The Education of Sebastian & the Education of Caroline
Page 82
“Well, she was way too old for him anyway.”
It was all I could do to keep from slapping her.
“I had no idea you were such a selfish bitch, Bren. If you hadn’t screwed around on Seb, none of this would have happened.”
I wasn’t sure how true that was because there was no doubt how deep Seb was in with Caroline Wilson—and always had been.
I walked away from Brenda, but as I looked back, the breeze caught the summer dress she was wearing, and it wrapped tightly around her body. At first I thought she’d put on weight, but the blood drained from my face as I realized that her belly wasn’t just fat—she was pregnant.
She saw the look on my face and paled.
I marched toward her, and she took a step back, as if looking for somewhere to hide.
“You’re pregnant.”
It wasn’t a question.
She nodded slowly.
“Are you saying that it’s Seb’s? Is that why you’ve been stalking him?”
She bit her lip and looked down.
This time I did grab her arm and gave her a small shake.
“Tell the fuckin’ truth for once. Did Seb knock you up?”
She yanked her arm free.
“No!” she shouted. “I wish it was him, but it wasn’t. I wish…” her words broke off and this time she really was crying.
“Ah shit,” I said, quietly.
I led her out to the staff parking lot and she sat in my van, crying and ruining her makeup. What a fucked up story.
Jack Sullivan had given her some skunk—much stronger weed than she was used to. They’d had sex, even though she was still going out with Seb at the time. When she woke up in the morning and realized she wasn’t a virgin anymore, she was afraid to tell him what she’d done. So she broke up with him instead.
To try and make herself feel better, she’d gone from party to party, getting high, getting drunk, sleeping with guys, including several more times with Jack. She’d gotten pregnant at the exact same time that Caroline Wilson came back into Seb’s life.
In Brenda’s fucked up mind, that meant that Caroline was her competition, so she’d gone out of her way to get rid of her.
“I know Seb won’t … be interested in me now,” she cried. “But I just hoped … I thought if he slept with me one time…”
“You’d tell him the kid was his. So Caroline being around messed up your plan to get Seb to sleep with you. That is fuckin’ low, Brenda.”
“I know, but I was desperate,” she gasped out between sniffing and hiccupping.
Chicks don’t cry as pretty in real life as in the movies.
“What do you think is going to happen between you if you do see Seb again?”
She looked down.
“I don’t know. Nothing, I guess. But it would be nice to have the chance to see … if there’s anything still between us. We were … we were good together.”
“He moved on,” I said, gently.
She sighed.
“Yeah, I get that. Although I still don’t understand what was so great about her.”
I couldn’t face getting into that conversation again.
“Look, I’ll tell him you need to talk to him, but after that it’s up to him.”
“Thanks, Ches. I owe you.”
“No, Brenda. You owe, Seb. Big time.”
Boy, I really wasn’t looking forward to telling Seb about any of this. I waited till we were in the van on the way home from a late night stealth mission. I’d parked on the beach and left the van’s lights on, so we’d have something to aim for, as we caught wave after wave in the oily black ocean.
It had been good, almost like old times, but Seb knew me well enough that he could sense the tension in my body.
“You look like you’ve got a stick up your ass, so why don’t you tell me what’s bothering you,” he said, eyeing me steadily.
“Uh yeah, so … I saw Brenda today.”
“Again?”
“Yeah, she still wants to talk to you.”
“Un-fuckin’-believable.” He paused. “You told her no, right?”
“Well…
He rolled his eyes. “Since when did you get to be on her cheer team? You hated the bitch even before I did.”
“I just think you should hear what she’s got to say. She knows she screwed up and she knows you’re not going to take her back.”
“Then why bother?”
“Just talk to her, man. It’s important.”
“Ah fuck it. Okay, tell her to meet me at the surf shack after work. No, wait. I don’t want her knowing where I work. Tell her the park. She can have five minutes.”
He looked pissed about it, but at least he agreed.
It was two days later that he had his talk with Brenda. He came home looking upset.
“So, how’d it go?”
He shook his head.
“Fuck, I can’t believe it, man. She’s fuckin’ pregnant.”
“Yeah, I know. It was kind of obvious when I saw her up close.”
“She told her parents yesterday. They’re freaking out. She said they asked her what I’m going to do about it.”
“Seriously?”
“Yeah, she hadn’t even told them we’d broken up, even though it was like five months ago.”
“But she’s put them straight now?”
He shook his head, looking irritated.
“Not exactly. She wouldn’t tell them who the father is. I’m not even sure she knows. She thinks it’s Jack Sullivan, but she’s not sure.”
“Shit.”
“Yeah, but because she’s not saying, her parents won’t believe that it’s not me. She had to stop them going over to see my old man.”
He shook his head in disbelief.
“That’s why she’s been trying to talk to me.”
“What are you going to do?”
He gave me a look.
“What the fuck am I supposed to do? It’s not my kid. If it was … if it was mine, I’d look after them, or something. No kid should come into the world unwanted. I should fuckin’ know. But I’m not gonna fall on my sword for her either. She fucked up when she told my mom about Caro. I can’t forgive her for that.”
“I can’t believe you never slept with Brenda. I always thought you guys were doin’ it like bunnies.”
He shrugged. “We were going to. It was supposed to be this big deal.” He side-eyed me. “Because we were both virgins. We did some other stuff, but we never fucked.”
I slapped him on the shoulder. “Well, I guess you’ve ticked that box now, bro.”
Instead of a fist-bump, he scowled at me.
“It wasn’t like that with Caro.”
My eyebrows shot upward.
“You’re telling me you didn’t sleep with her? Because, dude, I saw your back and she had some serious claws.”
His cheeks reddened. “I meant it wasn’t fucking. Well, yeah, it was. But it was more than that. When I was with her … it was like the whole world went away and it was just us.” He shook his head. “I can’t explain it.”
“Have you heard anything from her? From Caro?”
“Nah, man, and it’s driving me crazy, not knowing where she is or what she’s doing. Not knowing if she’s safe…”
“Maybe she went back to her mom’s.”
He studied the rug on the floor that was rough with sand we’d trekked in from the beach.
“I don’t think so. They weren’t close—not since her dad died.”
“So where do you think she’s gone?”
“I don’t know. I don’t fuckin’ know.”
He looked at me hopelessly.
“What are you going to do?”
His eyes dropped to the floor again.
“I’m going to wait for her.”
“That’s three years, man. That’s a long time.”
He shrugged, and a ghost of a smile made its way onto his face.
“Life is a long time living, but w
ithout Caro it would just be a long time dying. I love her. So I’ll wait for her. And I know that somewhere on this rat infested planet, she’s waiting for me, too.”
I hoped he was right.
But it was damn hard trying to believe it.
TWENTY-ONE
“Yeah, this is the place.”
Ches pointed towards a low-rise, khaki-colored building with a sign announcing ‘Porter’s Pub’. It was a typical student dive: happy hour and cheap beer. Sounded good.
To be honest, I didn’t really care where we went. I was just happy to have a couple of quiet drinks with my best friend.
Inside, it was a dark, narrow room set out with wooden tables and chairs, and a stage at one end.
Ches started to lead the way towards a table near the back, but before we got there, someone called his name.
“Ches! My man! What’re you doin’ here, dude?”
The speaker was obviously a college kid: long, greasy hair, looking like he’d just stepped out of a Red Hot Chili Peppers video.
“Hey, Vince. How’s it going?”
“I’m long, loose and full of juice, my friend.”
I tried not to roll my eyes, I really did.
I was feeling pretty fucking tense and on edge, excited really, but so not in the mood to party with Ches’s college buddies. It looked like I didn’t have a choice. Whatever.
Other than the ass-hat, there were four other guys that Ches introduced, and a girl whose name I didn’t catch. I noticed her running her eyes up and down my body, and it made me uncomfortable.
“This is Seb, a friend from high school.”
They nodded and muttered, eyeing my military haircut, and the girl smiled.
“I thought you said you were busy tonight, Ches, man?” said Vince.
“Well, yeah. We were just going to go out and have a couple of drinks now that Seb’s back in town.”
“Did you go away to school?” asked the girl. Her name might have been Stacey.
I didn’t get a chance to be evasive, because Ches answered for me.
“Nope. Seb enlisted. He’s a Marine—just got back from Iraq. A gen-u-ine hero, right, man?”
That shit was just fucking embarrassing—but typical of Ches.
“Wow, really?” said Del.
“Yep,” said Ches, “and looking damn skinny. Man, didn’t they feed you out there?”
“You try wearing ninety pounds of gear in 110 degrees, you fat fucker,” I muttered.
Ches laughed and patted his stomach, which was slightly larger than last time I’d seen him.
“Man is a large animal. Besides, wait till you try Amy’s cooking.”
Amy. This was Ches’s new girlfriend, and, according to him, the love of his life. I hadn’t met her yet, but if she made my friend happy, that was good enough for me. And he was—happy, I mean. Happiness rolled off him in waves. Not that I was jealous. Okay, that was a lie. I was jealous as fuck, but still really pleased for him. I knew what it was like to be in love—except right now, it was fucking painful. For me, anyway.
I’d earned a few days’ leave, and had managed to be in San Diego this week. I was waiting for Caro. I’d been waiting for her for three long years.
The guys around the table eyed me like I was a fucking Martian. I could see what they were thinking: too dumb to go to college. It didn’t bother me, I just didn’t want to spend the evening talking about being a Marine. I was having a night off.
I mumbled something and stood up to get the beers, pulling my wallet out of my back pocket.
“Nah, man, your money’s no good tonight,” said Ches, pushing me down into my seat.
“Huh?” said Vince, looking annoyed.
“It’s my buddy’s birthday,” announced Ches loudly, as I stifled a groan. “Twenty-one and legal at last.”
A chorus of ‘congratulations’ and ‘happy birthday’ rolled around the table. I cocked an eyebrow at Ches, and he shrugged, a wide smile across his face. He signaled to the waitress and ordered beer for everyone. Then he pointed to me:
“It’s his birthday, so don’t let him pay for any drinks tonight, okay?”
The waitress winked at me.
“He’s so cute, I wouldn’t make him pay for anything anyway.”
“Whoa! You’re in there, man,” said Vince, as the waitress sashayed back to the bar.
Stupid fucker. I scowled at him and he leaned back in his seat, looking surprised. I hadn’t so much as looked at another woman in the three years I’d waited for Caro—I wasn’t going to blow it now.
Ches threw me a warning glance. I nodded once and looked away. I had gotten the message.
Yeah, yeah, it wasn’t Vince’s fault I was so on edge. But listening to a bunch of college kids talking about midterms and professors wasn’t really doing it for me. Technically, they were all older than me, but they just seemed really young. Ches was the only one who knew what it had been like for me since I enlisted. His dad was a Staff Sergeant, so he understood; the rest of them were civvies. And that created a distance. Besides, they were Ches’s friends, not mine.
But because they were Ches’s friends, I knew I just had to chill the fuck out.
“Hey, Seb,” Ches nudged me. “Look I hadn’t really planned on everyone being here tonight; I know you just wanted a quiet drink. But since they are here, would it be cool with you if I texted Amy to join us?”
“Sure, why not? It’d be good to meet your girl, man.”
Ches grinned. “You’re going to love her. You’ve never met anyone like her…” His words trailed off. “Sorry, man. I know you’re hoping Caroline’s gonna turn up, but come on...” He looked at me seriously. “Even if she was in town, she’s not going to know which bar you’re at, is she?”
I ran my hands over my hair in frustration. “I know she’ll be here; I just know it. I mean, fuck, I’ve left my cell number for her at your mom and dad’s old place, her old place and at the civvy entrance to the Base. She’s gonna go to one of them, isn’t she?”
Ches didn’t answer. Instead, he became very interested in staring at a hole in the toe of his sneaker.
“Sure, Seb,” he said, quietly.
He was my best friend, and he was a lousy fucking liar.
Picking up my beer, I chugged half the bottle.
“How’s it feel drinking legally?” said Stacey, jogging my elbow.
“Pretty much like any other time,” I snapped.
“Well, excuse me!” she snorted.
I was being an asshole.
“Sorry,” I said, grimacing at her. “I’m just…”
I didn’t know what to say to her.
She smiled. “Apology accepted. I guess this isn’t what you really wanted, is it? You know, a big crowd of strangers. We must seem pretty immature to you.”
I looked at her in surprise.
“Yeah, my big brother is in the Old Guard out at Fort Myer.”
I nodded slowly. “It’s just a bit … weird. I only flew in this morning. I’m still…”
She touched my arm. “It’s okay, I get it. You don’t have to explain.”
I smiled with relief, and she blinked a couple of times.
“Thanks. Stacey, right?”
“So you were paying attention!”
I grinned at her. “Must have been. Who knew?”
She clinked her beer against mine. “Here’s to paying attention.”
After my fifth beer, I started to loosen up a bit. Even so, I couldn’t help checking my cellphone for the fortieth fucking time.
“You waiting for someone … your girlfriend … or…?” asked Stacey.
“Yes. No. Kind of. I don’t know.”
She raised her eyebrows.
Truthfully, I was waiting. I knew Ches thought I was crazy. I mean, I hadn’t heard from her for three years but there was a reason for that: a really good fucking reason. And I knew, I just fucking knew that she’d be looking for me. She’d promised me—we’d promised each other.
I’d tried to find her but got nowhere: turns out you need to know someone’s name if you want to find them. Yeah, right. But I knew she’d be able to find me back in San Diego. That’s why I’d cashed in every favor I could to make sure I was here for my 21st birthday. I’d left messages at all the places that had meant something to us: she had to find one of them. All I could do was wait. Yeah. That’s all. It was fucking killing me.
Ches understood. He’d been there, and he’d been the one who picked up the pieces after Caro had left. I was a fucking wreck, but he and his mom and dad all helped. I even lived with them for a few months until I enlisted. They were my real family.
I couldn’t be bothered to explain everything to Stacey. But I was a Marine, and trained in evasive tactics.
“Do you want to dance?”
She looked surprised.
“Sure! I’d love to. I didn’t know Marines danced.”
I smiled at her and winked. “This one does.”
Stacey was a pretty good dancer and followed my lead easily. I kind of enjoyed having a girl in my arms again, even though it wasn’t the girl I was waiting for. Her hands crept around my neck and I pulled her into my chest. It occurred to me later that she probably wanted me to kiss her. Like that was going to happen.
She must have sensed my mood, because she started talking instead.
“Wow, you can really dance, Seb! Where’d you learn those moves?”
I laughed. “Ches’s mom and dad.”
“You’re kidding me!”
“Nope: Base salsa champions back in the day.”
“I’ve never seen Ches dance,” she said, eyeing him speculatively.
“Yeah, well, I think that talent skipped a generation.”
Stacey laughed. “I’ll tell him you said that.”
I smiled back. “He already knows.”
We’d danced for a couple of songs when I saw two girls join the table: one was a girl with light brown hair who threw herself into Ches’s lap. He kissed her like he needed her air to breathe, and I guessed this must be Amy.
Stacey turned to see what had caught my attention, then grinned up at me.