by Billy Taylor
“Our sex must have been so amazing that we entered an alternate universe?”
“I don’t know the science behind it.”
We returned to watching Ted and Autumn. And then Ted turned towards us. “Are you two going to come and say hello or are you going to stand there watching us and thinking that your presence and whispering is going unnoticed?”
Zac nudged me with her arm and we walked through the living room to the kitchen. “Hey Autumn,” we both said in unison.
“Hi,” she replied.
“Sorry we didn’t come over sooner. Zac was explaining to me that our sex last night was that amazing it has sent us into an alternate universe where you two are in a relationship,” I said. Zac nudged me. “What?” I said.
“Shut up,” she whispered. “You could tear open the timeline and destroy everyone.”
I sighed and apologised.
“This isn’t an alternate universe, Zac,” Ted said. Zac folded her arms, awaiting an explanation. She looked so adorable. “When I heard that Will was spending Friday and Saturday with you, I thought I would ask Autumn out for dinner. And if she wanted to come back to the apartment then you two wouldn’t be here spectating or quizzing her.”
“That makes sense,” Zac replied. “So this isn’t an alternate universe,” she said, seeming disappointed.
“No, Zac,” Ted confirmed. “And obviously it went very well and we spent the weekend together. And now we’re going to get a dog together.”
“We’re going to see how it goes,” Autumn corrected.
“Are you staying for the rest of the day?” I asked.
Autumn smiled. “We hadn’t discussed what are plans were for today.” Her focus changed to Ted to see what his thoughts were.
“Stay as long as you like,” he said. “Don’t leave. Stay forever.”
“I don’t know about forever, but I might stay until after lunch.” Ted pulled her close and they kissed again.
I glanced down at Zac and she had a smile on her face. “I knew she’d be a good kisser,” she whispered to me.
“She’s a fantastic kisser,” Ted replied.
“What’s today’s Sundiscussion?” I asked Ted.
“What’s what?” Autumn questioned. “My apologies, I’ve never heard that reference before.”
It was at this moment that I realised how slightly posh and well-mannered Autumn was. I know she works in a museum and escorts people around the tour. So that job requires her to be. But I’ve not had that long of a conversation with her to notice. She’s just so polite and lovely. Ted will probably say she’s like a ray of sunshine or she brightens his day. Even though they’re currently entering the third day they have spent together.
“Sundiscussions are discussions that take place between Will and me every Sunday. So if you combine Sunday and discussion together, you get Sundiscussion.”
“Ah… So do you talk about politics and stuff?” Autumn asked. I bit my bottom lip to prevent myself from laughing. The thought of Ted and I talking about politics on a Sunday, never mind any other day, was a humorous vision.
Ted’s eyes quickly met mine and then he said, “We talk about less boring matters. So today, the topic was going to be: If you could go back to one part in time, where would you go?”
“That’s a good one,” I said.
“Thank you, Will,” Ted replied. “So, let’s all think it over and then we can talk about it on our sofas.”
Sundiscussion Topic:
If you could go back to one part of time, where would you go?
Zac and I set up her blender and looked through the journal that Mum and Rosie had given to her. We were going to follow it exactly as they recommended. She asked me last night if I would follow it with her, like Mum did with Rosie. And I said I would. We’re going to build our way up and progress onto consuming more each week or each couple of weeks like they did.
They had a list of different types of smoothies that they drank, and the amount of calories in each amount of grams. So we made a strawberry smoothie since we didn’t have any other fruit or vegetables to include. Since this blender is Zac’s, but she has another blender at her apartment, she is going to leave this one here. But when I take her home later, we’re going to stop and buy some fruit and any other ingredients she would like to make her smoothies with.
“This doesn’t taste too bad,” I said as we slumped onto my sofa with our smoothies.
“It’s the first time we’ve made one as well. Surely over time they will taste even better.”
“You got some on you,” I said. Zac wiped her mouth in order to wipe away what she thought she had on her. She didn’t have any on her. I was just trying to be funny, because, you know, I’m utterly hilarious. I told her she hadn’t got it three times. Each time she became more and more frustrated.
“Will you get it then please, Will?” she then snapped. I smirked and then wiped her eyebrow with my thumb. She whacked my hand away, realising she had fallen for my excellent joke. She punched my leg, but then she hurt her wrist in doing so.
“You two are so cute. How long have you been together?” Autumn asked as she was lying on Ted on his sofa.
“He’s not my boyfriend,” Zac quickly responded.
“I am not her boyfriend,” I added.
“Sorry, I thought with how flirty and close you are that you were,” Autumn replied.
I pushed Zac to the edge of my sofa with my foot. “We’re not flirty,” I insisted. Zac pushed away my foot and threw a cushion at me, which I caught and placed neatly beside me.
“I don’t flirt with Will, he flirts with me,” Zac then said, budging back over into her original seating spot.
“I do not!”
“So you didn’t just joke about me having some smoothie on me and then wipe my eyebrow to try to be funny? That’s flirting, Will.”
I pointed and opened my mouth to provide a substantial explanation for that, but I couldn’t think of anything to support my case. I turned to Ted and Autumn, and they both marginally raised their eyebrows to show that Zac was right.
I sat up and budged up next to Zac so we were touching. I looked down at her as she stirred her smoothie and was waiting for her to make eye contact with me. Seconds later she did and I had her trapped in my gaze.
Her eyes may be my weakness, but I knew I could do this if I didn’t take too long. I slowly began to lean in to kiss her, ever so slowly, and she did the same. And I stopped when our noses were beside each other, just to intensify the moment before the kiss, and I waited for her to close her eyes just before our lips met. And then I leant away, leaving her with her eyes closed and lips slightly parted. She opened her eyes two seconds later, realising that we should have kissed by now, and she saw me, sat back with a grin on my face.
She smirked and then she became funnily angry. “You did not just do that. You best kiss me right now,” she said.
“But your rules state—”
Zac put down her smoothie and then dove onto me and planted her hands on either side of my face. I was now flat on my back on my sofa with Zac on top of me.
“She’s flirting with me, guys. Tell her to stop,” I said to Ted and Autumn.
“In Zac’s defence, Will, you started it and you’re still being the more flirtatious one now,” Ted replied.
I sighed and then kissed Zac. To claim that Zac was still in charge she didn’t move off me and sit on the sofa. Instead she shuffled around and sat on my stomach. I didn’t say anything or try to move; I just remained there.
“Does everyone have an idea for today’s Sundiscussion?” Ted then asked.
“I’d go and visit the dinosaurs,” I said. “I’d like to see either a T-Rex or a megalodon.” (A megalodon is like a huge great white shark from millions of years ago.)
“Of course,” Ted said. “I’m stuck between visiting the dinosaurs or finding out what really happened in Area 51, or to a time when aliens did land on this planet.” He turned to Autumn. “Where
would you go?”
Autumn leant her head backwards so she could view Ted. “Working in a museum means that I know a lot of history. So it’s difficult to decide. I’ve always wanted to find out what the real story of Robin Hood is. Or pirates like Blackbeard. Or visit the Egyptian times to see Tutankhamun and Cleopatra.”
“Speaking of pirates,” Ted said, “I’ve been meaning to ask you about that pirate gun in your museum.”
Autumn sighed. “You’re going to ask me if I saw the guys who came in and inspected it and somehow found a pirate treasure or something?”
Ted bit his lip. “Well, not those exact words, but yeah.”
“You’re like the ten thousandth person to ask me. I always tell people I don’t know anything. But the truth is one of the girls who worked there, literally two days after I started. She apparently knew one of them. I think the guys were brothers or good friends, I don’t know. They entered the museum in the morning and they asked me where she was and I told them, and escorted them to her. I think she may have dated one of them because there was definitely some friction between them when they met. But I left right away and got back to work. She was still talking to them in the afternoon, and they were still staring in the gun’s display box as I was leaving. And she quit that evening. That’s all I know.”
Ted’s inner child started to rise. “Imagine doing that, though. Imagine finding a clue on a however-many-hundreds-year-old gun that leads you to a pirate treasure or whatever they found!”
“No one really knows the truth. Apart from them. No one knows if they did find anything, and if they did find anything, no one knows what it was. Some rumours were written in the papers. But they didn’t have any proper evidence to support the articles. It was all kept quite secretive. It’s all very mysterious.”
Ted leant over Autumn. “You know something, don’t you?”
“I just told you everything I know.”
Ted squinted. “I think you’re bluffing. You definitely know something.”
Autumn gasped. “Are you claiming I had some involvement in helping them?”
“I don’t know. Did you?”
“No!”
Ted kissed her. “Did you?”
“No!”
He kissed her again. “Tell the truth, Autumn.”
“I am!” Then they started kissing and being all playful. Zac and I faced each other and grimaced at their unbearable cuteness.
After they’d finished making out, Ted asked Zac about where she would go if she could travel through time.
“I’d find out if anybody escaped from Alcatraz,” Zac answered.
Ted’s eyes and mine met. “That’s a great answer, Zac! We love that film The Rock that is based on Alcatraz.”
“I haven’t seen it,” she replied.
“We should watch it together sometime,” I said.
“Am I invited?” Autumn asked.
Ted ran his hand through her hair. “Autumn, you’re great, but I don’t know if I’m ready for this kind of commitment so soon. I think this isn’t going to work out between us two.”
“Yeah, ok, so text me when you guys want to watch it and we should all do dinner,” Autumn replied. She had called Ted’s bluff. They kissed again and Zac and I grimaced again. I don’t know why I was grimacing because what they’re doing is what I wish Zac and I could be like. But, you know, we have rules to follow.
“Does your dad have anything to do with you wanting to know about Alcatraz? You know, since he’s a policeman.”
She nodded. “He always said that no one ever escaped alive, but I think he’s wrong.” She hopped off my stomach and ventured into the kitchen. She returned moments later with a bottle of water for us both. Autumn said she had to return home an hour later. She’d told her mum she would be home Friday night and now it’s Sunday at midday. She would have stayed for longer, but her mum and dad were going to have dinner with some friends, and they wanted Autumn to join them. Ted walked her down to her car, giving us a break from their kissing, while Zac and I made our lunch, which was vegetable soup. Mum had noted in the journal that you could have canned soup as long as you counted the calorie intake and amount. And since our fridge didn’t have any vegetables in, we had soup from the cans we had in a cupboard.
We were sat on my sofa with our bowls when Ted came through the door. Zac held up her hand and Ted high-fived it. He then jumped onto his sofa and let out a long sigh. “Guys, I’m definitely in love,” he said, gazing up at the ceiling.
“I love her, too,” Zac said. “She’s so amazing and wonderful and beautiful.”
Ted spun around and leant on his elbow. “I know right! And I had sex with her,” he whispered. I don’t know why he whispered. It seemed unnecessary.
“Does she have nice boobs?” Zac asked.
“Zac!” I said.
“What?” she replied, hiding behind her bowl of soup.
“Little bit inappropriate.”
“Sorry.” I continued to consume my soup. And then she whispered, “Does she though?” I rolled my eyes and decided to leave her be.
“Every inch of her is perfect,” Ted replied. “I think even if she murdered people with chainsaws I’d still wanna be with her.”
“So are you going to see her again?” Zac asked.
“Of course! We’re having dinner together tomorrow. She’s going to pick me up from work.”
Zac didn’t stay much longer either. Natalie had texted her and asked her if she wanted to do something. She didn’t say what it was, but I didn’t need to know. I drove Zac home and we stopped to pick up some fruit and vegetables for her smoothies and soup. We also picked up some cans of soup in case she didn’t have time to blend and create her own soup. She kept the journal that Mum and Rosie gave her. I took some photos on my phone so I had copies of what to do during this week. We also agreed that we would send each other photos of our smoothies and soups three times a day so we both knew that we were following the plan. It’s only the beginning, so I’m not sure how it is going to go. I just want Zac to be happy. And I feel like I may be helping with that.
March 2nd
My normal “So listen here right” conversation with Jeremy was taken over by Ted today. He pretty much sprinted up the stairs and told Jeremy about his weekend with Autumn. And then told everybody else in the office. It was like he acting out a number from a musical. He even ran into his dad’s office and told him. I thought he was going to start throwing paper into the air and glide down the office corridor. Then he called me on my office phone on my desk from his office phone on his desk.
“Did I tell you I spent the weekend with that gorgeous lady from the museum?”
“You did. I happened to have spent Sunday morning with you both.”
“Oh yes, my bad. As you were.”
I’m happy for Ted. I’m glad he’s met someone he likes. I only hope that this doesn’t wear off after a couple of days. Autumn is great, and she likes him, which is a bonus, so we shall how things progress. They’re going to be seeing each other for the fourth time in four days so their relationship is off to a good start!
Ted left work fifteen minutes earlier than usual, as Autumn was outside to pick him up for their dinner that evening. He asked me if his tie was ok, and if he looked ok, and if he smelt ok. And I said, “You look great, babe. You go have fun.”
So after work I went home to chill out. I had my soup and texted it to Zac. Then I went and had a shower. I’d been out of the shower for two seconds and I was in the process of wrapping the towel around my waist when Ted burst into my bathroom, uninvited, scaring the hell out of me.
“I’m calling it,” he shouted.
“Calling what?” I asked, feeling like throwing a punch at him.
“Autumn is the girl I’m going to marry.”
“If you say so. Time will tell,” I said.
“My odds are better than yours. Autumn likes me. Zac’s only sleeping with you.”
“Ok! No need to make it
so personal.”
“Do you know what it feels like?” Ted said. “It feels like I’ve known her for four years, not four days. We get along so well.”
I nodded. “Ok. I’m happy for you. Now can I get dry in my own bathroom, please?”
“Need a hand?” he asked, stepping forward.
“No! Get out, you weirdo!”
He sulked and shrugged. “Fine. Just being nice.” He shut the door behind him and I locked it. It’s the first time I’ve locked it in forever. I’ve never needed to lock it before because I didn’t expect my best friend to burst in and then offer to dry me.
You know how people are supposed to mature when they get older? I think Ted may be the opposite of that.
March 9th
Once again, Ted took my “So listen here right” conversation with Jeremy. Which is fair because he had a lot to say since he’d spent every day of the week with Autumn. Each day he or they returned to the apartment they brought with them a different souvenir from what they had been doing. One day it was stuffed teddies that they had made for each other. The next it was a stream of photos from a photo booth. Then one day they came home with this trophy because they got a hole in one at this crazy golf place. It was nice and annoying at the same time.
Zac had taken on some extra shifts at work, too. So she was working Friday to Sunday, meaning I couldn’t see her until next week. Ted told Autumn that he couldn’t cook Friday evening when we were all sat watching TV. So she dragged him straight into our kitchen, and said they were going to cook something together. Autumn told me I had to stay so I could judge the meal that they prepared together. I’d not had my soup yet so I thought it would be ok to replace it with whatever they made. They didn’t have some of the ingredients needed so they left and walked to the shops to buy them. I called Zac while they did so. It was late so I knew she would have finished work by now.
“Hello.”
“Hey, Zac. How are you?”
“I’m good. How are you?”
