My Mother in Law's Lover

by S M Mala

  ‘You little shit!’ I snap. ‘You married Meg in the hope I’d be a bit on the side and I didn’t play ball with you but with someone else.’ I slap him harder and he is cowering. ‘You thought I was a slut.’

  ‘You haven’t been exactly playing hard to get with everyone else,’ he says raising his voice.

  ‘Be quiet,’ I bark and hit him again. ’The first guy I didn’t know he was married and Hal isn’t married.’

  ‘He was,’ snaps back Josh trying to get hold of my towel.

  ‘He was separated.’

  ‘He was sleeping with your mother in law!’

  ‘Give me a break,’ I say and keep on hitting him. ‘Get out! Get out of my home and when you have the brains to try and win me back, we’ll take it from there.’

  ‘If I want you back!’ he snaps and I stop hitting him and stare.

  ‘Don’t flatter yourself,’ I confidently say. ‘Joan’s got a space for a new love interest I’m sure you’ll be perfect for her!’

  ‘How dare you!’ he says with total indignation.

  ‘Unless you’ve been there already!’ I bellow and then I see his expression totally change.

  I stop. My heart is thundering as he looks at me then looks away.

  ‘It was only once,’ he says gently stepping towards me. ‘It was very quick.’

  ‘You got your leg over with Joan!’ My head is reeling. ‘When?’

  ‘You know what?’ he says and I can see there’s panic all over his face as he’s trying to act composed. ‘I shouldn’t have said anything.’

  ‘Tell me,’ I shriek knowing I might wake up Beth.

  ‘After she found Hal in bed with Meg.’

  I stand there and I don’t know whether I want to scream or cry or laugh.

  Joan’s certainly had the last laugh though.

  On me.

  Thirty

  I eventually evicted him with a mop. That’s how angry I was. He tried to apologise, justifying that it was a drunk quickie with the viper Joan but I wasn’t having any of it.

  He shagged her because he was distraught about Meg’s affair.

  Why didn’t he shag me?

  Josh could have wanted to get back at Hal, that’s why he did Joan. I feel sick.

  Either way he told me a whole lot of clap trap then it occurred to me that it was inevitable he would act like this.

  Josh was Kai’s best mate and the reason being? They can’t keep their dicks in their trousers. But sleeping with his best mate’s mother? That is an all-time low.

  Oh and he phoned. He kept on calling me but I couldn’t speak to him. Pleading with me, saying he wished he never slept with Joan then the cheeky sod tried to draw some parallel on it with me sleeping with Hal. Josh said he now knows Joan was using him to get back at me, though she swore him to secrecy and if anyone found out, she would deny it.

  Joan wanted the upper hand though she didn’t want me to know. And she still doesn’t know that I know. That’s how I want it to be.

  Anyway, Josh said he was leaving the country, going to Africa to find himself. Hopefully it will be a war torn country and he can get a land mine up his arse.

  I know I’m being mean but I was so angry. Yet more games at my expense.

  Why oh why can’t people be honest?

  I’ve not said anything to Joan about what Josh told me. I’ve not even told her about my quick leg over with him. I think it’s time for me to draw the battle line and keep her out of the loop.

  I look up and she’s smiling at me. She has no idea what I know and I smile back.

  ‘So where are you off to?’ she asks taking Beth’s bag out of my hand while loitering in the corridor.

  ‘I’m going to a spa for the weekend,’ I say smiling at my daughter who is dragging a large bag down the corridor. ‘What’s in that?’

  ‘Things,’ she says and puts her nose up in the air while continuing to drag it towards Joan.

  ‘I’m only going for a couple of nights,’ I say, wondering what she has packed.

  ‘I need all my good outfits just in case nana takes me out,’ she snottily replies. ‘We’ve got lots of things to do.’

  ‘You know I can’t take you,’ I say fully aware that she is pissed off with me for leaving her. ‘When’s the last time I had a weekend to pamper and preen myself?’

  ‘Never from the look of it,’ says Joan under her breath then smiles brightly at me. I ignore her.

  ‘And nana is going to take me to the pet shop,’ Beth says glaring at me. ‘And she says she might buy me a kitten.’ I notice my child’s pupils dilate.

  ‘Fine, look for a kitten and if you’re a good girl we can think about getting one for Christmas.’

  My child double blinks and looks like she’s going to combust.

  ‘Really mummy? Can I really have a kitten?’

  ‘Yes,’ I say and smile at my daughter. ‘After Christmas there are many kittens in need of a home so we’ll be good and get one. Next weekend we can start preparing by buying things.’

  ‘How kind?’ Joan says with a look of anguish on her face. ‘What’s changed your mind?’

  ‘She’s older and wiser. And she can help me scoop the poop out of the tray,’ I smile seeing Beth’s grin disappear. ‘You can’t expect me to look after it on my own, can you?’

  ‘Okay,’ Beth says sheepishly. ‘We don’t have to rush to get the kitten, do we?’

  ‘But I have to rush,’ I reply and lean down to kiss her on the lips, giving her a great big hug. ‘Now you be good for Joanie.’

  ‘Nana,’ Joan says looking pissed off.

  ‘Yes, her,’ I say and look at Joan’s smug face.

  ‘Beth go to the car. The driver will help you with the bags and I’ll be with you in a moment,’ she says. I watch my daughter lug the heavy bag before being helped into the car.

  ‘So is this your new thing?’ Joan asks. ‘Going for dirty weekends to see if you can get laid?’

  ‘I’m going to a spa for two nights and three days,’ I reply looking at her. Suddenly the image of her and Josh comes in to my head and I feel nothing.

  Okay, that’s not true. I might heave.

  ‘On your own?’ she sighs and looks like she’s going to laugh. ‘Billy no mates?’

  ‘Meena’s busy and I want to do something on my own. I need some time.’

  ‘You’re not upset about Josh doing a runner and leaving the country without seeing you?’ Joan smirks.

  ‘Absolutely not,’ I smile back. ‘I better go.’

  ‘Okay,’ she says and starts to frown but her forehead is restricting any movement so she looks slightly stunned. ‘Where can I get hold of you in a case of emergency?’

  ‘My mobile,’ I say holding it up. ‘Anyway I’m not going far.’

  ‘Where are you going?’

  ‘Why do you want to know?’

  ‘Just in case it’s a shit place and then I can stop you from making a mistake.’

  ‘You’re good like that, aren’t you?’ I say and our eyes clash.

  ‘You’ve been in such a strange mood for weeks,’ she says narrowing her eyes. ‘You have to snap out of it.’

  ‘I’m fine,’ I shrug. ‘Look I’ve got to go.’

  ‘Belle,’ she says putting her hand on my arm. ‘What aren’t you telling me?’

  ‘What aren’t you telling me?’ I reply and watch her tick over something.

  ‘I see you’re in one of those moods. Run along and catch your train, bus or tube, whatever you’re doing. Do you want a lift?’

  ‘No thanks.’ I sigh before leaning closer and giving her a kiss on the cheek which stuns her for a moment. ‘Look after my baby for me.’

  ‘Of course.’ Joan eyes me up and down and walks to the door before turning. ‘You’re wearing that dress.’

  I look down and it’s the one that Hal bought me.

  ‘I really like it and it fits a bit better now that I’ve lost a few pounds,’ I smile.

  ‘Yes, you’ve reduced
a little bit,’ she sneers. ‘Not that noticeably to make a huge difference.’

  ‘I’m looking good,’ I smile confidently at Joan who looks momentarily shocked.

  ‘What are you up to?’

  ‘Enjoying my life.’

  I leave the house ten minutes later and take a bus into town. I call Meena.

  ‘Hi there,’ she says gleefully. ‘How are you?’

  ‘Fine. I’m off for my weekend spa treat.’

  ‘Oh honey, I wish I could have come but you know it’s my wedding anniversary,’ she sighs. ‘I’d prefer to be with you.’

  ‘I know,’ I sigh. ‘But I’m really looking forward to a couple days of pampering. I need a break.’

  ‘Are you still pissed off with Josh?’

  ‘No,’ I honestly reply. I didn’t tell Meena about him sleeping with Joan. I knew she’d combust with laughter so I’m saving it for the New Year. ‘Have a lovely weekend.’

  ‘You too,’ she says and hangs up.

  I get to my destination forty minutes later and go into the reception. I feel pretty nervous being on my own and look around at the people hanging about. I’ve just made eye contact with a really fat Mediterranean man. I better look away and get my key.

  ‘Oh yes,’ the woman says smiling after I give her the details. ‘You have to go to the seventh floor.’

  ‘Thanks,’ I say and see the fat man is walking towards me. I scurry off along to the lift at high speed knowing he won’t be able to catch me.

  Waiting for the lift seems like an eternity so I check my phone. No calls. As I ride up the seven floors I glance in the mirror. I look really well all things considered. I catch myself smiling.

  The lift stops and I walk down the corridor, checking the door numbers and stop when I get to mine. I put the key in and open the door, walking into the most beautiful suite and plonk my bag on the table.

  My phone rings. Such bad timing!

  I do a double take before answering.

  ‘Hi,’ I say, my good mood slumping immediately as I sit on the sofa knowing I have to remain calm.

  ‘How are you?’ he says and I feel angry within a second. ‘Are you at the spa you’ve been going on about for weeks?’

  ‘If you stopped calling me then I wouldn’t have to tell you about it, would I?’ I say and breathe deeply. ‘Why are you calling me again?’

  ‘I need to talk to you.’

  ‘Every other day?’

  ‘We need to sort it out.’

  ‘You had your moment and you blew it, okay?’

  ‘It was a mistake.’

  ‘Sleeping with Joan was the final straw Josh,’ I say through gritted teeth.

  ‘Can’t you forgive me?’ he gently says.

  I think about it for a moment and try to be level headed.

  ‘No, I bloody well can’t!’ I snap instantly frowning. ‘You know it took you a long time to realise how you felt about me but you couldn’t just come straight to me? No that would be too simple.’

  ‘Belle I know-.’

  ‘So you got married, slept with some musician and my mother in law then you remember me.’ I sit there, my temper rising by the second.

  ‘You slept around,’ he says matter of fact.

  ‘You knew I loved you but you made me wait until you were ready, well now the boot’s on the other foot and you can wait,’ I say calmly and feel so enraged having this conversation with him for the hundredth time since I, apparently, assaulted him with my Vileda super mop, according to Josh.

  ‘What if I can’t wait?’ he says challengingly.

  ‘Tough shit, isn’t it,’ I say confidently.

  ‘I don’t like your tone of voice.’

  ‘I don’t like your taste in women but what can I do?’ I reply knowing this is not the response he wanted. ‘I’m not the sad widow you knew before, I’ve realised nice men come with a price.’

  ‘And bad men like Hal just come easy,’ he snidely says.

  ‘Hal’s not a bad man he just can’t keep it in his pants and at least he was honest with me which is more than you’ve been, ever!’

  ‘I can’t talk to you when you’re like this,’ he huffs.

  ‘Then don’t call me again,’ I say through gritted teeth. ‘Your god mother has told me in no uncertain terms to keep away from you. Do you think she wants another leg over?’

  ‘I’m coming home next week and I want to see you.’

  ‘I’m not sure,’ I reply burying my head in my hands.

  ‘I think we can sort this out,’ Josh gently says. ‘You’ll regret it.’

  ‘No you’ll regret it,’ I say. ‘I have to go Josh. Have a safe journey home and I’ll see you next week.’

  ‘Don’t go.’

  ‘I’m busy,’ I reply hanging up immediately. It rings again. I look at the phone and sigh before answering it.

  ‘Hello,’ I say.

  ‘Hi,’ Hal says. ‘How are you?’

  ‘Fancy hearing from you,’ I say, opening my bag to check I’ve packed everything and resolving to turn off my phone after this conversation. ‘How many times have you called this week?’

  ‘About twenty?’

  ‘I’m pleased you’ve managed to learn to use the phone after all this time,’ I sigh. ‘Seems I’m popular all of a sudden.’

  ‘How comes?’

  ‘Doesn’t matter.’

  ‘You sound pissed off.’

  ‘I’m fine.’

  ‘Lovely to hear your voice,’ Hal quietly says. ‘I wanted to know if you got to wherever it is you wanted to get to.’

  ‘I certainly have. The room is amazing,’ I say admiring it.

  ‘Which hotel is it again?’

  ‘Why do you want to know?’

  ‘I could have had champagne on ice waiting for you.’

  ‘Well you’ll know soon enough when you get the credit card bill,’ I laugh. ‘I promise not to spend too much.’

  ‘I told you, spend as much as you like. I owe you money,’ he says. ‘I also think you accumulated some interest since that night.’

  ‘That dinner party was months ago but thank you.’ I sigh and take off my jacket. ‘What can I do for you?’

  ‘I want to talk.’

  ‘And if I remember once you said to me ‘let’s don’t’, isn’t that so?’ I smile. ‘And then you went on to tell me that I was your fuck buddy and that’s all I meant to you, nothing more.’

  I feel fine about saying it now though there is a certain edge to my teeth.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ he says sounding earnest. ‘I don’t know what was going through my head.’

  ‘You were probably thinking how you were going to juggle three women,’ I reply and breathe in deeply. ‘You know Joan has given me strict instructions not to make contact with you or she’ll kill me.’

  ‘This is business.’

  ‘She won’t think so.’

  ‘Are you going to tell her?’

  ‘Not on your life!’ I say loudly.

  ‘I’ve really missed you,’ Hal says and I can hear him sighing.

  ‘How are your kids?’ I ask. ‘Are you still in San Fran?’

  ‘They were great. Jack’s very grow up and Mylo’s full of trouble.’

  ‘That’s because he’s seven!’ I laugh. ‘Beth is acting like a teenager at the moment which is a nightmare.’

  ‘She’s a troublesome little girl like her mother.’

  ‘What do you want from me?’ I ask knowing he’s on a charm offensive.

  ‘You know what I want.’

  ‘And you know it’s going to get me into trouble,’ I laugh out in utter disbelief.

  ‘I didn’t realise until after all the mess died down how much I really missed you.’

  ‘Was that before or after you realised Meg was a moron?’ I snigger.

  ‘Don’t be mean,’ he says and I know he’s stifling his laugh.

  ‘You know that day I saw you with Meg, I felt like shit,’ I say.

  ‘I didn’t w
ant you to see it.’

  ‘But I did and hey, I got the message loud and clear. Then I figure you only went with me to piss Meg off.’ I shake my head in dismay. ‘And my mother in law, let’s not forget her.’

  ‘Belle, I know I’ve given you a hard time.’

  ‘Give Joan a call, I’m sure she’ll be pleased to see you,’ I say suddenly feeling arsy and note the silence on the phone.

  ‘I don’t want her,’ he quietly says. ‘I want you.’

  ‘That may be the case,’ I reply and sit on the sofa, grabbing the list of all the wonderful spa experiences I can indulge in. The full body aromatherapy massage is screaming at me as I’m getting stressed. ‘You were never interested when I was there.’

  ‘How long has Josh gone for?’ Hal asks and I’m put off from my ‘woes me’ rant.

  ‘Apparently until I tell him I want him back. Which may be in fifty years or so,’ I say through gritted teeth. ‘Actually he’s coming back next week.’

  ‘And are you going to see him and give it a go?’

  ‘I see you’re not bothered the old bag seduced her god son?’

  ‘I’m sure it wasn’t all one sided,’ he says breezily. ‘And she did me a favour if it stops you getting back together with him.’

  ‘He spouted all that shit about how much he loves me … utter bollocks!’ I feel my face getting hotter and try to calm down again. ’A bit like you come to think of it.’

  ‘Did you sleep with him before or after he told you about Joan?’

  ‘What do you think?’ I say, my face burning with embarrassment.

  ‘How long did it take him to get you into bed?’ he gently asks. ‘Come on tell me.’

  ‘I was confused,’ I say rubbing my head realising how it sounds.

  ‘Did you enjoy it?’

  ‘To coin one of your sayings, what has is got to do with you?’

  ‘Just asking,’ he laughs. ‘Forget about him. He’s not worth it.’

  ‘Joan slept with Josh knowing it would be the final straw for me. Then she had the nerve to say she’d never sleep with someone I cared about.’

  ‘It sounds you’re more angry with Joan than Josh. You can’t blame her,’ Hal says laughing. ‘What did you think she was going to do? You found out she loved me and you still carried on.’