by Billy Taylor
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“If Zac is going to be staying over more frequently, you should buy some feminine hygiene products.”
I sighed. “I’m not going to do that.”
“Why not?”
“Because it will be weird and awkward.”
“Oh, Will, grow up.” He began to walk down the isle then stood next to a lady who was looking at the shelf. “Which ones do you want?” he asked, nodding to the shelf. The woman stood next to him frowned, probably questioning why two guys were buying things from this section.
“I don’t know,” I said. “What are we even staring at?”
“Tampons, Will,” Ted replied, blank-faced.
I sighed. “I’ve no idea. Buying tampons isn’t my specialty.”
Ted tutted. “Just pick some!”
I sighed again and reached out and grabbed something from the shelf. “Just get these ones,” I said.
“Those are nappies, Will.”
“Are they?” I asked, frowning down at the package in my hands. Ted took it from me and placed it onto its original spot on the shelf. Then he grabbed a box of tampons from the shelf and placed them into the trolley.
“You worry me sometimes,” he said, shaking his head as he walked down the isle and grabbed several other items and then placed them into the trolley.
When we got home, I placed the shopping onto the kitchen side and began to place the items into their designated areas. Zac appeared from my bedroom and sat on the sofa with the television already on.
“Will got you some things,” Ted said as he took off his coat.
Zac lifted her head and seemed surprised. I walked over and passed her the bag we had packed for her. She peered into the bag and a small smirk appeared on her face. “Thanks, guys,” she said.
“Will almost bought you nappies instead of tampons.” Zac laughed and then glanced over at me to see if that was true.
“They all look the same to me,” I said, moodily stacking the fridge.
January 31st
“I’ve been thinking,” Zac said as we lay in bed.
I rolled over. “Been thinking about what?”
“Our situation.” Her expression indicated that I should have known what she had been thinking about.
“Ok, what about it?”
“If we’re going to continue to sleep together, I think we need to establish some rules or laws.”
I frowned. “Ok?”
“The way I want to put it is that our situation is the ship, you’re the crew, and I am the captain.”
“Are we casual sailors or are we pirates?”
She smiled. “We’re pirates obviously.”
“I just wanted to clarify.”
“Since I’m the captain, I decide what rules we shall have. I will listen to your recommendations, as I am a humble although brutal pirate captain. So do not mistake my humbleness as weakness or I shall strike you where you stand.”
“Right… Have you made any rules up yet or is that what we need to do now?” I asked.
“I have thought of some already. Once I have finished announcing them, you may comment afterwards.”
“Ok, can we make pirate names first? I feel like that will help a lot with my character. He needs an identity.”
Zac frowned. “Why can’t we use our own names?”
“Because that’s no fun.”
Her jaw clenched. “Fine. I’ll be Captain Panda.”
“Excellent choice, Captain Panda. I shall be Horatio.”
“Horatio?”
“Yes, like the guy from Hamlet.”
“That’s a bit silly, don’t you think?”
“Sillier than Captain Panda?”
She paused. “Ok fine. Horatio and Captain Panda.”
“Now let’s hear these rules.”
“No affectionate physical activities outside of the bedroom. Examples: kissing, cuddling, holding hands etc.…
“No cuddling at all. (Want to make that very clear.)
“If people ask what we are our response shall be ‘Pirates or friends’ and no further explanation shall be given.
“Cannot see each other more than four times a week.
“Finally, if feelings start to develop then the ship must be sunk. (Which means stop seeing each other.)
“Is there anything you would like to add?” Zac asked after she had finished her list of rules.
“Are we seeing other people?” I asked. It’s not that I wanted to see other people. I only wanted to see if she did.
“I’m going to say no, for now, and then we shall see in the future. How does that sound?”
“Fine by me,” I replied.
“Do you want to see other people?” she asked, her eyes looking as beautiful and innocent as I’ve ever seen them.
And I knew if I even joked about wanting to see other people, it would hurt her feelings and her confidence. So I said, “Absolutely not.”
She smiled her usual tight-lipped smile and then started twiddling with her thumbs all shy like.
“Can I still buy you flowers?” I asked.
She looked up and squinted at me. “I’ll allow flowers. But you can’t buy them all the time.”
“Ok, noted.” I leant forward and kissed her.
“Just because we can kiss in here doesn’t mean we have to.”
“I disagree,” I said, kissing her again.
“I really… want to… watch… Pirates Of The Caribbean now,” she said during each break between kisses.
“I have all three of them on DVD. We can watch them today if you like.”
She pounced on me and said, “Good idea. We shall do that later.”
February 1st
“Who the hell is Rosie?” Zac yelled as she woke me in a rather vigorous manner.
“What?” I asked, still asleep. It must have still been early because I don’t normally feel this groggy when I wake.
“I can’t believe it. You already have a girlfriend. I’m some chick on the side for you while she’s away, aren’t I?” she continued to yell. I instantly shot up, realising what she was accusing me of. Zac was rushing around the room, filling up her bag with her things.
“No, I don’t have a girlfriend—” I tried to say, but Zac wouldn’t allow me to say anything.
“Oh, save it, Will! I don’t need to hear your bullshit!”
“Rosie—” I tried to say again, but once again Zac wouldn’t let me talk. She threw my phone at me and it showed I had a missed call, voice mail, and text from Rosie. And then she threw the beanie that I bought her at me.
“I thought you were a nice guy, Will. You’re just another fucking arse hole!”
“Rosie is my sister!” I yelled.
Zac froze. Her face looked all colourless and shocked. But then her anger regained control. “No, you’re lying!”
I shouted for Ted, thinking hearing it from him might help her believe me.
Ted poked his head around my door as Zac continued to stuff things into her bag. “What’s up?” he asked, pretending he was oblivious to our loud discussion.
“Will you please tell Zac what my relation to Rosie is?” I asked, getting off the bed and standing beside Zac, who was knelt beside her bag.
“Rosie is Will’s smoking hot older sister,” he answered helpfully.
“Older sister would have done just fine. No need for the smoking hot,” I added.
Zac’s eyes met mine and then she peered over her shoulder at Ted, but she still didn’t believe any of it. “You’re lying, too! You’re just covering for your mate.”
I flapped my arms; I couldn’t think of another way to make her understand. I’d barely been awake for longer than a minute. Ted pulled a funny face as if to say “good luck” and then he vanished from behind the door and shut it.
I thought for a moment as Zac pushed down on her bag to try to fit everything into it. I dropped my phone beside her. “Call her,” I said calmly.
“Wha
t?” she barked.
“Rosie. Call her. Hear it from her yourself. I really think if you ask my sister if she’s my girlfriend, she will definitely say otherwise.”
Zac must have thought I was bluffing. She grabbed my phone. “All right, I will.” She opened the bedroom door and exited my room and sat on my sofa across from Ted, who was watching TV with a bowl of cereal. She pressed call, and then put the phone on speaker. It rang twice and then Rosie’s voice answered.
“Hey, Will.”
“Hi, Rosie. Will is…busy right now. I’m Zac, a friend of his.”
“Are you a guy or a girl?”
“I’m a girl…”
“Why do you have a guy’s name?”
I shook my head at Rosie’s indiscreet directness. I glanced over at Ted. He had a mouth full of cereal, but you could see in his eyes that he was enjoying this little drama set before him.
“It’s a long story.” Zac continued, “I was just wondering, how do you know Will?”
“Oh, well, I’m his girlfriend. How do you know Will, Zac?”
Zac’s eyes glared up at me as if she had just been possessed by the devil. I wanted to run away, but I felt paralysed. Her beautiful innocent blue eyes had now turned into molten lava.
“I think the last thing I will be known as is the girl who beat Will to death.”
Zac’s voice had turned into a deep rumble. I glanced over at Ted again. The delight on his face was indescribable. Zac was three seconds away from ending the call. But then Rosie came through.
“Do a favour for me before you do?”
“Name it.”
“Please tell my brother, who’s probably stood there shitting himself, that I’m back from America and now I’m back at Mum’s house.”
“What?!” Zac squeaked.
“Will, my brother, your boyfriend, the guy stood somewhere near you. Tell him I’m back from America and I’m at Mum’s house.”
“Rosie, that really wasn’t funny,” I said.
“Oh, I don’t know about that. For you, it wasn’t. But for me, it was.”
“I’ll text you.”
“Ok, bye, love you.”
“Love you, too, bye.”
I picked up the phone from the table and ended the call. The room was silent. Zac stared forward emptily. I didn’t know what to say. But then she stood and ran off into my bedroom and slammed the door behind her. I sighed and thought Ted would have something comforting to say, but all he said was, “Am I allowed to find that funny, too, or not?”
“No, you’re not allowed to find that funny. Zac is really upset by this. I’m going to see if she’s ok.”
A second later my phone began to ring, and it read that Mum was calling me.
“Hello.”
“Rosie has told me that you have a girlfriend. How come you haven’t told me?”
“I got off the phone with Rosie about twelve seconds ago. How can you have already been gossiping about this? No, I don’t have a girlfriend.”
“So who is this Zac girl?”
“Mum, I’m busy right now. Can I call you later?”
“I want to know who this girl is.”
“Right, I will call you later.”
“Are you coming for dinner with us soon?”
“You’re not seeming to understand the phrase ‘I will call you later,’ Mum.”
“Is Zac hot?”
“She’s smoking hot, there, will that do for now? I’ll call you later.”
“Interesting. Ok, love you, bye.”
“I love you, too. Bye.”
“God, I hate Rosie sometimes,” I groaned to Ted.
“If it’s ok with you, I would have to disagree. She’s the best,” he replied.
I shook my head at him and then entered my bedroom and found Zac huddled in a ball underneath my quilt. “Are you ok?” I asked, sitting beside her. I kept the covers on her, but pulled them down a little so her head was visible.
She was crying. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered, wincing her face and squeezing out more tears.
I put my hand on her back and rubbed it. “It was a simple misunderstanding,” I said to her. I looked down at her beanie in my hand and decided to wear it. After I had put it on I hopped over her and lay beside her. I aligned myself so our eyes were at the same level. Her hair had fallen over her face so I brushed it aside so she became visible. Her watery eyes opened and looked into mine, and then she saw the beanie on my head. She giggled and then snatched it off my head.
“Another rule I want to add is you can’t wear my beanie,” she said.
“Ok, deal, but only if you stop being upset. Can we pretend this didn’t happen or laugh it off, please?” I asked. “Why don’t you have a bath?” I added.
“Do I smell?” she said, lifting her arm and smelling her armpits.
“I’ve been trying not to say anything, but the smell has become unbearable.” Then I added, “Na, I’m kidding. I thought it would be nice for you to a nice hot bath and relax.”
Zac nodded and she looked down at her beanie as she fiddled with it. “Are you… are you taking one with me?” Her eyes flicked up to meet mine now.
“How about I make us some breakfast?”
“I’m not hungry.”
“How about I make you a cup of tea then?”
“Ok.”
I got up and walked into the bathroom and set the hot water running in the bath. And then I exited my bedroom and walked to the kitchen and turned on the kettle.
“Have you got a Sundiscussion topic?” Ted asked.
“Are you not going to ask if she is ok?” I replied as I grabbed some mugs.
“I didn’t know how delicate the situation was so I thought I would stay out of it. Is she ok?”
“Yeah, she’s ok. Today’s topic is: What’s the saddest film of all time? Zac is having a bath so we’ll wait for her until we start. It’ll give you plenty of time to think it over.”
“Ok, cool.”
Zac had sat up when I returned to the bedroom. “Do you want bubbles in your bath?” I asked.
“Of course I wants bubbles in my bath,” she replied, sniffling her nose. I reentered the bathroom and grabbed one of the bubble bath bottles from the shelf. It was one of those that I got in a bathroom pack for Christmas that I had no intention of ever using. I poured a small amount in and watched the bubbles begin to form.
“Are you sure you don’t want anything to eat?”
Zac stretched up her arms. “No, thank you.”
Once she’d got into her very bubbly bath I brought her tea to her. Her head was barely visible. There was just a huge pile of bubbles and then her head poking out of it. Maybe I poured too much in.
“Feeling better?” I asked, placing her tea onto the small high table I had moved in so we could place our mugs onto it. I sat on the wooden chair that I had also brought in so I could sit and talk to her.
“Yes, thank you,” she replied.
“Good. So today’s Sundiscussion is: What is the saddest film of all time?”
“Like what makes you cry?” she asked.
“Yes.”
“Ok, I know mine already.”
“Once you’ve finished your bath we can sit down on the sofa and you can tell us.”
“Ok.”
Sundiscussion Topic:
What is the saddest film of all time?
After Zac had finished her bath and dressed in my/her spare Star Wars T-shirt and shorts, and dried her hair (which took about an hour by the way, even with the hair dryer), we sat down and got onto today’s Sundiscussion. Zac and I sat on my sofa while Ted sat on his.
“Ok, Ted, you start us off,” I said.
“There’s so many,” he said, placing his fist in front of his mouth and trying to compose himself. Zac and I glanced at each other. We thought he might break down in front of us before he even named his film. “There’s Peter Pan. Field of Dreams. Iron Giant. Fox and the Hound. Forrest Gump. All of those films make me cr
y.”
“I thought we only had to say one? Did you just say three cartoon films?” I said.
“They’re all very sad, ok?” he said, biting his lip afterwards.
“Right…well, can you narrow those down to one?” I asked.
“How is Peter Pan sad?” Zac shouted not long after.
“It’s in Return To Never Land, when Wendy’s all grown up and he Peter Pan says good-bye to Wendy.” Ted was clearly letting his emotions get the better of him, but Zac didn’t seem too interested.
“What’s your sad film, Will?” she asked me.
“Mine is Dead Poets Society,” I answered.
“That’s sad, too,” Ted added, his voice cracking.
“I’ve never seen that,” Zac said.
Ted shot up like a meerkat watching out for lions. “What? How can you have never seen Dead Poets Society?”
“I just haven’t,” she said. Ted’s ajar mouth turned to me, and then back to her, and then back to me. “I bet you both haven’t seen my sad film, and it’s the saddest film of all time, you will see your own heart be ripped out of your chest.”
Ted didn’t look that bothered. He thought nothing could beat his or my suggestion. “What’s this film called?” he asked.
“The Bridge To Terabithia,” Zac answered.
“That sounds crap,” Ted muttered.
“Why don’t you say that after you’ve watched it?”
“Is that a challenge?”
“I don’t know. If you sob over Peter Pan, maybe this will be a little too much for you.”
I suddenly found myself between a brutal confrontation between Zac and Ted, which led to Zac and I going to a store to pick up DVDs of The Bridge To Terabithia and Dead Poets Society. Ted only agreed to watch The Bridge To Terabithia if she agreed to watch Dead Poets Society, so then we had a clearer perspective of what films were being represented in our Sundiscussion.
We watched Dead Poets Society first, and at the end Ted and I had slight tears in our eyes. But Zac produced slightly more tears since it was her first time watching it.
After it had finished Ted said, “So?”
She wiped her eyes and responded, “It was good, really good, and it was sad. But it’s still not as sad as my film.”
“You’re talking a big game, Zac. Let’s take a short break and have something to eat, and then after we will watch your film.”
