Let Me Love You (McClain Brothers Book 1)

by Alexandria House

  I picked the phone up and brought it closer to my face, hoping that maybe I was just seeing things, but it was her. Freckles, sandy red hair, and eventually, I saw the gap in her teeth.

  I dropped the phone like it was boiling hot and stood from my seat, grabbing the back of my head. I could see texts pop up from Leland, Nolan, and Kathryn, all asking if I’d seen the video. I ignored the calls from Courtney and Neil. I’m not sure how long I stood there and stared at the phone before picking it up and watching the video again. Then I wondered if there was more, maybe another video? My damn head started feeling tight and shit as I checked other DMs to find stills of the video and a bunch of other pictures that I didn’t click on. Then I went back to the video, her mouth on some nigga, giving him what I was used to receiving from her.

  Jo’s eyes kept flickering open and closed as she gave some guy head, smiling every now and then and showing that gap. I could hear him moaning and mumbling something. The video was long as hell, or maybe it wasn’t. Maybe it felt long because I was watching the woman I loved suck another man’s dick. I clicked off the video and went back to the pics. Nudes, all of them with her legs wide open. She was playing with herself in a couple of them. Upon close inspection, I could tell they were old, taken before Nat was born because her breasts were perky in them and she didn’t have that little stomach pouch she had now. Was the video old, too? I couldn’t tell, because all you could see was her mouth, her hand, and his…dick.

  Shit.

  I fell back into the chair and kind of just stared into space, watched the video one more time, focused on the mumbling voice, and realized I recognized it.

  Tommy: Jo outside. Oba and Bridgette can’t get her out the truck. She won’t move.

  All kinds of shit was filling my brain. I needed a timeline for the video. I needed to know it was made before us. It had to be, right? I mean, she hadn’t been messing with him, had she?

  I blew out a breath and told myself to stop tripping. Jo wasn’t a cheater or a ho’.

  That’s what you thought about Esther, too.

  I quickly shook that thought off. Jo was no damn Esther. Not by a mile.

  Leaving my phone on the table, I headed outside to find Jo’s truck sitting in front of the house. Oba was standing by the open back door with his head lowered, and as I moved closer, I could see Bridgette beside Jo, softly talking to her.

  “Jo…baby? Uh, what’s going on?” I tried to play it cool, but I know I was sounding crazy.

  She lifted her head as she rubbed her own arms, probably to ward off one of her itching fits. That’s when I saw the tears. “You don’t know? You didn’t see?”

  I glanced around the backseat of the truck. There weren’t any sacks and Oba wasn’t holding any, either. So I guessed this shit had hit before she had a chance to buy anything. Fixing my eyes on her again, I asked, “S-see what?”

  “The video of me and Sidney. He-we were married back then. I-I trusted him. I’m his daughter’s mother. How could he do this to me?”

  Relief hit my ass like a ton of bricks, followed quickly by guilt for even thinking she’d cheated on me with him. And then I was pissed the hell off. Why would he do this to her?

  “Everyone has seen that video. It-it’s everywhere! Someone tweeted that it’s on a porn site! A porn site, Everett! Your daughter has probably seen it! Nat will see it one day! What am I supposed to do now?” She buried her face in her hands, scratched her nails down her face, and sobbed while Bridgette looked helplessly at me.

  “Jo, baby. Let’s—”

  Jo’s head popped up. “And the pictures…they’re all over the place, too. Strangers know how I look naked! Oh, God!” she whimpered, covering her face again.

  “Jo…” I looked at Bridgette, who nodded and slid out the truck. Climbing inside, I pulled Jo into my arms, and said, “I got it,” dismissing Oba and letting Bridgette off the hook. “Hey,” I whispered to Jo. “I got you. It’s gonna be okay.”

  “How? I mean, I dealt with the whole Esther watching us have sex thing as well as I could. It still bothers me that she did that, but I was moving past it. But this? I can’t deal with this, Everett. I just wanna crawl in a hole and die.”

  “Don’t say shit like that, Jo. What about Natalie?”

  “She’d be better off without a porn star for a mother!”

  “No-the-hell she wouldn’t! Look, this is fucked up, but it’s not the end of the world. Shit, Kim Kardashian built a whole career off a sex tape. My album sales are probably through the roof off this shit. I bet you’re gonna get even more business offers, too.”

  “I don’t care about that! The whole world has seen me suck Sidney’s dick! The whole world has seen me naked! Don’t you get it? I have been exposed and humiliated! Fuck a career! I want my damn dignity back! Can’t you see how messed up this is?!”

  I could. I just didn’t know what to say or how to handle this. It hurt me, too, to know she was exposed like that. It made me want to throw up knowing all these people got to see what was supposed to be exclusively mine. It made me want to split Bugz’s skull open. But I couldn’t find the right words to articulate all of that to her, so I just held her and let her cry before carrying her into the house.

  *****

  She wouldn’t eat.

  She wouldn’t leave our bed, either. The first night after the video came out, I asked Ms. Sherry, who’d been watching Nat during Jo’s meeting, to keep her overnight. Two days later, I decided maybe Nat being home would motivate Jo to return to the land of the living. So I picked her up and brought her home. I was wrong. She gave Nat a weak smile, kissed her forehead, and rolled over in the bed. Nat didn’t seem bothered and bounced to her room, but that’s when I realized just how bad things were. Jo would do anything for Nat, had never been neglectful toward her. This video thing had really messed her head up. At one point, I came in the room to check on her to find her phone on the floor right by the door, screen cracked, and I realized her notifications probably were even more active than mine.

  Bridgette dropped by on the third day, but Jo refused to see her. Same thing for the fourth day. Essentially, it was like Jo wasn’t there. All that was left was a shell of the woman I knew and loved.

  I took care of Nat, tried to keep her from feeling deserted, but what I wanted to do more than anything was to kill Bugz. Not that it would fix anything, but shit, it would make me feel better. Tommy offered to have some of his cousins beat Bugz’s ass, with a promise that it wouldn’t be traced back to me. All I would have to do was buy some weed. It was a tempting offer, but I knew I’d automatically be under suspicion at this point. I wasn’t trying to go to jail for real.

  The only thing that made me believe all hope wasn’t lost was that despite having basically checked out, Jo let me hold her at night, let me dry her tears, even let me make love to her. But she wouldn’t talk, only left the bed to pee, and after I begged her to, she took a shower. I managed to get her to eat some oatmeal on day five. But this shit was so bad, I wasn’t sure how we were going to survive it.

  35

  I remembered what she said about her mom, about her falling into a depression and Jo having to go to a group home, about her having to take medicine and never being the same again after that, about her committing suicide. I couldn’t make it if that happened to Jo, and I didn’t want that for Nat. I had to do something to pull Jo out of this damn hole, but what?

  A whole damn week had passed with her barely talking, barely eating, and only walking the few steps from our bed to her bathroom. Now Nat was starting to ask questions, wanting to know what was wrong with her mother. I told her she was sick, because I didn’t know what else to say. Plus, it was the truth. She was sick, depressed.

  Nat liked fried rice, so I had Tommy pick some up and was sitting at the kitchen table watching her chew a mouthful while holding another spoonful. “It’s good, Nat?”

  She nodded, then grinned, showing me teeth and rice. “Mmmmmm! Yummy!”

  I
smiled at her. It was hard to be sad around Nat. That’s why I knew this shit with Jo was serious. If Nat climbing in bed with her, kissing her and saying good morning couldn’t bring her out of her funk, what the hell was I supposed to do?

  After Nat finished her rice, I cleaned her, the table, and the floor up, and we went to the family room to watch The Lion King for the tenth time in two days. She climbed in my lap, giving me a big grin and a sloppy kiss on the cheek. All I could do was smile at her and kiss her little forehead. Yeah, Nat was special. She rested her head against my chest and gave the movie her attention while I perused her mom’s phone since it still worked despite the screen being cracked. I don’t know why I was checking it other than to make myself mad as hell at all the dumb-ass DMs and shit she was getting. Stupid people saying stupid stuff, and besides making me angry, it made me feel like this was all my fault.

  I couldn’t help but think about how Jo was worried about being on the gossip blogs when we first started talking. No one knew who Jo was before me. Bugz’s dumb ass had inadvertently protected her from this mess when they were together. I flung her into a spotlight she wasn’t ready for by making her mine, and he was so damn jealous, he exposed her.

  And I still wanted to kill his ass for it. Just had to figure out a way to do it that wouldn’t put my ass in jail.

  As I stared at Jo’s phone, my own phone dinged with a text from Tommy: Yo check this out. Wonder if he had anything to do with the video getting out?

  I looked at the attached picture of Bugz and his security, including Dunn. That put a bad taste in my mouth. Dunn knew a lot about me, a lot of information he could pass on to Bugz. Luckily, he didn’t know shit about the new house or the gate codes. But still…his shady ass was working for Bugz?

  I was typing out my answer to Tommy when Jo’s phone began to ring. Bugz.

  I stood from my seat and sat Nat in it, kissing her forehead before I headed to the kitchen with both phones. By the time I made it in there, I’d missed the call, so I called him back.

  He answered with, “Look, baby, I ain’t put that video out. I wouldn’t do no shit like that to you. Somebody got my phone. I lost it in my car or something. Just found it or I woulda called you before now. I promise on my dead Uncle Jimmy I ain’t do this shit! I wouldn’t put you out there like that, baby!”

  Every time this nigga said baby, I wanted to reach through the phone and choke his ass completely out. “Motherfucker, you gonna get yours! Just wait for it!” I replied.

  “South? Put Jo on!”

  “Fuck you! I ain’t letting you talk to my damn woman! Just get ready to get fucked up!”

  “I didn’t—”

  I hung up on his ass and pulled out my phone, ready to give Tommy the okay to put his cousins on the job when I heard Nat squeal, “Mama!”

  I almost ran out the kitchen. Jo was out of bed? I found her sitting on the sofa with Nat’s little arms around her neck. Jo’s eyes were closed, a single tear rolling down her cheek. I stood and watched, relieved but still ready to kill Bugz. “You all right?” I asked.

  Eyes still closed, she shook her head. “No, but I’m hungry. Weak.”

  “We got fwied wice!” Nat announced.

  “Fried rice? Wow! Is it good?” Jo asked, as Nat crawled out of her lap, returning to my seat.

  “Mm-hmm!” Nat hummed.

  “Stay there. I’ll bring you some,” I said.

  A few minutes later, I was back in my seat with a knocked-out Nat in my lap, trying not to stare at Jo. I was so glad to see her out of bed.

  “I did it for his birthday,” she said softly.

  I frowned a little. “Huh?”

  “The video and the pictures. They were birthday gifts. He begged me to let him record us and take those pictures. I didn’t want to at first, but I was just…I loved him, we’d just gotten married, and I figured if anyone hacked into his phone or his cloud, it was me and my husband, not me and some random dude. So I let him do it.” Her eyes were on her plate as she spoke.

  “Jo, I-uh…I understand.”

  “There are more. He took more pictures, a couple more videos, but what he put out there exposed me more than him.” She looked up at me. “He released the ones that would and did humiliate me the most. There are other pictures and videos where you can see his face, too.”

  “Baby—”

  “Ev, after he left, I never let him touch me again. I know some divorced couples still get together sometimes, and he tried, but I wasn’t going to lower myself to becoming a side chick to a man I was once married to. I want you to be clear that the video and the pictures are years old. I didn’t let him touch me after he left. Not before us or after us.”

  “I know that, Jo. I believe you.”

  She nodded, put her plate of half-eaten food on the coffee table, and left the family room. A few minutes later, she was back in the bed.

  *****

  You shouldn’t dread talking to your child, but when Ella’s name flashed on my phone’s screen a little more than a week after the video and photos were first circulated, that was what I felt plus apprehension, and shit, irritation. Jo was still out of commission, I was trying hard to keep Nat from feeling neglected, and I was just fucking exhausted. I was running on empty like a motherfucker. I loved my daughter but didn’t feel like discussing this shit with anyone, especially not her.

  I prepared myself to answer it, hoping she still had the compassion she developed for Jo after the Thanksgiving mess. The couple of times she visited us after that, she’d been on her best behavior. And then there was always the possibility of it being Esther calling me on Ella’s phone, but surely her ass wasn’t crazy enough to violate the no-contact order.

  Actually, she was exactly that crazy.

  “Hello?” I answered, my eyes on little Nat on the floor of the family room, playing with the huge stuffed lion I got her. Christmas was right around the corner and we didn’t even have a tree. I was thinking about hiring this lady I’d heard about who specialized in holiday decorating so Nat could have a real Christmas. Ella, too, if she decided to visit. Christmas was officially Esther’s holiday with her, though. I hadn’t even done any shopping up until that point.

  “Hey, Daddy,” she replied. “Everything okay?”

  I sighed as I dragged my hand down my face. “Uh…” I couldn’t lie. Didn’t have the energy to. “No, baby girl. Things are definitely not okay.”

  “I’m sorry. How is Jo?”

  “Not good.”

  “I know she’s upset.”

  “Very,” I replied.

  The fact that I was having this conversation with my kid, knowing she’d probably seen that video and those pictures or at the very least heard about them, made my stomach turn. I hadn’t been eating much better than Jo. Shit was just all messed up.

  “I hate this happened to her. Is she gonna sue Bugz-NYC for revenge porn?” Ella asked.

  “What?”

  “That’s what Blac Chyna did when Rob Kardashian posted those pics on IG, sued him for revenge porn.”

  “Yeah, I forgot about that. It’s a good idea. I’ll run it by Jo.” Hell, it was a great idea. Maybe the possibility of some justice would pull Jo out of the hole she was in.

  “I hope she does it, and I hope she wins. He was wrong to do that to her. She doesn’t deserve this or…anything else she’s had to deal with.” She sounded sincere, which surprised me. Sincere and sad.

  “You talking about that stuff with your mom? It’s all right. Don’t sweat it.” It really wasn’t all right, but I didn’t want her to be sad. I was still her father, always wanted her to be happy even if it was at my expense.

  “No, I was wrong, and Mom was really wrong. That was just…insane. I’m so sorry, Daddy. I didn’t know she’d take it that far. But she promised to calm down and leave you guys alone.”

  “She doesn’t really have a choice anymore, Ella.”

  “I know. Well, tell Jo I said hi. I hope things get better. People can
be so cruel.”

  “They sure can, baby. Thanks for calling.”

  “No problem, Daddy.”

  I ended the call and actually felt better. Maybe I could turn this situation around, after all.

  36

  My eyes were glued to my bathroom door as my mind turned over the absurdity of there being his and hers bathrooms and closets in our master suite, the size of our bed with its high tufted headboard, and the fully furnished sitting area. Everything about this bedroom was over the top, just like the entire house and this life with Everett. This shared life with him was almost as overwhelming as his love for me, which he demonstrated by taking care of me while I couldn’t find the strength to and by taking care of Nat, a child he had no biological ties to. I’d spent so much time wishing Sid would be a father to her when Everett stepped into that role with ease and without any prodding from me. I was done bending over backwards and trying to accommodate Sid so he could be the father to her he obviously didn’t want to be and never would be.

  Yeah, I was over that shit.

  The room also reminded me of the Teema Jane Smith Community Youth Home, a facility built to address the overflow of entrants into the foster care system, kids like me who had no place else to go when those registered to foster children in their homes had no more room. It reminded me of the dorm-style room in which I slept those four months because of its striking contrast to it and any other home I’d claimed as mine, whether permanent or temporary. To be honest, this place felt more like home than any other place ever had. It also reminded me of how far I’d come, of who I was, and of what made me…me.

  It had been almost two weeks since I’d retreated to this bedroom in an attempt to hide from the world, and well, I was over that shit, too. I didn’t lie down and die when Sid shat on me. I went through the end of my pregnancy alone, pushed Nat out with only Bridgette by my side, and had been raising her solo like a G. I was tougher than this! I was a damn beast! Being in a group home didn’t break me. Tragically losing my mother didn’t break me. Divorcing Sid didn’t break me, and I wasn’t going to let that video and those pictures or anything else he decided to release break me, either.