by Amy Clipston
“Thank you, Jess.”
“That’s what sisters are for,” Jessica insisted. “Hold tight. I’ll be there soon.”
As Lindsay hung up, she wondered if by the time Jessica arrived she’d have any more insight into Matthew’s decision—and whether it was possible for anyone to convince him to change his mind.
Later that night Lindsay climbed into bed next to Jessica and snuggled into her pillow. They had spent the day visiting with the family and talking. It felt like old times, just like when they’d first moved in with Aenti Rebecca and Onkel Daniel nearly five years earlier.
“I’m so glad you’re here.” Lindsay rolled over to face her sister in the dark.
“I am too. I just wish I could be more help to you.”
“Just being here is helping me. May I ask you something?”
“You can ask me anything.”
“Do you think Matthew will change his mind?”
Jessica blew out a deep sigh, and Lindsay braced herself for her sister’s honest—and perhaps harsh—words.
“When you first told me you were going to become Amish, I was against it because I thought you were just doing it to try to impress Aunt Rebecca. I was wrong. You’re happy, and you belong here.” She paused for a moment. “And when you told me you were engaged to Matthew, I was worried you were too young. But again, you were so happy with him.”
“So you thought all along it wasn’t going to work?” Lindsay squeezed her eyes shut, regretting the question.
“No, that’s not it at all. As I said, I was worried you were too young, but I also realized you and Matthew complemented each other well. He’s a really good man, and I believe he would be good for you.” Jessica sighed. “I think he’s confused and overwhelmed right now, but I also think he’s going to realize he made a mistake and come back to you.”
“Do you think he’s really going to move to Ohio?”
“Yes, I do, but I think he’ll come back. He loves you, Linds. I don’t think he’ll stay gone for long.”
“I hope not,” Lindsay whispered.
“Why don’t you get some sleep, and we’ll talk more in the morning. Okay?”
“I’d like that.”
“Just do me one favor.”
“What?”
“Don’t snore like you did when we were kids.”
Lindsay laughed despite her anguish.
“It’s good to hear you laugh.” Jessica rolled over, putting her back toward Lindsay. “Good night.”
“Good night.” Lindsay smiled, and a tiny glimmer of hope ignited deep inside. Maybe, just maybe, everything would eventually be okay.
Chapter Six
Matthew’s heart felt heavy as he climbed the steps to the furniture store at six thirty Monday morning. He wanted the place to himself for a while so he could work without any interruptions.
He’d spent most of Sunday morning holed up in his room alone, making a list of everything he had to do before he left for Ohio on Saturday. Questions and doubts haunted him throughout the rest of the day, but he held fast to his belief that this was the path God had chosen for him. Despite the heartache his decision was causing both him and Lindsay, he could see no other way.
Matthew unlocked the store with his key and moved through the showroom as the smell of wood and stain filled his senses. When he entered the work area, he was surprised to see a light burning in the office at the far end of the shop. He didn’t expect anyone else to be here before seven thirty. He set his lunch box on his workbench and crossed the floor.
Standing in the doorway of the office, Matthew saw Daniel sitting at the desk, reviewing a furniture catalog. His boss and friend looked up at him and smiled. “Gude mariye. You’re here early.” He pointed to the chair on the other side the desk. “Have a seat.”
Matthew’s mouth dried as he sat down. This was the moment he’d been dreading—he had to tell Daniel he was going to Ohio and explain why he had to leave Lindsay behind.
“How are you doing?” Daniel’s blue eyes seemed to assess him, as if he already knew the answer to the question. Of course Daniel knew the answer! After all, Lindsay was his niece and lived in his house.
“I need to give you notice. My last day here will be Friday.” Matthew’s voice sounded strange to him—unsure and weak. He sat up straighter. He was a man, and he had to stand behind his decisions. “I’m moving to Sugarcreek, Ohio. I’m going to work in a factory with my cousin.” Then he explained how Betsy and Earl were going to lose their farm and planned to move in with Earl’s parents.
Daniel nodded slowly as he fingered his blond beard. “So you’ve decided to break your promise to Lindsay instead of trying to find another way.” His words were gentle, but their meaning punched Matthew in the stomach. What Daniel cared about most was his niece. But Matthew didn’t want to talk about Lindsay. It was too painful.
“I looked into different options, and nothing has panned out.” He leaned back in the chair, looked out into the shop and then back at Daniel. “Even with this job, I can’t afford to buy land and build another haus. I was turned down for a loan at two banks. I don’t want to go to Western Pennsylvania with Earl and Betsy. Besides, it’s time for me to be on my own. I’m almost twenty-one. I gave most of my money to mei schweschder to help her and her family start a new life. This seems to be the best option for me.”
“The best option for you.” Daniel pursed his lips, studied Matthew for a few moments, and then leaned forward on the desk. “Tell me why you didn’t ask me for help.”
Matthew paused and stared down at the floor, feeling both regret and discomfort. “I didn’t feel right asking you for help.”
“Why?”
He met Daniel’s curious stare. “Because you’re Lindsay’s guardian. I was embarrassed for you to know I can’t take care of her like a husband should.”
“We’ve all had hard times. This doesn’t make you any less of a man.” Daniel’s expression was warm. “Do you really think you’re the first young man who has had to change his plans? Rebecca and I were fortunate when we married because she had inherited her family’s haus. We didn’t have to build a home or struggle to buy land, but not everyone is that fortunate.” He’s expression grew grim. “Lindsay is devastated.”
A lump swelled in Matthew’s throat, and he fought to keep his emotions in check.
“Do you truly believe going to Ohio is the right choice?”
Matthew nodded. “Ya, I do. And I told Lindsay it’s best if we break up since she’d be miserable there without her family. I don’t want her to regret leaving here and then wind up resenting me.”
“Would you stay if I offered you a loan?”
Matthew shook his head. “I can’t take money from you.”
“Why?” Daniel’s eyebrows drew together. “You were considering taking a loan from a bank. I would be much more understanding than a bank if you fell on hard times and had to skip a payment.”
“No, I couldn’t. You’re one of my bosses, and you’re Lindsay’s guardian. It’s not right.”
“So you think it’s better to run away instead of staying and finding a solution to your problem?”
“I’m not running away. I’m obviously not prepared for the responsibilities of a family, and it’s not fair for Lindsay to have to wait around until I make something of myself.”
“You’ve already made something of yourself.” Daniel gestured around the shop. “You have a gut job here, and you’re a talented carpenter.”
“It’s more than that.” Matthew took a deep breath. “I feel it’s God’s will. When I called my cousin and asked him if there was a job available at the factory, he told me there was. Everything is falling into place, so I believe it’s meant to be. I need to move on. It’s going to be difficult to build a life without Lindsay, and I know she’s hurting too. But she’ll find someone else who can take care of her and give her what she needs. I’m not that man.”
Daniel leaned back in the chair as he again stu
died Matthew. “I think we sometimes misunderstand God’s will. Rebecca and I waited many years for a boppli. I was certain it was God’s will that we would never have kinner. It was tough for me to accept, but I was convinced there was a higher purpose. And then Rebecca had Daniel Junior. Soon after that, we had Emma and then Gracie. I had convinced myself it was God’s will for us to be without kinner, but I was wrong.”
He pointed at Matthew. “You’ve convinced yourself it’s God’s will to leave Lindsay, your freinden, your job, and your community to start a new life in Ohio. What if that’s not God’s will? What if it’s God’s will for you to find a way to stay and build a life and a family with Lindsay?”
Matthew swallowed, but then shook his head. Daniel was wrong. He had to be wrong. “I disagree.”
“You should reconsider before you make a mistake that will haunt you the rest of your life. You’re a gut man. As I told you when you asked for my permission to marry Lindsay, Rebecca and I think the world of you. We’d be devastated to see you go.” He paused. “And Lindsay is beside herself. She’s completely heartbroken. I imagine you are, too, but you’re not going to admit it to me.”
Matthew stood and moved to the doorway. “My mind is made up. Friday will be my last day.”
“I hope you’ll change your mind.”
“Danki for this talk.” Matthew rested his hand on the doorway. “I appreciate all you’ve done for me since I came to work here. You’ve been like a dat to me. I’ll have all my projects done and my workstation cleaned up by the end of day on Friday.” He turned to head into the shop.
“Matthew!” Daniel called after him. “Sometimes God’s will isn’t as clear to us as you think!”
Matthew balled his hands into tight fists as he walked to his workstation. Swallowing back overwhelming guilt and frustration, he set to work.
Jake approached him later that morning. “Matt, I’m really sorry about Saturday night. I shouldn’t have told Katie anything, but I was so upset . . . She noticed and I have a hard time keeping things from her. But it wasn’t my place to share anything about what was going on with your schweschder’s family, especially after I promised you I wouldn’t. I hope you can forgive me.”
“It’s fine.” Matthew picked up a bottle of water from his workbench. “I should have told Lindsay sooner. And I had to tell her what I’ve decided to do.”
“Have you changed your mind about going to Ohio?” Jake looked hopeful.
Matthew shook his head. “No. It’s all set. My last day here will be Friday.” He pointed to the nightstand he’d been sanding. “I should have this done, but if not, you can finish it and keep the money.”
Jake’s expression darkened. “I don’t want your money. I want you to stay. You have to know you’re making a huge mistake.”
“My mind is made up.” Matthew took a long drink from the bottle. “I need to get back to work.” Then he returned to his sanding, trying to convince himself there was no doubt about his making the right decision. When no one else seemed to think he had, it was difficult to stand his ground. Perhaps they just didn’t understand what God had been trying to tell him—the truth that went beyond current circumstances.
He loved Lindsay with all his heart, but he’d had no business asking her to marry him.
“I have an interview with an accounting firm in Philadelphia.” Jessica smiled and cradled her cup of tea in her hands.
Lindsay gasped as she grabbed her sister’s arm. “Really? You might move to Pennsylvania? You’d be so close to us!”
Jessica nodded. “I’d be only about ninety minutes away.”
“Oh, Jessica! This is so exciting!” Aenti Rebecca clapped her hands. “You’ve decided against going back to New York City, then?”
“Yeah.” Jessica shrugged as if it weren’t a big deal, but her smile told them otherwise. “I realized I want to be closer to my family.” She nodded toward Gracie, who gazed around the room while sitting in her swing. “How could I not be close to my adorable cousins?” Then she looked at Lindsay. “And my sister, of course.”
Lindsay grinned. “Oh, this is the best news. When were you going to tell me?”
“Like I told you, I was hoping to come next weekend, and I was going to tell you then. I’ve just been working out the details.” Jessica’s smile faded. “But how are you doing this morning?”
Lindsay stared down at her cup. “I don’t know. I keep hoping Matthew will show up and tell me he’s changed his mind. I can’t believe it’s Monday morning and I haven’t heard from him. I still don’t understand how he could just give up on us so easily.” She looked across the table at her aunt. “Should I go see him?”
Aenti Rebecca tapped the table. “No, let him come to you.”
“But what if he doesn’t?” Lindsay could hear her own voice shaking. “What if he really does leave for Ohio without another word?”
“Give him time to think things through. Remember what I told you about how Daniel and Matthew are similar. They have to process concerns on their own.” Aenti Rebecca reached across the table and squeezed her hand. “Daniel is going to talk to him today. He went to work early to try to catch him alone. Matthew has a lot of respect for Daniel, so maybe Daniel can get through to him.”
“She’s right, Linds,” Jessica chimed in. “Give Uncle Daniel a chance to talk to him, man-to-man.”
Lindsay nodded, but an overwhelming sense of trepidation gripped her.
“I’m so glad you were able to take today and tomorrow off from the bakery,” Jessica said. “That means we have two days together before I have to go back to school for that one last final. So what are we going to do today?” Jessica’s excitement sounded forced, as if she were trying to redirect Lindsay’s mood. “Why don’t we go shopping?”
“That’s a gut idea,” Aenti Rebecca said. “I need to get some fabric to make a couple of new dresses for Emma.”
As her aunt and sister planned the day, Lindsay sent up a silent prayer to God, begging him to bring Matthew back to her. She didn’t know where she truly belonged without him.
Lindsay was setting a pot roast on the table when Onkel Daniel entered the kitchen that evening. Anticipating news of how his conversation went with Matthew, she held her breath as he greeted her, Jessica, and his children. Then he kissed Aenti Rebecca’s cheek.
“How was your day?” her aunt asked him as he washed his hands at the sink.
“It was gut.” He turned, leaned back against the counter, and dried his hands with a paper towel. “How was yours?”
“Gut.” Aenti Rebecca strapped Emma into her booster seat while Jessica settled Junior in his chair. “We went shopping, and I bought some groceries and fabric for sewing.”
“That’s great.” Onkel Daniel took his seat at the head of the table, taking a moment to smile at Gracie who was cradled in a high chair.
Lindsay set a bowl of mashed potatoes on the table as Jessica filled their glasses with water. Then they all sat down for the silent prayer. When Onkel Daniel shifted in his seat and they knew the prayer time was over, the adults helped the children with their food and then filled their own plates.
Lindsay cut up her pot roast and worried her lower lip as questions surged through her mind. When was Onkel Daniel going to share the results of his conversation with Matthew? Perhaps the conversation didn’t go well and he wanted to wait until they were alone before he told her. But she was certain the anticipation was going to be the death of her if he didn’t tell her soon!
After several minutes, she couldn’t wait any longer. She had to know, whether it was good news or not.
“Onkel Daniel,” she began, her nerves almost getting the best of her, “did you talk to Matthew today?”
“Ya, I did.” His expression grew grim as he set his fork down on his plate.
Lindsay swallowed a ragged breath as tears began to form.
“I tried to reason with him, but his mind is already made up. He says his last day of work is Friday and he’
s going to Ohio on Saturday.” He shook his head. “I’m sorry. But it’s only Monday. At least I have the rest of the week to try to change his mind.”
“Danki.” Lindsay sat back in her chair as disappointment and sorrow clamped around her chest like a vise. She stared down at her plate and fought back the tears that threatened to fall.
“Don’t give up hope,” Jessica whispered as their aunt and uncle turned their attention to the children. “Uncle Daniel will get through to him, but it might take him a few days.”
Lindsay crumpled her napkin. “I hope you’re right.”
“I wish you didn’t have to go.” Lindsay hugged Jessica Wednesday morning as they stood in the kitchen at the bakery. “This visit was too short.”
“I know.” Jessica held her tight. “But I promise I’ll be back after graduation.”
“I wish you’d let me come to the ceremony.” Lindsay released her from the hug.
“Oh, don’t worry about it.” Jessica waved off the suggestion. “I don’t need a big celebration. I just want to get my diploma and get on with my life.”
“I’m proud of you.” Lindsay touched her shoulder. “You went after your degree and got it.”
“Thanks.” Jessica shrugged. “Now I just need to get that accounting job in Philadelphia so we can see each other often.”
Elizabeth Kauffman pulled Jessica in for a hug. “It was so gut seeing you, Jessica!”
The rest of their aunts and cousins also gathered around Jessica and gave her hugs before Lindsay walked her outside. After one last hug, Lindsay waved as her sister drove away from the bakery.
“I’m sorry about Saturday night.”
Lindsay spun toward Katie. “I didn’t know you were standing there.”
“I didn’t mean to cause problems. I hope you’ll forgive me.” Katie’s lower lip trembled. “I honestly thought you knew, and I—”
“It’s okay.” Lindsay touched her arm. “You’re mei best freind, and I could never be angry with you for long. I was just upset.”
“Have you talked to Matthew since Saturday night?”
