Have a Nice Guilt Trip

by Lisa Scottoline

  And Heaven, too.

  Acknowledgments

  By Lisa and Francesca

  We would like to express our love and gratitude to everyone at St. Martin’s Press for supporting this book and its predecessors. First, thanks to Coach Jen Enderlin, our terrific editor, as well as to the brilliant John Sargent, Sally Richardson, Matt Baldacci, Jeanne Marie Hudson, Steve Kleckner, Jeff Dodes, Brian Heller, Jeff Capshew, Michael Storrings, Paul Hochman, John Murphy, John Karle, Caitlin Dareff, Stephanie Davis, Talia Sherer, and Anne Spieth. We appreciate so much your enthusiasm for these books, and we thank you for everything you do to support us. And we will always love and remember the late Matthew Shear, whom we adored.

  We’d also like to thank Mary Beth Roche, Laura Wilson, Esther Bochner, Brant Janeway, and St. Martin’s audiobook division, especially for giving us the opportunity to record our own audiobook of this volume and the others in the series. We love to do it, and we love audiobooks! And there is simply no substitute for our Philly accents, which come free of charge!

  Huge thanks and love to our amazing agents, Molly Friedrich, Lucy Carson, and Nicole Lefebvre of the Friedrich Agency. Thanks to The Philadelphia Inquirer, which carries our “Chick Wit” column, and to our editor, the wonderful Sandy Clark.

  One of the best people in the world is Laura Leonard, and her advice, friendship, and love sustain us. Laura, thank you so much for all of your great comments on and suggestions for this manuscript. We owe you, forever.

  Love to our girlfriends! Lisa would like to thank Nan Daley, Paula Menghetti, and Franca Palumbo, and Francesca would like to thank Rebecca Harrington, Katy Andersen, Courtney Yip, and Megan Amram, and the men she trusts just as much, Ryder Kessler and Nat Osborn. We’re blessed in all of you.

  Family is the heart of this book, because family is the heart of everything. Special thanks and love to Mother Mary and Brother Frank.

  The Flying Scottolines

  We still miss the late Frank Scottoline, though he is with us always.

  Finally, thank you to our readers.

  Now, you’re family.

  Other Nonfiction by

  Lisa Scottoline and Francesca Serritella

  Meet Me at Emotional Baggage Claim

  Best Friends, Occasional Enemies

  My Nest Isn’t Empty, It Just Has More Closet Space

  Why My Third Husband Will Be a Dog

  Fiction by Lisa Scottoline

  Keep Quiet

  Accused: A Rosato & Associates Novel

  Don’t Go

  Come Home

  Save Me

  Think Twice

  Look Again

  Lady Killer

  Daddy’s Girl

  Dirty Blonde

  Devil’s Corner

  Killer Smile

  Dead Ringer

  Courting Trouble

  The Vendetta Defense

  Moment of Truth

  Mistaken Identity

  Rough Justice

  Legal Tender

  Running from the Law

  Final Appeal

  Everywhere That Mary Went

  About the Authors

  LISA SCOTTOLINE is a New York Times bestselling and Edgar Award–winning author of twenty-two novels, including the most recent, Keep Quiet. She has served as president of Mystery Writers of America, and her novel Look Again has been optioned for a feature film. This is her fifth collection of humorous essays written with her daughter, compiled from their weekly column in The Philadelphia Inquirer. There are 35 million copies of Lisa’s books in print in the United States, and she has been published in thirty countries. She lives in the Philadelphia area with an array of disobedient pets. Visit Lisa on Facebook, Twitter, and at www.scottoline.com.

  FRANCESCA SERRITELLA graduated cum laude from Harvard University, where she won the Thomas Temple Hoopes Prize, the Le Baron Russell Briggs Fiction Prize, and the Charles Edmund Horman Prize for her creative writing. She is working on a novel, and she lives in New York with only one dog, so far. Visit Francesca on Facebook, Twitter, and at www.francescaserritella.com.

  HAVE A NICE GUILT TRIP. Copyright © 2014 by Smart Blonde, LLC, and Francesca Scottoline Serritella. All rights reserved. For information, address St. Martin’s Press, 175 Fifth Avenue, New York, N.Y. 10010.

  www.stmartins.com

  Cover design by Michael Storrings

  Cover photograph © Simon Bratt/Shutterstock.com

  eBooks may be purchased for business or promotional use. For information on bulk purchases, please contact Macmillan Corporate and Premium Sales Department by writing to MacmillanSpecialMarkets@macmillan.com.

  The Library of Congress has cataloged the print edition as follows:

  Scottoline, Lisa.

  Have a nice guilt trip / Lisa Scottoline, Francesca Serritella. — First edition.

  pages cm

  ISBN 978-0-312-64009-5 (hardcover)

  ISBN 978-1-46683456-9 (e-book)

  1. Mothers and daughters—Humor. 2. Women—Humor. 3. Serritella, Francesca Scottoline. 4. Scottoline, Lisa. I. Serritella, Francesca Scottoline. II. Title.

  PN6231.M68S373 2014

  818’.5402—dc23

  2014008566

  e-ISBN 9781466834569

  First Edition: July 2014