Dare to Dance

by S. B. Alexander

  I couldn’t argue with his last statement. Kody had even said I could pass as a stalker. The thought of apologizing flitted through my mind. But I wanted to fight. I wanted to feel my knuckles connect with muscles and bones. I wanted to hear the “oof” or the grunting sounds coming from my opponent and witness the blood flying in all directions. Yeah, I was a little out there, but that was the thrill of boxing.

  “Hit him, Pete,” a male voice said. “Like you used to do when you boxed.”

  I waved him on. “Yeah, Pete. Hit me.”

  His eyes became slits. His nostrils flared, and he lunged at me. We tangled with each other, punching with fists and elbows. Blood, spit, grunts, and heavy breathing ensued. The voices around us were barely noticeable. I pushed him away. When I did, he spun around, and before I could flinch, his booted foot hit the side of my head. I stumbled backward. The dude didn’t box. He fought dirty. Then again, we weren’t in a sanctioned event.

  I squeezed my eyes shut as I bent over, pain gripping my ear. Before I could get my bearings, a hand was secured tightly around my neck.

  “Stop!” a female screamed. I couldn’t make out if the voice belonged to Ruby above the ringing in my ears.

  I scanned the faces as best I could while Pete anchored my neck in place. My lungs burned for air. I opened my mouth. Nothing. I took in air through my nose and choked. I had to give him props for his dirty move. Then again, Mixed Martial Arts fighters used roundhouse kicks.

  A pair of hands landed on Pete’s shoulders. I blinked several times and found Tommy lurking behind him. “Pete.” Tommy’s voice was hard. “Let go. This dude will kill you.”

  Pete laughed through gritted teeth. “Does it look like he’ll kill me?”

  With my airway cut off, I had no way to retaliate.

  “All right, break it up,” a baritone voice said.

  “Cops are here,” Tommy announced.

  “It’s about fucking time.” Pete dropped his hand. “Hey, Roy.”

  I bent over again, taking in breath after breath as my lungs jump-started. The people around us parted then scattered. I searched the room for Ruby, but no luck.

  Norma ran to my side. “Are you okay?”

  “Where’s Ruby?” I sounded like a guy who’d been smoking all his life.

  “I lied to you. I’m sorry. She took a break. She went down to the diner to get a coffee.” Regret shone in her brown eyes. “I thought she’d be back by now.”

  My pulse sped up as I straightened. “She took off because of me, didn’t she?”

  “Give her some space. You can’t expect her to throw herself at you. Seriously, where have you been for four years? Why didn’t you call her when she called you repeatedly? After a while, a girl gets the hint that the boy doesn’t want anything to do with her.”

  Kody came in with a wild-eyed expression on his face. “What happened?” His hair was soaked.

  “Where have you been?” I asked, not that I was thinking of my brother when I was getting my head bashed in.

  “It’s pouring out, so the girls and I ducked into an all-night diner a block from here until the rain let up. But when I saw the blue lights speeding down the street, I bolted.”

  “Did you see Ruby in there?” Norma asked.

  “No,” Kody said.

  Pete and Tommy were talking to Roy.

  I rubbed my ear. I shouldn’t have let my anger get in the way. I should’ve walked out the moment Pete told me to. I couldn’t get arrested. Jay would have a coronary.

  Roy headed our way. “Sir,” Roy said to me, “it’s time to call it a night.” It was hard to discern any features of cops with all the gear they wore, although Roy sported a mustache and had fine lines fanning out from his hazel eyes.

  I darted my gaze to Pete and Tommy, who were watching me while the other cop guided people to the door. Pete subtly flicked me the middle finger as he combed his beard.

  I narrowed my eyes and took one step toward Pete. The fucker was itching for another fight. “If you want to fight, meet me at Crandall’s Gym,” I said loudly.

  Roy tossed a quick glance over his shoulder.

  “Come on, Bro,” Kody said. “Another day.”

  “I’m not leaving yet.”

  Roy grabbed my arm. “Yes, you are.”

  “Look, I want to say something to my friend. Then I’ll leave.” I switched my gaze between his hand on my arm and Norma.

  She shook her head and mouthed, “just go.”

  “One minute. Please,” I said nicely to the officer.

  Roy nodded. “Make it fast.”

  I snagged a used napkin from Norma’s tray and wrote down my cell number. “Have Ruby call me when she’s ready to talk.” I had to take a step back and clear my head. I couldn’t keep stalking her or fighting for no reason. I had my boxing career to think about. Plus, Norma’s little speech had some truth to it. The more I forced Ruby to talk, the more I pushed her away.

  She smiled sadly as she pocketed the napkin.

  Roy escorted Kody and me out of the building. “The owner doesn’t want you in his club anymore. If you do show yourself, he’ll press charges.”

  I wasn’t about to argue. I would deal with Tommy and Pete another day. For the moment, I had to work out another angle to break the ice with Ruby.

  10

  Ruby

  A loud shriek penetrated through my subconscious. Then claws were digging into my hand. I sat up to find a black-and-white cat on me. The beginning of daylight spilled in through the shattered windows of the abandoned warehouse. Then as the world around me crystallized, I shot to my feet. The cat screeched as it jumped off. I checked my trusty Timex. Norma! I’d told her I was going to get a coffee at the diner, but that was at one a.m. It was now five thirty in the morning. She was probably worried out of her mind. Not to mention, I had promised Kross that we would talk.

  I ran out of the warehouse, hopped four steps, then took off down the alley. I’d had every intention of sitting in a booth at the diner until Norma got off work. But when I had seen Kody in there with Kross’s girlfriend, I kept walking, enjoying the night, the light rain, and the feeling of space. However, when the rain had gotten heavier, I’d turned into an alley to seek shelter for a brief moment. But the rain had kept pouring down. I could’ve sucked it up and faced the rain. I had many times before when sleeping on the streets. But I’d wanted a quiet moment away from the loud music and the pressure of Kross’s stare. I was also tired from being on my feet all night. Still, I envisioned Norma calling the cops.

  The cat was perched on top of a burnt car that sat up on blocks on the main street. The wind picked up, and with it, a scent of fish, no doubt from the Boston Harbor in the distance. I bundled my wool coat, secured the yellow scarf the ten-year-old girl had given me, and started for Alex’s place. I doubted Kross was waiting around Firefly since it was closed. I owed him a visit. Maybe he would be at his gym later that morning. The cat snuck up on me, meowing. Poor thing was probably hungry.

  “I am too, buddy. If you follow me, I’ll buy you a bowl of milk.”

  My mouth watered just thinking about the bakery below Alex’s apartment. They had the most amazing glazed donuts. I rummaged around in my pockets and pulled out a wad of dollar bills. I sniffed the money as though it was a delicacy. At least I could buy myself breakfast this morning, thanks to the club customers who had tipped me. I couldn’t remember the last time I had this much money on me. I could, however, recall all the money my mom had had. Other than selling drugs, she’d also been responsible for collecting the drug money and flubbing the books for the head boss of the drug ring. The man who was my dad’s best friend. The man who was responsible for sucking my mother into the underworld of drugs. The same man who was in jail with my parents.

  The cat snuck down another alley. He probably detected a rat or a mouse. Better for me since I was mildly allergic to cats.

  I began to jog. As my feet pounded the pavement, the events of the previous night ran wi
th me. Customers had screamed for their drinks. The loud music blared in my ears, causing my head to hurt. Tommy kept checking on me, although I suspect he was making sure Kross wasn’t drumming up trouble. Most of all, I swore I could feel Kross’s piercing gaze burning through my back. All of that contributed to me spilling drinks on customers, not to mention, the pile of drinks I’d dropped when I crashed into Kross. He was everywhere. Even when he stepped outside, he was still with me, maybe because Kody stood watch for him. I tried to avoid Kody, but I had to serve a table close to him. He was insistent on talking. He kept asking if I would talk to Kross. Finally, after his last plea, I said I would. At least that had been my goal until I remembered how angry I was at Kross for the past and for threatening me with the cops and the APB.

  When I reached the bakery, I debated whether to get breakfast or wake up Norma and Alex, although I doubted Norma would be sleeping. She never slept through the night when we were on the streets. She’d always been afraid of someone attacking us or stealing from us.

  My decision was made for me when I saw the sign that read “open at six a.m.” I had five minutes, which was plenty of time to grovel to Norma then get a box of donuts. I climbed the stairs two at a time until I reached apartment three. I didn’t have a key. Usually, we accompanied Alex back after our shifts. I turned the knob, but the door was locked. I knocked softly. I didn’t want to wake up the neighbors.

  After a minute, I pounded harder. “Norma,” I said loudly. “It’s me.”

  Footsteps clobbered up the stairs behind me, followed by voices. Familiar voices. Kross’s voice. Norma’s voice. What the hell?

  “You know, Tommy’s friend Trent gives me the creeps,” Norma said. “What if he got a hold of Ruby?”

  “That dude gives me the same vibe,” Kross added. “Let’s check the apartment. If she’s not there, then we’ll call the cops.”

  They sounded chummy as though they had bonded over coffee. I would strangle Norma if she said anything about Raven to Kross.

  When they rounded the banister, Kross’s eyes went wide while Norma jumped at me, throwing her arms around my neck. “Where have you been? I was worried sick, searching everywhere for you.”

  “What’s he doing here?” I asked as calmly as I could. “What have you told him?” I didn’t want to bring out my claws, but I had to know what I was walking into.

  She let go of me, her pretty face twisted. Yeah, she was ready to chop off my head. On the other hand, Kross’s soft gaze was anything but angry. His mouth twitched with a quick smile, and my belly fluttered.

  “I got him out of bed and asked him for help in finding you.” Her tone was motherly. “You didn’t answer me. Where have you been?”

  “It’s a long story. I’ll tell you later. Right now, I’d like to take a shower,” I said in a snippy tone. Again, I didn’t mean to be all bitchy. I was beginning to worry that if she went to Kross for help in finding me, she might have broken down and told him about Raven. If she hadn’t, then she might if I continued to push Kross away.

  “Don’t get any ideas about disappearing again. You two need to talk,” she said firmly as she unlocked the apartment door.

  The need to stomp my foot was strong, a habit I’d always had when I didn’t get my way or didn’t want to do something.

  Norma crossed the tiny living room to the bedroom. “I’m going to use the bathroom.”

  I trudged into the apartment with Kross on my heels. “Don’t wake up Alex.”

  “Alex left with some dude last night. She said she would see us at work later,” Norma said loudly from the bathroom.

  I was afraid to turn around and look into Kross’s eyes. No doubt I would cave and kiss him or something. Not that there was anything wrong with kissing him. But would he want to kiss me back? His cologne lingered around me, making my cheeks heat up. So I made a beeline into the bathroom. “I can’t be alone with him,” I whispered.

  Norma splashed water on her face. “You’ve got to talk to the man.”

  “I don’t know where to begin. I’m afraid of what could happen. This isn’t the time, either. I have a job. I’m making money. I need to get Raven back first.”

  She snagged a towel off the sink and patted her face. “Life doesn’t work that way. He’s in your life for a reason. That reason is to help you.”

  I chewed a nail. “What if he judges me? What if he doesn’t like me?”

  “Start at the beginning. Tell him the story. Tell him how mad you still are. Tell him all those things you told me. You did nothing wrong. Life always gets complicated, and Ruby, you’ve had one fucked-up life. Make things right now. He could be your savior.” Sorrow flooded her brown eyes.

  I couldn’t argue. I had many things to atone for. More than anything, Raven came first. “I want to be my own savior. I want to prove to myself that I can make it on my own. I’m tired of relying on people to take care of me. My mother did a good job of that, but look where it got her and me.” As much as a knight in shining armor sounded like my ticket to a better future, I had to fix my own depressing plight. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be my own person. I wanted that feeling of confidence back.

  “I know, sweetie. But Kross is the father, right? He deserves the truth. At the very least, start a dialogue. Reconnect. Then take it one step at a time. Okay?”

  I nodded. One step did sound like something I could do rather than detailing the last four years in one sitting. The nausea building inside me didn’t agree. Or maybe I was just hungry. “If he threatens me again, I’m done.”

  “Fair enough. Now, come on. I’ll be in the bakery while you two talk.” She grabbed my hand. “You’ll do fine.”

  I wasn’t so sure of that.

  Before I could calm my trembling hands, she pulled me into the living room. Kross was leaning against the window that overlooked the street below.

  Norma released my hand. “Come get me when you two are done.”

  “You can stay,” I blurted out as my pulse quickened. I felt the need to go back an hour to the empty silence of the warehouse, listening to the cat complain. Even turning back time three weeks when Norma and I had been living on the streets seemed like a better option. Sure, being homeless wasn’t easy, but at the moment, it sure seemed easier than what I was facing now.

  When the door clicked shut, I flinched. A heavy silence stretched between Kross and me as I held onto the arm of the couch. We were two people who had known each other well, who had explored each other’s bodies, learning how sex should go, telling each other things about likes, dislikes, and what we dreamed about, and we couldn’t even speak. He was probably waiting for me to say something. After all, he’d asked me about a baby, and while I knew deep, deep down that he deserved to know about Raven, I was at a loss for words. I was also frightened out of my freaking mind with what-ifs. What if he fought for custody of Raven? He could take her away from me completely, especially when he learned that I’d been homeless and could very well be again if Alex kicked me out. Not only that, but my brain couldn’t function with his intimidating stature in the tiny apartment. All six feet of him exuded sexiness—his unshaven jaw, messy hair, ripped jeans, and muscles I knew rippled underneath his clothes.

  I needed space and air.

  “I’m here to listen,” he said. “I’m not going to force you to give me answers. If you’re not ready to talk, then I’m okay with that.”

  My fingers dug into the plaid fabric of the couch as I lowered my gaze. “So you’re not going to put out an APB on me?”

  “I deserved that. I’m sorry.” His attitude had certainly changed overnight. “Do you hate me that much?”

  I jerked my head up then scrunched my nose. As much as I didn’t want to be in this apartment with him, I could never hate him. In my mind, that would mean I would hate my daughter, who was a mini Kross. The only feature Raven had of mine was her small nose. She even had one lone dimple in her right cheek like her daddy. A tear snuck out suddenly. I quickly dashed it away.


  “Kross, can we go for a walk? I promise I won’t do a disappearing act. You can even hold my hand.” I smiled. The feel of his skin on mine would be nice. On second thought, it wouldn’t. I would want more, and I couldn’t have more. I wasn’t as beautiful as his girlfriend, and I certainly didn’t have the emotional backbone to deal with my feelings.

  I diverted my gaze to the shag carpet.

  In three strides, he was standing in front of me. He touched my chin then gently guided it up. “You’re still shy. I’ve always loved that about you.”

  I wanted to say, “Careful, you might not love everything I have to say.”

  “I’d rather be in a quiet place,” he said. “The streets are too loud. Why don’t we go to my apartment?”

  I inched back, shaking my head like a wet dog. “No. I’d feel more comfortable outside.” I wanted to go back to the abandoned warehouse where I’d slept earlier. No one would be there. But if I took him there, he would judge me. Make him feel what you feel. Show him your life. If he judges, then you’ll know where you stand. “Actually, I know a quiet place.” If we were about to talk, I had to be on my turf.

  11

  Kross

  The same burnt car I’d seen the other night appeared stark against the graffiti-strewn walls of the desolate buildings lining both sides of the street. In the distance, the Boston Harbor loomed with its dark water, rippling with the light wind.

  After we’d informed Norma of what we were doing, we walked in silence. Many times during our trek, I’d wanted to take Ruby up on her offer to hold her hand. Not that I was afraid she would run from me, but I wanted to squeeze her hand, let her know I was there for her and that I wasn’t the scared sixteen-year-old boy who had run with his tail between his legs. But I chickened out, afraid of the contact of her skin on mine and what it would do to me.

  “Why here?” I asked when we arrived at an abandoned warehouse.