As she pushed the door open, they were greeted not by panic or funnel noise—or even by many people.
A band of musicians played a cheerful beat, a ragtime tune that was so out of place that Penelope felt like she had fallen through the looking glass.
She blinked rapidly to gather her thoughts, clearing her throat as she surveyed the right side of the area whilst Ruby joined her.
The room had a roaring fire and was toasty warm, all its dark wood and gilded furniture adding to the homely feeling. It was rather similar to the waiting area she had seen when they had sneaked in to see the Grand Staircase. Multiple small chandeliers hung from the ceiling, and the furniture was all upholstered in a rich blue velvet. The entire room just radiated comfort.
“That’s… That’s His Grace!” Ruby shouted, and before Penelope could say a word, she had pulled the door open farther and dashed into the room.
The man that Ruby rushed up to was middle-aged, his hair greying and hastily combed. He had a silver moustache and the thick sideburns that were in fashion when Penelope was a child. He wore a fine, thick woollen coat, but below the hem, Penelope saw a glimpse of navy silk pyjamas.
“Your Grace!” Ruby cried out, her voice breathless as she dropped into a small curtsey.
“Why, Ruby! What brings you here?” He frowned at her, concern and confusion in his warm brown gaze. Then he glanced over Ruby’s shoulder and met Penelope’s eyes. His lips stretched into such an easy smile that it made her wonder whether he knew what was even happening outside of First Class. “Ah, this must be the Miss Fletcher I’ve heard so much about!”
Penelope bobbed into a clumsy curtsey, her legs shaking and refusing to cooperate completely. She was almost glad her mother and father hadn’t been around to witness that.
“Do you know where my father is?” Ruby asked.
His thick brows furrowed and his gaze once more flitted over to Penelope before settling back on Ruby. “He isn’t with you?”
Ruby’s sharp intake of breath reverberated around the room.
“No, Your Grace,” Penelope answered as she stepped forwards and took Ruby’s hand in her own.
“He asked leave to find you and Victoria about…ten minutes ago, was it, Benjamin?” The duke turned briefly to a man nearby. Penelope recognised him as one of the men she had seen board from Cherbourg. “This is utter folly, but he is a father. He must ensure that his babes are safe, regardless. So I let him go. I’m afraid that, other than that, I know no more than you.”
Ruby pressed her lips together and gave a slow, jerky nod.
Penelope offered both of the men a smile. “Thank you, Your Grace. Sir.” She then turned and drew Ruby back to the stairs.
When they were once more in the confines of the stairwell, Penelope turned her attention back to Ruby. She found her with slumped shoulders and her chin fallen towards her chest.
“Don’t,” Penelope started, pressing two fingers under Ruby’s chin and urging it upwards. “We’ll find your father with your sister down on the Bridge Deck. He’s probably staying there as long as he can so that he doesn’t have to spend time around those toffs.”
Her words startled a laugh from Ruby. It lasted only a second before it was smothered by a sob, but it was enough for Penelope. She brushed her thumb over Ruby’s lip before they turned and continued their descent to the Bridge Deck.
Chapter Twenty
By the time they made it from the back to the front of the Bridge Deck, the number of people waiting for further instructions seemed to have doubled—or even tripled.
The funnels continued to howl at the stars, and the sound was a shock to Penelope’s system as they stepped from the enclosed area back into the open air.
Penelope’s eyes slammed shut, and her shoulders lifted to her ears in a futile attempt to lessen the sting.
The game of football was still going on, though Penelope supposed that they were playing with a new block of ice, since it seemed much larger than the other one. She pointed it out to Ruby. “That ice… That couldn’t have anything to do with this, could it?”
“I did say we could have hit an iceberg…but I mostly meant growlers…tiny little things… If ice broke off and landed on this deck, it must have been a big one.” Her brows tugged down, and she craned her head upwards. Her arms tightened further around her body. “Which then begs the question, why didn’t they see that?”
Penelope wanted to curse herself for ever bringing it up. She watched Ruby’s blue gaze unfocus as she stared up at the high mast which held the lookout area. She reached for Ruby’s hand, peeling it away from her side and giving it a squeeze before starting to lead her around the deck in their search for their families.
They hugged the railing, doing a circuit of the deck by following the metal.
It seemed to take no time at all for them to work their way around the decking. They made sure to be obvious in their scrutiny of people so that, if their families were there, they would either notice them or hear about two strange girls closely examining every passenger they walked by.
All to no avail.
After maybe the fifth circuit—Penelope had been far too preoccupied to truly keep a tally—they drew to a halt.
Penelope scrubbed a hand over her face and switched the lifebelts to her other arm for what was probably the hundredth time. As she rolled her shoulder, she huffed and admitted defeat.
“Come here,” she whispered, sliding one of the lifebelts from her grip so that she could guide it over Ruby’s head. It wasn’t a complicated contraption to put on—over the head, stick the arms through, then tie two pieces of tape in place, one around the chest and one around the waist.
Once it was secured, Penelope stepped back to regard Ruby. She let loose a low laugh. “You look like…” She shook her head, her laugh merging with a sob to produce the most bizarre sound. “…I don’t even know. You just look so odd.” A solitary tear fell down over Ruby’s cheek, which Penelope brushed away with her finger. “No, you can’t do that. If you do that, then so will I, and then we’ll get nowhere.” It felt like she was swallowing a ton of gravel as she lowered her hand from Ruby’s face and then handed her the other lifebelt. “Here, help me into mine.”
With a sniffle, Ruby guided the lifebelt over Penelope’s head and then secured the ties in place. It wasn’t as uncomfortable as Penelope had initially thought it would be. The extra bulk made moving feel a little more cumbersome, but she was certain it was a sensation she would quickly get used to.
“Time to search the back?” Penelope asked, tugging at the bottom of the lifebelt to ensure it lay correctly. She waited until Ruby nodded before taking her hand and leading her back through the enclosed area of the ship, through corridors lined with First Class rooms and fancy restaurants, before coming out at the other side.
She hadn’t noticed it much as they had made their way from the Boat Deck to the Bridge Deck, but now going from the front of the ship to the back, it was obvious just how much the ship was tilting. It felt like they were climbing up a long incline.
Her hand remained locked firmly in Ruby’s, the two of them on equal footing, each keeping the other steady and moving.
When they made it out to the back, it was much like the previous areas—countless people, all of them scared and worried, unable to hear what they were saying due to the funnels.
They made their way to the railing, once again repeating their previous routine of making it as obvious as possible that they were looking for someone so as to help draw attention to themselves.
They started from the left side of the ship, slowly making their way around to the right and then back to the left once more. Ruby told Penelope the proper names for each area of the ship, but they went in one ear and out the other. Not that Ruby seemed to care—Penelope knew she was mostly doing it to keep herself calm rather than to share information with Pe
nelope.
During the third lap, Ruby drew to a sudden halt, drawing Penelope with her.
Her gaze wasn’t turned to the centre of the deck, scanning the faces to try and find their loved ones, but was instead facing the dark waters illuminated only by the portholes and the stars above.
“What is it?”
“They’ve launched a boat,” Ruby answered, her voice so soft that it was nearly engulfed by the shrieking funnels. Penelope knew that that was a sound that would forever haunt her. No matter what happened or where she went, that howl would constantly be ringing in her ears.
She swallowed as they watched the lifeboat move away from the ship. Whether it was carried by the waves or the crew were rowing, Penelope couldn’t tell. She couldn’t even see how many people were aboard.
So it really is bad. They’re putting us on lifeboats… She’s going down. Penelope felt her stomach roil, and for the first time, she was thankful that it was after midnight. Her empty stomach meant she had nothing to bring up. Yet her body still tried, and she retched, her hands bracing herself on the railing as she heaved over it, her eyes watering as they focused on the black water that lapped against the metal of the body.
Ruby’s hand rubbed soothing circles on her back, and she focused on that instead, losing herself to the sensation. It slipped under the lifebelt, and Penelope could feel the pressure of the fingertips through her coat, her blouse, and her corset.
Truthfully, she wanted nothing more than to feel the comforting touch of Ruby’s skin against her own. She wanted to go back three hours to when she and Ruby had been tangled together in bed with nothing more to concern themselves with than each other’s pleasure.
She closed her eyes. She wanted to wake up from this nightmare.
When she reopened her eyes, however, she was still on the deck, chest pressed up against cold metal and head tilted towards the sea. She swallowed down the bile that had risen in her throat, wincing before she straightened and wiped her hand across her mouth.
Ruby moved to her side, and they both stared at the lifeboat. Ruby slipped her arm through Penelope’s and then held her hand.
“What if they’re on that boat?” Ruby was quiet for several seconds before she continued, “Your mother and father…my sister, Frank, Julia, and Liam. Daddy…” She shook her head, then turned away from the retreating boat. “What if they’re on that boat and we’re still here, searching for them?”
Penelope knew that the chances of that were slim, but they weren’t beyond the realms of possibility. And she had no idea what to say to Ruby to make her feel better. Until they actually found their families, there was no way of knowing whether they were on that boat or not.
“I… I…” She exhaled deeply, her shoulders slumping in defeat. “I suppose they could be. But that doesn’t mean we should stop searching.”
Ruby stared at her for a beat before she nodded. She pressed the heel of her palm against her eyes.
When she lowered her hand, Penelope offered her a tight smile and said, “We could try the Boat Deck again. They may have made it up there by now.”
They set off to the stairs once more. It felt as though they had explored the ship more in the past thirty minutes than they had previously done in the entire voyage.
As they stepped onto the landing and regarded the two separate staircases—one that led up and the other down— Ruby gripped Penelope’s wrist. Her eyes were wide, locked firmly on the staircase which led down to the lower decks.
Decks which were no doubt consumed with water, if the ship’s steadily increasing tilt was any indication. She had a panicked, stricken look on her face as her gaze shifted to Penelope. “What if they’re still down there? What if they didn’t think it was serious and stayed in their rooms?”
Immediately, Penelope felt dread wash over her.
The conversation she’d had with her father on the first day of the voyage came rushing back to the forefront of her mind. She had pointed out how few lifeboats there seemed to be, and he had replied “This ship is unsinkable. The lifeboats are purely a precaution.”
“No.” She shook her head as she narrowed in on the staircase. “No, they wouldn’t be that foolish.”
Ruby moved to her side, resting her hand on Penelope’s shoulder. “No. No, you’re right.” She shook her head, guiding her hand along Penelope’s jaw and turning her head to face her. “It was a ridiculous idea. Let’s go and check the Boat Deck. They’re probably waiting for us up there before they get into a lifeboat.” The smile on her face was nothing but reassuring.
Penelope took in everything about Ruby in that moment—the way her blue eyes were lit up with false confidence to convince her; how her blonde hair was in utter disarray, falling out of its braid and framing her face in loose curls; how utterly bizarre she looked with odd layers of clothing and the lifebelt secured around her.
It was such a contrast to how she had looked on the very first day of the voyage, the first time Penelope had laid eyes on her. She had been so perfectly made-up, with a classic Gibson Girl hairstyle and the softest and most beautiful lace gown Penelope had ever seen. She’d truly looked like she belonged with the millionaires in First Class.
“These past few days have been the best of my life,” Penelope said, because there was something in her mind telling her that she wouldn’t get a chance again. That if she didn’t say it now, she’d regret it.
“Oh no you don’t.” Ruby shook her head stubbornly. “What did you say to me earlier? You can’t do that, because if you do that, so will I, and then we’ll get nowhere. Well, that applies to you, to now. So don’t.”
Penelope gave a snort of humour as she dried her eyes, grinding her knuckles into her tear ducts with more force than necessary. But the sting of pain and the way it made her vision fuzzy for a second afterwards was just what she needed—something else to focus on so that she could ignore the voice in her head telling her she was doomed.
After a final deep breath, Penelope drew her shoulders back and lifted her chin. “Best not keep our families waiting then, eh?”
And with shared, almost emotionless smiles, Ruby and Penelope joined hands and took off up the stairs.
Chapter Twenty-One
As they stepped out onto the Boat Deck for the second time that night, there was no denying the panic and worry in the air anymore.
People crowded around the lifeboats that were being loaded. Many men ushered their wives and children to the boats, then seemed stricken when they were refused entry on the grounds that the men had to stay behind.
The deck was far too large and overwhelmingly busy to make another circuit around the railing. Instead, Ruby and Penelope merely stood there, among the crowds bustling around the deck, the screaming of the funnels, and the shouts of people trying to be heard.
Penelope had no idea where to start.
Just as she felt her shoulders slump, felt almost ready just to give up the search and hope they’d all make it through the night, she felt Ruby desperately patting her arm.
Even though Ruby’s gaze was focused on the distance, her eyes were filled with relief and excitement.
Penelope’s breath lodged in her throat as she whipped her head around to follow Ruby’s line of sight—and tried not to let her disappointment show when she saw only Ruby’s family.
Victoria stood a few feet away, amongst the crowds of people waiting for the lifeboats. She had one hand on her stomach while the other held Julia’s firmly. Julia’s other hand was wrapped around Liam’s. The three of them stood there looking around.
Ruby took off in their direction, dragging Penelope along behind her.
She hoped and prayed that her mother and father were around, too, and that she just couldn’t see them. But as they finally reached Ruby’s family, there was no sign of her own.
Penelope ground her teeth together, feeling shame ra
ck her body at the feelings that coursed through her veins.
She was relieved that Victoria, Julia, and Liam were all right. She was pleased that Ruby didn’t have to worry about her sister, brother, and niece anymore—but Penelope wouldn’t know that joy until she saw her parents.
Ruby threw herself into her sister’s arms with a squeal, gripping her as tightly as she possibly could, before she lowered herself to her knees so she could take Liam and Julia into her embrace, one arm for each child.
Tears fell freely down her face, and shame returned for Penelope.
How could she begrudge such a reunion?
Releasing Julia and Liam, Ruby pushed herself to her feet and wiped the back of her hand across her face to dry her tears. Her blue eyes met her sister’s, and once more, Penelope was struck by how similar they looked—really the only difference was their hair colour.
Victoria’s was just that little bit of a darker, muted blonde, whereas Ruby’s was golden strands.
“Where’s Frank? And Daddy?”
Victoria swallowed thickly as she placed one hand on Julia’s shoulder and the other on Liam’s, holding them closely in front of her, as if she were afraid they’d disappear if she didn’t. “They went to the other side of the deck to see if there were any boats closer to being loaded there.” Victoria’s voice was weak, even as she shouted to be heard over the steam gushing from the funnels. “I don’t think they’ll be too long.”
Ruby’s shoulders visibly collapsed.
Penelope had never considered herself an envious woman before. She had always wanted change, but she had never once looked at someone else’s life and thought I want that.
Until that moment.
She wanted that relief. She wanted freedom from the tension she carried in her neck, back, and shoulders. She just wanted to know where her mother and father were.
“Have you seen my parents?” Penelope asked, cutting through the conversation. She could feel guilt or embarrassment about her poor manners later. “Your room was near theirs, surely you must have seen them…” Penelope winced, hating how accusatory that sounded. She drew a deep breath, holding it for five seconds before she released it. She almost expected Victoria and Ruby to jump down her throat for the way she spoke, but instead she saw nothing but concern and worry and understanding on their faces.
The Breath Between Waves Page 14
