Kaleidoscope

by Ashley, Kristen

In photos, you wouldn’t see anything but he was a decent-looking guy, tall and relatively well built.

  In person, he was compelling. An easy smile he flashed often. An open manner that hid something someone not paying close attention, or a high school student not experienced enough to know, would miss.

  This was that his manner and smile were surface. His smile didn’t reach his eyes, his manner didn’t expose openly that every movement he made made him seem like he was protecting something.

  He was also pathologically social, like a con man on the lookout for his next mark. In the time Deck followed him, he watched Prosky befriend everyone he came into contact with from a gas station attendant, to the waitress at a café, to hooking up in record time with a woman in a bar so far out of his league, that score was downright chilling.

  But with nothing to link to him, Deck had nowhere to take his investigation.

  So he was looking into every known associate of this mystery man. Boss, coworkers, relatives, friends and especially those friends who “donated” to his mother’s care.

  The problem was, Deck’s gut was telling him the key to breaking this was the kids. However, they had nothing at all on the kids and couldn’t question them or follow them.

  Clicking through credit reports, Facebook pages and any other thread he could pick up for the last two hours, he was relieved when his cell on the desk rang.

  The display said “Emmanuelle calling.”

  He took the call.

  “You need a ride?” he asked, knowing this call meant his purgatory in computer hell was ending, which in turn meant Deck’s lips curved up.

  “Yeah, honey,” she answered.

  “Am I bringing Buford?”

  “Yeah,” she repeated.

  “Be there, twenty, twenty-five.”

  “Okay, Jacob.”

  “Later, babe.”

  “ ’Bye, honey.”

  He hung up and turned his attention to shutting down his computer.

  Emme was at The Dog, a bar in Gnaw Bone. Girl’s Night Out with Nina, Krys, Lauren, Lexie, Faye and Zara.

  This was the third time they’d gone out since her breakthrough. Deck was her ride home though she was probably not inebriated. Emme didn’t lose control like that, he’d noticed. Not back when, not now. But she would be tipsy.

  Girls Nights Out were happening because Deck had talked to Chace. Chace had then talked to Faye. Faye had done her thing with the girls and the girls jumped right on it. Then Deck had talked to Emme.

  Connecting. Girl’s Night Out, once a week. Form bonds. Build a life. Establish a crew to provide an ear, advice, support, but mostly fun.

  Settle.

  Find happiness.

  Emme had agreed and even done it enthusiastically.

  So now she was out tossing them back with some of the finest women he’d ever met.

  All good.

  Tonight, The Dog was on the rotation. Seeing as Krys and Lauren owned Bubba’s bar in Carnal and Zara’s man Reece managed The Dog in Gnaw Bone, there was friction about where the women would meet.

  Zara had some legal case finish up that now made her a millionaire. But Reece was not the type of man who didn’t work for his living. And Zara was the kind of woman, sudden millionaire or not, she looked after her man. Apparently, he got a bonus if he sold a shitload of booze, so Zara pushed for The Dog.

  Krys and Laurie were not millionaires so they pushed for Bubba’s.

  Nina, Lexie and Faye stepped in and suggested the rotation.

  So tonight it was The Dog.

  Emme wanting Deck to bring Buford meant they were headed to her house. As both Bubba’s and The Dog were a haul from his place in Chantelle, that meant she wanted to be home—and in bed with him—soon.

  Emme, in bed, naked and tipsy.

  Time to go.

  After his computer shut down, Deck muttered to Buford, who was lying on the floor by his side. “Let’s go, pal,”

  He did this smiling.

  And he smiled all the way to his truck.

  * * *

  One and a half hours later…

  Emme was lying full on top of him, knees bent, straddling his hips.

  She’d cleaned up after they were done, wandered back while pulling on some panties and a camisole, hit the bed, which meant hit Deck, then settled in just like that.

  A new thing for Emme.

  They usually fell asleep with Emme tucked to his side, parts of her draped over him.

  But after her breakthrough, she didn’t claim the lion’s share of Deck.

  She just claimed Deck.

  He was not complaining. After she fell asleep, he would slide her to his side. But while she was falling, he stroked her back and hair, enjoying the fact his girl’s demonstration said she was done disconnecting. Now she wanted to stay as connected as she could get, as often as she could get it, for as long as she could have it.

  So he gave it to her.

  Trailing the fingertips of his hand along her spine, gliding the fingers of his other hand through her hair, he felt her body relax into his and knew she was close to sleep.

  That meant Buford was going to have to adjust. He was flat out on his side, his back pressed to Deck and Emme.

  This was also the new norm and when this happened, Buford protested with halfhearted groan when Deck slid Emme into his space.

  But he adjusted.

  Then again, Deck’s dog had bonded with his girl and she’d done the same with his dog.

  Another connection

  Deck grinned at the dark ceiling.

  “I didn’t scream.”

  Deck blinked as his hands stilled when her soft words hit the room.

  “What, baby?”

  “I didn’t scream,” she repeated, her voice sleepy and quiet.

  He fought against his body tightening.

  There was something else new happening with Emme.

  She went to see a therapist twice a week, and after her sessions, she would be quiet, reflective and sometimes distant. This would not last long, and she’d quickly come back to Emme.

  But she’d also have moments that had nothing to do with her therapy schedule where she’d wince or appear in pain, both for what seemed no reason. These moments didn’t happen when they were talking, instead while they were watching TV, eating or lounging around reading.

  But when this happened, she didn’t share.

  Deck also didn’t push.

  When she went into therapy, Deck had thoroughly researched post-traumatic stress disorder, and none of these symptoms was unusual.

  As for how a loved one dealt: patience, understanding and listening were key. However, after her first few appointments and interviewing Barry and Maeve, Emme’s therapist had suggested family therapy. The primary goal for that was to guide all of them to a better place as apparently Emme held some guilt for the fact her parents were still dealing with the trauma.

  Barry and Maeve agreed. They were starting next week.

  But now it was clearly time for her to share whatever was on her mind, something she hadn’t done in any real way in three weeks. And Deck needed to be patient, understanding and listen.

  The problem was, he didn’t know what else he needed to be. And if it was time for her to share, he needed to be what she needed him to be.

  “You didn’t scream,” he prompted softly when she said no more.

  “When Harvey took me,” she stated and stopped talking.

  Deck closed his eyes.

  Then he opened them and replied encouragingly, “Okay.”

  They lay there in the dark, his girl as close as she could be, her cheek planted in the middle of his chest, her face aimed to the windows.

  She didn’t move or speak.

  Then he felt her heave a heavy sigh and she said, “If I had screamed, fought and screamed, a teacher would have heard. Or someone would have seen. Someone would have done something and it never would have happened. I could have stopped it if I just scre
amed.”

  It took a lot for Deck not to interrupt, to let her verbalize her feelings and not try to shut down her guilt.

  He accomplished this and when she went silent, he remarked, “You know he was on the edge.”

  Another sigh then, “I know.”

  “Sometimes,” he started carefully, “in certain situations, it’s good not to fight and scream. It could be worse if you did.”

  “Harvey would never hurt me.”

  He clenched his teeth to bite back his retort, forced his jaw to relax, and when he had it together, pointed out again, “Baby, he was on the edge. Men driven to the edge are unpredictable.”

  At that, she lifted her head, put her hands to his chest and he looked at her face in the moonlight.

  “Really,” she said quietly. “I know he’s not your favorite person, but Harvey would never hurt me.”

  Deck lifted a hand, brushed her bangs from her eyes and tucked her hair behind her ear, leaving his hand curled around her neck. “I know that’s the man you grew to know. And that man you grew to know is Harvey Feldman. But the man who snatched you was not the man you know. The man who took you was a man driven to extreme behavior due to his grief. You can’t know how that man would react if you didn’t do what you were told.”

  Emme said nothing, but even in the shadows, he could see her face working as she thought this through.

  Then she whispered, “He said, ‘You scream, you’ll never see your mother and father again.’ ”

  Fuck, how could she spend time with that fucking guy? It may have been grief he couldn’t control guiding his actions, but he still fucked up a young girl.

  And that fuck-up started with those words.

  In that moment, Deck would give up everything he’d worked for to have the ability to erase those words from her memory.

  But he didn’t have that ability.

  The only thing he could do was whisper in reply, “You made the right choice, Emme.”

  “That was… what I’m saying is, that was not him. To say that. To threaten me like that. I think in some deep part of him he knew that he was going to return me to Mom and Dad. But he said it and he said it in a way that I knew he meant it.”

  “So you made the right choice,” Deck stated.

  “I have… I was…” She shook her head slightly then he heard her draw breath in through her nose. “I wish I’d screamed.”

  He lifted his other hand to curl around her neck. “Everyone, every person on this earth with enough age to have lived a life, has regrets. They look back and wish they’d done something differently. You aren’t alone in that, honey.”

  “But what I wished I’d done differently would have saved Mom and Dad three days of terror, decades of fear and a man from spending five years in prison.”

  Oh yeah, she was holding guilt.

  Fuck.

  His fingers reflexively flexed into her neck, he forced them to relax and noted, “You were twelve, taken from a playground. This was not your choice. Your choices were taken away. You hold no guilt for what happened in the aftermath for everyone involved in dealing with one man’s choice.”

  “I understand that logically, Jacob. But it’s hard to piece that together in my head. Now that the floodgates have opened, it keeps coming at me.”

  “How do I help you get to piecing that together?” he asked instantly and watched her eyes close.

  Then she dropped her head so her forehead was resting on his mouth.

  This was another thing Emme now did. In ways that were unusual and sweet, she sought his affection and she did it when she needed him to balm some hurt she was feeling. After he’d see her wince for no reason, she’d come to him, wrap her arms around him, get up on her toes and press her face in his neck. They’d be lazing around watching TV, her face would hold pain, she’d turn her head and press her forehead to his lips.

  And all he had to do was hold her or kiss her, she’d move slightly away but not pull away, look at him and the pain would be gone.

  It was a gift she gave him, allowing him to take away her pain.

  So that was exactly what he did. He moved to take away her pain and kissed her forehead.

  But this time was different.

  This time, she didn’t pull away immediately.

  Instead, she whispered, “You know, I really, really like you.”

  He smiled against her skin and muttered, “Yeah. I know.”

  She moved away and caught his eyes.

  Another change, because this time, even in the moonlight, he could see the pain was gone but her eyes were still conflicted.

  “I have to tell you something,” she murmured so quietly, he barely heard her.

  “What, baby?” he asked and she held his eyes.

  Then she announced in a weighty voice that made Deck brace, “I lied.”

  “About what?” he asked carefully.

  “Way back when, the first time I was telling you about what happened with Harvey. I lied,” she told him.

  “How did you lie?”

  She drew in a long breath and let it out, saying, “I was terrified. The whole time I was with him. Totally terrified. From the moment he threatened me to the moment he took me to the police station and I saw my parents.”

  Deck said nothing. This was another breakthrough. Quieter and not terrifying to witness, but vitally important and he needed to let her sort it out in her head without intervening.

  When he said nothing, she continued.

  “I think… looking back, I think when I was with Harvey back when he took me, I shut down. He was acting so strangely, it totally freaked me out. And I think… I think…”

  She trailed off, again appearing reflective before she came back to him and said in a whisper that sounded like a confession, “I think I sought him out after, when I was an adult, because I had to believe he was a good guy doing bad things. I had to find a way to erase that fear I held with me for three days, worried what he’d do to me, about how he was acting. Worried if I would see my family again. How I knew Mom and Dad were probably wild with terror. I knew it was all wrong and very, very bad, but I had no power and I was scared out of my mind. I sought him out later because of why he did what he did and that he took me to the police station. I had twisted it my head that he was a good guy and I needed to make that real, I think, in an effort to erase that fear. Maybe to get some of my power back. But also to give myself the ability to build a wall around those memories so they would stop tearing me apart.”

  Deck wanted to howl with elation that she’d finally untwisted that in her head.

  But he didn’t.

  He simply gave her a smile and murmured, “I think you’re right, baby.”

  “It just turned out he actually was a good guy,” she went on.

  “Yeah,” he replied.

  “I shouldn’t have gone to him,” she admitted softly.

  “Don’t hold that guilt,” Deck warned quickly but gently. “I told you, he’s good with this. He wants you to heal.”

  She held his eyes and nodded.

  She again drifted away, her face working before she came back to him and focused.

  “They told me,” she declared.

  They were going somewhere else now, he knew it. He just didn’t know where she was taking them.

  “Who told you what, baby?”

  “Nina,” she stated.

  He felt his brows draw together. Then Emme, always challenging him in ways he liked, and some lately that weren’t much fun, did it again. But in a way he didn’t much like.

  She did this by saying, “They know what happened to me and they were careful when they shared. But I asked, so they shared. They told me about Nina getting kidnapped and nearly shot.”

  At her words, he had a feeling he knew where she was taking them, his body got tight and he couldn’t control it. But she didn’t seem to feel it and went on.

  “About Lauren getting kidnapped, stabbed and running for her life. About Lexie b
eing kidnapped and nearly shot. And about Faye getting kidnapped and buried alive.”

  She stopped talking, and not knowing precisely where this was leading so not wanting to make assumptions, Deck said gently, “All right, honey.”

  “I thought I’d ask them because I knew some of that, and because, in a way, they’re like me.”

  Deck thought this was good and began to relax.

  She was right. They were like her in a way, though all that happened when they were adults. But, from the stories he heard, all those women took a minimal amount of time to adjust and move on.

  They might be able to help guide Emme.

  “I don’t know what you do to make a living,” she continued, blindsiding him. “But I figure it might have danger and you might have enemies.”

  Fuck.

  Now he knew where her head was at.

  Fuck.

  “Baby—”

  Her voice changed completely, it was trembling when she declared, “I can’t go through it again, Jacob.”

  Fuck.

  “Emme—”

  “I don’t want… I don’t think…” she stammered, and Deck turned her.

  Rolling her to her back with Deck pinning her down one side, Buford adjusted out of their way with a groan and a sniff.

  But Deck only had eyes for Emme.

  “Don’t use this to pull away from me,” he whispered.

  She flattened her hands on his chest and admitted, “I’m trying not to pull away but I got to thinking and I got scared.”

  This was also new, brand new, and it was the good kind of new.

  “Good,” he replied. “Not that you’re scared but that you started thinking and shared that with me.”

  “Jacob, if… I…” She shook her head on the pillow. “What happened to Faye had to do with something that involved Chace and—”

  “Tomorrow, I start putting in a security system,” he announced, and she shut her mouth. “And, babe, we’re not arguing about who’s paying. It’s gonna be top of the line and it’s gonna cost a whack. So I’m paying and installing.”

  Her voice was again trembling when she asked, “Does that mean I might be in danger?’

  He ignored that and stated, “Also, I’m putting in outside lighting, front, back and sides of the house. Bright lights, long range with motion sensors. You can pick the fixtures so you have the look you want but I’m also paying for that.”