Fighting for What's His

by Laura Kaye

  “Right? I thought that same thing,” he choked out, his cheeks hurting from how big and hard he was laughing.

  When was the last time that’d happened? Fuck. He’d still been in the military. Without question. Not one thing since the ambush had made him laugh like this.

  Until Shayna.

  “If a clown shows up in our house we’ll know it followed us home from here and I will die,” she said, chortling and gasping for breath.

  “A clown shows up in our fucking house and I’m burning that sonofabitch down.”

  Our. They’d both said our.

  Shayna nodded and wiped at her eyes. “Ooh, lordy. God, I need a burger,” she said. “Tell me you’re hungry.”

  “Hell, yes. Food is immediately necessary,” he said, his brain still spinning on the ours.

  “Yes. Yes, it is.” They started down the street away from the House of the Clown Army. For fuck’s sake.

  And, Jesus this all felt good, even as it highlighted that he had this kind of easy, fun rapport with so few other people in his life anymore. Mo and Noah and Sean—they were becoming his new brotherhood.

  And Shayna…what was Shayna to him?

  Beyond being his best friend’s sister, Billy didn’t know.

  All he knew was that he was feeling torn in two when it came to this woman—torn between letting her go before he crossed anymore lines, and staking a claim and letting the chips fall where they may.

  Chapter Thirteen

  It turned out, the choice wasn’t going to be his.

  “Billy?” Shayna said after they’d finished their burgers and fries and sat contemplating splitting dessert.

  “Yeah?” He looked up from the mile-long menu. “You know what you want?”

  She dropped her menu to the table and looked at him with a too-serious-to-be-about-ice-cream expression on her face. “Yes. Um, yeah, I think I’ve figured out something that I want.”

  He frowned. “This isn’t about dessert, is it?”

  “No. It’s about you. Or us. Or, I don’t know, about the fact that we were together and then never really had any conversation about whether that meant anything,” she said in a rush.

  Wait. She thought there was a chance that hadn’t meant anything to him? He’d told her how crazy she made him…

  Oooh, fucking hell, had she thought he’d only meant physically? “Shayna—”

  “Please.” She held up a hand. “Can I just get it out while I’m momentarily brave enough to talk about this?”

  He had no idea where she was going, but his intuition was skating ice down his spine in a feeling of deep, crawling foreboding. “Say it. Whatever it is.”

  “So, I’ve been thinking… You’ve become a really good friend to me these past few weeks—”

  Oh, fuck.

  “—and even though there’s obviously, um, really crazy chemistry between us, I’d like us to be friends. I mean, just friends.”

  Oh, fuuuck. Billy’s gut was making a slow slide to the floor.

  “I don’t have that many here, and no one else who knows Ryan or my life before DC. I don’t want to lose that or mess it up. I hated when I thought you were mad at me. Of course, if you thought we were only friends anyway, I probably sound like an idiot right now. But I still wanted to officially let you know what I was thinking. In case there was any question. Or anything.” She clenched her eyes shut. “And now I’m going to stop talking forever.”

  He couldn’t even chuckle at her self-deprecating humor. Because she’d just put him in the friend zone. And, in the process, made the debate that had been raging inside him completely meaningless.

  Even worse, her decision suddenly made one side of that debate a whole lot more compelling. More than that, obvious. Like there’d never really been any choice at all and he’d just been too moronic or cowardly to see it.

  Wasn’t that always the fucking way? It took losing the choice about whether to turn right or left to highlight which path you’d really wanted to go down all along.

  Now, a giant neon sign flashed in his brain over claim Shayna once and for fucking all and figure out the rest as you go.

  Except she’d just pulled the plug.

  And sonofabitch, it was better this way, wasn’t it?

  Better for her in so many ways, not the least of which was all the bullshit he clearly hadn’t resolved from what’d happened to him in Iraq. Better for his relationship with Ryan. Better for them—him and Shayna—because he’d hated thinking Shayna was mad at him, too. He didn’t want to fuck up what he’d found with her either.

  “Friends, huh?” he managed as his brain spun and his heart fought the idea.

  She gave a nervous shrug. “Yeah.”

  He inhaled a deep breath, manned up, and did the right thing—finally. “I’m honored to be your friend, Shayna. Of course. But for the record, our night together absofuckinglutely meant something to me.”

  He was willing to let her go if he had to, but he wasn’t willing to let her think he hadn’t cherished the hell out of being with her.

  Her gaze whipped up and he saw the confusion there. And maybe a little disbelief, too.

  Which were two more reasons why respecting her wishes and quashing his belatedly apparent ones was the right thing to do. He’d screwed up that night with her enough that he’d left her doubting. If that wasn’t all his failings and insecurities in a nutshell, he didn’t know what was.

  “But friends is great. So, friend, what are we having for dessert?”

  When they got home that night, Billy was grateful to find a whole pile of messages in his inbox from new clients confirming that they were hiring him.

  The new caseload was going to require all his time, in part because he’d agreed to two short-term surveillance cases—another infidelity case and a workers’ comp case to investigate the validity of the injury. And in the vein of when it rains, it pours, he had an offer from a law firm to do surveillance in another case where he’d be gathering evidence for an upcoming trial. Add to that four new background checks he still had to do and Billy was going to be a busy fucking boy.

  He didn’t think he’d ever juggled so many cases at one time.

  God bless referrals from former clients and the network of veterans who had each other’s backs in the civilian world just like they’d done on the battlefield. And since new jobs tended to come in fits and starts, he was hesitant to turn any of them down.

  But it meant that he wasn’t going to be able to spend as much time helping Shayna.

  That cut both ways. Good, because it would help ensure the platonic distance between them—and he might need that help given his newfound insight into his own misfit emotions. But bad, too, because he thought it was much safer for her to be doing this with someone at her side.

  Billy broke the news to her the next morning. “Hey, Shay,” he said, hitting the first floor wearing sleep pants and a T-shirt.

  “You’re up early.” God, her smile was pretty.

  And he was a fucking idiot. It was maybe the hundredth time he’d thought that since their talk the night before.

  On a sigh, he slid into a chair at the breakfast bar. “Wanted to let you know that I picked up a bunch of new cases, two of which are surveillance. It’s going to cut into my schedule for the next stretch of days. Not sure how long just yet.”

  “Oh, okay.” She poured herself some coffee. “Want some?”

  “No, thanks,” he said, earning a pair of raised eyebrows from her. “Gonna try to grab a few more hours sleep before I head out since I’ll be pulling nights for a while again.”

  “More sleep is good. Your last surveillance case kinda trashed you. I’m a little worried about how you’re going to juggle two.” She sipped at her coffee, then added more milk.

  “I’m not sure either yet, which is why my wingman availability’s up in the air.” Wingman. He didn’t want to be her wingman. Or, at least, not only. Goddamnit, Parrish.

  “I’ll see if Havana can come
with me. Right now I just have one tonight and another tomorrow night on my calendar.”

  “That’s good. I really don’t love the idea of you going into strange apartments by yourself.”

  Shayna smirked. “I suppose that makes sense. I mean, you never know when someone might pull a gun on you and scare you so bad that you drop your towel.”

  He lovingly gave her the finger. “That is the perfect example of why you shouldn’t go off somewhere on your own, woman.”

  “Yeah, but you turned out to be completely normal,” she said with a laugh.

  “If I’m normal then your fucking meter needs recalibrated.” Billy grinned despite himself. “Okay, just wanted to touch base with you before my schedule goes haywire. Sorry I’m not available like I told you I would be.”

  “I understand you have a life that, you know, doesn’t revolve around me twenty-four/seven. The nerve!” She winked at him.

  Fucking winked at him. After making a joke about the extent to which their lives revolved around each other.

  She could’ve just punched a hole through his sternum and squeezed his heart and it would’ve been less uncomfortable then the irony-laden taunt. “What can I say?” he managed. “Shoot me texts and keep me posted though, okay?”

  “You got it,” she said.

  “Have a good day at work.” Billy slid off his stool and made for bed for just a few more hours. “And let me know what your friend says about going with you.”

  “Ten-four, good buddy.”

  He smirked over his shoulder. “Now who’s the fucknugget?”

  “Touché.” Her laughter lit up the room and the inside of his chest. Just like it always did. But that was something else he’d now be keeping to himself.

  Shayna went to find Havana when she got to work on Thursday morning. She was bummed that Billy wouldn’t be able to go apartment hunting with her, because they always had so much fun together. On the other hand, maybe it was good to get a break from him, because she wanted him so damn bad that she could barely stand it.

  Which made it especially impressive that she’d managed to deliver her let’s-be-friends speech.

  His friendship and companionship had really come to mean a lot to her over the past few weeks, and she didn’t want to risk losing it. The certainty of that friendship was more important than the long-shot of a relationship with him, especially when nothing more had happened between them, he’d never said anything about being with her, and it had sucked so bad thinking that he’d been mad at her when he wasn’t. Shayna had therefore decided to make the call and put the whole were-they-or-weren’t-they question to rest once and for all.

  And Billy had readily agreed.

  Which made her even more glad that she’d done it, even though her head clearly had very little control over her heart. Or her traitorous body, for that matter…

  On a sigh, she rounded the corner into Havana’s cubicle and found it empty. A lady at the next desk popped up and said, “She’s in a design meeting.”

  “Oh, okay. Thanks.” Frowning, Shayna hustled back to her own desk. She’d handed in an assignment the afternoon before and expected to get something new first thing today. Sure enough, she had an email from her editorial team sitting in her inbox, so her butt had no more than hit the cushion of her chair before she was right back up again to meet Joe and Rose in the conference room with one of the reporters who Shayna didn’t yet know very well.

  “Hi,” she said, coming into the room. “Hope I didn’t hold everyone up.”

  “No, we all just got here,” her news editor, Joe, said. “Shayna, do you know Andy Katz yet?”

  “No. Hi, Andy.” She extended her hand and they shook.

  “Hey, Shayna. Looking forward to working with you.”

  They all took their seats, and her belly did a little flip in anticipation of learning about the new assignment.

  “Andy,” Joe began, “why don’t you share the feature idea you pitched?”

  The man nodded. Probably in his forties with round wire-framed glasses and salt-and-pepper hair, he had a kind face and a passionate energy about him. “It’s on the Big Brothers Big Sisters program, which pairs volunteers with area school-aged kids to provide additional mentoring, support, and opportunities for new experiences.”

  Shayna smiled. This was going to be fun.

  “I want to profile some of the matched bigs and littles. Talk about how the program is changing kids’ lives. Interview parents about the ways that the program supports them and their families. Track down alumni of the program to do where-are-they-now follow-ups and gather their reflections about how being a little impacted their lives. All leading up to a gala fundraiser they have in a few weeks,” Andy said, his enthusiasm absolutely infectious.

  Her picture editor, Rose, sat forward. “Shayna, everyone here has seen the photos you took for the heritage trail unveiling event and we thought you’d make a good fit for this assignment.”

  Shay gave herself an inner fist pump, because her morning was totally looking up.

  Andy nodded. “In fact, you’ve already met one of the big-little pairs I want to feature. Josiah Johnson and his sixth-grader little, Barry Huss.”

  “Of course.” From the heritage trail event. They’d been at the front of the crowd when the mayor did the ribbon-cutting, and she’d captured a shot of them in profile looking on as the mayor grasped the ribbon.

  Conversation with them had followed afterward, because it turned out that Barry was really interested in cameras and photography. So he’d been completely excited to let her get another shot of him, this time with his little black hand pointing up at one of the heritage trail signs that had a picture of the former slave and civil rights activist Frederick Douglass on it.

  The latter photograph was her first that had appeared in the printed Gazette, the cut-out of which was now framed and sitting on her desk. “What a small world.”

  “It is. And you made a good impression,” Andy said. “Some of these families are going to be shy about talking, and Josiah thought you were great with his little.” Inside, Shayna was squeeing so hard.

  Rose slid her a sheet of paper. “This is a preliminary list of names, contact information, and events to cover. The program is going to be emailing everyone on the list that you two might be in contact for the story, so that should lay some groundwork.” Shayna scanned it over, nearly chomping at the bit to get started, even as the length of the list meant she was going to be running her ass off for the next few weeks. Which, bring it on!

  “I’ll email you more names as they emerge,” Andy said. “The first thing to note is the back-to-school Little Celebration at the Northeast Recreation Center on Sunday. Is that going to be doable for you?”

  She nodded and made a mental note to move an appointment for an apartment she was scheduled to see on Sunday afternoon. “Yes, no problem. I live not too far from there and I’m available all day.”

  “Good,” Andy said. “It’s like a festival with food and games and a moon bounce and a DJ, so it’ll be a good opportunity to meet some of the families in a laid-back environment.”

  A lot about journalism rested on relationship-building, and this event was going to be a perfect first step for gaining the trust of everyone involved. “This all sounds great. I’m really excited to get to work on this.”

  She spent the morning making calls and sending emails, and only when her stomach growled around twelve thirty did she realize she hadn’t asked Havana if she was up for a probably crazy house-hunting adventure. Shayna found her in the lounge, eating lunch and reading a book. Leah and Malik were there, too.

  “Hi, everyone,” she said as she threw leftover stir fry into the microwave. They all made small-talk while she waited for her bowl to spin round and round, and then she joined Havana at her table.

  “Hey, girl. How’s apartment hunting going?” Havana turned her book face down, revealing an intriguing black-and-white cover of a beautiful woman in profile wearing a glitt
ering crown.

  “What is that?” Shayna asked, spinning the book so that she could read the title. The Controversial Princess.

  “It’s a romance about the daughter of the king of England who has a torrid affair with a hot American actor. It entirely fictionalizes the royal family and it’s rocking my world.”

  “Ooh, I might need to borrow that when you’re done,” Shayna said, waggling her brows.

  “Why not read a book about the actual royal family?” Malik asked, grinning as he came over to take a look.

  Havana smirked up at him. “Because I’ve read every freaking thing that exists about the real royal family and I can’t get enough. I need more royals. All the royals. Damn Harry and Meghan ruined me. I’m obsessed.”

  Shayna laughed. “It is pretty cool that we have an American princess now.”

  “Mm-hmm. And I don’t even care if Brits wanna say that she can’t be Princess Meghan. She’s Princess Meghan to me.” Havana threw everyone a look that brooked no arguments.

  Malik held up his hands in surrender. “You recall that we purposely threw off the monarchy, right?”

  Havana was not amused. “Yes, which is why we can now admire it from afar.” They all laughed. “So now, back to your apartment-hunting…”

  Shayna sighed. “I actually wanted to talk to you about that. I have appointments tonight at six thirty and tomorrow at seven to see some new places. Any chance you can come with me? My roommate’s busy, and I’d go myself, but it’s more fun with someone. And also it gives me witnesses for the craycray that’s out there because you wouldn’t believe the half of what I’ve seen the past few weeks.”

  Havana’s whole face slid into an expression of regret. “Damn, I’m sorry, Shay. I can’t. My mom and I are heading out of town tonight for my cousin’s wedding on Saturday.”

  Oh, shoot. Shayna had totally forgotten. “That’s right. I knew that. Don’t worry about it.” She really could go herself. It wasn’t that big of a deal, even though she knew Billy wasn’t going to be thrilled.