Were We Belong

by Robyn Peterman

  “How close?” I asked, wondering what he knew.

  “According to Seth, the Dragon Seer, it is imminent unless we take action to stop it—twenty-four hours is his educated guess,” Reginald said. “I ask again, do you have a plan?”

  “I was thinking we would wing it,” I replied, feeling my stomach clench at this new and horrible news.

  “Of course you were,” Reginald said with yet another impressive eye roll. “Are we leaving Clark and Jones here?”

  I gave him a thumbs up. “You bet your Cher head we are. The Boobs can take care of that hot mess. I’m done with them. And I’d like to point out it’s awfully irresponsible for the Boobs to be in California with the Witches when we are about to get wiped off the map of the Universe.”

  “Do you have foot in mouth syndrome?” Reginald asked.

  “Is that a trick question?”

  “Not at all,” he replied.

  “Not that I know of,” I answered, feeling chastised for something I had no clue I had done.

  “Then think before you speak, child,” he snapped. “The Boobs, as you so fondly and somewhat accurately call them, are trying to cut a deal with the Witches that could save us. They are currently risking their lives and racking up one hell of a bill at Red Lobster.”

  “Whoops. My bad,” I muttered contritely.

  “I should say so,” my dicky godfather said. “So unless we want to be beholden to the Witches for centuries—which would almost be as bad as being revealed, we should try and solve this ourselves. Quickly.”

  “Okay. Let’s go find another Demon,” Hank said.

  “Beware of what you wish for,” Zeernebooch muttered as we filed out of the office.

  I had no clue how correct Zeernebooch was… but I was about to find out.

  Chapter Thirteen

  “Junior believes it’s the goddamned Alabama pack,” Hank said tersely as he shoved his cell phone back in his pocket.

  “The Alabama pack?” Reginald asked as he meticulously examined the blood-spattered wall where the clues were. “And I see nothing but dried blood here.”

  “We can’t see it,” I told Reginald while watching Hank’s jaw work in frustrated fury. “Only Granny can. She has Vampyre x-ray vision. Hank, explain the Alabama pack. I’m not following.”

  Hank began to pace and his magic ramped up, filling the cavernous room with his ire. It was menacing and made me feel lightheaded. “It’s the Alabama pack that’s in pieces around us,” he ground out, staring at the dead. “After Giles was found out and punished, his pack scattered before anyone could step in and protect them. That disgusting motherfucker is somehow still causing death and destruction.”

  “He’s the Alabama Alpha?” Zeernebooch asked.

  “Was,” I snarled, feeling ill. “He was removed. Permanently.”

  “As in dead?” Belphegor asked, trying to get the facts straight.

  “As in shunned,” I clarified. “His people were under-educated and destitute—probably thought they were going to be put to death for his crimes. I can’t even blame them for going into hiding.”

  “They were vulnerable,” Reginald said sadly as he took in the mass carnage with a shudder.

  Something wasn’t connecting here, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. “How many more of the Alabama pack are alive? Could this happen again?”

  “Most likely if the goal is to reveal the Weres to the world,” Reginald said. “All it would take to reveal us is a Devil’s Lettuce outbreak on a larger scale. This has already caused the human authorities to start investigating.”

  “Do you need some Vampyres to mind wipe?” Dwayne asked. “My Were Cow daughters’ rat-bastard husbands need jobs.”

  “At this point, nothing is off the table,” Reginald said with a long uncomfortable sigh. “How much will it cost?”

  “Money?” Dwayne asked with a laugh. “Not a cent. The lazy sons of bitches are loaded. Plus, my girls have enormous inheritances. However, if you’re willing to add a Vampyre to the WTF Council, I do believe they would play ball.”

  Reginald paled considerably. It was unheard of.

  But times… they were still a-changin’.

  “Done,” I said. “Make the call.”

  “You can’t do this without the Bobs’ approval,” Reginald hissed.

  “Who. Am. I?” I ground out. “What. Am. I?”

  Reginald looked at me. He truly looked at me. And he smiled. “You are Essie McGee Wilson. My Goddaughter. A walking nightmare and a full-fledged member of the WTF Council.”

  “That’s right motherhumper,” I said, taking a small bow. “Dwayne is now officially a member of the WTF Council.”

  “I’ll back that decision,” Hank said with a grin.

  “Oh my GOD,” Dwayne squealed. “This is so exciting. I’ll have to get a new dress for my initiation.”

  “And I shall make note of it,” Reginald said with a nod of approval. “You do realize the Bobs will have a shit fit of epic proportions?”

  “About me wearing a dress?” Dwayne asked.

  “No,” Reginald said. “About a Vampyre joining the government.”

  “I know the Boobs’ real names,” I shot back with a wink. “Don’t think it’s gonna be a problem.”

  Reginald’s grin grew wide. Again, I was tempted to tell him he should smile more, but this wasn’t the right time. “Hank, how many of the Alabama pack does Junior think are still alive?”

  “Junior said the bookkeeping is as shoddy as shit, but his guess is that possibly two hundred are holed up all over the southern US. Most likely in Alabama and the surrounding states,” Hank said, yanking his phone back out of his pocket.

  “Dragons,” I said automatically.

  “You read my mind, baby,” Hank said with a tight smile. “Best damned bloodhounds alive. I’ll get Dima and Nicolai to gather their troops and find the rest of that pack.”

  “You think Giles is behind this?” Granny hissed as her eyes went blood red and she began to float.

  “He’s stupid enough to do it, but he’s been shunned,” I said. My heart ached for all of the people who lay dead and destroyed around me. It was senseless and cruel. “It doesn’t seem probable that a weak, shunned Were would have the power to make this happen.”

  “We’re pack animals. We can’t survive without others of our kind. He’s probably dead,” Hank stated flatly, tucking his phone away. “Dima and Nicolai are on their way with seventy-five Dragons to the old Alabama compound to get the scent. Nicolai says they will find the remaining members by sundown.”

  I glanced quickly at my watch. It was now 6 AM. “That’s in about fifteen hours. He’s kind of cocky,” I pointed out, not really able to believe they could do it.

  “Cocky is damned good at the moment,” Hank replied with a shrug. “If he succeeds, I’ll buy him the damned taco place.”

  My laugh was inappropriate, but it felt good. “Did you tell him that?”

  “Hell to the yes I did,” Hank replied with a chuckle. “I’m no dumbass.”

  “So this Giles character has been shunned and that makes it impossible to for him to have called on Obizuth to wreak havoc?” Zeernebooch asked.

  “I think so,” I replied, carefully. I was not cocky and I wasn’t about to give a definitive answer to anything unless I was absolutely sure of what I was saying.

  “Where is he now?” Zeernebooch inquired.

  That was a fine fucking question. He might be dead. He might not.

  “I have no clue where Giles Giles is,” I admitted as yet another half-assed plan began to hatch in my brain. “Or the other three shunned Weres that I personally know.”

  “Tina, Tina, and Tina,” Dwayne muttered in disgust. “I still say you should have let me mind-meld those horrid bee-otches. Their brain explosions would have been wildly satisfying.”

  “His name is Giles Giles?” Zeernebooch asked with an odd expression. “And there are three Tinas?”

  “Yep. Horrible name. Hor
rible man. The Tinas? Disgusting beyond words,” I told him.

  “Call me crazy,” Zeernebooch said as his horns popped out and his golden eyes flashed.

  “Crazy,” Granny chimed in.

  “Thank you, my demonic soon-to-be-lover.”

  “Welcome, Weiner Hooch.”

  “Enough,” I snapped at them. “Does Crazy have something pertinent to say?”

  “Crazy does,” Zeernebooch replied. “We might not need to bring in Obizuth, which by the way, would be a very good thing to not have to do.”

  “I will second that,” Reginald said.

  “Why don’t we need to call on Obizuth?” Hank demanded, as frustrated as I was.

  “Because I don’t believe the letters on the wall are the initials of the states—albeit they are the states the atrocities occurred in. I believe the states may have been chosen for another reason. G, G, and T, T, T don’t stand for Georgia, Georgia, Tennessee, Tennessee and Texas,” he said with an evil smile that made me glad he was on my side. “They stand for Giles Giles, Tina, Tina, and Tina.”

  And everyone froze.

  The Demon was brilliant in his deduction.

  Possibly.

  Hopefully.

  “Names,” I shouted at Reginald. “I need the full names of the four missing shunned. If they’re working together, they won’t be weak.”

  Reginald swore and yanked on his mustache. “Dammit to hell and back,” he hissed. “I only know them by the file letters. I was just getting started on sorting out the mess.”

  “Are the names in the files?” Hank demanded, grabbing Reginald by the lapel his jacket.

  Reginald nodded curtly. “I’ll go get them.”

  “Are they online?” Hank pressed. “If they are, Junior can hack it.”

  “No,” Reginald admitted with a shake of his head. “Only on paper.”

  “Oh my GOD,” I shouted and wanted to belt my dicky godfather. “The WTF is living in the dang dark ages. Things have got to change.”

  “Be that as it may,” Reginald snapped, “the fact is that the files are not electronic. I will retrieve them immediately.”

  “No time,” I insisted as my stomach roiled. “I’m all kinds of sure I will live to regret this… Zeernebooch, can you transport all of us back to the Bobs’ office?”

  “No detours?” he inquired with a naughty grin.

  “No detours,” I said, giving him the middle finger salute.

  “As you wish,” he replied, raising his hands high. “Hang on, boys and girls. Demon Airlines is ready for takeoff.”

  “That was bile inducing,” Reginald grunted as he got to his feet shakily. “I think my intestines are lodged in my chest.”

  “They probably are,” Zeernebooch said with an unapologetic shrug. “I’m shocked your balls aren’t in your throat.”

  “Is he serious?” Reginald demanded, appalled.

  “He is,” Belphegor said, patting Reginald gently on the back. “However, your innards should be fine in a few minutes.”

  “Define fine,” Granny grunted as she struggled to her feet.

  I didn’t have any time to bitch or complain even though I was so close to hurling my mouth was watering. “Dwayne, please get Clark and Jones. Untie them and bring them in here.”

  “Roger that, Doll,” he said as he literally flew into the Bobs’ office, scaring the hell out of my two idiot former teammates if their screams were anything to go by.

  “Files,” I said to a still wobbly Reginald.

  “Top left drawer.”

  Quickly, I yanked them out and opened them. Hank was right by my side. As we opened files A, B, C and D our worst suspicions were revealed.

  “Giles Giles, Tina, Tina, and Tina have been missing for four months,” I said, reading aloud. “Last known whereabouts… Alabama.”

  “Shit. Looks like they were together,” Hank said and immediately dialed Junior.

  Clark and Jones watched the flurry of activity in fear and confusion.

  “I should skin you alive right now,” I hissed at them as they backed away. I could hear Hank getting Junior up to speed in the background. We were the perfect team. Clark and Jones? Not so much. “Who was supposed to be on Giles Giles and the three Tinas?”

  Neither answered. They simply stared at the floor.

  “Was it you two?” I asked so quietly they had no choice but to lean in to hear me.

  Again, no answer.

  “I will ask once more. If you don’t answer me, I will have you shunned like the idiots you were supposed to be keeping track of. And you can bet your disrespectful asses I will never lose track of where you are. I will make your existence a living hell. I promise. Who was supposed to be tracking Giles Giles, and the three Tinas?”

  “We were,” Clark admitted and then hastily backed up as my eyes turned, my fangs dropped and my magic amped up making it difficult for all in the room to breathe.

  “Why? What’s the issue here?” Jones demanded, still arrogant despite the circumstances.

  My laugh wasn’t pretty. Zeernebooch quickly made his way forward so he got the best view of what might or might not go down. Pulling a box of Milk Duds from his pocket, he settled himself in a chair.

  “Sooooo exciting,” he whispered, patting his lap for Granny to join him.

  “The four shunned Weres you lost track of are responsible for the Devil’s Lettuce outbreak, you assholes,” I snarled as both men paled dramatically and glanced at each other. “The files state the last time they were spotted was in Alabama four months ago. Is this accurate?”

  “Think real hard, boys,” Hank said, slowly circling the useless men who had slacked on their jobs and made it possible for Giles and the Tinas to destroy the lives of all of our kind. “It’s kinda important. You see if we don’t find these bastards and soon, Were society as we know it is over. And it will all be thanks to you.”

  “You can’t possibly think this is our fault,” Clark insisted, glancing around the room wildly for an exit… or maybe the Bobs.

  “Actually, we can,” I shot back. “Puzzles need all of the pieces to make a picture. If one piece goes missing, it ruins the whole thing. Teams need all of their players to hold up their end of the mission or people die. You feel me? You lost four pieces of the puzzle. Four. Pieces. Dozens of Weres have died—violently. And these pieces have summoned a Demon named Obizuth—and a really freakin’ evil Demon.”

  “Oh my God,” Jones mumbled.

  “God’s not here. And I don’t think he would claim you at the moment anyway,” Zeernebooch said, popping some candy into his mouth. “I believe he’s in Disney World visiting Satan. However, I’m here. Essie, would you like me to disembowel these men? It would give me great pleasure to be at your service and it might earn me another point.”

  Clark and Jones were literally cowering. They had no clue what I was going to say. They didn’t know me at all. In the entire year we’d been a team, they’d barely ever spoken to me. I was a useless woman. Oh, the irony.

  I had no intention of letting Zeernebooch do anything to them. It wasn’t my style and it wasn’t right. Justice would be served when they were charged and brought in front of the entire Council. Their blood would not be on my hands. However, the blood of our entire species would be on theirs if we didn’t find Giles Giles and the Tinas.

  “Thanks Zeernebooch. I’ll have to get back to you on that one,” I said, letting the idiots stew.

  “As you wish,” he said as he offered me his box of candy. “Milk Dud?”

  “Sure,” I said, popping one in my mouth.

  “Not a problem. I have more where that came from,” he replied with a smirk.

  “And where did that come from?” I asked, now wondering what the hell I’d just shoved in my mouth. At least it wasn’t Sadie’s poop in a diaper.

  “I purloined all the candy from the vending machine in the lobby of this lovely building,” he admitted with a delighted grin.

  “When?” I asked.
<
br />   “A few minutes ago. I’m quite fast.”

  Ignoring my desire to learn how he’d pilfered candy when I hadn’t seen him leave the room was hard but doable. We had far bigger issues.

  “Okay,” Hank said, going over the files again. “We know who the Weres responsible are and we know who the Demon involved in the deaths is. But we’re still slightly fucked here.”

  He was right. The information was good but useless if we didn’t have them in custody. If Clark and Jones had done their damned jobs, we wouldn’t be in this situation. But that was old news. Blame would accomplish nothing right now. We needed action. I just didn’t have a plan.

  Thankfully Hank did. My beautiful man was brilliant.

  “You’ve been trained to track. Correct?” he growled Clark and Jones.

  “We have,” Clark confirmed, terrified to make eye contact with a furious Hank.

  “Did you memorize the scents of those you were assigned to?” Hank went on.

  “Affirmative—it’s part of the job,” Jones said.

  “Then you’re gonna do a little tracking, boys. See if you can redeem yourselves,” Hank announced coldly. “Zeernebooch, you can send them someplace you’ve never been. Right?”

  “Just need an address,” he replied, rubbing his hands together with glee.

  “And they can survive a second transport?” I asked.

  “Why do you care?” Jones hissed. “I’d think you’d be pleased if we perished.”

  The anger came over me so quickly I couldn’t hold it back. The Vampyre blood in my system now owned me.

  “Ohhhhh shit,” Zeernebooch squealed with delight as he popped more Milk Duds in his mouth and angled for the perfect view.

  My eyes had gone Vampyre red and my hair blew wildly around my head. Clark and Jones looked like they wanted to piss themselves.

  “You don’t know me, asswipes,” I snarled in a voice that sounded possessed even to my own ears. “If I wanted you dead, you would be dead. You feel me? I am not like you. I believe in my people and justice… and I do my job. You are sexist, worthless, arrogant losers. My mate is far kinder than I am and his ass is to die for. He’s giving you a second chance to dig your way out of the hell you’ve created by putting our kind in mortal danger. I was actually looking forward to watching the Bobs peel the skin off your bodies.”