Kindred Souls

by Ellie Wade

  I sit up and scoot away from Amos. Grabbing the remote, I pause the TV and turn to face him.

  “Are you okay?” He eyes me curiously.

  “When Leo died, you left your job and got another in Ann Arbor. Why?” I ask.

  Amos looks confused. “It was a better job,” he answers slowly. “Paid more.”

  “You left your previous job because of me, to be closer to me.”

  He shrugs. “Yeah, that was a factor, but I was happy to do it, Alma. You were alone and going through a tough time. Plus, the job was better anyway, so it made sense. Is there anything wrong with that?”

  “I don’t know.” I shake my head.

  “Alma.” Amos reaches for my hand. I cross my arms over my chest and avoid the connection. “What’s going on?”

  “Why haven’t you dated anyone since you moved back to Ann Arbor? You haven’t been on a date in over four years.”

  “So?” Amos’s response is short, but his stare lingers on my face.

  “You’re over here every night. And now we work together. We’re together all day long.”

  “Yeah?” he says slowly. “What’s this about?”

  “How are you going to find the person you’re going to marry if you’re always with me?” My voice comes out more shrieky than planned. “I can’t be the reason you’re alone.”

  “I’m not alone, though. I have you and Love…and your mother, friends, people at work. It’s fine, Alma. I’m happy,” he answers.

  “It’s not enough.” I shake my head. “You need more. You’re here every night.”

  “You invited me here.” The tone of his voice is deeper. “If you don’t want me here, then don’t ask me to come over.”

  “It’s not that I don’t want you here.” I blow out a breath. “I’m not making sense. I don’t know what I’m trying to say. I’m sorry. Forget it.”

  “I don’t want to forget it, Alma. Something is obviously bothering you, and I want to know what it is.”

  I tilt my head to the side. “I don’t even know what it is,” I say, pursing my lips. “It’s just been a weird day. Let’s call it a night. Okay?”

  Amos nods. “You’d tell me if something was bothering you?”

  “Of course,” I answer, not certain if I even believe my own words.

  Amos puts on his shoes and turns off the television. I follow him as he walks to the front door. Before he leaves, he twists to face me. I hold out my pinky finger, and he grabs it with his.

  “We’re fine, right?” I ask.

  He leans down until his forehead is touching mine. “Always.”

  7

  Alma

  “They say that malls are dying in America. Do you think that’s true?” Cat asks, her heels clicking against the tiled floor as we stroll by the stores. We’ve been perusing the shops in this place for a couple of hours now. I have no idea how she manages to walk in such high heels for so long.

  It’s been wonderful to catch up with her. She’s the only one from Leo’s family I have a real relationship with, and I’m grateful for her. She’s such an important part of my life. It’s been months since the two of us have been able to hang out. Now that things are calmer at work, and I’ve hired more help and Amos, I can finally relax—a little, at least.

  “I’m not sure. I mean, it makes sense since online shopping is so popular. Brick-and-mortar stores seem like a dying breed,” I reply. “I kind of lost interest in the mall when Borders shut down. Do you remember that store? It was my favorite.”

  “No, I don’t. What did they sell?”

  “Books.”

  “Oh. Well, I’m more of a magazine type of girl. Ooh, let’s go in here.” Cat takes my arm and leads me into a store that smacks me in the face with perfume as we enter. It reeks of oak and spice. I’d have a constant headache if I worked here. “See this shirt?” She runs the fabric between her finger and thumb. “Gorgeous, no? But feel it. The fabric is cheap and scratchy. I would never buy this item. Yet had I only the visual online, I might. One can’t clothes shop on a screen. It’s not the same.”

  “It’s not, but it’s easier,” I offer.

  “Easy isn’t better, Alma.” We step out of the foul-smelling scratchy-shirt store and continue our window shopping. “Plus, you never know what you’re going to find in a mall. You may want a silk shirt or a phone case or a Christmas ornament or shoes, and it’s all here.” She grabs my arm, and we halt. “I mean, look at that.” She motions toward a kiosk. “They have neon hair extensions. In the mall, someone could walk by that and think, ‘Omg. I’ve always wanted bright green hair extensions, and I never realized until seeing them here just now.’ They wouldn’t have known to search for those online. The mall surprises you with things you didn’t even know you needed.”

  “That’s true.” I laugh. “You want to grab a coffee?”

  “Yes, I do,” Cat agrees. “See, you can’t get fresh Starbucks from your sofa as you online shop.”

  “Another valid point,” I say.

  “Moscow has incredible and beautiful malls,” Cat says, her voice almost dreamy. “One of my favorites is the Aviapark. It has more than five hundred stores on many levels, tons of eateries, and a cinema. In the center of the building is a huge pillar aquarium with the most beautiful fish. The aquarium is twenty-four meters tall, or almost eighty feet in American terms.” She winks. “It’s big.”

  “Compared to that, this mall is a joke.” I chuckle. Our local mall isn’t anything special.

  “Yeah, it’s quite puny, but it’s better than nothing,” Cat says before ordering her espresso.

  I get a venti skinny chai latte which has been my go-to drink from Starbucks since college and sit beside Cat on one of the sofas around the Starbucks booth.

  “Tell me again of your family in Moscow. I know we’ve talked about it before, but last time, a lot of wine was involved, so some of the details are fuzzy. Your mother is from Italy, and your dad is from Russia?”

  “Yes,” Cat says. “My mother’s family lived in Naples. My grandparents were very poor, and my mother grew up in the slums of Naples. It was a very dangerous place with lots of crime and gangs. The buildings are actually being torn down now because they got so bad. My mother was a waitress at a small place in a nicer part of the city, and that’s where she met my father when he was there on business. It was love at first sight, as they say. They married and moved to Moscow, taking my grandparents with them. My grandparents and mother run an Italian restaurant there. They want for nothing and are happy. My father is very successful with his business.”

  “You started modeling in Moscow?” I ask.

  “Yes. An agent recruited me when I was serving him at the restaurant. Waitressing is a lucky profession in my family.” She smiles.

  “Yeah, I guess so. And you met Stephen at a show?”

  She nods. “Yes, in Prague. I thought it was love at first sight. You know? Like my parents had. But now I’m not so sure.”

  Stephen never comes around, and Cat rarely speaks of him. It wasn’t much different when Leo was alive, either. I’ve never really understood their relationship, to be honest. “Marriage is hard, Cat. It takes work,” I say, trying to be supportive though I don’t particularly think too highly of my brother-in-law.

  “It’s more than that, I think. We don’t have what my parents or grandparents have or what you and Leo had. There was an initial infatuation, but I don’t think it was love. I was so caught up in the excitement of it all at the time. You know? My common sense was clouded by infatuation. Stephen is gorgeous, and he was this successful American businessman. It was all so thrilling at the time, and I fell under the illusion of love. But Stephen is too much like his father. I don’t think he’s truly capable of real love.”

  “I’m sorry, Cat.” And I am. As great as my indifference is toward Stephen, I realize that Cat loved him at some point. She’s a wonderful person, so if she loved him, there must have been a reason.

  She waves her ha
nd like it’s of no importance. “It’s fine. I’ve known for a long time, years really, but I’m so stubborn and wanted to make it work. I don’t want to feel like a failure.”

  “You’re not, and no one would think you are. Maybe Stephen wasn’t meant to be your forever. Perhaps you had to experience this chapter of your life to prepare you for the next?” My mouth tilts up in a sympathetic smile.

  “That’s a good way to look at the world, Ms. Alma.” She grabs my hand and squeezes gently before releasing.

  We sit in silence for a few minutes and observe as the mall-goers pass by, people watching at its finest. My stomach grumbles, reminding me that I’m hungry.

  “I bet your mother’s restaurant serves amazing food,” I say, wishing I were there at this very moment.

  “The best.” Cat chuckles and stands from the sofa. “Let’s get you some food.”

  “I am a little hungry,” I admit, quirking an eyebrow up. “Anything close to your family’s Italian food nearby?”

  Cat scoffs. “There’s not similar food anywhere in this state. There are mall pretzels, though.” She nods toward the pretzel place down the corridor from us.

  “I guess that will have to do.” I sigh.

  “You would love Moscow. You and Love should come home with me and visit my family someday,” Cat offers.

  “That would be incredible. I love traveling, and I’d love to meet your family. Do you think you’ll ever move back?”

  Cat tosses her empty espresso cup in the trash. “I’m not sure. I guess we’ll see where this next chapter of my life takes me.” She smiles.

  I scan the area as we make our way toward the pretzel place. I wonder if we’re the subject of anyone’s people watching. The two of us are quite a pair—me in my leggings, T-shirt, and Converse, and Cat in her designer dress and heels. My hair is tossed up into a messy bun while Cat’s is long, shiny, and perfectly straight. She seriously doesn’t have a hair out of place. She’s as beautiful on the outside as she is on the inside and, in my opinion, deserves more than Stephen. She’s worthy of epic love, and I hope she gets it.

  “Are you thinking about making any changes with Stephen in the near future?” I wonder.

  “I haven’t made up my mind,” she responds thoughtfully.

  “I get that.”

  Cat’s not the type of person to jump into anything without thinking over every aspect of her decision.

  “Tell me, Alma,” Cat says. “What’s the next chapter of your life going to look like?”

  I shrug. “I have no idea.”

  “I hope there will be another great love for you.” She presses her lips in a line.

  “Well, that seems to be the consensus as of late. Everyone wants me to move on, but I just want Leo back.” Emotion swells within my throat, and I swallow. “I know that’s never going to happen, but by moving on, it’s like closing the door to that chapter of my life, and I don’t want to. I wasn’t ready for Leo and my chapter to be over, and I don’t know if I ever will be. I’d rather have him in memory than not at all.”

  Cat halts and turns to face me. “You’ll always have him in your heart and memories, Alma. Moving on won’t change that. You can visit him in your dreams every night until your last breath. But you only get one life, and you deserve the best that it has to offer.”

  “So do you, Cat.”

  She nods. “I can’t disagree with you there.”

  8

  Amos

  I often think about when I fell in love with Alma, and the honest truth is that I’ve always loved her. There isn’t a memory of Alma in my mind that isn’t shrouded in adoration.

  From the first moment I saw her, something drew me in. We were young, only seven. She was sitting on the ground covered in mud and playing in the dirt like she wouldn’t rather be anywhere else. Her mother was screeching out the lyrics to some Spanish song from the kitchen window. There were boxes on her porch and debris in her yard. Yet amidst all the chaos that surrounded her, she was mesmerizing. I didn’t know what I was feeling, but I knew I needed her in my life.

  She’s been a constant in my life from that moment on. We’ve shared everything. Every goal. Every desire. Every accomplishment. Every fear. She was by my side through it all. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for her, and I know she’d do anything for me.

  Somewhere through the years, our relationship became so cherished that neither of us dared to jeopardize the status quo. There’s been an attraction on both of our parts. I’ve felt it from her as she’s felt it from me. Yet we ignored it because romantic relationships fail, and our friendship was never worth the gamble.

  Alma is and always has been my soul mate.

  I loved her then. I love her now. I’ll love her forever.

  There was a time when I thought our souls were destined for eternal friendship and nothing more, and I was okay with that because, above all, I want her to be happy. And she was. She was thrilled with her life and her marriage.

  A hidden part of my soul crumbled when she married. The pain was so raw that I thought it would destroy me, and I couldn’t confide in the one person I always had. I needed Alma more than ever, but she was no longer mine.

  Fake smiles and forced conversations were the new normal for months. I buried the ache and regret. There were so many what-ifs.

  What if I had just told her that we were meant to be together? Kissed her? Held her? Any action on my part before him could’ve prevented it all. I was so terrified to lose her that I did nothing and ended up losing her anyway.

  Time and perspective heal—at least, for me, it did. I saw her smiles and true happiness and couldn’t wish anything else for her. I reminded myself that I still had Alma in all of the ways I always had. She was my best friend, and she always would be. Our souls would forever be bonded in that way, and that was enough.

  I would take away her loss and pain if I had the power to do so. I wish she had the father of her child here with her now, I truly do. I would give her the world if I could, and he was her everything. Yet he’s gone.

  But I’m here, and I love her and her daughter.

  After Leo’s death, I didn’t anticipate this. As much as I’ve always loved Alma, I could only hurt for her loss and be here to support her. There were no ulterior motives or hidden agendas. There was only friendship. I was fulfilled being Uncle Cookie to Love and best friend to Alma.

  Something is changing, though. I can’t put my finger on it, but I can feel it around me. The air between us is unfamiliar. It’s charged with a glimmer of something resembling a future, different than the one previously laid out for us.

  If I’m not mistaken, this change has been brewing for a while now. I can’t ignore it, not this time. Perhaps enough time has passed, and Alma’s heart is starting to open again. If history has taught me anything, it’s that everything can change in the briefest of seconds, and I can’t risk losing her again.

  9

  Alma

  “Awesome, two blues,” I say with excitement, staring down at the card that Amos just picked up. “Good card, Cookie!”

  Love claps her hands and giggles. She loves playing Candy Land, and we always make a big deal when we pick up a card with double colors.

  “Yes.” Amos cheers and moves his little boy playing piece two blue spaces up on the board.

  “I have kale smoothies,” Lee-Anne sing-songs from the kitchen, carrying in glasses of creamy green liquid. She sets them down on the table next to the root beer floats that I made everyone before we started the game.

  Can’t blame her for trying. “Thanks, Mom.”

  “Thanks, Gigi,” Love says, and Quinn and Amos both offer their gratitude as well.

  I take a quick swig of the green stuff and wash it down with a gulp of root beer. Satisfied, my mom retreats from the table.

  “Okay, your turn, Quinn,” I say.

  Quinn picks up a card. “Oh, I got Queen Frostine!” she says and wiggles triumphantly in her chair. Queen Frostine
is the coolest card and very close to the end of the path on the board, almost always ensuring a win.

  “Oh, that’s Love’s card,” I tell her.

  “What do you mean?” She furrows her brows.

  “Queen Frostine is Love’s favorite, so whoever draws her card gives it to Love so she can visit her. Queen Frostine reminds us of Elsa, and Love adores Elsa, right, Love Dove?” I smile wide toward my daughter who is looking at Quinn expectantly with a big smile on her face.

  Quinn frowns. “But that’s not how the game is played.”

  “I know. We play it a little differently. We cheer when we get our favorite colors or doubles, and we visit our favorite people. Love always visits Queen Frostine and Princess Lolly while I visit Gramma Nut and Jolly, but we never visit Lord Licorice.” I say the last name in a spooky voice. “Do we, Love?”

  “No, he’s mean.” She pouts out her lips.

  I nod in agreement. “Yep, Lord Licorice is mean so we don’t visit him,” I say matter of factly with a shrug.

  “But Queen Frostine is near the end, so whoever gets her will most likely win,” Quinn argues with a whine.

  “Yeah, but that’s okay. We all get to visit King Kandy at the end. The King likes to throw a big party when all the kids get there, and everyone gets to eat lots of candy.”

  “He’s nice,” Love agrees with a nod, her long brunette piggy tails bouncing a happy dance against her shoulders.

  “Alma, you have to teach your daughter how to lose. It’s not healthy for someone to win all of the time. Game nights with my family were cutthroat, and my older sisters never took it easy on me, but it made me stronger,” Quinn protests.

  “Quinn, give the three-year-old the princess card.” Amos scoffs with a shake of his head.

  Quinn looks from me to Amos, clutching the card in her hand. “You all are serious?”

  We nod, our lips pressed in a line.

  “Ugh.” She groans before plastering on a fake smile and handing the card to Love. “Here’s Queen Frostine.”