do I help her with that?” Penny wondered aloud.
“I love that about you, Penny. You immediately jump into caregiver mode. You’ve got such a great heart.”
He loved that about her? What did that mean?
Stunned into silence, she sat there, cradling the phone, trying to make sense out of her whirling thoughts.
“Penny?”
“Yes?” She cleared her throat. “Sorry. I’m here, Rick. Just thinking.”
“About?”
Was it just her or did the conversation suddenly seem to feel very intimate?
“My life. Or lack thereof.” As she sat in her dimmed living room, the possibilities for the future expanded as Penny began to imagine her dreams coming true. She was jolted from her thoughts by Rick’s irritated voice.
“Lack? What does that mean? Come on, woman. I’m driving on this uber-busy highway from Phoenix,” Rick complained. “Don’t make me pull off so I can concentrate on squeezing an answer out of you.”
“I’m thinking that if Molly wants to give her baby up for adoption, then maybe—” Penny hesitated, suddenly uncomfortable and unsure about telling Rick.
“Maybe? Go on,” he urged.
Something inside prompted her to continue. Surely Rick would understand?
“Maybe I could adopt that baby.” There, she’d said it, and with the words came a huge rush of hope. Surely this was part of God’s plan. Maybe that was why He’d sent Molly to Wranglers Ranch.
The lengthening silence on the phone worried her. “Rick?”
“Yeah. I’m here.” There was a pregnant pause before he asked, “Is that really what you want to do, Penny?”
“Yes. I want to be a mother more than anything.” The words slid out without thought, so deeply ingrained was her desire.
“Then why don’t you have your own kids?”
Penny held her breath for a moment, hesitating, unsure of baring her heart to him. But Rick was her friend. You didn’t lie or pretend to real friends. Friends laid out the truth because a real friend was on your side. A real friend would support you no matter what.
“Is the connection bad? I can’t hear you, Penny,” Rick said a little louder. “Did you hear me? I asked why you don’t have your own kids.”
“Because I can’t,” Penny told him.
And heard only silence in response.
Chapter Nine
A week later Rick could still hear the echo of that conversation in his head.
“I asked why you don’t have your own kids.”
“Because I can’t.”
Can’t? As in didn’t want to raise them alone or was afraid to be a single mom or couldn’t afford it or... A thousand scenarios had played through Rick’s brain since that phone call but none of them satisfied his need to understand Penny’s motivation to adopt.
He would have pressed for an explanation that night but there hadn’t been time because Katie had cried out in her sleep and Penny had ended the call without explaining. Assuming she’d need time to settle Katie he’d waited and then it seemed too late for phone calls.
Rick had hoped Penny would clarify her comment the next time they met for coffee at Wranglers. But that hadn’t happened, partly because he’d been so busy and partly because she was, too. So he figured maybe church on Sunday might offer an opportunity to talk, but Penny hadn’t brought up the subject there, either, meaning he was no closer to learning what she’d meant.
Given Penny’s less than exuberant state the past few days, Rick now wanted to know the answer more than ever. It seemed to him that she’d lost some of the zip he’d so admired during their coffee times. In fact, the past few days he’d assumed she was avoiding him because on the occasions he’d asked at the daycare he’d discovered that she had either finished her break before his or hadn’t taken one. When he spotted her on the grounds at Wranglers Ranch she merely waved and kept going and on the only occasion they had chatted she’d offered no suggestions for the newest cabins. When he picked up the twins, it was always Molly who waved them off.
Something was definitely wrong with Penny, and Rick intended to find out what it was. Wasn’t that what friends did?
“Hey,” Rick greeted her that afternoon, having waited eons beyond his regular break time, leaving his crew to manage on their own specifically so he could speak to her face-to-face. “You’re a hard lady to catch.”
“Oh, you were looking for me?” She pretended surprise but there was a glint in her eyes that told him she wasn’t thrilled about being cornered. “What do you need?”
“Nothing. I wanted to ask if you’d come to dinner on Saturday evening. My parents are going to be in town and I thought we’d barbecue. Dad’s good at that.” Rick grinned, striving for lightness, something to diminish the shadows that filled her expressive blue eyes. “Nothing fancy but we’d love to have you join us.”
“That’s very kind of you, Rick. I’d like to come but I’m not sure about Saturday.” The old Penny would have jumped at the chance to spend more time with the twins. Either they were wearing thin or something was off. “May I let you know tomorrow?”
“Sure.” He pretended to check his watch though he was fully aware that he’d been sitting here far longer than he should have been. “Time sure flies. Guess I better get back to work. Everything okay with the twins?”
“Yes, or else I’d have told you.” She frowned, studied him and asked, “Is everything okay with you?”
“Same old same old.” He rose.
“Katie says you’ve been on the phone a lot and Kyle’s worried that you’re worried.” Penny’s brow furrowed as she studied him. “Anything I can help with?”
This time Rick was the one feeling cornered.
“Work problems,” he said with an airiness he didn’t feel. “It will take time to sort out.�
� Years of time in prison, he thought and winced.
“You’re sure?” Penny noticed. “The twins are really concerned about you, Rick.”
“Because I burned the bacon this morning,” he joked. “I got caught up in a phone call.”
“Kyle said it was an argument. Something about their mother.” She didn’t break her stare, eyes boring into him, searching.
Rick swallowed, trying not to look guilty. He so didn’t want to go into this with her.
“You know you can tell me anything, don’t you? I’d never pass it along.”
“I know that.” His heart softened. Even with her own issues to deal with, Penny was still offering comfort and support. “I appreciate your offer and thank you, but there’s nothing anyone can do. It’s going to be a waiting game before this problem’s resolved.”
“I see.” She sighed, stared down at her folded hands.
“How’s it going with Molly and her baby?” He couldn’t leave her like this.
“She seems a bit depressed since she and her boyfriend had an argument. He keeps asking her to move in with him, and Molly wants her own place. She’s determined to get her life on track.”
“Is she talking more about the baby?” he wondered.
“She mentioned adoption once.” Penny’s face tipped up as she met his stare. “I’m really struggling to find a way to help her, Rick.”
“You do seem a bit down.” Not the most flattering thing to say but Rick needed to get to the point. “Is everything really okay with you? Anything I can pray about?”
“You’d pray for me?” She seemed dumbfounded when he nodded. “That’s very kind.” Then Penny jumped to her feet as if she regretted saying too much. “But I can’t talk right now. I’ve got to get back to work so someone else can have a break.”
“I do, too,” he said but he remained in place, unwilling to let her go without trying to help. “Hey, I just had an idea. Do you think Molly would watch the twins if we were to go somewhere after work to have coffee?”
“I guess.” She said it slowly, eyes narrowing as she considered his suggestion. “I could ask her.”
“If she agrees will you go with me? Please?” Sensing that Penny was about to make an excuse, Rick made it a plea. “I could really use your advice.”
“Mine?” Penny blinked, obviously surprised. “Okay, sure. As long as nothing comes up to keep me on the job I’ll meet you at your truck at five thirty. I think it’s better if we meet there so the twins don’t see us and want to come along and then we’ll have to refuse them. Right?”
“Sounds like a plan.” Rick had no idea what excuse he’d use to solicit her advice. Thankfully he had almost an hour and a half to come up with something, but the topic sure wouldn’t be about what was really bothering him because he was pretty sure his sad saga would make Penny back off big-time and that was exactly what he didn’t want.
It took some doing to wind down the job site on time. When he repeated those instructions his crew kept sneaking looks at him as if they thought he was sick. Well, maybe he was, Rick mused. Sick of wondering what was wrong with Penny because she was his friend and he cared about her.
Just a friend?
Of course. Penny was his friend and he was hers. That was the way they both wanted it.
Rick was five minutes late by the time he got to his truck. Penny wasn’t there but she showed up a few minutes later slightly breathless.
“Sorry. Molly needed a break so I had to wait.” She climbed into his truck and fastened her seat belt.
Rick studied her tousled hair and wondered if something else had happened. He sensed a hesitancy about her that he was pretty sure hadn’t been part of their previous encounters. He had the distinct impression it was because she was hiding something.
“Molly’s okay to stay with Katie and Kyle?” he asked.
“Oh, yes. She has my cell number if she needs me and there’s another worker with her.” Penny glanced around. “Where are we going?”
“Can we pick up a couple of lemonades and drink them in the park? It’s cooler under that big Palo Verde tree and we’ll get a bit of a breeze from the pond.” Rick figured they’d need space and privacy for him to get the answers he needed, and the park seemed exactly the right place to do it.
“Sounds good to me,” Penny agreed.
Within ten minutes they had their drinks and were sitting together on a park bench.
“So what is this about?” Penny asked.
“Before I explain, can you answer something?” Rick figured there had to be a way to ask this personal question without offending her. When she nodded, he inhaled and began. “The other night when the twins stayed with you and I phoned, we were talking about kids, remember?”
“You asked me why I didn’t have my own,” Penny said immediately. Her eyes narrowed as if anticipating what was coming.
“And you said, ‘Because I can’t.’ Ever since then I’ve been wondering what you meant.” There, he’d asked. But since Penny wasn’t looking at him he couldn’t gauge her response. “I was thinking that if you’re nervous about being a mom or something, I’m sure you could talk to my mother. She loves to talk about when Gillian and I were kids and—”
“It’s not that.” Penny set her paper cup on the grass and folded her hands in her lap. “I can’t have children, Rick. I had breast cancer a few years ago and the treatment rendered me unable to be a mom.”
Rick gaped, totally stunned by her admission and knowing he showed it. He struggled to find the right words to offer and only came up with, “I’m sorry, Penny.”
“Yeah, me, too.” She still didn’t look at him. “I shouldn’t say I can’t have them. The doctors said it was extremely unlikely.” A fake smile touched her lips. “Actually, that’s what broke up my engagement.”
“Pardon?” Rick fumed as she told him in a lackluster voice about the jerk who’d dumped her because, through no fault of her own, she couldn’t have the kids he wanted.
“His name was Todd. He was a firefighter. I was recovering from a three-year relationship that also ended badly. We became good friends. And then we fell in love.” She fell silent, her face sad with memories. Rick wanted to know more so he gently nudged her to continue.
“What happened with the first guy?” He expected her to say None of your business. But she only paused for a moment before speaking.
“It’s ironic, really.” When Penny tipped her face into the sun he thought he’d never seen anyone more lovely. “In the three years we dated I somehow never discovered Jared didn’t want children, at all, ever. The night he proposed was also the end of our relationship for me because I couldn’t fathom my future without kids.”
“Of course not.” What kind of dummy didn’t know within minutes of meeting Penny that her world revolved around her love of kids? Rick wondered with disgust.
“Todd went to my church and was also recovering from a relationship that had soured. He was there for me all through my surgery, chemotherapy and radiation and somehow in the midst of that horrible time we fell in love. I guess that’s why I thought we’d be together forever. I thought we’d gone through the worst life could offer and he’d stuck by me.”
The sorrow in her words and the tears glazing her pretty blue eyes forced Rick to stifle his own emotions and offer consolation. He put his arm around her shoulders and squeezed, a little surprised by how perfectly she fit against his side.
“I’m so sorry, Penny. I had no idea.” He breathed in her perfume, soft and sweet, just like Penny herself. “I shouldn’t have pressed you for an answer.”
“It’s okay. I’ve come to terms with ending that relationship.” She heaved a weary sigh. “Todd wasn’t part of God’s plan for my life. I realize that now.”
Penny edged away from him, breaking the close contact that
Rick suddenly missed. So great was his feeling of separation that he struggled to focus on her next words.
“Todd was an orphan like me. He’d spent his whole life dreaming of having a family and when I couldn’t I guess—well, in hindsight I realize that our breaking up was for the best.” Her voice dropped away then picked up the thread a moment later, stronger, more determined. “If we’d married, he would have resented me for denying him his dream.”
“Then I guess it’s good you found out in time,” Rick murmured.
“It is. Marriage between us wouldn’t have worked. I know that now. Getting back to full-time teaching, moving to the daycare and working with the twins, all of it is helping me realize that God facilitated my recovery from breast cancer because He has a plan for me.”
“Ah. ‘The Lord will work out His plan for your life,’” Rick recited thoughtfully, suddenly understanding. “You have that as a bumper sticker.”
“Yes, that’s my life’s verse,” Penny said, her gutsy smile appearing again. “It means I can still be used by God only in a different way than I expected.” She shrugged. “God has something else in mind for me, I guess.”
“But you still want children?” Rick didn’t have to ask that because he knew it was true by the way her face changed, got a dreamy look, as she nodded. “So are you thinking adoption?”
“Maybe.” She sighed and took another sip. “I’m struggling with that.”
“Because?”
“How do I reconcile what I want with what God wants for me when I want a child so badly?” Penny gave him a wry smile. “I’m not sure of my next step.” She turned the tables. “What about you? What’s happening with these angry phone calls?”
“Angry? That’s what the twins said?” When she nodded Rick exhaled. “Guess I haven’t been doing a very good job of hiding my work problems from them.”
“It’s about a job?” she frowned. “But the twins said they heard you talking about their mother.”
