Marching With Caesar-Birth of the 10th Legion

by R. W. Peake

  “I don’t think I’ve seen you spend all day here for this long since, well, since I can remember.” Phocas always had an indirect way of approaching sensitive topics; rather than just coming out and asking me what was bothering me, he made a comment that would get me to talking.

  I shrugged. “I just thought I should spend more time here…”

  He laughed abruptly at that, so transparent was the lie. At first, I got irritated, but looking at him, I found myself laughing too. The thought was too ludicrous even for the one who had uttered it.

  “All right,” I admitted. “It’s not that. I got into a…disagreement with Vibius.”

  He raised an eyebrow in surprise.

  “Really? I thought you two were as close to brothers as anyone could be.”

  I nodded glumly, but did not answer.

  “So…” he said gently. “What is this great matter that caused you to disagree so much that you sit as if you're part of this stone wall?”

  I shrugged again, hesitant to discuss the matter, mainly because I was not sure myself.

  Finally, I said, “He was bragging about having beaten me with the pilum and it made me mad.”

  “Ah.” Phocas nodded. “And that made you angry that he was doing so? Or was it the way he was doing it?”

  Shaking my head, I said, “No, that’s not it. It was…” I trailed off, not knowing what to say.

  “I see.” I did not know how he could see, but when he spoke next, he proved me wrong.

  “If it wasn't what he said, or how he said it, then could it have been who he said it in front of?”

  I looked at him in surprise, then quickly looked away, feeling my cheeks burning.

  Nodding, he said, “That is it, isn’t it? He said it in front of someone whose opinion is important to you.”

  “I don’t care what she thinks,” I blurted out, then immediately realized my error, causing a new wave of heat to rise to my face.

  Now it was Phocas’ turn to be surprised.

  “So this is about a girl?”

  He threw back his head and laughed, and I scowled at him, angry that he seemed to be mocking my pain and confusion.

  He put his hand on my shoulder, and I immediately shrugged it off, and he said in a conciliatory tone, “Truly, Titus. I didn't mean to make light. It’s just that you’re experiencing the same thing that all men experience at one time or another.”

  Somewhat mollified, mainly because he had referred to me as a man, I asked, “Really?”

  Nodding, he continued, “Yes, really. Every man who's ever been born has felt the pain of either being ignored or being mocked in front of a woman that he cares about.”

  “I didn’t even know I did care about her,” I replied.

  “That's the worst kind,” Phocas said wryly. “The kind that sneaks up on you. One moment, you’re going along about your business and all is right with the world, and then BAM!” He clapped his hands together. “Cupid sends an arrow that lodges deep in your heart, and you suddenly are some changed being. Nothing makes any sense anymore. Down seems to be up, light seems to be dark, nothing tastes right…”

  “Yes!” I cried. “That’s exactly how I feel! I was perfectly happy, but now I can't think about anything else. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat.”

  Phocas put his hand on my shoulder again; this time, I let it stay there, as it provided me with comfort. These were the sort of matters that a boy is supposed to discuss with his father, but it had never even occurred to me to talk to Lucius about this.

  “Welcome to manhood, Titus. Welcome to manhood.”

  * * * *

  On the fourth day, after receiving Phocas’ counsel, I walked into town, my heart thudding loudly as I walked, much faster than my pace would normally dictate. I was positively frantic with worry about what I was going to say, and how it would be received. I resolved that I must speak to Vibius first, since he was my best friend, and frankly, that talk I had less trepidation about. Juno, on the other hand, was a different matter entirely and, as I walked, I tried out and discarded dozens of approaches. Finally, I offered a prayer to the gods that I would know what to say when the time came and continued walking.

  Because it was the normal time of day where I usually met Vibius, I was not surprised to see him standing there, as if he were waiting. What did surprise me was that Juno was standing next to him, and there was something about the way they stood that caused my stomach to churn and tie into a knot. They were doing nothing overt, but there was some sort of energy between them that I would swear had not been there before. They saw me coming at the same time, and when they both gave me the same nervous and furtive look, my apprehension deepened.

  As I approached, Juno called out, “Salve, Titus. We were hoping to see you today. We’ve been waiting every day.”

  We? What was with this “we” business, I wondered, but I was determined to maintain my composure, and calmly returned the greeting.

  “Salve Juno, salve Vibius. Yes, I apologize. I was…detained for these past days, helping my father.”

  This was a bald-faced lie, but I was determined to salvage something of my dignitas, and it was with relief on all of our parts that they seemed to accept this fiction with a simple nod. Together, both of them nodding together, I thought, as if they were one person, as if they were a…And that was when I knew why they were so nervous.

  They had become a couple. As if reading my thoughts, Vibius cleared his throat and said nervously, “Titus, there's something I want to tell you, and I don’t know how to begin.”

  He looked at me hopefully, as if I were going to save him the trouble by announcing what I now knew to be the case, but I was not willing to be so accommodating at that point.

  I said nothing, and he continued, “It’s just that, well, I’m not sure how you’ll take it.”

  Looking at him in mock surprise, I replied, hoping that my voice did not betray me, “Why, Vibius, we're best friends, aren't we?” He nodded vigorously. “Then all you need to do is to come out with it.”

  Screwing his face up, he blurted, “It’s just that Juno and I have become…fond of one another.”

  At this moment, Juno interrupted, looking at me, and said, “We're more than fond of each other, Titus. We're in love.”

  Even though I had guessed as much in the last few moments, hearing it still came as a shock. For an instant, I felt a red-hot anger start to build, immediately followed by shame. What right did I have to such feelings? It was clear enough; Juno liked Vibius more than she did me. If I were being honest, I would have told myself that I had deep down always known this to be the case. After all, the day I had rescued him, it had been because he had in turn been trying to save Juno. But I was in no mood to be honest, although I was resolved to handle this news with as much grace as I could muster.

  “Congratulations,” I said stiffly, and stopped there.

  There was an awkward silence as they waited for me to say more, but I was not disposed to do so, forcing Juno to say, “It’s just that, well, we didn’t want it to cause any problems between you and Vibius.”

  Raising my eyebrow in feigned surprise, I replied, “Why on Gaia’s earth would it cause us any problems? Truly, I'm happy for you both.”

  Turning to Vibius, I changed the subject. “Are you ready to get back to work? I'm sure Cyclops' been wondering where we’ve been.”

  “Absolutely,” Vibius replied, but made no move to go.

  Puzzled, I asked, “Is there something else?”

  Looking flustered, Vibius replied, “Well, not really. All right, yes there is. Juno's asked if she can go along with us to watch us train.”

  I was certainly not prepared for this, and I stood there, speechless for a moment, trying to come up with a proper reason she should not come.

  Turning to her, I asked, “Won’t your father refuse for you to go unescorted?”

  “Not if it’s with Vibius,” she said softly.

  So, they were more than in lov
e, I thought. They must be betrothed. That would be the only way I could see her father agreeing for her to go out into the countryside with a boy. But Vibius was no longer a boy; he had donned the toga virilis several months ago. I still had almost four months to wait before it was my turn, and I tended to look at everyone else through my own experiences, so it had not occurred to me that Vibius was eligible to marry because I was not eligible.

  “Well, by all means,” I said with as much good humor as I could muster.

  Secretly, however, I was planning on a different reaction, once we got to Cyclops and squared off against each other.

  If Cyclops was surprised at the sight of Juno accompanying us, he hid it well and Livia was happy for some female company. Usually, she would tend to chores while Cyclops worked with us, but would always manage to find time to watch occasionally. Now, she and Juno chattered away about whatever it is that women talk about amongst themselves, while Vibius and I stood to face each other for our first bout. At Cyclops’ signal, I charged Vibius with all the pent-up anger that had been building as we walked to Cyclops’ farm, anger at being passed over by Juno for Vibius, and anger at myself for feeling badly about it. Vibius was surprised, but recovered quickly. However, I was in a different state than normal this day and I gave him no chance to regain his wits or composure. I could have finished him with a killing blow almost immediately, but instead I chose to toy with him, striking him about the arms and legs, depending on what opening he gave me. Desperately, he parried as many of my blows as he could, catching quite a few with his scutum, but a large number landed, causing him to gasp in pain whenever I got through his defenses. I sensed more than heard that Juno and Livia had stopped talking; good, I thought, now Juno will see that she made a poor choice, as if her entire basis for choosing who to love was based on how well they could kill. Such is the thinking of the young man who is incapable of understanding the way a woman thinks. I will be the first to tell you, gentle reader, that while I have finally understood how a woman thinks, I still have no idea why. It is one of the great mysteries of life.

  Finally, I struck Vibius a killing blow, a hard thrust right under his ribcage that laid him flat and knocked the wind out of him. I had never hit him that hard before and as suddenly as it happened, I was ashamed of myself for doing so, but was still unwilling to show that I was sorry. I glanced over at Juno and Livia and my shame deepened, because I saw in Juno’s eyes that she knew exactly why I had done what I did, and so did Livia. I wondered if, in the short time they had been talking while we were preparing for training, Juno had told Livia exactly what had transpired, and about her love for Vibius. As I pondered this, Vibius slowly climbed to his feet, his cheeks splotched an angry red as he glared at me. For my part, I refused to meet his eye, instead motioning to him to step back into the middle of the area that we used for our contests. Vibius spat on the ground, then a look of grim determination came over his face as he stepped into the middle. I closed on him, and Cyclops, who had remained silent this whole time, just observing what was taking place, gave us the signal to re-commence. This time, it was my turn to be on the defensive, as Vibius was a blur of motion, using his superior speed to bob and weave, using his scutum to knock mine to the side. I was able to block his blows, but just barely, and I knew that if he kept up this pace, at some point, he would get through my defenses and score a killing blow. A thought flashed through my mind that this might be the best course of action, as a way to make peace with him. If I let him score a killing blow on me, we would be even and things could go back to normal. Even as I thought this, however, I rejected it, out of pride mostly, I imagine. He might have won the girl, but I did not have to let him win anything else, and I gritted my teeth and began to counter-attack. Again, it was Vibius’ turn to be on the defensive and I could see that the toll of his earlier pace was beginning to tell on him. Slowly, his scutum was dropping, and it was then I tried something that I had been thinking about, a maneuver that has since served me well in many, many battles. Stepping to my right, so that my scutum was directly across from his, I shoved it at his in a downward, chopping-type motion, so that the bottom edge of my scutum hit the bottom edge of his at an angle that drove it backwards and down. This served to drop the scutum and tip the top of it forward just a matter of a couple of inches, but it was enough to expose his face and neck. Instantly, I lashed out with my gladius, ignoring the rule of no blows to the head. Despite wearing our galeae, the wooden blade caught him square on the nose, causing it to spew a fountain of blood as it split. I let out a savage cry of delight as, once again, he fell to the ground, completely oblivious to the fact that I could have killed my best friend, wooden blade or not. Instantly, I felt a tremendous blow from behind that knocked me to my knees, followed by another kick to my side, causing me to drop the gladius and grunt in pain. I fell over, panting for breath, and as I lay there, I saw Cyclops’ boots in front of me, and I squinted up at him. He was as angry as I had ever seen him, before or since that day.

  “What in the name of Dis do you think you’re doing? You could have killed Vibius,” he snarled at me, lifting his leg as if to kick me again.

  Despite my size and strength, I was still scared of the man and knew that he could thrash me within an inch of my life, or worse, so I flinched and put my hands out in supplication, dropping my scutum as I did so.

  “Pax, Cyclops! I’m sorry! I forgot myself,” I said as quickly as I could get the words out, anxious to appease him.

  His foot hovered there, still ready to strike, but he stayed it, at least for the moment.

  “How many times have I told you that there are to be no blows to the head?” he asked rhetorically because it was a number too high to accurately count.

  Keeping my hands out in a posture of supplication, I replied, “I know, I know. I was just…carried away, I guess. I swear on Jupiter’s Stone that I won't do that again.”

  Grudgingly, he dropped his foot. “It’s not me you need to apologize to, you cunnus. It’s him.” He motioned to Vibius, who was sitting up with his head between his knees, while Juno and Livia tried to stanch the flow of blood.

  My heart sank when I saw him in that state; I alone had done this, for no better reason than I was jealous that he had found someone to love him. I gazed at Vibius, and Juno turned to look at me. I braced for the look of hatred that I was sure she would send me, but it was worse. She looked as if it had been she herself who had been bashed in the nose, not Vibius, and that look of hurt and pain scarred me to the quick. Gulping, I drew myself up to all fours, and crawled like an animal over to Vibius, who, sensing that I was approaching, looked up, his face partially obscured by a rag that had already turned scarlet with his blood.

  His eyes were flinty hard, and he was silent as I crawled over to him.

  “Vibius,” I began, “I am so sorry that I did this to you.”

  He did not reply, but continued looking at me, as did Juno and Livia. Apparently, I was going to have to do more than this.

  “I don’t know what came over me,” I continued, but before I could finish, he broke in.

  “Yes, you do.” His voice was muffled by the rag and had a nasal quality because of all the blood, I supposed. “You know exactly why you did it. You’re jealous of me.”

  There. He had said it, aloud for all to hear, and if he had punched me in the stomach, it would not have felt any worse. I thought for a moment; I could deny it, but what purpose would that serve?

  Swallowing hard, I said quietly, “You’re right. I am jealous.”

  He had obviously not expected me to capitulate so quickly, judging by the look of surprise on his face. He was not the only one; I had surprised myself too, by being so forthright about what was bothering me. I think it was a measure of how much I needed his friendship that I was willing to do so, no matter how difficult.

  Continuing, I said, “Vibius, you're the one true friend I have. And I think that I am jealous, not because you're happy, but because I fear that we'll
no longer be friends, at least as we are now. When you and Juno are married, I'm afraid you'll no longer have time to spend with me. And,” I added, “you know that if you’re married, you won’t be able to join the Legions with me.”

  I stared at the ground, ashamed to meet his eyes. What I said was the truth, but not the whole truth; I was not yet willing to admit I had feelings for Juno myself.

  There was a silence for a moment, then Vibius heaved a sigh. “You're truly a mentula, Titus, if you think that whatever happens between Juno and me will change our friendship. Besides, just because we're betrothed, doesn't mean that we'll be getting married right away.” I looked up at him in surprise, to see him looking at Juno and she at him. With great affection, he said, “Juno knows that my dream is the same as yours, to serve with you in the Legions, and she's agreed to wait for me.”

  I was incredulous. Wait for him? That was sixteen years of waiting! Was she mad? Had Cupid struck both of them silly?

  Seeing my look, Juno interjected, “It's true, Titus. And we know it’s a long time, but the truth is,” now it was her turn to lower her eyes, “I've loved Vibius for as long as I can remember. I've waited this long, I can wait longer.”

  Vibius and I patched things up and, soon enough, all was right as rain again between us. The fact was that neither of us could stay mad at the other for very long; I wish it could still be true to this day. My feelings for Juno were something that I never shared with him, locking them away in a secret place in my heart, and I lived for the moments when I would see her, even if she was with Vibius.

  My birthday came and Lucius, very grudgingly, presented me with the toga virilis, signifying that I was a man. There was no ceremony; he just handed it to me with a grunt and had Phocas show me how to wear it. I still have trouble making it drape correctly, even now. I much prefer a simple soldier’s tunic, but my status now forbids that. But I have to say that I was pretty proud of myself as I strutted into town, my left arm holding up the drapes as I gestured with my right hand, as if I were addressing an adoring crowd. Vibius and Juno gave me a gift, an amulet for Mars, which I hung about my neck and still have to this day, on a leather cord, although the cord has been replaced many times since. But it was the other news they had that changed the course I had set out for myself.