The Journey

by Josephine Cox

  Bridget beamed. “Well, there y’are then. Sure, isn’t that what I’ve been saying all along?” She had a question. “Did ye manage to have a quiet word with him … about the womanizing and the drinking?”

  Lucy shook her head. “I’ve tried time and again to get him on his own, but he always manages to dodge me.” This time she was determined. “I’ve spoken with Arthur. He’s worried sick about Barney, but even he hasn’t been able to talk any sense into him. Joanne and the boys will be up at Leonard Maitland’s tonight. Apparently he’s concerned about Barney and unsure about what’s happening. He’s asked the family to come and talk it through, so tonight, Barney will be on his own.”

  Bridget was doubtful. “Will Barney stay in, d’ye think? Or will he be off out with his floozy?”

  Lucy tapped her nose by way of a confidence. “It’s all been arranged. Barney’s agreed to see Arthur, and being as he’s let Arthur down twice before, we’re hoping that this time he’ll keep his word and be at home when his old pal arrives.”

  Bridget got the picture. “But it won’t be Arthur who turns up, will it? It’ll be you, is that right?”

  Lucy confirmed that was the idea. “Seeing as he keeps avoiding me, this seems to be the only way.”

  “Well, I hope it works, because somebody needs to talk some sense into that foolhardy head of his,” Bridget declared. “Sure, if anybody can do it, you can.”

  Just then the girls came in, dressed in their new outfits and looking like a million dollars. “I’ve just spent a whole afternoon in one of the best hotels in Manchester.” Brenda’s tall, willowy figure was wrapped in the most expensive coat with fur collar and deep fur-trimmed pockets.

  “And I’ve been to the races.” Shorter and perfectly formed, Lynette was better suited to the small-brimmed hat and brown silk two-piece.

  “I hope you both behaved like ladies?” Raising her eyebrows, Bridget gave them a warning glance.

  On hearing how they had been paid handsomely for their escort duties, Bridget congratulated them. “Sure if we keep on like this, we’ll have to move to posher premises,” she joked. “Now off upstairs wit’ ye, and out of those expensive clothes. You’ll need them again, I hope, so make sure you hang them up nice and neatly.”

  Shortly after the girls had departed, Lucy excused herself. “I’d best get ready,” she told Bridget.

  “Off ye go then, and I wish ye well.” Her friend was concerned. “It’s a crying shame to see how Barney’s hurting that poor family of his. If he doesn’t come to his senses soon, there’ll be no America for him, and no family to speak of neither.”

  With all that preying on her mind, Lucy got washed and changed and made herself ready to meet Arthur. Having lately acquired a little black Ford, he was to run her up to the end of the lane and wait there until she came out again.

  She didn’t have to wait long before the little car drew up outside number 23. “What d’you think to it?” he asked proudly. “Cost me an arm and a leg, but it was worth it.”

  Lucy told him she thought it was handsome, and smiling from ear to ear he helped her climb on the running board and then get inside, before taking the starting handle and thrusting it into the front of the car. Perspiring from the effort, Arthur drove up the street erratically, with the car lurching and bumping. “I’m not quite used to it yet,” he apologized sheepishly. “But I’ll get us there—don’t you worry about that.”

  When they reached the end of the lane leading to Overhill Farm, they sat awhile. “Have the family gone out yet, d’you think?” Arthur was on pins.

  “I’m not sure.” Lucy, too, was nervous. If she did get to see Barney on his own, what would she say? How could she convince him that what he was doing was tearing the family apart? What about the future? What about America, and the family so looking forward to it now? And why was he doing this? That was the main thing.

  While they waited and watched, Lucy spoke her mind to Arthur. “I don’t understand why Barney’s suddenly started behaving like this,” she said. “He’s an intelligent man, compassionate and caring, and yet here he is, wantonly throwing away everything he cherishes.”

  Arthur had an idea, but he could not give her the answer. “It’s the strangest thing,” he said thoughtfully. “I’ve known him a very long time, but I can never recall him acting the way he is now, hurting the ones he loves and seemingly hellbent on destroying himself. One minute he’s all fired up at going to America, and now it’s as though he has to destroy every chance they’ve got of starting a new life. I’ve tried to reason with him, but he just walks away. He won’t listen to me.”

  Reaching out, he took Lucy’s hand into his. “Happen he’ll talk to you,” he said, patting the back of her hand. “Happen you’ll get through to him where I can’t.” In the half-light he smiled on her, trying not to show the love he felt. She was his good friend, and he was not prepared to spoil that by speaking his heart.

  Suspecting nothing of his true feelings, Lucy gave him a nudge. “Here they are now,” she said. The family emerged from the house; Joanne and Susie first, then the two sons. Huddled together, they set off on foot in the other direction, along the lane and on toward Leonard Maitland’s house, The Manse. “We’ll give it another minute or so and then you’d best go in,” Arthur said. “D’you think he’ll open the door to you?”

  Lucy smiled secretly. Reaching into her handbag, she drew out the key to Overhill farmhouse. “I never thought to give this back after I stayed there once,” she told him. “I knew it would be more polite to knock, but like you say, he might see me out of the window and be gone through the back door. So I shall just let myself in.” She did not like the idea of doing it, but saw no other way.

  Climbing out of the car, Lucy softly closed the door and approached the house. She could see Barney through the window; slouched in his chair he was leaning forward, deep in thought and looking lost.

  Concentrating on what she was doing, she slipped the key into the lock, opened the door and went inside; and because she did not want to alarm him, she deliberately made a noise as she came toward the sitting room.

  “Who’s there?” Barney’s voice sailed through the house. “Joanne! Is that you?”

  When suddenly he was standing before her, his face fell with astonishment. “Lucy! What the devil are you doing here? How did you get in?”

  “Sorry if I frightened you.” When Lucy now took a step forward, Barney took a step back. “Please, Barney. We need to talk.”

  “I don’t want to talk. Go away, and leave me be.” Seeing her there and knowing how, like the rest of his beloved family, she was worried out of her mind, he so much wanted to take her in his arms and open his heart to her. But if he did, then all of this would have been for nothing. “How did you get in? Did Joanne let you in, is that it? Did she think you might get me to tell you things I can’t tell her?” His eyes bright with tears, he lowered his sorry gaze to the floor.

  “Joanne doesn’t know I’m here,” she told him. “Look! I still have my key.” She laid it on the coat-stand. “There. I’ve returned it now.”

  As she walked toward him, he barred her path, his shoulders squared tall and his face blank, with no expression. “I don’t need you here. I want you to go.”

  Now, as Lucy stared him in the eye, he looked away, as though he could not bear to see the pain and anxiety in her face. “I said I want you to leave. Now!”

  Lucy refused. “You’ll have to throw me out, Barney.”

  The man was in anguish; he wanted to tell her the truth, but he daren’t. He couldn’t.

  “Talk to me, Barney.” Laying her hand on his arm, she thrilled at his nearness, but for now all she wanted was to make him at peace, to let him know that he was not on his own. “Why are you doing all of this?” Her voice was like silk to his ears. “You were always such a kind and loving man, concerned about other people’s feelings. You’re not a drunk, or a bad man. You’re a worker and a fighter. You risked your own life to save m
y baby and you were my strength afterward. Was it that night, Barney? Was it because of what happened to little Jamie?” Her voice broke. “You said it yourself—there was nothing we could have done. It was too late, Barney … all too late.”

  When she paused, choking back the pain of remembering, Barney looked up. He was so ashamed. “How are you now, Lucy?” His voice was merely a whisper, but it came from the heart.

  Looking up with bright eyes and a sorry smile, she told him, “I’m coping, Barney. But I’m so worried about you … we all are. What is it? What’s wrong? You have to let me help. You have to let us all help.”

  She could sense that he was weakening, when suddenly the front door was pushed open and in walked a woman, tall and attractive, with wild hair and a ruddy complexion, and the smell of booze about her. “You shouldn’t leave your door open of a night-time,” she quipped. “And who might this be, Barney? I know it’s not your wife because you told me she’d be out with the family.”

  “Jesus!” Thrusting Lucy aside he took hold of the woman by the arm. “What the hell are you doing here, and drunk into the bargain!”

  She smiled. “I remembered you saying your family were going out and that I should come and pay a call on you if ever I was passing. Well, I might not have been passing, but I’m here now, and I’ve brought us some cheer.” Holding up a bottle of sherry, she taunted him with it. “If you don’t want to stay here, we can always go to my place. I’ve got a car outside.” Staggering sideways, she almost lost her balance. “The driver is an old friend of mine …” she gave a wink “… if you know what I mean?”

  About to throw her out into the night, Barney stopped himself. No! This might be his best chance. Just now, Lucy had almost got him to confide in her, and if his unwelcome visitor hadn’t turned up, he might well have said things he regretted. And that would have been a disaster.

  “She’s the woman I saw you with in Liverpool.” Lucy was shocked and angry. “Ask her to leave, Barney. She’s tainting Joanne’s lovely home.”

  Enraged, the woman made a grab for her. Barney stepped between them. Turning on Lucy he sounded like a stranger. “Good night, Lucy. I don’t want to see you again. You can leave now.”

  Lucy was taken aback. “You don’t mean that?”

  He gave a slow, affirmative nod. “Thank you for coming here tonight, but I don’t need your help.”

  Lucy could have argued with him, but there would have been no point. Instead she reached up and, placing her hands on his shoulders, she kissed him on the cheek. “Think what you’re doing, Barney,” she pleaded quietly. “We all love you so much.”

  For what seemed an age he looked at her, and just for the briefest moment she really believed he was listening. Then he took her by the arm and led her to the door, where he pushed her unceremoniously onto the outer step. One hard, appealing stare, and then he closed the door.

  As she walked down the path, Lucy could hear their laughter. “May God forgive you, Barney Davidson,” she whispered.

  Climbing into the car she sat for a moment, unsure what to do.

  “I saw the woman.” Arthur’s voice interrupted her thoughts. “I wondered if I should come in, and then I thought it best not to.”

  “If you’d come in, it would only have made matters worse.”

  “What about the woman?”

  Lucy shook her head. “She’s the one he’s been seeing. He’s got her in there now, and he’s not in the mood for talking.” She turned to him, a sad little smile on her face. “He almost confided in me,” she revealed. “If that woman hadn’t arrived, he would have talked, I know he would.”

  They sat a moment longer; Arthur feeling as though he should go in there and throw her out, and Lucy thinking how low Barney had sunk.

  “What’s wrong with him, Arthur?” she asked now. “Why is he doing this?”

  Arthur didn’t know any more than she did, although a suspicion lurked at the back of his head. “Maybe we didn’t know him as well as we thought we did,” he answered thoughtfully. “Or maybe he’s pushed himself so hard, and then … your awful tragedy …” He paused, making sure he had not upset her. “Who knows what it takes to turn a man like Barney?”

  Lucy had to agree. “We’ve tried,” she murmured. “We couldn’t have tried any harder. Maybe there’ll be an opportunity later on.” She gave a deep sigh. “I don’t know any more.”

  “Home then?”

  When Lucy nodded, he started the engine, turned the car about, and went down the lane at a leisurely pace. They did not talk. For now, there was too much on their minds.

  Nineteen

  Leonard Maitland had welcomed the family into his home, and for a time they had enjoyed his hospitality. When the discussion turned serious, he asked Joanne outright, “So, with the way things are at home, will you and the family still be able to come with me to Boston?”

  Joanne looked at her sons, and her heart was breaking. “I’m sure you know what’s happened with Barney?”

  Leonard nodded. “I’m sorry.” He was more sorry than she would ever know, he thought, because if he was going to Boston without Barney, he would be going without Joanne. He knew that, even before she told him.

  “I’m not sure if we’ll be able to come or not,” Joanne said solemnly. “We so much want to—in fact, we’ve all been so excited about it …”

  She would have explained, but Ronnie blurted out: “Tell him the truth, Mother! Tell him how we might have to give up the greatest adventure we’re ever likely to have, and all because my father’s turned into a drunk and a laughing stock.”

  “That’s enough!” Now, when Thomas put his hand over his brother’s arm, Ronnie bent his head in shame. “It’s true though, isn’t it?” Getting out of his chair, he strode across the room and ran out of The Manse into the night.

  “Go after him, Tom. Take care of him.” Joanne was desolate. As Thomas went to look for his brother, she addressed Leonard with a degree of pride. “I’m sorry we’ve caused you so much concern,” she said. “If you have to look for someone else to help you with the farm in Boston, we will understand.”

  Leonard stopped her there. “Joanne, listen to me.” Coming to sit beside her, he spoke with real compassion. “I fully understand what you must all be going through at this time, and I wouldn’t dream of rushing into looking for anyone else.”

  “Do you mean that?”

  “Of course. We still have a little time. Until then, I’ll assume that Barney is going through some sort of crisis; probably stemming from the idea that he should have saved the child and couldn’t. He’s a good man, and he did his best, that’s all any of us can do.”

  “I don’t know if it will turn out all right,” Joanne said. Deep down she feared that Barney had gone so low he might never come back to her. “All I’m saying is, I don’t want you to be hampered in your plans, especially when you’ve been so good to us.”

  Outside, Thomas had managed to calm his brother, and when Joanne came out with Susie, the four of them began their way back down the lane. “It’s all gone, hasn’t it?” Ronnie was broken. “Our happy family, our dream … all of us wanting to go to America and start over—all gone.”

  Quickening his steps he walked on in front. Thomas kept a close eye on him, while Joanne walked between him and Susie, wondering why her happy, safe little world had been so cruelly shattered.

  Inside the house the woman was all over Barney. “You’re not very friendly tonight, are you?” Seated on his knee, she nibbled at his ear. “C’mon. Want to make love, do you?”

  Barney didn’t answer. The touch of her skin against his was repugnant to him, and he could smell her boozy breath on his face. “Best not,” he said. “There’s no telling what time the family will be back.” In his mind he could still see Lucy’s downcast face. She had come here to help him, and he had turned her away. What kind of monster was he becoming?

  Yet what choice did he have? This was the worst time of his life and he desperately nee
ded his family by him. Instead, for their own sakes, he was deliberately alienating them.

  When the door suddenly opened to admit his two sons, Barney was flustered; for a split second he wasn’t sure what to do, but then he knew and with a sore heart he played his part well. “Oh look!” Kissing the woman soundly on the mouth, he pointed to his family who, shocked and disgusted, were now gathered at the door. “It’s my precious family,” he laughed. “Shall we ask them to leave? What d’you think?”

  Brazen, the woman sniggered. “A minute later and they might have caught you with your trousers off,” she said.

  “Get out of my house!” White-faced, her fists clenched with rage, Joanne rushed toward the woman. “Get out, or I swear to God, I won’t be responsible for my actions!”

  Realizing he had tipped Joanne over the edge, Barney clambered to his feet. Taking hold of the woman he told her, “You’d best go.”

  “I want you to go with her.” Joanne spoke quietly, but the rage trembled in her voice. She did not look at Barney. She had seen enough. “You’ve gone too far this time,” she told him. “I don’t want you near me any more.” The tears were rising, but she would not let them see.

  He hesitated, hating himself, loving her so much it hurt. He wanted to take her in his arms and tell her it was all an act, that he had never stopped wanting her, that he would always love her.

  But he couldn’t do that. Instead, he looked at her and drank in her beauty, knowing he might never again hold her in his arms.

  “You heard what she said. GET OUT!” Giving Barney a shove, Ronnie sent him sprawling toward the door.

  Before Barney could recover, his sons took one arm each and bundled him out of the door; the woman with him.

  “What kind of man are you?” Thomas was shocked to his soul by Barney’s inexplicable behavior. “You must know what you’re doing to us all. But it’s done now! You can’t hurt us any more. As far as we’re concerned, the Barney Davidson we knew is gone forever.”