Irrefutable

by K. A. Berg

  “I think it’s a great idea.”

  Elation courses through my body. I was prepared to have to state my case for living together a little longer. Hearing the certainty in her voice as she says the words feels like hitting the fucking jackpot.

  “God, I love you,” I beam down at her.

  “I love you too,” she whispers nestling back down on my chest. Her body melts into mine as she gives me the world. I’ve heard the words from her mouth before, but it doesn’t make it any less special. Quinn doesn’t throw around “I love you.” She saves them for times when they mean the most. I’ve only heard them a handful of times in the two months we’ve been back from Vegas, and I treasure each and every one of them.

  Chapter Forty-Seven

  Quinn

  “You sure this is the one?” Alex asks while we stand in the living room of the seventh apartment we’ve looked at. We’ve been all over North Jersey this week looking at places for us to move into. The realtor called this morning to tell us a new unit opened up in one of the building near Alex’s. We saw another unit here a few days ago, but it wasn’t available until July first. I didn’t want to wait another month to move. This place is available June first, which is perfect, because I don’t think I can spend more than another week or so in my place.

  The place isn’t as high-end as my condo in Hoboken but that’s what I like most about it. All the walls are white. A blank canvas to start over. We can make this place reflective of us and our lives together.

  It’s two bedrooms. We previously decided two bedrooms would be better so we could turn one into an office. Working from home will be possible once we launch New Capital Ventures. Jordan and I won’t both need to be in the office all day every day. Having an office will be a necessity.

  Our bedroom is just the right size and it has huge windows overlooking the Hudson. The view must be beautiful at night. And the huge Jacuzzi tub in the master bathroom looks to die for.

  I’m in love with this place and all the possibilities that come with it. “Yes, I’m sure,” I finally reply. “I love it. What do you think?”

  “Angel, I don’t care where we live,” he says walking up behind me. His arms wrap around my waist and his chin rests on the top of my head. “All I need is you.”

  I’ve realized something over the last few months. I’m damn lucky to have a man who doesn’t hesitate to tell me how much he loves me, how much I mean to him, every single day. I’ve been around enough shitty relationships to see this isn’t always the case. Most women would kill to receive the attention I do from Alex.

  “I love you,” I say giving him the words he loves to hear. I may not say them all the time, but when I do, they’re meant to have a big impact. I’m a firm believer those words lose their meaning when thrown around too much. But who knows, my opinion could change. A year ago, I was convinced true love wouldn’t ever exist for me.

  “Every time those words slip past your lips, you make me the happiest man alive,” he beams, his lips making contact with my neck, and little goose bumps break out all over my body.

  “Is Tiffany going to be staying at your place?” I ask trying to divert his attention since this is going nowhere at the moment, and I do not like to be teased.

  When we decided to get a place together, Alex offered to let Tiff take over the rest of his lease. “Yeah,” he answers moving his lips down to my collar bone. “She and Candace are thinking about moving in together. It’s easier for her to just finish the lease out and decide then.”

  Just as Alex’s hand starts to wander, the realtor comes back from taking her call in the hallway. Her cheeks have a little blush to them when we turn to face her.

  “What do you think?”

  My lips turn up into a smile that feels like it splits my face in two. “We love it.”

  “Ah, perfect,” she smiles back. “Let’s head back to my office and we can draw up the lease and paperwork.”

  We’ve been officially moved into our new apartment for one week. The painters finished up in the first two days after we received the keys. All the white walls were painted a vibrant color. Royal blue in the dining room, a seafoam green in the living room, and purple in the bedroom. All our new furniture was delivered the following day. I didn’t want any of the stuff from my old place. Alex and I picked out new everything, and I’m in love with our new home.

  I’ve never been more excited for a party than I am today. We’re having the whole gang over tonight for a housewarming celebration, and I can’t wait to show off our home. I’ve never been prouder. Alex and I turned this place into a warm inviting home where we’re going to make new memories that are all our own.

  “You need help with anything before all the food arrives, angel?” Alex asks as he finishes up in the bathroom.

  How am I supposed to think about a thing when his towel hangs down just right, giving me the top of his delicious V? All I want to do now is pull the towel away and play with his cock.

  “There’s no time for that, Quinn,” Alex chides before heading into the closet.

  A pout forms on my lips as I call out after him, “Well, then you shouldn’t have been standing there all enticing if you weren’t going to give it up.”

  He strolls back out, looking even more edible than when he went in and laughs as my eyes drag down his body. His jeans hug his thighs and I’ve never been more jealous of a pair of pants. He slides his arms into a button-up dress shirt and says, “I don’t think you’d want to have to stop mid-orgasm to answer the door for the caterers. They’re supposed to be here soon.”

  An hour later, all the food is set up on the tile countertop in the kitchen and the doorbell buzzes.

  “Hello, hello,” I hear Tiff call out as she makes her way inside.

  “In the kitchen,” I call out as I check the temperature on the trays of food as the servers instructed me.

  Tiffany makes her way to me with bottles of wine under one arm and a stack of presents tied with a pretty ribbon in the other. “I love what you’ve done with the place. The blue on the walls in there is fantastic.”

  I’ve grown to like Tiffany over the last few months. She reminds me a lot of me. She’s gorgeous, funny, witty, and doesn’t have a problem speaking her mind. And she’s totally into women so I don’t have to worry about having a Melissa situation on my hands.

  “Thanks,” I say leaning over to give her a kiss hello. “I wasn’t sure if I wanted to do the blue or the green I did in the living room. But something about this room screamed blue.”

  The doorbell goes again, and the flow of people keeps trickling in. The kitchen turns into the drop off point for bottles of wine and other libations and the presents I told everyone not to bring.

  Tanner and Ashley are the last to arrive as usual. She’s a giant ball of baby as she makes her way into the kitchen, Tanner following behind her, my little munchkin in one arm and her bag of baby crap in the other.

  “You look miserable, sweets,” I hug her and then spend a solid minute just rubbing her belly.

  She sighs and agrees. “The last days are a killer. I feel huge and it’s getting hot. It sucks being this big when it’s hot. This baby only has few days before we evict.”

  “Aww,” I sympathize. “Go sit down and relax. I’ll bring you a plate.”

  “Food’s ready, everyone,” Alex calls out.

  The next hour is spent eating and talking. Everyone filling each other in on our lives. Jordan told us things are getting pretty seriously with Agent Carter. She’s played her cards right because the man has got it bad. This is what I wanted for him.

  Tiffany and Candace didn’t have anything new going on, but Tiff did regale us with the story of the guy who came in the ED because he took a Viagra and couldn’t get his erection to go down. It had every guy at the table ready to cry as she told us how they had to drain the blood from his dick with a needle. I thought it was hilarious.

  Diana seems to be doing extremely well and made sure Jordan and I
know how proud she is that the new company would be launching in less than two months. She couldn’t wait for the big grand opening party. She was helping organize, of course, and I have to say she’s better than most event planners I’ve ever used. She could totally start her own company if she wanted.

  Ashley and Tanner are not so patiently waiting for the baby to come. They wanted a surprise this time, so we have this whole baby pool set up with date of birth, time, weight, and sex. Winner gets epic bragging rights and a full night of babysitting duty after the baby comes.

  I lean against the entrance of the kitchen and stare out into the living room as everyone settles down and the wine starts flowing.

  I sense Alex’s presence before I feel his touch. His arms wrap around me and he drops a kiss to my head.

  “We have a really great life,” I confess wrapping his arms tighter around me.

  “Yes, we do, angel,” Alex concurs. “We certainly do.”

  Chapter Forty-Eight

  Quinn

  “The waiting is killing me,” I complain to Alex as I pace the waiting room. We’ve been here for about five hours already. Ashley called this morning around six to tell us she and Tanner were on their way to the hospital because the baby was coming. Guess all the food and good company last night was enough of an incentive for this little one to make its debut.

  Alex reaches out and snags my arm on my next pass and pulls me into the seat next to him. The same chair I vacated not too long ago because it’s hard and uncomfortable. Whoever designed them must not have intended them to be used for long periods of time. “This isn’t the first time you’ve been through this.”

  Popping back up, because I just can’t sit down, I remind Alex, “Last time was different. Things were crazy, and the time flew by. Plus, I was in there with her.”

  I was kind of bummed when we got here, and Ashley told me when it was time for the baby to come into the world, she wanted it to be just her and Tanner. I get it. I do. When Michaela was born, we didn’t even know if Tanner was going to make it in time. There was no way Ashley was going to go through labor and delivery alone.

  But being there when my best friend brought her daughter into the world was such a magical experience. I wanted to be there again.

  “Angel, sit down,” Alex scolds. “You’re driving me nuts.”

  Reluctantly, I plop down with a huff. “This sucks.”

  “So let’s talk about something else for the time being. You know it’s not going to be much longer,” Alex points out. Tanner sent us a text about half an hour ago saying it was time for Ash to push. The doctor had kicked us out when it was time to check Ash and we’ve been down here since because Ash was ready to go.

  “You know,” I say directing my attention to Alex. “The last time we were here for the birth of a baby was the first time we’d seen each other in two years.”

  Alex lets out a huge groan. “Don’t remind me. It was one of the happiest days and worst days of my life. My heart broke into a million pieces when I saw the ring on your finger.”

  I remember the look on his face when he walked into the room and took one look at me before turning and leaving. That look is etched into my brain forever. His beautiful eyes were sad and hurt, and his face was hard making him look rugged and mean.

  “I’m sorry,” I apologize. “It’s been a long year since then but look where we are now.”

  “Technically, it’s only been eleven months,” Alex laughs. “But I’d do it all over again just to be here with you.”

  Leaning over, I press my lips to his and smile. “I love you.”

  “I love you too.”

  A throat clears near the entrance to the waiting area and a smiling Tanner stands there watching us. “Aren’t you two adorable? If you’re done professing your love for one another, want to come meet your nephew?”

  “It’s a boy?” Alex asks rising from his seat as I scream, “Oh my God!”

  “It’s a boy,” he confirms. “Ash is waiting for you guys.”

  Alex and I both head toward Tanner where Alex gives him a manly shoulder clap/side hug. “Congratulations, man.”

  “Yeah, congratulations, daddy,” I hug him.

  The three of us head back to Ashley’s room. It takes all the willpower I have to not run down the hall and barrel ahead of the guys.

  “A little anxious?” Alex laughs, grabbing my hand when I start to pull from the group.

  The room is quiet when we enter, and Ashley sits on her bed, reclining, with a blue wrapped bundle.

  “Hi guys,” Ashley greets us with a warm smile. “I’d like you to meet Tanner Andrew Garrison, Jr.”

  Alex lets out a little chuckle and says, “Oh boy. I don’t know if the world is ready for another Tag Garrison.”

  “Ain’t that the truth,” Ashley giggles. “But he’s not a Tag. He’s a TJ.”

  Walking to the bed, I sit down next to my best friend and get a look at my new little munchkin. “He looks just like you,” I say to Tanner.

  “Don’t tell him that, Quinn,” Ash comments. “His head’s already big enough.”

  “Keep it up, beautiful,” Tanner says with an adoring smile. “First thing I’ll do six weeks from now is spank that ass.”

  The whole room bursts into laughter including Ashley.

  “Gimme, gimme,” I say reaching with grabby hands. “I want to hold him before the whole family gets here and I have to fight Tanner’s sister for him.”

  “Seeing you with a baby in your arms makes me very horny,” Alex whispers in my ear as he comes up behind me while I change in our closet. His erection pressing into the small of my back tells me he isn’t kidding but it’s DEFCON-5 inside my head.

  “Alex….” My voice is nervous and apprehensive. I can’t be positive but I’m pretty sure I know where he’s going with this. This could be something big and potentially disastrous.

  “Yes, angel,” he says trailing his lips from the shell of my ear down the curve of my neck.

  I can’t have him being all touchy feely right now. I step back and turn to face him.

  “I don’t think I want kids.”

  Bomb dropped. I watch the array of emotions on his face. He started happy and wanting to get some, but now I’m not sure what he is. His forehead wrinkles, his eyes narrow in confusion, and his posture is stiff.

  “Like, ever?” he asks.

  Nodding, I confirm his assumption. “I haven’t imagined having kids for a very long time. I just don’t think it’s something for me. With the fucked up life I’ve lived, I’d be no good at being a mom.”

  Alex shakes his head, disagreeing. “I’ve seen you with babies. You’re a natural.”

  “Those are kids I can give back. They’re not someone I’m responsible for. I’m not the woman to bring kids into the world when I can’t guarantee I won’t screw them up.”

  This isn’t something I’ve just decided this morning. I’ve made peace with not having kids a long time ago. I know me, and I’m not the loving motherly type.

  “But you’d have me,” Alex counters. “You wouldn’t be raising kids on your own, and you certainly wouldn’t screw them up.”

  Alex has pictured his life with kids. It’s obvious. He’d be a great father. I’ve seen him with Michaela and Tanner’s nieces and nephew. The man was made to be a father but having one good parent doesn’t cancel out having a bad one. I can’t do that to my kids.

  I also can’t take the option away from Alex. He shouldn’t have to live a life without fulfillment because I don’t want kids.

  “Alex,” I say and take a deep breath—dragging air into my lungs before I say the words that could change my life forever. “I don’t know if I’ll ever want to have kids. You want them. I can’t take that from you. Being with me would be denying you the option to be a father. I don’t want to do that to you. We’ve never spoken about this before and maybe we should’ve because it’s a huge deal. It can be a deal breaker for you, and I understand if it is.” />
  My skin feels hot and clammy at the same time. My breathing has picked up, and I’m terrified this could be the end of us. All I want is for Alex to be happy in life. He deserves nothing less. If I can’t give him everything he needs, I can’t hold him back from finding someone who can. That’s what you do when you love someone.

  “Angel,” Alex breathes as he wraps his arms around me and sighs. “Yes, I do want kids, but I don’t want them with just any person. I can live without kids, but I can’t live without you. Been there. Done that. It’s not a happy life.”

  “You’ll grow to resent me,” I argue, holding back my tears. “I don’t ever want you to feel like something is missing in your life because you settled with me instead of finding someone who can give you everything you want.”

  “You are what I want,” he smiles down at me. “You’ve been through a hell of a lot. You’re still healing. Your feelings may change, they might not. But regardless, my love for you will never change. I’m the happiest man in the world simply because I have you. As long as I have you, that’s all I need. We have plenty of time to figure out the rest, but you’ll be figuring it out with me.”

  “Alex, this isn’t something you can just decide in the matter of a few minutes,” I try to reason with him. My intention isn’t to push him away, but I need him to realize what he’s agreeing to. “You can’t just say you’ll be okay because you think it’s something you can talk me into in the future. What if I never want kids? Have you even given yourself a solid minute to think about your life with no kids? I don’t want you to have false hope and then be monumentally disappointed five or ten years from now. Losing you will fucking gut me but losing you after having years of a great life together would actually kill me.”

  The urge to vomit erupts from the bottom of my stomach thinking about losing Alex. Turning away from him, I run my fingers through my hair in frustration. I’m truly terrified, but proud of myself as well. I’m proud I’m expressing myself to Alex. Telling him how I feel and what I’m afraid of. It’s something I didn’t even think twice about doing, which tells me something inside of me is healing.