Shattered (Shattered #1)

by D'Agostino, Heather

  We stood there nose to nose glaring at one another for what felt like hours. All the pent up frustrations we had with one another boiling just below the surface. I knew that if I let them out, I would never be able to take back the anguish I’d cause. Nick’s eyes darted from my eyes to my lips and back to my eyes. I saw the desire behind them. He still felt something for me somewhere in there. He was fighting to keep it buried, but being here…back at this place…it was bringing it to the surface.

  “Can we try again?” I whispered almost pleadingly. “Start over? See what happens?” I was rambling and I knew it, but I wanted so desperately to see where this would go.

  “I don’t know if I can,” Nick dropped his chin down on his chest. “How do I know that you won’t up and leave again?”

  “You don’t, but I think we owe it to ourselves to see where this could go. We were great back then and we were only kids, I bet it would be amazing now.”

  Nick nodded his head and sighed, “Fine…we’ll see what happens.” He took a few steps back and opened the door to his truck. After climbing in, he sat there, and shook his head as if he couldn’t believe what had just happened.

  I turned and walked back over to my car just as Nick was backing up, and turning to head down the road. A small smile crept over my lips. What had just happened here? Were we dating again? We really hadn’t discussed what this would mean. Feeling lighter and completely emotionally worn down, I headed home. My brain and heart had suffered enough today. I needed to go to bed. I’d talk to Nick at work tomorrow and find out what this really meant. Right now…I just wanted to bottle this feeling I had up. I knew that we’d have a rocky road ahead of us. This one conversation was not going to fix all our problems.

  ooooooooo

  Nick

  What just happened? I pulled into Dave’s without even realizing that I was driving there. Had I just agreed to try again with Leah? What the hell possessed me to do that? I climbed out of my truck and stalked into the bar. My brother was in his usual spot along with a few of our friends. Their table was littered with beer bottles, and a loud raucous of laughter was coming from their direction.

  “Nick,” Cam called over the group. “What the hell are you doing here?”

  I shook my head at his obvious inebriation, and headed over to the table. Cam had a habit of blowing off steam by drinking himself into a stupor. Normally I wouldn’t care, I’d be right there with him, but lately it was like he was trying to erase a memory or something. I knew I had no room to talk when it came to that. I can’t tell you how many nights I sat here with a bottle of Jack drowning the memories of Leah.

  Once I sat down beside him, he slung his arm around me and leaned into my face breathing his beer breath on me. “Hey, Buuuuddy,” he snickered. “You have a good day?”

  “Cam…why the fuck are you so drunk?” I groaned as I pushed him back a little.

  “It’s Sarah,” he shook his head. “She’s pregnant,” he downed another shot before picking up the bottle on the table and pouring another. “She says it’s mine,” he lifted the glass and tossed it back. “Fucking bitch lied to me,” he slammed it back down, “Said we were protected.”

  “I think that’s enough,” I placed my hand on the bottle and moved it out of his reach. “I can’t believe you jackasses let him get this way,” I glared at the two douche bags sitting at the table across from my brother.

  “Hey man,” douche bag number one said, “he was like that when we got here.”

  Cam crossed his arms on the table and dropped his head as he mumbled, “How am I going to raise a kid? I don’t know anything about babies.”

  “You’ll learn,” I nudged him. “Come on…I’ll take you home,” I stood from the table, tossed some bills down, and helped Cam out to my truck. This day just kept getting better and better. How the hell did I go from being the town’s rebel to the responsible adult?

  ooooooooo

  When we pulled up to my house, Cam was leaning against the door sound asleep. “Hey,” I poked him in the side, “I’m not carrying you asshole. Wake up!”

  Cam lifted his head and then flipped me off before pushing his door open, and attempting to stand. “Seriously dude, what am I going to do? I don’t want a kid, and she waited too long to do anything about it. I got no choice in it now.”

  “You shoulda wrapped it…that’s what you shoulda done,” I chuckled lightly. It wasn’t funny, but I couldn’t help it. It seemed like the women in mine and my brother’s lives had a habit of making decisions without our input.

  “She said she was on the pill,” he grumbled again.

  “Yeah well…that doesn’t always work,” I helped him up my front steps and into the house. “You should always wrap it just in case.”

  “Now you tell me,” he glanced over his shoulder at me. “Some big brother you are.”

  “I’m gonna let that slide,” I glared at him “because I know you know better, and you’re drunk. Don’t ever accuse me of not looking out for you again, or I’ll beat your scrawny ass.” As we made our way into the living room, I released his arm and let him fall to the couch, “get some sleep. We’ll talk in the morning.”

  “Yeah, ok,” he flopped over and passed out before I had even left the room.

  With everything that had happened today I doubted I get any sleep. Between Leah and my brother’s latest confession about his impending fatherhood, I could tell my life was getting ready to be much more interesting. Who knew that shit like this could happen in a small town like Pittsford? I knew that the gossip mill would be churning by the end of the week about what was going on with Cam and Sara, I only hoped that he could keep it together for his kid’s sake.

  Chapter 8

  Nick

  When I made my way out to the living room, I found my brother hanging half off the couch with a blanket barely covering him. He’d passed out drunk last night after he’d managed to spill his guts about the woman he’d been calling his girlfriend. Sara and he had a weird relationship to put it lightly. They’d been on again off again for a while. I secretly wondered if this baby he was talking about was even his.

  Shaking my head, I made my way into the kitchen and began to brew some coffee. As I leaned against the counter, I began replaying the previous night over in my head. Where did Leah and I stand? We hadn’t seen or talked to each other in over five years, and now it seemed like we had agreed to date again. The thought of being with her like we used to be set my stomach rolling. “Get it together,” I mumbled to myself. I felt like a teenager again. I don’t remember the last time a woman sent my head spinning the way Leah did yesterday. Work was definitely going to be interesting today.

  “Get up asshole!” I yelled in the direction of the couch. “I gotta go to work.”

  Cam groaned as he tossed his arm over his face covering his eyes, “Go away!”

  “No! Get up!” I yanked the blanket off him and kicked his foot.

  “I’ll lock up…just leave me alone,” he mumbled as he rolled over.

  “No way are you staying in my house alone. You need to talk to Sara and fix this shit,” I smacked his head causing him to spring up in a sitting position.

  He turned and faced me with a scowl on his face, “What was that for?”

  I rolled my eyes and chuckled, “Go home.”

  Cam grumbled some more before he stood and made his way into my kitchen to get some coffee. After filling two travel mugs and grabbing a muffin off of my counter, I made my way out to my truck. I have no idea why, but I began heading toward Avery’s house. As much as I was still feeling my way around on this, I knew I needed to see her. If I was serious about giving whatever it was we were doing a chance, I knew I needed to make an effort.

  ooooooooo

  Leah

  After stepping out of the shower, I glanced in the mirror while I fought the tangles in my hair. I couldn’t believe the night’s sleep I had gotten. It was the first time in I don’t know how long that I actually slept all
night. I’d been in the habit of getting up in the middle of the night for a while. No one knew, but dreams of my accident haunted me. I still had nights where I’d wake up in cold sweat imagining them pulling me from my car. Sometimes the dreams were so bad that I would go for a run at night. Pure exhaustion seemed to be the only way I could get back to sleep.

  Last night, I managed to pass out, and not have the dream of that day replay in my mind. Instead, dreams of Nick and our last year together plagued me. Despite what I voiced to others, that was a great year.

  I shook my head as I watched the woman in the mirror stare back at me. She looked happy. Pink cheeks and bright eyes stared as a tiny smile tried to emerge. I knew today would be different. I wasn’t sure how, but I knew something had changed.

  After dressing in a pair of cotton shorts and a t-shirt, I made my way into the kitchen. Avery was sitting at the kitchen table reading the newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee.

  “Morning,” I smiled at her.

  “Morning,” she grumbled back.

  Avery was not a morning person. When she ended up taking on the early shift at her mom’s flower shop, I was shocked. We’d always been night owls, and would stay up as late as our bodies would allow.

  “What’s got you so chipper today?” she glanced over at me scrutinizing my appearance.

  I shrugged, “What do you mean?”

  “You haven’t been like this in a long time Leah. I know you. We used to talk on the phone every day.”

  “Maybe I have something to be happy about now,” I grinned.

  “You met up with him, didn’t you? He showed up last night,” she smirked and then stood to move in front of me.

  I only nodded, afraid that if I voice my happiness aloud, it might not be real.

  “Finally,” she rolled her eyes. “You two have been miserable for years. It’s about time you worked your shit out.”

  “We’ll see,” I lifted one shoulder. “I don’t know how serious this is yet. He didn’t seem too excited last night. He didn’t even try to kiss me.”

  “He’s just afraid. You wrecked him the last time. I’m sure he wants this just as bad as you do. He’s just afraid of letting go again, and you bolting the first chance you get.”

  “I’m not going anywhere,” I sighed. “Why doesn’t anyone believe me?”

  “You have to prove that,” she shook her head. “All any of us ever heard about from you was how you wanted to get away. Now you’re here, and we’re all waiting for you to bolt again.”

  “I know,” I hung my head. “I just want things to get back to the way they once were. I’m willing to do just about anything to get them that way.”

  Before the conversation could morph into a fight, I finished my coffee and began to head into the living room. Avery and I had been friends for so long that we fought like sisters. I could always tell when she was getting ready to go off on me. Now was one of those times. I knew I’d hurt her just as much as everyone else when I’d left. Being here was hard. I had so many fences to fix.

  “I gotta get out of here,” I called over my shoulder. “I want to talk to Nick before school starts, and I need to set up a practice schedule.”

  “Alright,” she shouted after me. “Hey…you wanna get everyone together at Dave’s on Friday? We’ll get the old gang back…have a few drinks…party like we used to?” she grinned at me as I turned around.

  “Sounds great,” I smiled. “Maybe I can actually let loose now that I’m not training for anything. “

  Every time we’d hung out with our friends, I’d always been getting ready for something. Whether it was a meet or just training in general, I never could relax. It’s sad for me to admit that I’d never had a beer until after the accident. Nick had always claimed that he understood, but I could see the look in his eyes when we were out with our friends and they would be cutting loose, and I was sipping my water.

  “I’ll talk to Nick today, and see what he says. Maybe he can convince Cam to come too.”

  “Sure, but I don’t know about Cam, Logan says something is going on with him,” Avery got a wistful look on her face.

  “I thought you guys were just sleeping together, I didn’t know that involved conversations like this,” I teased.

  “Go to work,” Avery ordered, “before I kick your ass.”

  ooooooooo

  I pulled open the front door, and began walking toward where my car was parked. As I fumbled with my keys, a low chuckle rang out.

  “You still waiting til the last minute to leave the house I see.”

  My head snapped up as I stood there frozen in my spot on the front steps, “What are you doing here?”

  Nick’s face went from smiling to impassive in a matter of seconds, “I was going to offer you a ride to work.”

  “Why?” I cocked my head to the side.

  “Uh,” he mumbled as he shoved his hands in his pockets.

  He was wearing a pair of athletic shorts and a navy blue hoodie. His sandy hair was still damp from what I assumed was his morning shower. A pair of Ray Bands were pushed up on the top of his head.

  “I just thought…” he trailed off.

  I smiled at him, “Thanks…I’d love a ride.”

  I hoisted my gym bag up on my shoulder a little higher as I moved to climb into his truck. This felt like old times, it was weird, but comforting at the same time. Nick always drove me to school when I was a student. He’d stop by every day with a coffee and a muffin, and we’d talk about our day during the drive. Now it seemed like we were back there, only this time I hoped we had a different ending.

  Once I got close enough, Nick grabbed my bag and tossed it in the back. When he turned, his hoodie slid up slightly exposing a small sliver of his side and back. The tan skin mocked me as I fought to control my emotions. If things were like they used to be, I would have had no problem running my hand along that spot. I shook my head as I watched Nick turn to open my door. He offered me a hand to help me climb in, before making his way around to the driver’s side.

  “Here,” he handed me a travel mug once he closed his door. “I wasn’t sure if you still drank it like you used to, but I figured I try.”

  My mouth dropped open in shock as I watched him grin at me. I could tell he was proud of the fact that he’d taken me by surprise.

  “If there’s a muffin wrapped in that paper towel, you’re a dead man,” I giggled.

  He reached for the balled up paper towel sitting by the cup holder, and handed it to me, “Kill me now then.”

  “How did you…” I gasped.

  He shrugged at me, “I said I’d try. This is me trying.”

  As I peeled back the paper towel, sank my teeth into the muffin, I groaned in satisfaction. I hadn’t eaten breakfast this morning, and I really hadn’t eaten much the night before ether.

  “This is really good. When did you have time to go buy these?” I mumbled as I wiped the crumbs off my lip.

  “I made them,” he shrugged as his eyes darted to where I’d just removed the crumbs.

  “Wait…Nick Sutter bakes?” I grinned.

  “I’m not a kid anymore Leah. I do know how to take care of myself,” he rolled his eyes at me.

  “I’m sorry. That was rude…I just…I don’t know what I expected. Of course you cook. You’re an adult now. I’m sure you know how to do all sorts of things now that you didn’t back then.”

  “Yep,” he glanced over at me. “All kinds of things,” his breath hitched and I knew that he was not talking about food anymore.

  At that point, we pulled into the school parking lot, and Nick parked in his assigned space. He cut the engine, and then shifted to face me.

  “I know I said I’d try, but I feel like we need to start fresh,” he rubbed his hand over his face and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I can’t just pick up where we left off. A lot has changed. We’ve changed,” he sighed.

  “I know,” I nodded. “Where do we start then?”

  “I
was thinking maybe…a date?” he offered a soft smile. “Dinner? Friday?”

  “I can’t,” I blurted out and then slapped my hand over my mouth as I watched his face fall. “No…let me start over,” I begged. “It’s not what you think. Avery wants to get the old gang together for drinks on Friday. Hang out at Dave’s like we used to. I owe her that, I’ve been blowing her off,” I sighed.

  “Ok,” Nick nodded.

  “She wanted me to invite you too. Cam can come and whoever he’s seeing if he wants,” I shrugged.

  “I doubt he’ll want to bring her, but ok,” Nick began to grin. “So Dave’s huh? When did you have time to talk to Avery about me?”

  I could feel the heat spreading up my neck and across my face, “last night.”

  Nick shook his head, “It is just like old times.”

  “What?” I wrinkled my forehead. “She’s my best friend. I tell her everything.”

  Nick leaned forward and cupped my cheek, before he skimmed his nose up the side of my face. When I felt his breath feather across my ear, I couldn’t help but shiver. “I hope you don’t tell her everything,” he whispered. He pulled back and offered a wicked grin as he watched me groan in frustration.

  I leaned toward the door and pushed it open. “I gotta get to my office. Lots to do today,” I fought to control my voice as it trembled slightly.

  “How’s tomorrow night for our date?” Nick grinned at my flushed and flustered appearance. He knew exactly what he did to me, and he was proud of it.

  “Ok, I have to stop by my parents place for a little while. Can you pick me up after six?”

  “Sure…six will work,” he nodded.

  As I made my way into the gym, I couldn’t help the extra bounce in my step. Things seemed to be working out in their weird way. I only hoped that this date was the beginning of something real.

  Chapter 9

  Leah

  I’m not sure why, but the week seemed to crawl by. Other than picking me up in the mornings, I really didn’t see Nick that much. He seemed to have vanished during the day.