She sat down on one of the benches in the park and took out her phone. What did it say about her that she was more comfortable texting her friends than talking to them in person?
She opened the group text but before she could send one someone sat down next to her. She glanced over to see that it was Rachel.
“What’s up? I saw you were in the shop,” she said.
“You were busy. I’m glad you weren’t upset that I’d introduced you to Eli at the ball. I would never have set you up if I’d know about your past,” Avery said.
“It’s okay—you know that. Why didn’t you stay in the shop?” Rachel asked.
“It’s the week before Christmas. You have so much going on,” Avery said. “I didn’t want to bother you.”
“We’re friends—you’re not bothering me. And you never come by and leave without one of these,” Rachel said, handing her a warm cookie.
Avery took it. “I don’t know what’s going on with Logan. I feel like we’ve gotten really close, really fast and then I heard him talking to that singer he supposedly slept with before he came here. He was saying he could see her after Christmas and I’m not sure what that means.”
“Why didn’t you just ask him?”
“Because I was standing outside his office door… It’s not as creepy as it sounds. I have an appointment to discuss the winery program with the high school guidance counselor and I was going to remind him.”
“I think you should ask him. Just point-blank,” Rachel said, pulling out her phone. She tapped out a message on her device.
A second later Avery’s phone pinged and she glanced down to see that Rachel had sent a message to Savannah explaining what was going on.
Savannah: Ask him. Then call me and tell me what happened.
Avery: I will.
“Okay fine. I’ll ask him.”
“Why are you so reluctant?” Rachel asked.
Avery sighed. She knew it was her trust issues. That in the past whenever she let herself believe that someone would be there—well, mainly her parents—they’d bailed on her. And she really cared for Logan. Okay, fine, she loved him.
She loved him.
She had been afraid to admit it even to herself for so long but that didn’t change the fact that her feelings for him were real and strong.
“I just don’t want to be wrong about him.”
Rachel hugged her and didn’t say anything for a long while. “You never real know someone until you let your guard down.”
Avery knew Rachel was right. “Why does letting your guard down have to be so scary?”
“I wish I knew.”
Avery ate her cookie and then walked back toward the square with Rachel where she found Logan, standing near the statue of Booze Kelly and talking to one of the local newspaper reporters. She just stood there, staring at him. He smiled when he noticed her and gestured for her to come over.
“Ask him,” Rachel said as she ducked back into her shop. Avery walked to the man who held her heart in his hands.
She wasn’t sure she wanted to ask him because she knew that Logan would tell her the truth. And the fact that she’d fallen for him didn’t mean he felt the same way at all.
*
Logan felt a sense of relief when he saw Avery. He was talking to Ted from the Whiskey River Gazette but he had come into the square to find her. She’d been in the office and he knew they had to leave to get over to the high school and then she’d disappeared.
He knew there was no way she could have heard his conversation with Sunny. Who needed to get herself together. Logan had been happy to help her out before but now that he was with Avery, he wouldn’t be doing that again. Also, he’d tried to counsel his friend that relationships needed to be built on something other than jealousy.
She’d laughed at him.
And he got her mirth. He was the last one to be giving relationship advice. He’d never had one that lasted as long as this thing with Avery. But this felt real. It felt solid. He wanted to believe that he was figuring out something he’d never understood before but he had no idea if he was figuring out the right thing.
His only relationship yardstick was his parents’ messed-up one where they drank and beat the crap out of each other. And the Hollywood ones he’d glimpsed that were fueled by jealousy and publicity-grabbing headlines.
But when he saw Avery he felt better. When he was with her, he liked the man he was. He felt like he wasn’t faking it anymore. Wasn’t trying to show Whiskey River that he was someone he wasn’t. But that he was truly becoming that man.
“I’ve got to go,” he said to Ted and turned to meet Avery as she walked across the square.
“Where did you go?” he asked. “We are due at the high school. I thought maybe you made another coffee run.”
“Sorry about that. I came down the hall to tell you I was stepping out but you were on the phone,” she said.
“I was. It was Sunny,” he said. “She’s having problems with her fiancé again. I placed an order for two to-go eggnog lattes with Riva. We can grab them and then head to the high school.”
Avery fell into step beside him but was strangely quiet. And Logan felt that tension that had always been in his stomach come back. Something wasn’t right. He wondered if he had time to take her back to the office and make love to her on his desk. Sex always seemed to center them and get them back to normal.
Or maybe that was just his coping device. He knew that when they were together he felt at his most comfortable. The surest of himself. But this…he felt like he might have screwed up but had no idea how.
“Avery, are we okay?” he asked. Then hated himself for asking. What kind of man asked a woman if they were good?
But this wasn’t just a woman. This was Avery. And he wanted her in his life for as long as she’d stay with him.
“Um…”
Shit.
“What?”
“I need to talk to you after we finish up at the high school,” she said.
“We need to talk?” He took her arm and drew her off the sidewalk, into a little alcove between the buildings. “Let’s talk.”
“Logan, we are going to be late,” she said.
“Too bad. You know I’m famous so people expect me to behave like a diva.”
“But you’re not a diva. You’re a good man. You do the right thing,” she said.
“I try—”
“You do it,” she said, shoving her hand through her hair. “I left because I heard you talking to Sunny and I had this fear that you were going to leave and go back to her even though I know you said there is nothing between you.”
He was surprised. “I wouldn’t do that.”
“I know. It’s not your behavior that’s the problem. I think…I think it’s that when I care for someone I expect them to disappoint me.”
“Why?”
“My parents. I know how immature it is to blame it on them, but every time they make me believe in them, they let me down,” she admitted.
Logan put his hands on her shoulders and leaned down so that their foreheads brushed each other’s. “I don’t know about them, but I’m not going to hurt you, Avery. I have no idea if I’m doing this right or not. I didn’t have the best example from my own parents, but I’m trying.”
“I am too,” she admitted.
He hugged her close to him and held her too tight. He knew it was too tight because he had that feeling in his gut that caring for her might be the most dangerous thing he’d ever allowed himself to do. She could walk away and he’d be left…hell, just like his dad. What if losing Avery was the thing that made him into Danny?
She hugged him tightly to her. “I’m sorry I didn’t trust you.”
Her words should have soothed that wild tension inside of him but it didn’t. Maybe she shouldn’t trust him. Because the thought of her leaving him made that out-of-control feeling stir inside of him. He knew he’d never hurt her or lift a hand to her, but he wasn’t sure th
at he wouldn’t self-destruct.
Maybe there was a reason why he’d never fallen in love with anyone before. Maybe it had been self-preservation. The only thing to save him from himself.
He knew he should let her go. He needed to be cool. And despite the critics’ praise and his reputation for being a good actor, this wasn’t something he could act his way out of. Fear choked him and that was all he could focus on. Not losing Avery felt like the most important thing in his world.
Which he knew wasn’t a healthy way to be.
“Why don’t you grab the lattes and I’ll get the Lincoln and pick you up,” he said, walking away before she could answer.
*
Logan was having Eli and Harlan over for a poker night on the Tuesday before Christmas so Avery was back at her house for the night. Finn and Sully had gone back to their jobs for the week but then would be back on the 23rd for Logan’s party. And she was going to have her date that she’d won at Felicity’s Ball with Logan the next evening.
She had called Rachel and Savannah and invited them over to watch the latest Hollywood holiday movie, which Logan was staring in. The studio had sent a copy to him and he’d offered it to her. So she’d invited her friends to come and view it and eat popcorn and drink mulled cider.
Something had changed between her and Logan after she’d told him about her stupid reaction to his conversation. She felt like she’d ruined things but she couldn’t go back and change things. She wasn’t one of those people who could lie about what she felt…well except to her parents. But she wasn’t going to do that with Logan and he hadn’t done that with her either.
He’d been so sweet about the eggnog lattes and so honest about Sunny she’d felt foolish and it had simply underscored how messed up she was thanks to the half-and-half upbringing she’d had with her parents. Nothing was ever about the family and she knew she distrusted anything that made her feel like she was starting to depend on another person too much.
Her doorbell rang and she opened it to find Savannah, Rachel and Katie all standing there.
“Hey, y’all,” Avery said as she stood back for them to enter the foyer. She needed a girls’ night. Needed a night where she could just be herself and not have to admit that she might not be able to make a relationship work. It wasn’t Logan or his career. It was her.
“This should be fun,” Savannah said.
“Hi, Avery,” Katie said, holding out a box with the logo of Rachel’s cookie shop on it.
“Thanks, sweetie,” Avery said taking the box from her. She led the way into the living room where Logan had laid the logs for a fire earlier. She had lit it and had turned on the tree lights.
Katie was such a sweet little girl with her strawberry-blonde hair and big green eyes. She skipped over to the tree. Avery had anticipated her stopping by and had put the Christmas present she’d gotten for Katie under the tree. It was a ballerina doll that she’d picked up at the San Antonio ballet a few months ago.
“Normally I’m not much for going out on a week night,” Rachel said. “But it is Christmastime.”
“Yes, it is,” Avery said. “I was going to suggest decorating cookies but that would be too much like a busman’s holiday. And Logan offered to let us have a private viewing so it seemed perfect.”
“It is,” Savannah said. “I didn’t realize that Logan did a Christmas movie.”
“He shot it last year,” she said. “They thought he wasn’t a big enough draw for a romantic comedy last year so kept it for this year since he is kind of the hottest thing in Hollywood.”
They all settled into her living room to watch the movie. Avery sat in a large armchair while Savannah was seated in the recliner. On the other side of the large sofa Rachel and Katie were nestled together.
She watched the movie and it was odd to see Logan on the screen romancing another woman. But she could immediately see that it was a role he was playing. The real Logan was so much…well more for lack of a better word. She missed him tonight, she realized.
How was she ever going to cope when he went back to Los Angeles? She was letting herself need him too much and she had to stop this before it got worse. She remembered how she’d finally learned to insulate herself from disappointment when she’d been younger and it was by keeping her parents at arm’s length. Should she do that with Logan?
“Avery?”
“What?”
Savannah gave her an odd look. “Does Logan kiss as good as that scene makes it look like he does?”
Avery shook her head. “Even better.”
Savannah laughed as she ate a piece of popcorn. “I knew it. Harlan’s a good kisser too.”
“Don’t tell me anything else or I won’t be able to look him in the eye when I talk to him,” Rachel said softly. She noticed that Katie had fallen asleep in her mom’s arms.
Seeing them together made Avery realize that those dreams she’d had of her generic JC Penney ad family could still happen, except movie star Logan was way too hot and famous for that kind of family. But was he too hot for her? She wanted a family and now when she fantasized about that family, the man looked like Logan. He was a good man as she’d told him the other day. The kind of man who could make her happy, build a life with her.
She just had to trust herself enough to believe in him.
After her friends left she grabbed another mug of cider and went to sit on her front porch, bundled up with a blanket, looking at the lights that flickered on the eaves of her porch. She had The Pretenders singing Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas playing. It was a low-key version and it suited her mood tonight. She was alone as she had been for many holidays but she didn’t feel lonely.
Perhaps there was a way she could figure out how to make a relationship work. Maybe she could have all that she’d ever wanted. Love had always seemed to her the thing that made everything in life better, but it hadn’t. It had added a complication because she hadn’t told Logan how she felt. She wasn’t sure how he felt. And right now, love felt like a prickly cactus.
She saw the faint shadow of someone walking up the path toward her house and realized why she’d been sitting out here. She’d been hoping he’d come and Logan had.
He didn’t say a word, just sat down next to her on the bench, draping his arm over her shoulder and singing along with The Pretenders.
And she knew that all of her wondering if she could trust him was a lie. It was believing that she deserved a man like this after spending a lifetime being by herself that was her real issue.
Chapter Fourteen
Logan had told her to that he was going to make sure she got her money’s worth from their dinner date. The money for the bid had been wired into the charity account from an anonymous account with the initials F.B. in the reference. Avery could only make the connection to Felicity Blanchard: the supposed ghost of Harwood House who only made an appearance at Christmas and who rumor had it left the smell of lavender wherever she went. But she knew how crazy that sounded when she thought it. How would a ghost have money?
When she got back got home from work she found a box on her doorstep and a note that said for her to be ready by six. That gave her a little over three hours. She was glad she’d stopped in to Fallen Angels and picked up some new lingerie for the evening. She took the box into the house, flicking on her Christmas tree lights as she walked by the living room and then sitting down on the couch to open the box.
She pulled out the red jumpsuit made of thick fabric. It had three-quarter-length sleeves and a ballet neckline. She shook it out and realized that it had no back. It was cut down to the waist in the back. She stood up and held it to her body. Of course it looked like it would be a perfect fit. She noticed the shoe box in the bottom and took it out to find a pair of stiletto heels.
She took the clothes and shoes to her bedroom and then drew a warm bath for herself. She was going to take her time getting ready for this date. She took her time with her makeup and then realized she wasn’t going to be abl
e to wear the matching bra and panty set she’d picked up earlier. So she decided to skip underwear altogether, putting on the pants suit. She turned to see her back in the mirror and realized that Logan was going to have a hard time keeping his hands off of her.
She left her hair hanging down and put on a pair of simple pearl earrings just as she heard her doorbell ring. She walked slowly through her house and when she got to the door, Logan stood there in a Dolce & Gabbana suit wearing his aviator sunglasses. Behind him she noticed that there was one of his sports cars. She thought it was a Bugatti Veyron.
“Avery…you take my breath away.”
She smiled. “And you haven’t even seen this outfit from the back.”
She did a little pivot so he could see it and heard him groan. “Gorgeous. I might have made a mistake in ordering that for you.”
“You might have,” she admitted. “I bet you can’t keep your hands off of me.”
“That’s a bet you’d win,” he said.
“Do I need my coat?” she asked.
“No.”
She reached inside and grabbed her clutch and then locked her door. Logan put his hand in the center of her back and led her down to his car. Just the touch of his palm on her made her breasts feel fuller and she felt a pulse of liquid desire between her legs.
He held open the door for her and got inside the car, putting on her own sunglasses as he walked around to get behind the wheel. He backed the car up and then turned not toward the highway but back toward the main house.
He pulled into the circle drive and came around to open her door. “I hope you don’t mind but I have a special evening planned for us.”
“I can’t wait,” she said.
He put his hand on the small of her back again and another shiver went through her. He led her into the house past that big table where he’d made love to her after the gala. There was a large flower arrangement on it now and she couldn’t help blushing as they walked around it.
“I liked you up there better,” Logan said.
“Me too,” she admitted.
Once Upon a Texas Christmas Page 13
