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by J. A. Armstrong

  “He’s a good guy, Riley.”

  Riley’s only response was a smile. I’m sure he is.

  ***

  Fallon watched as Ida and Andi put the finishing touches on the tables at the pub. She wondered for the zillionth time how she managed to get herself volunteered for these things. Andi had suggested that she volunteered herself. Ida agreed. Figures. Maybe she did offer to help Charlie. Maybe she offered her assistance too freely at times. Why shouldn’t she? Ida was independent. Fallon didn’t have aging parents, young children, or a significant other to care for. She functioned on her timetable. She could afford to hire more staff at Murphy’s Law, something both Andi and her mother had advised her to do on countless occasions. Why should she? What would she do if she were home? Fallon wasn’t a TV junkie. Okay, so maybe she had a slight addiction to sitcoms and thriller movies. A person could only sit in front of a screen for so long. She had chopped enough firewood to last her two winters, maybe three. She couldn’t exactly immerse herself in gardening during the winter; not that she would choose to. What did people do when they had no one to go home to? In Fallon’s experience they got a hobby, took a lover or went to the pub. In her case, she had done all three. Immersing herself in her friends’ projects and problems was her hobby, Andi was her lover, and she owned a pub. She’d made that argument to Riley.

  “So, this is your hobby?” Riley asked.

  “Yeah.”

  “Fallon, usually people choose hobbies that they enjoy.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “You’ve been groaning about this party for months now.”

  “Riley, you been here a while.”

  “And?”

  “There’s a couple of things about living in a small town that I would have thought you would’ve caught onto by now.”

  “Such as?”

  “The three g’s.”

  “The three g’s?”

  “Yep. The gift of gab, the ability to gossip, and something to grumble about.”

  Riley laughed. “I see, so it’s a prerequisite then?”

  “Exactly.”

  “I’ll work on that.”

  “See that you do.”

  “Are you going to help or just stand there daydreaming?” Ida asked.

  “Huh?”

  “You. Should Andi and I expect a paycheck?” Ida asked.

  Fallon leaned against the bar. “When was the last time either one of you paid for a drink?”

  “I think we’ve both paid plenty,” Ida said. “Andi?”

  Andi laughed.

  “Hey,” Riley tried to open the door while holding an armload of bags.

  Fallon rushed over to help. Andi and Ida exchanged an amused glance.

  “Thanks,” Riley said.

  “Why didn’t you call? I would’ve come over and picked you up? How much is in the car?” Fallon took some bags from her hand and set them aside.

  “Do you see that?” Ida asked Andi.

  Andi smiled. Oh, I see it.

  “Hi,” Riley greeted Ida and Andi.

  “Do you need some help?” Andi asked.

  “I’ve got it,” Fallon said and promptly followed Riley out the door.

  Ida rolled her eyes. “That’s it; I’m fixing a drink. Andi?”

  “Are you buying too?” Andi asked.

  “Hell, I paid for her first car and her college education. She can spring for the tequila.” She stepped behind the bar.

  “What are you doing?” Fallon asked when she stepped back inside.

  “What does it look like I’m doing?” Ida replied. “Andi and I have been your flunkies for the last two hours. It’s a birthday party, Fallon. I’m ready for the party to start.”

  Riley chuckled. “What do you still need to do?”

  “Nothing,” Fallon admitted quietly. “I just like to watch her pretend she’s wounded. Watch, she’ll tell Andi she raised me to respect my elders, not to enslave them.”

  Riley chanced a glance at Ida and Andi. She could hear those words falling from Ida’s lips. The dynamic between Andi and Ida surprised her at times. Ida was aware that Fallon and Andi were lovers. She seemed to accept the situation without any judgment at all. Why that surprised Riley, she couldn’t say. How would she feel if Owen one day found himself involved with a married woman? Thank God, I don’t have to worry about that for years. Most people were raised to believe certain things, brought up with expectations about life and taught to stay within set boundaries. Whatever existed between Fallon and Andi fell outside all those things yet everyone seemed to accept it without hesitation. Was it because they weren’t in love as Andi had suggested? From where Riley stood it appeared that a fine line existed between loving a person and being in love with them. She wondered how a person knew the difference. How had she known that she was in love with Robert? Was it the attraction she felt to him, their physical connection? Was it the flutter in her stomach and the longing she felt when they parted? And, why did seeing Andi and Fallon together make her ponder all these things? Maybe it was the day ahead. Charlie and Carol would leave the party as an engaged couple. Fallon would likely leave with Andi. She would leave alone—again.

  “You okay?” Fallon grabbed Riley’s arm.

  “Huh?”

  “You were in another world there for a minute.”

  “Sorry. Just thinking.” Riley smiled. “Do they know?” She gestured to Ida and Andi who were laughing together at the bar.

  “That Charlie’s going to propose?”

  Riley nodded.

  “Andi does.”

  “You tell her everything, don’t you?”

  Not everything. “Most things, I guess,” Fallon replied.

  Fallon’s eyes fell on Andi. Most things. Riley had become Fallon’s best friend. Sometimes you got more than one best friend. People played different roles in life. Andi was far more than a lover to Fallon. She couldn’t deny that their physical relationship had brought them closer as friends. She imagined that most people would find that strange. Lovers were meant to be lovers, not friends. Friendship inevitably led to strings attached. Andi had been her friend long before their lips had met. She trusted Andi, perhaps more than she had ever trusted another person—save Ida. One thing Fallon did know, Andi Maguire would never hurt her if she could prevent it. She accepted Fallon as she was with all her flaws and all her fears. Fallon wouldn’t admit it to anyone, but Andi understood her better than anyone. Their future would never entail romantic trips or heartfelt proposals. It was founded on affection, respect, and attraction. Fallon recognized the questions in Riley’s eyes.

  Riley had been in love once. She confessed to Fallon during one of their late-night conversations that she wondered if love could endure. Fallon had answered honestly. She shared the same questions as Riley. She guessed that everyone did. Romance novels and movies promised one great love—a soulmate that would complete you and suddenly make everything right. Every question would be answered in one kiss, and you could live happily ever after without questions, fears, or doubt. That seemed unrealistic to Fallon. Every person felt fear. Every person struggled with insecurity. In her experience, love and friendship were guides. A person could offer comfort, solace, even insight; no person could make another suddenly complete. And, as far as Fallon was concerned loving someone—no matter how much—would never ensure perfection. Too often, she thought, the search for that one perfect, happy ending led people astray. Love came without warning. Relationships took work.

  “Sometimes I wonder if it’s possible to fall in love and have it last,” Riley said.

  “Why would you say that?”

  “This will sound awful.”

  “I doubt that,” Fallon said.

  “Look around us. My parents, Andi, you and Liv… me—does it last—ever?” Riley sighed. “I lost Robert. I thought it might kill me. I can’t imagine losing him to someone else. Sometimes I wonder if he had lived, if we made it another ten or twenty years together, would he still love me
—only me? In some ways, I think losing him to someone else would hurt even more.”

  Fallon took a deep breath.

  “You don’t agree?”

  “I didn’t say that,” Fallon replied. “I don’t think we get to choose who we love. I’m not sure we get much of a say in how they leave either. You don’t decide to fall in love with someone, Riley. I don’t think so. It just happens.” Fallon chuckled. “And when it does it usually comes out of nowhere, or at least it seems that way. I can understand what you’re saying. You lost the person you fell in love with too soon. Who knows what would have happened? I’m no expert on relationships. Look at my life. I do believe you can love more than one person. It’s never the same, though. Every person is different so there’s no way you can love them the same way. Like I said, I don’t think love is a choice. How we love is. What kind of relationship—if we want to have a relationship at all with someone, that’s our choice; loving someone isn’t.”

  Fallon smiled at Riley. “Weird, huh?”

  “What?”

  “My mom and Andi. That’s what you were thinking.”

  Riley sighed. Caught. “Not weird, just…”

  “Weird.” Fallon laughed. “I guess most people would expect a parent’s disapproval. Mom loves Andi as much as I do.”

  “Do you? Love her?” Why are you asking her that—here of all places?

  Fallon smiled. “Yes.”

  Riley nodded.

  “But what we have is what we have,” Fallon said. “It won’t last forever.”

  “Then why…”

  “Why does anyone do anything they do? Who knows? Maybe we just needed someone at the same time.”

  Riley smiled. She watched Fallon approach the two women at the bar and considered Fallon’s words. Fallon’s explanation made sense. She felt a twinge of jealousy. It had been almost two years since Riley had experienced feeling another person close. A small part of her felt guilty for the feelings that were beginning to resurface in her, the needs of a woman. She would turn thirty in a couple of weeks. Her whole life was still ahead of her, however long that turned out to be. Would she spend it alone? Would she ever love someone as much as she had Robert? Could she let herself love another person? She’d promised him forever. Forever, what a cruel joke. She wasn’t sure she wanted to be in love. Being in love carried the potential for heartbreak. Sex? Riley missed sex. Could she take a lover—just a lover? She had a few times before she met Robert. Her first two years of college had been an exercise in exploration. She’d told him enough. She’d never told him all of it. Oddly, it was Andi she had confided in about her past and her feelings. She seemed to confide nearly everything to Andi. It was a little strange when she thought about it. Riley spent long hours with Fallon. She had told Fallon a bit about her college days. She did not tell Fallon that she was feeling frustrated and thinking about those days lately. She never wanted to lose Fallon’s friendship. She loved their banter and their long talks. Still, she held back parts of herself with Fallon. The contrast left her wondering who Andi was to her. Riley’s thoughts traveled to the lunch she had shared with Andi earlier that week.

  “Something’s bothering you,” Andi observed.

  Riley shrugged.

  “Riley?”

  “It will sound… I don’t know. I don’t want you to think that I’m some kind of horny slut.”

  Andi erupted in laughter. “You’re worried about me thinking you’re a slut?” She laughed some more.

  “I’m serious.”

  “You do realize who you are talking to.”

  “I don’t see you that way,” Riley said. “At all.”

  “Good to know.” Andi smiled at her friend. “Let me guess, you’re feeling a little frustrated?”

  “More than a little. Pete was flirting with me at the pub the other night and for a second I considered pulling him into the bathroom.”

  Andi laughed. “That is some frustration.”

  “I know! What is wrong with me?”

  “Nothing,” Andi said.

  “It doesn’t feel that way.”

  “Can I ask you something?”

  “Why not? I can’t believe I just admitted that.”

  “That you’re horny enough to fuck Pete?”

  Riley shuddered. “It passed quickly.”

  “I’m sure. Why does it bother you? Is it because of Robert?”

  Riley sighed. “Maybe. I haven’t been with anyone else since I was twenty-one.”

  Andi smiled.

  “I guess I never thought I’d have to think about it again.”

  “Being with someone new?” Andi guessed.

  Riley nodded.

  “I understand that.”

  “You do?”

  “Sure, I do. I met Jake when I was nineteen. He was the only person to touch me for twenty-five years.”

  “Did you ever think about it? I mean, before you and Fallon…”

  “Being with someone else?” Andi asked.

  “Yeah.”

  “Of course.”

  “Really?”

  “Not right away, and I never acted on it until…”

  “Fallon.”

  Andi nodded. “Yes. I wish I could tell you that I regret it. I don’t.”

  “I’m not sure I would even know what to do now.”

  Andi chuckled. “Somehow, I think you’ll be fine.”

  “Maybe. It’s not like I was never adventurous. Don’t you think it’s strange?”

  “What’s that?”

  “I’m not lying awake thinking about Robert. I mean, I do. But when I think about…”

  “Sex?”

  “Yeah. I don’t know; I think about college.”

  “When you were adventurous?”

  “I guess. More like uninhibited.”

  Andi smiled broadly. “I don’t think it’s strange at all.”

  “It’s not like I want to go out and have a one-night stand.”

  “Unless it’s throwing Pete against the bathroom wall,” Andi teased.

  “Oh, God.” Riley groaned. “It was one-second. Less than one-second.”

  “That’s probably how long it would have lasted too,” Andi joked.

  “Please, forget I mentioned that.”

  Andi chuckled.

  “Robert… Our relationship was great—in the bedroom, I mean. It wasn’t timid.” Riley blushed. “We never talked about the details of our past. I know he was with people. He knew that I wasn’t exactly chaste.”

  Andi’s eyebrow raised.

  “I had a couple of boyfriends before we met. I had a few—experiences.”

  Andi was curious.

  Riley smirked. “I know what you’re wondering. Yes, I’ve been with a woman.”

  Andi nodded. “And?”

  “I have no regrets,” Riley replied. “About any of the people I’ve been with. I just… Part of me wants to find a bar, find a boy…”

  “Or a girl?”

  “At this point, I think human is negotiable.”

  Andi chuckled. “So, what’s holding you back?”

  “That’s the thing; I don’t know. Robert. Some of it is Robert.”

  “But not all of it.”

  Riley shook her head. “I don’t know.” She didn’t. There was some unseen force gripping her.

  Andi reached across the table and squeezed Riley’s hand. “When it’s the right moment and the right person, you’ll know.”

  “I don’t know. What if I forgot how?”

  Andi’s laughter filled the room. Riley was adorable. “It’ll come back to you.”

  A sudden realization hit her. Who had Andi become in her life? Andi turned and looked at Riley curiously. Riley smiled warmly. She loved her big sister, Mary. Their relationship challenged her at times. Mary was not the person she chose to confide her deepest secrets and desires to; that person was Andi. Big sister. Andi’s unspoken question was evident to Riley. She put her arm around Andi’s shoulder. She couldn’t explain why,
but she’d been feeling nervous all morning. Her thoughts and her feelings were spiraling. Andi’s presence comforted her.

  “Oh, good, you’re all here.” Charlie burst through the door.

  Fallon looked at him curiously. “Aren’t you supposed to be getting ready for this party you made me plan?”

  “Yeah. Yeah, I am.” He looked at Riley. “You remembered it, right?”

  “Was I supposed to remember something?” Riley teased him.

  Charlie went pale.

  “I’m kidding. I have it in my bag,” Riley promised.

  “What do you have?” Ida asked.

  “Carol’s birthday present,” Riley replied. “Relax, Charlie.”

  “Yeah, right—right. Yeah.”

  Andi laughed. “Do you need to practice?”

  “Practice?” Ida was confused. “What does he need to practice?”

  Charlie shifted his weight from foot to foot.

  “What is going on?” Ida said. “I haven’t finished one margarita so I know I’m not drunk or hallucinating. What are you all up to?”

  “I just… I’m not sure how to start,” Charlie said. “I mean, what do I say?”

  Andi looked at Fallon. “Show him, Fallon.”

  “What?” Fallon asked.

  “You and Riley. Show him,” Andi said.

  “Me and Riley?”

  “Sure. You’ve made one and she’s accepted one before.”

  “Not exactly,” Riley said, understanding what Andi was suggesting.

  Andi ignored the comment and continued. “Come on, Fallon,” she goaded her lover. “I know there’s a romantic hiding in there.”

  Why are you doing this, Andi? Fallon had an idea what was driving Andi’s suggestion and it made her more than a little uncomfortable. Andi had been making comments for a few weeks subtly intimating that Fallon’s feelings for Riley might be changing. Fallon refused to examine that possibility much less discuss it.

  “Is someone going to tell me what the hell is going on?” Ida asked.