It made her heart ache.
Victoria’s blue gaze darted to Ruby for a moment before it landed on Penelope. “I…” She sighed, biting her lower lip as she looked around the deck. “Perhaps we should wait for Frank to—”
Penelope stepped forwards, her hand curling around Victoria’s upper arm. “Victoria, I implore you, just tell me if you have seen them.”
Victoria’s gaze darted around for a moment longer before she sighed. Her eyes were heavy and laden with sadness as they fixed on Penelope’s. “We—Frank, the children and I—put our lifebelts on and headed to the Boat Deck as soon as the stewards arrived and told us to. As we made our way from our room, Frank decided that it would be wise to check in on your parents.”
Penelope sighed minutely. Mostly due to the relief that Ruby’s family hadn’t just disregarded hers. She had spent what felt like hours looking for Ruby’s family, and there had been that voice whispering in her head that they wouldn’t have returned the favour.
Now she knew that wasn’t true.
“Did they join you on the Boat Deck? Are they already on a lifeboat?” Penelope ventured, because that was the solution that made sense. And she needed to have the answer be something that wasn’t her fear from earlier—that her father’s ridiculous belief in engineering and mathematics had caused him to turn away from the facts in his face.
But when Victoria shook her head, she knew that wasn’t the case. “I’m afraid not, Penelope,” she whispered in a broken voice. “Your father insisted that everything would be fine and that we were wasting our time going out in the cold…and your mother refused to leave his side. Frank tried to convince them, but—”
Penelope didn’t hear what they had said to Mr. Cameron. She turned on her heel and bolted back towards the staircase that she had just left. Her legs ached, and her body lagged from the exhaustion, yet still she pushed on.
Her hand was fisted in her skirts so that the hem didn’t get caught beneath her feet as she ran down the stairs.
She’d made it down a single step when she felt a hand on her elbow, drawing her to an abrupt halt with a force that nearly had her falling on her backside.
Even before she turned, she knew who it was.
“Let me go!” she demanded as she yanked her arm free. She caught at the bannister to steady herself as Ruby’s hand refused to budge. Her eyes found Ruby’s vivid blue ones, and she chose to ignore the pleading and concern in them as she hissed, “Ruby, I mean it. Let. Me. Go.”
“Penelope, stop and listen to me for a moment. Victoria and the others have been up on the deck for the same amount of time as us. Do you really believe your parents would stay below deck for that length of time when faced with the growing evidence that Titanic is in trouble?”
Scoffing, Penelope again tried to release herself from Ruby’s hold. To no avail. “You don’t know how stubborn my parents can be.”
“If they’re half as stubborn as you, then I think I can imagine!”
“Which is why I need to go down and see. I can’t just take it on faith that they’d come to their senses. I need to go down to their room, Ruby!” Her voice grew in volume with each word until she was nearly shouting.
Just as she prepared herself for one more attempt to pull herself free from Ruby’s grasp, a steward came running up the staircase carrying some bread and several blankets.
He shook his head at Ruby and Penelope. “I wouldn’t go down there. Water’s up to E Deck, coming along Scotland Road.” He threw the words casually over his shoulder as he passed.
Ruby turned her head, watching him disappear out onto the Boat Deck, and it was just the distraction that Penelope needed to wrench her arm free. She took the steps two at a time, leaping down at a frantic pace that her mother would have reprimanded her for.
“Penelope!”
She heard Ruby take off after her, but she didn’t slow. The tilt was much more noticeable the farther down she went, yet even that didn’t stop her.
The exits for A, B, C, and D Decks all passed by in a blur, and when she finally reached the one for E Deck, her entire body shuddered to a halt, much like the ship had earlier that night.
When the steward had said the water was coming up to E Deck, she had pictured nothing more than a leak. Just some water flooding the floors; nothing that would even reach her ankles.
The water she was looking at now was easily several feet deep, and it was creeping up through the lower levels at a continuous rate.
It was deeper at one end, due to the way the ship tilted to the front and right, and Penelope was thankful that that wasn’t the side her parents’ cabin was on. As she glanced down the corridor, however, she realised that her and Ruby’s cabin would be flooded.
Her heart stuttered as she thought of all the things she had left behind in her rush to leave—mostly the embroidery of Poppy she had been working on for her grandmother. And her sewing box, which had also been a gift from Granny. It was like losing the beloved dog all over again, like losing a tie to her home and her closest family member.
Her hand reached up for her locket, thankful that she still had that fastened securely around her neck. It was now he only thing she had that would remind her of her grandmother.
Penelope watched the water move towards her as she stood there. She regarded it with shock and trepidation, even as her thoughts reminded her of everything she had lost and would lose.
“Penelope, please come—” Ruby’s voice trailed off with a startled gasp. “Our room…Mammy…” Ruby choked on a sob, and finally Penelope reopened her eyes. She turned on the spot and gathered Ruby into her embrace, taking a second to comfort her. Penelope had felt floored to lose reminders of memories with her grandmother, but at least she could always return to Scotland and be with her.
Ruby didn’t have that. The shawl and the stamp collection were all she had had left of her mother, and now they were gone, the album no doubt ruined and the shawl drifting down to the depths since they had left their door open.
Hot tears fell against her neck, and even though she hated herself for doing so, Penelope pulled away. If she wanted to search her parents’ room, she had to do it before the water spread even farther. Not only did she have to make it to their room, she then had to make it back to the stairs and get to the Boat Deck afterwards. She couldn’t if the water—which was so fast that the sound was overwhelming her ears—took her under and swept her away.
“There’s no way she can survive this.” Ruby spoke in a whisper. She reached up and brushed her tears away with a trembling hand. “All that’s been lost… She’s doomed—we’re doomed.”
Penelope shook her head. She couldn’t think about that right now.
She cupped Ruby’s face between her own trembling hands. “I need to check my parents’ room. And I need you to stay here and let me know when the water gets close to the staircase, so that I can make it back in time.”
Ruby opened her mouth, no doubt to protest, so Penelope cut her off with a harsh press of her lips to hers. She eagerly swallowed whatever words Ruby had been preparing herself to say, losing herself in the touch and feel of her lips against Ruby’s.
Before she could lose herself to it completely, Penelope pulled away. “Stay here. And watch that water.” Then she turned, descending the final three steps in one leap and taking off towards her parents’ room.
Chapter Twenty-Two
The water was freezing.
It was unlike anything Penelope had ever felt before. It covered her feet, the water chilling her through her boots. She suddenly wished that she had taken those extra few minutes to search for her woollen stockings.
But not even in her wildest nightmares would she have been able to conjure this. She’d thought the ship would be fine. That they’d be delayed a little, but that they’d be told to head back to their rooms.
Now that wasn’t
going to happen.
Now she wasn’t even certain there was a way through all of this.
But that was a worry for later.
For now, she just had to get to her parents’ room.
It was only a few more doors away, and although the water was steadily rising, it was still manageable. She hauled her skirts up around her calves and pushed through the water, trusting in Ruby to let her know when it got to a dangerous level.
As soon as she reached her parents’ room, Penelope grabbed the handle and thrust the door open, throwing herself into the room. “Mother! Father!”
Her eyes darted around the room—the bunks, the dark wood furniture, the magnolia walls, and the rich, floral upholstery.
It was completely empty.
Her entire body started to shake, trembling so violently that it felt as though her bones were jittering beneath her skin. Her lungs ached with every ragged breath as she turned in a slow circle, even though there was nowhere for them to hide—the room was tiny. Everything was out in the open.
“No.” The word was ripped from her throat with sharp claws. “No, no, no, no, no!”
She wanted to scream and tear her hair from her head. She wanted to destroy the room around her, to break things with her hands until she felt blood coat her skin. She wanted to collapse in a boneless heap and cry like a babe, hoping it would attract the attention of her mother.
She heaved, her breaths uneven and loud as tears fell freely down her face and her stomach roiled, causing her to wretch. She doubled over, arms wound tightly around her stomach, the pressure just enough to stop herself from bringing up bile.
Then new emotions coursed through her.
The first one she recognised was anger. Unadulterated rage at her parents for putting her through this—for even considering ignoring the warnings and remaining in their rooms until the last possible moment, even though her father had told her that if it were serious, the stewards would tell them.
Then there was worry, concern rushing through her veins, dousing the flames of anger as she realised that, at least if they had stayed in their room, she would have known where they were. She would be with them right now and would be able to shout at them, to convince them that the right thing to do was to get up onto the Boat Deck and into a lifeboat.
Now there was no way of knowing where they were. What they were doing. If they had even made it out safely, or if something had happened during their escape that had caused them harm.
“Penelope!”
And then the final emotion, the one that was causing her such difficulty breathing, was fear.
It wrapped long claws around her throat, squeezing the life from her as her mind conjured images of her mother and father lifeless, drenched, staring up at her with faces frozen in the panic that had consumed their last moments.
Her mind tried to reason—tried to tell her that she was standing in their room. The water hadn’t reached that far, which most likely meant that her parents had made it to the upper decks before the water had stopped them.
She just couldn’t shake the thought that her parents had done something utterly ridiculous, like head down to the cargo hold to try and get their luggage before the ship sank.
“PENELOPE!” The scream, so close to her ear, was enough to bring her out of her thoughts.
She bolted upright at the same time she felt a hand on her elbow, harshly pulling her towards the door.
Her senses came back to her.
The water had crept from the top of her feet to below her knees, seeping through her boots, skirts, and coat, and soaking her skin. It was colder than it had been to begin with, if such a thing were possible.
The parts of her legs that were submerged were utterly numb.
Ruby’s hand moved from her elbow to her hands, entwining their fingers even though Penelope’s struggled to bend. She was certain they were blue underneath her gloves.
“Three times!” Ruby hissed, tightening her grip as she dragged Penelope out of the room and into the corridor.
If it hadn’t been for Ruby’s hand on hers, constantly tugging her forwards, Penelope would have frozen at the sight in front of her.
The whole front of the ship was submerged, and the water was rushing in at an unbelievable pace. It had reached the staircase they had come down, and Penelope knew that, given a few more minutes, the water would be making its way up to start consuming D Deck above.
“Why ask me to stand and watch the water when you weren’t going to listen to me anyway?” Ruby said, her free hand reaching for the railing that lined the walls mid-way from the floor. She used it to haul herself towards the stairs, fighting the current, all the while dragging Penelope behind her.
It wasn’t until they had made it several feet that Penelope realised she had to help lessen the load. Her fingers ached as she forced them to wrap around the railing, and the pain only grew as she dragged herself forwards of her own accord.
“I didn’t…mean to…” she ground out between clenched teeth, the tears still falling. Her lungs continued to struggle for breath, sucking in as much air as they could, but it never seemed to be enough. “Just because…you have your…family and can relax…” The words were out before she really registered what she had said, and she winced internally when Ruby dropped her hand and rounded on her.
“Is that what you think? That I don’t care about your family? Because I have news for you, I do! But I refuse to let you kill yourself looking for them, just as I know you would refuse to let me put myself in danger if the situation were reversed. You won’t be able to find them if you’re drowning in the bottom of the ship, Penelope!” Ruby’s shoulders heaved, her breath appearing in faint puffs of steam around them. Her cheeks were a bright pink and her blue eyes burned with an anger firmly at odds with the layer of unshed tears that covered them.
Penelope swallowed.
Before she could say anything to apologise, she felt a harsh force knock at her legs, a vicious lash of water that sent her stumbling. With a startled shriek, she clutched the railing to keep herself upright.
“Why don’t we continue this argument somewhere where, as you pointed out, we don’t risk dying?” Penelope offered as she hauled herself upright, every single inch of her trembling and convulsing from fear and cold and exhaustion. She honestly wondered how she was still functioning.
Ruby huffed and turned. With her back to Penelope, she gripped her hand, and they resumed their slow and tense journey along the corridor and back to the staircase.
When they finally burst free from the water, hurling themselves onto the dry stairs, they took a long second, kneeling on the steps, to catch their breath. Their hands remained entwined, the only thing anchoring them to that moment.
The icy water, however, took no such break.
As they lay there, Penelope could feel it creeping up her legs, climbing from toes to ankles. They had to get up and get back to the Boat Deck. And then they had to get into a lifeboat, because, for all the talk of her being unsinkable, RMS Titanic was going down.
Chapter Twenty-Three
There were three lifeboats drifting away from the ship when Penelope and Ruby emerged from the stairwell back onto the Boat Deck.
Despite three boats already being gone and many more still loading, even more people than before crowded the small deck. Given how far Titanic had already sunk, no one could pretend that she would survive now.
Rather than plead with people to get into the lifeboats, the stewards were having to push people back, reminding those who approached that it was women and children first.
Penelope stood to the side, watching the commotion with dull eyes.
If she believed herself to have been cold before, it was nothing compared to what she felt now, with the cold air hitting her soaked clothes. The convulsions that racked her body caused her teeth to chatter and he
r bones to ache, and no matter how much she huddled in on herself, nothing helped.
“We need to find my family…” Ruby started, but Penelope shook her head, arms wound tightly around herself. “Penelope, I’m not saying that means stopping looking for yours, but if we get their help…”
Again, Penelope shook her head. She finally found the strength to explain. “I’m not saying that. Go and find them. I’ll wait here.”
Ruby moved to stand in front of her, her gloved hands cupping her face, but Penelope couldn’t even feel it. Everything was numb, from her body to her mind. “We promised not to separate. I’m not leaving—”
“Ruby…find your family. And bring them here. I just… I need to… I can’t stop…” Her teeth chattered so much that it made talking difficult. She trailed off with an aggravated grunt, trying to wrap her arms farther around herself.
“If you’re sure.” Ruby’s eyes narrowed into a glare. “Do not move from this spot, do you understand? Move and I will find you just to kill you.”
Despite the amount of effort it took her, Penelope tugged her lips into a grin. “I understand.” She looked around and found a bench nearby. Then she forced herself to take the five or so steps needed to make it there. “I won’t move from here. I promise.”
Ruby stared at her for a moment longer, as if ensuring she was telling the truth, then she nodded and took off. Penelope watched her go until she disappeared among the crowd.
With nothing else to do but wait, Penelope focused on the people around her.
The sight of mothers cradling children to their chests wrenched at her heart. The poor babies had no idea what was happening or why they were wide awake so far past their bedtime. And their mothers were putting on brave faces even as they waved goodbye to husbands and fathers, not knowing whether they’d make it into a lifeboat of their own.
The Breath Between Waves Page 15
