Forever in Blue Jeans

by Lissa Matthews

  “I’m sorry, B. Maybe you’re moving too fast. Maybe he needs more time.”

  Blue shrugged and took another bite. “Maybe.”

  Some people turned to chocolate when they needed comfort or cheering. She turned to fruit and crust. Rosie, on the other hand, turned to cleaning. And though she didn’t have an issue with her body, Blue sometimes wished she dealt with stuff like this by resorting to something rather than pie.

  Then again, she did love pie.

  “When I saw him the other day, I thought it was a second chance at something.” She gave Rosie a rueful smile. “Fanciful, I know.”

  “But you’ve always been a little fanciful. You’ve always been eccentric, taking chances, going after what you want. You wouldn’t be you if you didn’t go after him, full steam ahead.”

  “I guess. That’s what Neil said too.”

  “B, you know I love you and I’ve never questioned the choices you’ve made because they always seem to work out for you, but are you sure he’s the right one? Are you sure he’s the one to give your all for? I mean, you did have just a one-night stand…I guess more than that now, though, since y’all seem to be going at it like a couple of bunnies, but still… Are you really sure about him?”

  “Yes.”

  “Okay, then. You have my support and whatever else you may need. Can I ask why? You could have almost any man you want, why do you want him? What’s makes him so special?”

  “If I told you that just being with him makes me smile, would you understand that?”

  “I would.”

  “It’s more than that, I know. It has to be more than that, doesn’t it?” Blue shrugged. “I just know he’s got something I need, and I think he needs me. There’s a certain quality in a woman that he’s looking for, and I’ve got it.”

  “Which is?”

  “Someone to choose him over everything, over everyone.”

  “I guess there’s some history there, huh?”

  “There is.”

  “Well, we all want that to some extent. We all want to be loved and cared for, and when it matters most, to be chosen. But we also want to keep who we are, and I don’t want to see you lose that because of a man.”

  “I never have before.”

  “It’s never been like this for you before.”

  “True. Not to mention the sex. God, Rosie, the sex is amazing. Hot. Up until last night it had been angry sex, the best sex of my life, well, except for the sex I had with him in that hotel room. He makes me want to get naked all the time when he’s near.”

  “Well, I can’t say I don’t know what that’s like because I do. Decker drives me crazy, but when I’m with him, I just want to get down to business. I don’t want preliminaries. I just want him.”

  Blue finished off the pie and looked down into the empty pie pan, then back up to Rosie with a sheepish grin. They were both a little different, always had been. Blue loved naked; Rosie loved lingerie. Blue wanted love and her tattoos and to be that little bit of exhibitionist; Rosie wanted love and spankings. It was the differences between them that had seen them through rough times growing up.

  She started to say something else, but Rosie’s attention was drawn elsewhere over Blue’s shoulder.

  “We’ve got company.”

  Blue turned her head. Decker and Cort were getting out of Decker’s beat-up work truck and heading up to the diner. “Get rid of the pan. He doesn’t need to know I ate the entire thing.”

  “Right. I’m on it.” Rosie snatched up the plate just as Cort opened the door and walked inside behind Decker.

  Blue took a sip of her now lukewarm coffee and pretended she hadn’t heard the little jingle of the bell over the door. She pretended she didn’t hear the footsteps crossing toward her. She pretended she didn’t feel the hairs stand up on the back of her neck when Cort came near. She pretended she was the indifferent one, like she hadn’t spent the last couple of days having almost nonstop sex with the man.

  She pretended, but she was awful at it. She didn’t lie well; she didn’t fake well. She didn’t hide her feelings well. She looked up from the table to find Cort staring down at her, a half smile on his handsome face.

  “Hey.”

  “Hi.”

  He was dressed almost the same as he had been on Friday. Work pants in a dark blue this time with a white button-down shirt, and his work boots. It’s was hot and humid outside, and he was dressed in long pants and a long sleeve shirt. Most men would be sweating bullets by now but not Cort. As always, he was calm, looked cool, not a hair out of place, and not even breaking a sweat.

  What the hell was it about him? He was normal or seemed to be. He wanted a normal life with a normal woman except that really wasn’t true. He wanted her, and she had no doubts about that. But she wasn’t normal really, at least she didn’t think she was. Given the way she’d been raised, the things she wanted weren’t normal. She wanted him. She wanted a life with the house, the kids, the dogs. She wanted to live on her family’s plantation and run her bed and breakfast. Could she have that with him? Could she be the inn owner and raise a family and continue to have hot monkey sex with the man standing beside her table?

  “May I?” He indicated the seat across from her that Rosie had just vacated.

  “Of course.”

  His brow furrowed. “You have a little uh…” He lifted his hand and reached out with his finger. He touched the tip to the corner of her lips. When he pulled it away, he showed it to her.

  “Blackberry pie.”

  “I’ve never had it. Maybe I should try some.” He licked at his finger, never taking his eyes off her. “Pretty good.”

  He was very cruel to tease her like that, and she had the sudden urge to kick him in the shin. A little childish perhaps, but it would make her feel better. Instead, she simply said, “I ate it all.”

  “All of it?”

  “Yep. A whole pie. Every last crumb.”

  “I see. Anything you want to talk about?”

  Blue didn’t have a chance to answer before Rosie was at the side of the table with

  “So, where have y’all been?” Rosie asked, sauntering up to the table with Decker trying, and failing, to catch her.

  Decker leaned his hip against the booth seat Cort had taken. “Buck and I took Cort to a couple of outlooks just over the Tennessee border that look back in this direction. We wanted to get a view of some of the areas we are thinking of buying land on for a few cabins.”

  “Cabins?” It was the first Blue had heard about this.

  “Yeah. Aside from the set-up of us, Buck and Decker lured me down here with a business proposition.”

  “What kind of cabins?” Did it mean he would be staying?

  “Green vacation cabins, basically.”

  “Green as in eco?” Blue found the idea fascinating. She could see that being a very lucrative business. Cabins like that could potentially bring in money from wealthy vacationers which would boost the local tourist economy.

  She’d lived there all her life, as had Rosie. They both knew drawing more people from outside could help the older businesses and bring in new. It could bring more attention to the mountains. Even though there would always be those who’d want to destroy the beauty with their money, there’d be others who’d want to preserve it, just as she did. “I wonder why no one has thought of that before. You’re talking for rentals?”

  “Yeah.”

  “And for buying,” Decker added, grabbing Rosie and holding her against the front his body. “We want to build a couple of cabins first and put them up for sale. Use a couple as demos and test cabins, but overall, we want to build to suit owners and if they want to rent them, so be it.”

  Blue zeroed in on Cort. “So that’s why you left this morning?” She didn’t try to hide her questions or ask it softly so no one else would hear.

  And there it was, a guilty flush. He looked away but those dark blue eyes met hers again quickly. There was heat there and vulnerability
too.

  He didn’t squirm or fidget or try to look away. He held her stare as he answered. “Yes.”

  “It could have been handled better.”

  “It could have,” he admitted. “But, in my defense, I did kiss you before I left. You just didn’t wake up.”

  “You should have tried harder.” It seemed as though she were grasping for straws, but she needed him to know how she’d felt.

  “I knew I’d see you again, so I let you sleep.”

  “A note, maybe?”

  He let out a sigh through thinned lips as he clenched his jaw. “Look, I handled it wrong. I get that. So wrong it seems that I drove you to eat a whole pie. Next time I will shake you until you rattle or roll you onto the floor to wake you before I leave. I was trying to be nice in letting you sleep since we were up half the night fucking.”

  Blue snickered. Cort’s voice had gone from soft to yelling with each word. “For someone who doesn’t like to make a scene, you sure are making one.”

  He looked stunned for a moment but recovered quickly. “Yes, I am.” He scrubbed a hand through his hair and glared at her without any real anger. “Are you going to tell me what you were thinking happened and why you felt the need to eat a whole pie or shall I take a guess?”

  Blue shrugged. “I just felt like it.” She couldn’t help the defiant tone in her voice anymore than she could help the happiness she felt deep down inside at his appearance and his obvious irritation at her wayward thoughts. She knew that he knew what had crossed her mind. She didn’t have to admit it out loud.

  “Right,” he said, not bothering to hide his skepticism. “And you can’t make pie?”

  She shook her head. “Not like Rosie can.”

  “Then I’ll definitely have to try some.” He studied her for a moment. “You weren’t perhaps thinking that I left with no intention of coming back, were you?”

  “Of course not.” There was no way she would tell him the truth. No. Way. Her shame at having left him followed her, but she wouldn’t let him know that she feared he would do the same to her. After their time together yesterday morning and last night, she didn’t think he would try to hurt her.

  “Pretty little liar. That’s exactly what you thought.”

  Blue shook her head but kept the eye contact.

  He smiled. “Yes, you did.” But then he sobered. “Friday night, I might have. I might have taken you to bed and left as you did, pay you back with that same empty, panicked feeling in your chest that the best fucking thing to ever happen to you was gone, but you were drunk, and I couldn’t, wouldn’t take advantage of you like that.”

  Well, at least he didn’t make how he’d felt a subtle thing. “But at Rosie’s, you said we should fuck like rabbits to get it out of our systems.”

  “Yes, I did. And we have fucked enough to make the rabbits proud, I think, but I wasn’t trying to get you out of my system, Blue. Shit, you’ve been with me every day for the last five years. I knew there was no way taking you to bed was going to do anything more than work you deeper inside me. I said that that night just because I was, Hell, pissed? I don’t know. Seeing you was the last thing I’d expected.”

  She knew that feeling well. “So, where does that leave us?” Okay, so that question totally disregarded her resolve last night to live in the moment, to not worry about the future, to take things with him as they were, but that was then and this was now, a few hours and one pie later. She sighed. “No, never mind. Don’t answer that.”

  “Why not?”

  “It’s an unfair question. Spending one night together doesn’t make a relationship that has a future. It means one night of great sex and…God, Cort, I don’t know. I don’t know how to do this.”

  “Do what? Have a relationship?”

  “Yeah. Or this.” She waved her hand in the air between them. “I’ve never been good with the interpersonal stuff, with the emotional stuff. I don’t know how to handle it. I want it, but don’t know how to do it. I’ve never really had a relationship. Lovers. Friends with benefits. Things like that but not relationships where more than fun and pleasure was involved. And if this feeling is what comes with being in a relationship with someone, then I don’t want it. I’ll be as big as a house, always running to Rosie for pie when there are problems.” She buried her face in her hands. Who knew she would be the one so emotionally torn up? Who knew she’d be the one scared to death of… Well, anyone who knew her would’ve known she’d be scared of being in love. “Love hurts too much.”

  “It doesn’t have to.” Cort reached out and gently tugged her hand away from her face, not letting go, but curling his fingers around hers. “You just have to trust it, trust your partner, trust me.”

  “Everyone I’ve ever loved has left me.”

  “Dying is different than leaving you, baby. They didn’t want to leave, but they had no choice.”

  “You have a choice, though. What if you want to leave?” She hated asking that question. She was now the one showing her vulnerability, her insecurity. She, who posed for pictures of her tattoos, who traveled the country, who was undertaking a large renovation project, was scared and insecure. She’d done so much stuff on her own that now she was afraid of losing the one thing she wanted to hold tight and close.

  “I can’t imagine that, but the reality is, Blue, that neither one of us knows what will happen. You might find you don’t love me anymore.”

  She had to admit he was right. The rational part of her knew her parents, her aunt, hadn’t left because they’d wanted to, but her broken heart had never completely healed. She was strong, independent, full of life, went her own way, but she was still aching inside to feel that connection again, have someone to spend the days with, and now, the nights.

  “I talked to a guy today,” Cort said, changing the subject. “He will be helping me out with the wiring in your house. He said there’s been talk around the mountains about the Georgia girl with the corset tattoo, who makes her grandma’s old drunk cakes and who’s renovating her plantation. It seems many families are generations old here and stories have been passed down through the years about those cakes.”

  “Really? People still talk about that?” Blue grinned, happy to follow his lead away from the intense emotion between them.

  “Are you going to make them part of your menu or sell them to your guests?”

  “Part of the menu, yes. Sell them, I’m not sure.”

  “Are you going to make me part your life or do away with me when the work is done on your house?”

  She was surprised at the question. It was the first time he’d asked her intentions. She’d told Neil that she’d do anything to keep Cort in her life this time around, that she wouldn’t make the same mistake twice. She’d meant it. “I’d like you to stay after the work is done, either with me in the carriage house or in the big house, but I’d like you to stay.”

  “Good. I planned to anyway.”

  His answer had her blinking. “You do?”

  “Yep. Lost you once. Not going to do it again.”

  “And Neil?”

  “Still going to have that talk with him. There will be no more sleeping with you, not even if I’m gone on business.”

  “He’s gay.”

  “I don’t care. I don’t share the bed I’m sleeping in with anyone other than the woman I’m sleeping with. Period. And the fact that he used to sleep with you as more than a friend? Nope.”

  “Not even another woman?”

  “Nope. Sorry, baby, not one of my fantasies. Keeping up with one woman is more than enough for me.”

  “What about my traipsing around naked?”

  “You can walk around naked all you want. I don’t care if people look. Let them. I like knowing others want what I have. It’s a curious little turn-on for me, but I don’t share. No one else will touch you.”

  “Or what?” She was baiting him, teasing him and she was sure he knew it.

  “Or I’ll be forced to kick his ass and the
n paddle yours.”

  “You aren’t into spanking.”

  “Shall we find out if I’d like to be? I know it’s Decker’s kink, but I bet I can get him to give me a few pointers.”

  He was serious, despite the smile on his face. The intent look in his eyes told her so, and it made her smile in return. All her previous lovers, though truthfully there hadn’t been all that many, not any more than she could count on one hand, hadn’t cared one way or the other if she had others besides them. Most would have gotten off on it, and before Cort, she would have been happy for the freedom, but she loved him, and she wanted him to love her. She liked his possessiveness, his wanting to keep her all to himself. In some ways, it was a contradiction to how she’d always been, how she’d always felt, but then again, she’d never felt like this before.

  Change wasn’t a bad thing.

  “If you don’t care about others seeing me naked, why do the pictures in my house bother you so much?”

  “After what I just said, you really have to ask that?”

  Blue stared at him, confused. She thought about it for a moment, viewing the images as a slideshow in her head. “They were touching me,” she said, realization dawning.

  “They were. They were beautiful pictures, really beautiful. I understand the art behind them, the concept even, but their hands were on you, and all I saw was red.”

  “You weren’t in my life, then.”

  “I was in your heart, though.”

  Well, shit. He had her there. “More tattoos mean others touching me. Especially since I have an idea for one on my upper thigh…” She left the end of the sentence dangling silently in the air, gauging his reaction. She wasn’t joking about the ink, but the location wasn’t exactly right. It was more inner thigh that she as thinking about, but she didn’t think he could handle that just yet.

  He squeezed her hand tighter and fought not to clench his jaw again. “We’ll be talking about that, long and hard beforehand.”

  “You can always go with me.”

  “And I just might. I—”

  “So, kids, how are we doing? We making nice?”

  Blue looked up at Rosie. When had she left? Blue hadn’t even noticed. Decker was on the other side of the diner sipping at a soda and talking with Betsy, the older waitress slash surrogate mother to both she and Rosie over the years. “Yes, we are.”