“You can’t blame them,” he said. “Both of their parents indoctrinated them into those beliefs.”
“And who raised their parents? And on and on all the way back? It’s time to stop this cycle of hatred. Tell our boys you’re in love. Bring Ryan over to the house. Let River and Jasper see who you are and who you love. I know it will be healing for them. And if Mary Carol tries to ruin it, kick her ass out of your house!”
He grinned. He looked ten years younger. “I’m glad you’ve still got your kick-ass side. I always loved that about you.”
“Jonah . . . I’m so sorry I left you to raise our boys alone. I thought Irene would be helping you, and I had no idea how to—”
“Neither of us knew how to fix it. I think it was unfixable at that time. But now we can try again, can’t we?”
“I would like that,” she said.
He held out his hand. “Friends?”
“Absolutely.” When she took his hand, he pulled her into a tight embrace.
“Let’s get back,” he said. “We should be there when he wakes up.”
When the elevator opened on the ICU floor, Keith was right in front of it.
“I was looking for you,” he said.
“Is everything okay?” she asked. “Did River wake up?”
“He’s the same,” Keith said. “It’s Raven.”
“What about her?”
“She’s doing something strange. The nurses are upset. You need to get in there.”
Ellis and Jonah hurried down the ICU corridor. They stopped in the doorway, taking in the bizarre scene of River’s body covered in grass, flowers, and tree branches. A palm frond rose out of the pillows behind River’s head like a green-rayed halo.
Raven appeared to have snapped, her guilt and exhaustion too much. She was carefully arranging the grass and flowers on River’s blanket, occasionally holding a crushed leaf or flower near his nose filled with oxygen tubes. Jasper was looking at her as if she’d gone mad, as were two nurses.
“She left right after you did,” Keith said quietly. “She came back with all this stuff hidden inside a plastic trash bag.”
She had picked it from the landscape in front of the hospital. Ellis had brought her out there to give her a break from the tiny ER room earlier.
“Please tell her to stop,” the younger of the two nurses said. “Those plants are from outside. He shouldn’t be breathing that. This needs to be a sterile environment.”
“Wrong,” Raven said. “It’s too sterile. People evolved with fresh air and dirt and plants. They can’t feel good in a place like this. They can only feel sick. He needs to touch the earth to have a good reason to wake up.”
The beauty of it nearly made Ellis cry.
“This is a great idea, Raven,” she said, walking to the bed. “But usually people bring flowers to the hospital.”
“That’s what I’m doing.”
“The flowers are supposed to come from a clean place. From a florist. And you put them in a vase, not on the sick person.”
“He needs to have it close. To smell it and feel it.”
A tiny spider crawled up the white blanket toward River’s face. Ellis captured it in a plastic cup, placing another cup over it to keep it inside.
“You see?” the young nurse said. “There are bugs. If she doesn’t stop, she’ll have to leave.”
“I will not!” Raven said. “Just go and let us take care of him the way we want to. Your machines aren’t waking him up.”
“The machines are monitoring him,” the older nurse said in a kinder tone. “They aren’t supposed to wake him up.”
Raven crushed a leaf and smelled it before holding it near River’s nose. “River, doesn’t that smell good?” she said. “Do you smell it? River, wake up.”
“This is ridiculous. I’m getting his doctor to stop this,” the younger nurse said. She strode out of the room.
“Raven . . . ,” Jonah said, “the doctor is probably going to want him to be clean. We’d better take it off now.”
“Not till he wakes up,” Raven said.
Jonah looked at Ellis. She didn’t know what to do either.
A doctor came in. She looked tired, in no mood to negotiate with a teenage witch doctor.
“There are bugs crawling all over him,” the nurse said.
“Come on, you know that’s an exaggeration,” Ellis said.
“We can’t treat the patient with that on him. It’s got to go,” the doctor said.
“Can we just leave it there for a little longer?” Ellis said. “It’s her way of dealing with the stress.”
“Yeah, just leave it,” Jasper said.
“I really don’t see why it’s a problem,” Jonah said. He surreptitiously brushed an ant off the blanket, but the doctor saw.
“You can’t bring dirt and insects into an ICU where there are sick people,” she said.
“People bring dirt and insects in on their clothes and shoes,” Keith said.
Raven tickled a grass stem on River’s cheek. “Do you feel that, River?” she whispered in his ear. “Wake up.”
“I’m sorry, but we have to take it off,” the doctor said.
“You won’t!” Raven said. “He’s my brother, and my family said it’s okay. Just go and leave us alone!”
Right then, River opened his eyes and coughed. He lifted his hand and looked at the taped IV needle with confusion. Then he started pulling the cannula tubes off his nose.
“I knew it!” Raven said. She leaned over the bed rail and kissed his cheek.
“Raven?”
“Yes! Do you feel better?”
He looked down at the piles of vegetation on him. “What the hell are you doing? Are you burying me?”
“Quite the opposite,” Jonah said.
9
RAVEN
Keith threw the Frisbee to Raven, and she tossed it high, making River reach for it. He lobbed it back to Keith, who threw it long and low to Ellis, just returning from the nursery. She ran for it, but it landed short and she just missed. She threw it to River and joined the game.
River had taken off his shirt, and Raven appreciated how strong he was getting. For two months, he’d worked for Tom the landscaper and helped Ellis and Maxine with the nursery. He’d been alcohol- and drug-free for three months, since the day of the accident.
Raven looked at the watch Keith had loaned her. “We have to leave in twenty minutes,” she called to River.
“Can’t we skip it today?”
“No.”
He threw the Frisbee forcefully at her head. He was good. But she was, too. She caught it and immediately flung it back at him.
“We’d better stop to give you time to clean up,” Ellis said.
“Why would I need to clean up for a bunch of addicts?” River said.
Ellis and Keith walked away from the game. They wouldn’t give him an excuse to be late for his Narcotics Anonymous meeting. On Wednesdays, Raven drove him to his NA meeting, and on Saturdays, she took him to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. She’d gotten her driver’s license specifically to bring him to the meetings in Gainesville. His license had been revoked after the accident, and Ellis and Keith were usually too busy to take him.
River threw the Frisbee to her, and she didn’t throw it back. “Go shower,” she said.
“Jesus, you’re a controlling bunch.” He sat down in the grass and lay back with his arms under his head.
Raven walked toward him. “Fire ants.”
“Shit!” He jumped to his feet.
“Just kidding.”
“I’ll give you fire ants!”
He grabbed her before she could run away. He lifted her off her feet, carried her to a fire ant mound near the driveway, and held her, head down, over it. Her hair nearly touched it.
“Stop it!” she shouted, laughing.
“Are you sorry?”
“Yes!”
“Will you say I don’t have to go to the meeting today?”
“You’d take fire ants in the face for that?”
“Yes.”
He tipped her back up onto her feet. “Your dedication to these stupid meetings is weird.”
“They aren’t stupid. My dedication is to you getting better, and that’s not weird. Go put on a shirt and get in the car.”
“Can we please not go today? I’m really not in the mood.”
“You need to. With the hurricane coming, the Saturday meeting might be canceled.”
“Show me how to pray to the hurricane earth spirit for that.”
“Go!”
He grabbed the Frisbee off the ground, bopped her on top of the head with it, and went inside. He was such a child sometimes. But she loved his child side as much as she did him. She hadn’t known him as a boy, and it was fun to see what she’d missed.
As usual, River stared at his phone during the drive into Gainesville. His phone was as much an addiction as the drugs and alcohol had been. She was glad she’d been raised without one.
“Check this out,” he said, holding up the phone to her.
“I told you not to show me your phone when I’m driving.”
“Just look for a second.”
“No. You can tell me what it is.”
“Jasper texted me a picture of our house with a ‘For Sale’ sign. My dad finally put it on the market today.”
“So your grandmother really moved out.”
“Yep. She lives in some fancy senior village now. And she says she’s not leaving any of her money to my dad if he doesn’t say he isn’t gay.”
“That’s horrible.”
“It’s a typical Gram Hammer-’Em-Into-Submission move.”
“Jonah won’t give in to get the money.”
“He won’t. And I’m proud of him for finally standing up to her.”
“Where will he live when he sells the house?”
“He and Ryan are looking for a place together.”
“Are you sad to lose the house where you grew up?”
“Yes and no. I’ll miss it, but I have a lot of bad associations.”
Raven supposed most of that had to do with her abduction and Ellis leaving.
She pulled into the parking lot of the church where the meeting was held.
“Why don’t you come in for some laughs?” River said.
“I have to read a book for school.”
“Your loss,” he said, getting out.
The first few times, Raven had gone in with him. But that was too much hand-holding. He had to want to get better on his own. As it was, she had to talk him into the meetings too often.
When he came out, he was in a quiet mood. And when River was quiet, it was hard not to notice. He remained silent as she drove to get dinner at a restaurant, as they often did after meetings.
While they waited for their food, she asked, “What did you talk about in the meeting today?”
“You, as a matter of fact,” he said.
“What about me?”
“Your abduction. I’d never told them about that before.”
“Do you remember it well?”
“Oh yeah, I remember it,” he said in a biting tone.
“You were only four.”
“Four and a half.” He stared out the restaurant window. When he turned back to her, he said, “The thing is, I was more responsible than anyone has ever told you. At first, Mom took all the blame. Like, all of it. That was what screwed her up so bad. But, as you know, Dad told us he’s to blame. I have to admit, that was a real shocker when he told us Mom had seen him kissing Irene that day.”
It had been a shock. The day before Jonah and Jasper drove back to New York last summer, Jonah had sat his children down and told them Ellis saw him kiss his lover the day of the abduction. That was why she’d taken her children to the woods. She was comforted by the forest, and she’d gone there to think about what to do. She had decided to divorce Jonah, but she’d been so upset, she left her baby in the parking lot.
“Mom knows the truth, but she never talks about it,” River said. “I was the one who distracted her and made her put you down in the parking lot. I spilled my tadpoles in the car, and I was being a total shit about it. I screamed my head off and made Mom put all the tadpoles back in the jar.” Tears magnified his blue-gray irises. “She forgot she hadn’t put you in the car because of me.”
“You were a little boy. Of course you’d cry when your tadpoles spilled. It wasn’t your fault.”
“I was a little shit then, and I’m a big shit now. And if you think these meetings will change any of that, you’re as deluded as everyone else. Right now, I want a drink so bad I’d get one if I still had my fake ID.”
“No you wouldn’t.”
“You can’t stop me! I’m a train wreck! Don’t you see that?”
She went to his side of the booth and put her arms around him.
“Stop it!” he hissed. “You look like an idiot!”
She held on to him.
“Let me go!” he growled.
“No.”
“You’re even more screwed up by all of this than I am! You know that, right? You’re a mess. You’re acting crazy. Are you aware of that?”
People in the restaurant were looking at them. She didn’t care. She wouldn’t let him go.
“Oh my god! Okay, I get the point. Unconditional love is so awesome. Now get off me.”
“Are you a train wreck?” she asked.
“No. I’m The Little Engine That Could. You can let me go.”
She let go. “What is The Little Engine That Could?”
“A book my grandfather used to read to Jasper and me. It sucked. Now get on your side of the table.”
She returned to her side.
“You need to back off,” he said seriously.
“Why?”
“Because what you’re doing just triggers the contrarian in me.”
“What am I doing?”
“Caring too much.”
“Do you really want me to care less?”
“Yes.”
She leaned across the table. “The day of the accident, I didn’t let you drown in that water, and I won’t let you drown now. I hardly knew you that day, but I cared. I cared a lot whether you lived or died. You’re my brother, and you’re my friend. You can be as contrarian and mean to me as you want, but I’m still going to care.”
“What if I throw you into an alligator pit?”
“You already did that.”
He laughed. “Were there alligators that day? Did you see any?”
“I was too busy saving our lives to notice. But Ellis said there are a lot in that place.”
“Would you have wrestled an alligator for me?”
“Yes.”
“Would you battle Godzilla for me?”
“Yes.”
“Do you know who Godzilla is?”
“No.”
“You see? You really don’t know what you’re getting into with me.”
Maybe she didn’t. Who could know their future with a person they cared about? And even if they did somehow find out something bad was going to happen with that person, would they give up on them? Let them suffer alone? Love couldn’t be removed like a thorn from a thumb.
Three days later, the hurricane hit and River’s Saturday AA meeting was canceled. Good thing, because Ellis and Maxine needed their help getting nursery plants into shelter. Overnight, the storm’s path had changed. It would skirt the eastern coast as it traveled northward, bringing much stronger winds inland than at first predicted. There was a possibility it would make landfall over the central part of the peninsula. Ellis said if that happened, the wind could cause damage to the nursery.
The rain and wind started late in the morning. Raven was soaked. And exhausted. She’d moved a lot of plants into the greenhouse and other protected parts of the nursery. Longleaf pine. Saw palmetto. Swamp milkweed. She pushed a fire bush toward River while she picked u
p a pot of grass with her favorite name. Fakahatchee.
“Look at that,” River said.
She looked up at huge billows of gray and black clouds roiling in the eastern sky.
“It looks kind of like a funnel starting, doesn’t it? Mom said hurricanes can make tornadoes.”
The churning dark clouds looked enraged. Raven wondered what Mama would have thought of that sky. Would she see spirits in the clouds? Would she fear their fury? Raven had begun to doubt the spirits. She had felt them gradually leaving her since the day she’d blamed them for nearly killing her brother. Their disappearance hurt, made her feel terribly alone even when she was with her family. Mama had said that would happen if she lived in the outer world.
A slippery sensation stirred in her belly. She put her hand there, down low, not on her stomach. It happened again. As if a fish were swimming around inside her.
“Are you okay?” River asked.
The little creature inside her moved again. She pressed both hands on it. Rain driven by the wind pelted her face. River couldn’t see her tears.
But Maxine stared at her. As if she knew. She often gazed intently at Raven like that. She came to Raven, put her hands on her arms, looked into her eyes.
“What’s going on?” River said.
Maxine nodded toward the house to say he and Raven should go back. She made more gestures, indicating they had done enough. They should go home.
Ellis came over. “Yes, you two should go,” she said. “Get a hot shower before we lose power.”
“You’ll for sure lose power?” River asked.
“In these rural areas, trees fall on the power lines in almost every big storm. And with a hurricane, it could be out for days, even weeks.”
“We won’t have water?”
“The pump runs on electricity, but Maxine will hook it up to a generator if we have a long power outage. Those will be cold showers, though. The water heater will go down.”
“Cold showers?” River said. “No way.” He jogged down to the barn house.
“Go on. We’re about done,” Ellis told Raven. “Thank you for your help.”
Raven walked into the blowing rain. The tops of the oaks tossed madly in another gust. Her wet hair whipped her face, but she couldn’t feel it. The wildness of the earth didn’t touch her. She was insensible to it all.
The Light Through the Leaves Page 37
