Reborn as a Vending Machine, I Now Wander the Dungeon - Vol. 03

by Hirukuma,

  You may be wondering why the women are overreacting to something so sweet. One part of it is that many women enjoy sweet foods to begin with, but it’s also because sugar and fruit are precious in this world.

  This stratum can provide sweet things for cheap (thanks to me), and it seems like paradise for women and certain men who enjoy sweet foods. I’ve even heard a rumor that recently, some laborers and hunters came to stay in Clearflow Lake for work because they had their eyes on that.

  Lammis’s and Acowi’s eating speeds visibly increase. At this rate, they should be able to finish the fried meat.

  Shui has cream stuck all over her mouth as she devours the crepes with a full smile. Is she going even harder than she was with the fried meat…? Her nickname, the Inhaler, is no joke. Wow, she’s already tripled her speed.

  “That girl is nutso. And she looks like she loves the damn stuff.”

  “Just watching her is making me hungry. I’ll go grab something from a stall.”

  “Get something for me, too. I want meat and sweets!”

  Incited by Shui, many of those in the audience buy some extra food. It’s only natural that seeing someone eat so happily would whet your appetite.

  Oh, and as for the current situation: The males in the Band of Gluttons have opened their crepes and are eating the fruit out of the inside first. The lone female in their group, Suco, is just gobbling them down normally, though.

  At this pace, it’ll be a one-on-one between Shui and Suco. I check the hourglass; about 70 percent of the sand is gone. The men are essentially destroyed, and even the males in the Band of Gluttons are struggling with the cream and the crepe dough.

  Ah, Lammis and Acowi have finished off the fried meat. Now they’re enjoying the crepes with blissful expressions. They’ve completely put the contest aside and moved into their after-meal teatime.

  From what it looks like, Shui and Suco are evenly matched. If they keep going like this, they might even finish the giant crepes before time is up.

  With the organizers’ fervent gazes upon them, one fork-holding hand flies valiantly into the air before all the sand in the hourglass falls.

  “Yeah, I’m finished!”

  With cream all over her mouth, Shui grins in satisfaction. It’s nothing short of incredible.

  The amount of food that disappeared into her stomach seemed like over half her body’s volume, but I’ll chalk that up to the secrets of a woman’s body. It’ll be my loss if I think about it too deeply.

  “Yeaaaaahhhhh! You’re really somethin’, miss!”

  “You beat the Band of Gluttons?! Congratulations!”

  The audience seems to be satisfied with the results, and with food in their hands, they all deliver an unabashed round of applause and cheer.

  Shui of the Menagerie of Fools has clinched the eating-contest victory.

  The competition ends safely with zero incidents and plenty of good vibes. The top three have gotten onto the winners’ stand, and they’re about to be handed their prizes.

  First place is Shui. Second is Suco. And one man, Gocguy, slid into third place.

  Gocguy… He didn’t make a show of it at all, but he was a surprising dark horse.

  I’ve reverted to my usual vending machine form because of my time restriction to watch them, but then…

  “The winner’s prize is the right to use Mr. Boxxo freely for an entire day!”

  …Munami says something crazy.

  I’m sorry? Wait, what was that?

  Munami sneaks up to me in my confusion, brings her mouth near me, and whispers. “You did say you’d help in any way you could when it came to the prizes, didn’t you?”

  I’d like to pretend I don’t remember it, but… Thinking back, I do recall agreeing to something I wasn’t fully listening to. Ah, yeah, I did say that, huh? But now is the time to feign ignorance!

  “Too ba—”

  “No playing dumb at this point.”

  Urgh, she talked over me. But, well, I guess one day it will be fine. She may be a heavy eater, but even if she’s after my items, she knows how expensive they are.

  Was I rash? I’m a little worried, but promises are promises. No matter how much she eats, her stomach does have a limit.

  There’s nothing to think so deeply about, and so I accept it lightly…but little did I know, I’d end up regretting my decision…

  …Nah, I’m just kidding. The truth is, I’ve always wanted to say a cool line like that, but I doubt there will be a problem.

  The Origin Stratum

  “Anyway, that means Boxxo belongs to me for the day!”

  I do, indeed. Please be gentle.

  The day after the eating contest, as promised, I’ll be rented out to Shui for the whole day, but the place I was brought to early in the morning was…the tent the Menagerie of Fools were using as a base.

  Which reminds me. After the eating contest, the eatery shopkeepers and organizers profusely apologized to me, saying they’d gotten too excited and forced me to be the prize because the idea made perfect sense at the time.

  They said they’d cover all of today’s expenses, but I politely refused. It was my fault for not properly listening to them and giving a half-baked reply.

  “Oh man. I’m so jealous of you, Shui! Aren’t you, Red?”

  “You get to eat and drink as much as you want?! That’s not fair, is it, White?”

  The red-and-white twins stare at Shui with great envy. Shui makes no attempt to cut back on her boasting.

  “Nice job, Shui. If it’s for a whole day, we could go monster hunting, too.”

  “Indeed, Captain. Or we could possibly bring Mr. Boxxo with us for negotiations and use his rarity to convince—”

  “Captain, Vice Captain, Boxxo is mine, got it? You can’t borrow him.”

  You’re not interested at all in Captain Kerioyl or Vice Captain Filmina’s suggestions?

  “Boxxo and I are going on a li’l date to the Origin stratum.”

  Wait, we are? This is the first I’ve heard of it. Where is the Origin stratum anyway?

  “Taking him to the first stratum, are you? That place is… I get it. Guess we can’t talk you out of it, then. Boxxo is bound by a promise to help us out, after all. I’ll give up this time.”

  “That’s more like it. He was supposed to be all mine today to begin with.”

  “Just so we’re clear, Shui. Not that this would ever happen, but if you take Boxxo and skip town or sell him off, there will be consequences. We’re the Menagerie of Fools, and we observe our agreement not to betray other Fools. That’s our commandment.”

  Captain Kerioyl’s eyes narrow quietly, and his voice takes on a grim quality. Looking closely, I see that the amiable expressions have vanished from all the others, their coldly lit eyes directed at Shui.

  Usually, they seem to give off a roguish impression, but it feels like the air has gotten rather heavy. Not that it isn’t like them, though—this could be what they’re actually like.

  “I gotcha, Captain. I was there when you finished off that bozo. I’d never betray another Fool.”

  Shui’s eyes sharpen, and she says something disturbing. They look like a carefree, relaxed group, but they seem to have strict rules.

  “That’s right, you were. Anyway, go have some fun for the day. And don’t forget to bring back some souvenirs for us. We’ll be looking forward to them.”

  “In that case, I’d like some of that fizzy drink and stew!”

  “Uhhh, then I want the fried putetu treats and some cold sweet tea!”

  “Yellow soup for me, please.”

  “Okay! If I remember all that, I’ll bring ’em back.”

  Shui, finished with her report and her bragging, moves to the tent’s entrance. Then she turns back to me, grins, and gives a light bow.

  “So, Boxxo, Lammis, you two mind tagging along for the day?”

  “That’s fine. Boxxo and I are like the same person in mind and body.”

  “Welcome
.”

  I can’t move much on my own, so out of necessity, Lammis and I are a package deal.

  I didn’t want to be a burden on Shui, so I initially considered putting wheels underneath myself so that she could move me around more easily, but she gave up on that idea before even going fifteen feet.

  She may be a hunter, but pushing a vending machine is heavy labor for one woman, so we eventually settled on Lammis helping. If I had some legs, I could move under my own power… But if a vending machine sprouted legs and started moving itself around, it would be more than a little weird. The visuals are just too awful to imagine.

  “We’ll be back soon!”

  That was how my day with Shui and Lammis began.

  We step onto the transfer circle in the Hunters Association, and I experience teleportation for the second time. The sense of weightlessness reminds me of a roller coaster. I just can’t get used to it.

  When the glowing lights beneath us finally dissipate, we see that we’re in a stone room, not much different from the transfer circle room in the Clearflow Lake stratum.

  Upon opening the door, we find ourselves outside—apparently, it was a little hut built just for the circle.

  At first glance, the place seems a bit strange. It’s not very well lit. Actually, there’s a stone ceiling above, and not a hint of sunlight shines through it. It must be thirty feet high.

  It would make sense if the place was pitch-black, but torches and magic items are shining all over the settlement, providing more than enough visibility.

  I take a look around. Houses of wood and stone line the street, and there’s a lot of foot traffic. Their population density seems easily higher than Clearflow Lake’s.

  “I haven’t been to the Origin stratum in a long time! Oh, this takes me back.”

  “I come here all the time.”

  In contrast to Lammis, who is a little fidgety, Shui gives a gentle smile. Right now, she seems quite different from the girl whose interests usually involve her appetite.

  She seems to have a destination in mind, and we proceed down the major road at a quick, purposeful pace. Lammis’s head bobs back and forth as she tries to take in the town while keeping pace with Shui.

  When I look at our surroundings, it occurs to me that we’re in a giant cave filled with houses, and the settlement feels like it was forced together. Like a village people created inside a dungeon by force… Or maybe this is what settlements are supposed to look like inside a dungeon.

  The Clearflow Lake and the Labyrinth strata are technically the anomalies. Normally, you’d expect to see rocky ceilings and walls. It’s a dungeon, so natural light wouldn’t make it this far in. I’ve been too heavily influenced by the previous strata, and now my sense of normalcy is crumbling.

  “Shui, where were you planning on going?”

  “A bit farther down, where a bunch of people tend to gather.”

  That’s all she says. After that, she simply walks in silence.

  A place where poor people gather? I wonder if it’s like a slum. It’s a plain fact that such places have poor security. I don’t think she is leading us into a trap, but it’s better to be safe than sorry, so I’ll be on the lookout. I have to make sure Lammis doesn’t get hurt, at the very least.

  The buildings near the transfer circle were solidly built, but around here, it’s all shacks and hovels—no, things on the verge of ruin that I’d hesitate to even call houses.

  With Lammis’s Might, a light poke would probably be enough to reduce one to rubble.

  “Okay, we’re here,” says Shui, turning around.

  Behind her is an old wreck of a mansion. It’s a single-story building with a stone wall that’s over half collapsed. For a moment, it looks like it’s gone uninhabited for many years, but there are signs of repairs in places.

  There are no weeds growing in the yard, either. Clearly, someone has been tending to it.

  “I’m home, everyone!”

  Shui shouts in the direction of the mansion. A moment later, the double doors fly open, and an avalanche of children spills out. Their ages range from about two on the lower end to over ten on the higher end. There are easily more than ten in all.

  “I knew it; it’s Shui!”

  “Welcome back! Did you bring presents?!”

  “Shui, play with me, play with me!”

  Within moments, Shui is surrounded by children tugging at her sleeves. The sight of them all smiling is an instant indicator of how attached they are to her.

  “I’m back. It looks like everyone’s doing well. That makes me happy. You’ll have to wait a little before we can play. Where’s Miss Director?”

  “She was cleaning! Miss Director! Shui is home!”

  “Yes, yes, I can hear you. Welcome home, Shui.”

  Appearing shortly after the children is a somewhat skinny woman. Given the wrinkles near her mouth and eyes, she’s probably in her fifties or so. She has a calm smile that exudes warmth and friendliness as she pats the heads of the children who run over to her.

  She’s wearing a white cowl and a loose, navy-blue robe-like garment. The outfit makes her look like a nun.

  “I’m home, Miss Director.”

  “Welcome back, Shui. Is the person behind you with the large item on her back a friend of yours?”

  “Yeah, pretty much. I know her from work.”

  “Oh, I see. Well, you are most welcome here. Please, come inside so we can sit and chat.”

  “Okay, thanks— Wait, can Boxxo come in, too?” wonders Lammis.

  Ah, the floor looks old, so I get the feeling I’ll fall right through it. I should make doubly sure nothing happens and get her to set me up outside.

  “Too bad.”

  “I didn’t think so… Okay, I’ll leave Boxxo at the entrance. Um, please wait a moment, Miss Director. Come over here, children!”

  After setting me down, she turns back to the children and beckons to them. They seem confused, but Shui waves them over as well, which sets them at ease. They run to us.

  I know what she wants to do, so I quickly line up some items.

  “This box is magic, guys!” says Shui. “If you see something inside that you want, you can push on this bump. I have unlimited access to him for the whole day, so there’s no need to hold back.”

  “What’s this round thing?”

  “That’s a can with sweet fruit juice in it. But I like this fizzy black kind.”

  “What about this? What’s this?”

  “That’s a snack. It’s a little salty, but it’s really good.”

  She happily explains everything, and the children grab the fallen items in delight. As a vending machine, seeing children happily enjoy my products warms my heart so much that I just have to give stuff away for free.

  After making sure everyone has their drinks, snacks, and food, I change forms. My body turns mainly yellow, and inside me, uninflated balloons of various colors appear. This is a surefire way to make kids happy.

  “Huh? What’s this? What are these?”

  Oh, the children are looking inside. Then, I begin to pump in gas and inflate the balloons. The kids take a step back in surprise, but their curiosity still wins out, and they stare quietly and excitedly at the balloons as they hide behind Lammis and Shui.

  After the strings are attached to the fully inflated balloons, Lammis takes them and hands them out to the children. They delight over the floating balloons and start to run around with the strings in hand.

  After seeing me float with the balloons before, I’ve given them to Lammis and the Band of Gluttons, who wanted them. They were jubilant, too. The kids’ reactions are just what I expected.

  Miss Director and Shui beam as they watch over the children. I’ve got the kids in the palm of my hand. I’ll probably be spending all day with them, but I’ll put my vending machine abilities to their fullest use and let them have fun.

  Days like this aren’t so bad, either.

  The Orphanage and the Vending
Machine

  Lammis and Shui have joined the children for playtime. They’re innocent and childlike in a way to begin with, so they seem to have a good affinity with kids; Lammis won them over in a matter of minutes.

  Right now, the children are running away from my pressure-washer sprinkler. I’ve lowered the power quite a bit, so there is no danger. Just in case, though, Lammis is the one controlling it.

  After getting tired out, the kids, still soaking wet, try to go into the house, but when they see Miss Director standing in front of the door with her arms crossed and a scary smile on her face, they freeze.

  “And just where did you think you were going, dripping wet?”

  “M-Miss Director!”

  “Take off your clothes right now, put them into this basket, and go get in the bath.”

  “O-okay.”

  Withering under the director’s gaze, the children begin to remove their wet clothes. Lammis and Shui strip as well— Hey, wait a minute. Maybe there’s nobody watching, but you’re still outdoors. This is indecent for a young woman—is what I wanted to warn them about, but it looks like I jumped the gun. They only take off their socks and shoes.

  In that case, I’ll provide the bath towels.

  “Thanks, Boxxo. Shui, here’s one for you.”

  “Gee, Boxxo, you’re so considerate. If you were a person, you’d be super-popular!”

  “He’s popular already just how he is.”

  As if to hide my embarrassment at their praise, I form change into the coin-operated fully automatic washer-dryer combination. I’m happy to receive compliments, but when they send their raw feelings flying directly at me, I feel weird—and a little nervous.

  “Oh, this is the washing one, right? I’ll bring you inside.”

  Lammis takes me into her arms and sets me up in a corner near the front door. Then she throws the dirty clothes and underwear inside and starts the washer.

  “What in the world…?”

  “Boxxo is a mysterious magic item that can change into all sorts of shapes. Pretty cool, huh?”