Wildstar

by Linda Ladd

  “This is your home now,” Logan said stubbornly, trying to ignore the tears tracking down her cheeks. “You belong here with me.”

  The despair deepened in her eyes.

  “But I hate it here! I hate the ways of the whites,” she cried. “And you promised! You promised me you'd take me home if I was unhappy.”

  The vow he'd made to her the day they'd left the cave came back to Logan with ominous clarity, but it was the one thing he could never do. Now that he'd found her again, he couldn't risk taking her back. He sighed and shook his head, and Elizabeth broke away from him, flinging herself facedown on the bed. Logan stood, bleak eyes on her small form huddled upon the bed, each of her heartbroken sobs raking his heart like sharp claws.

  The next day they left for Denver. Elizabeth sat beside Amanda in the carriage, her face carved in stone, while Logan bid goodbye to Aaron and Maria. Elizabeth was sick at heart, wan and weak from crying herself to sleep. Despair tore at her heart as she struggled with her thoughts. She loved Logan, loved him with every fiber of her being. She believed now that he had had no part in her abduction, but it didn't lessen her need to return to the security of her tribe. She could not bear the thought of leaving him, but neither could she contemplate a life among the whites. She did not belong with them, even with Logan at her side. She could never be happy until she went home to her people. Her heart began to ache again, and she fiercely blinked away tears.

  Jacob sat waiting on the driver's box, his rifle across his knees, as Logan mounted Zeus. Two Bears had warned him of the smoldering resentment among the Sioux, and several homesteads around Central City had been burned by the Cheyenne. Logan was on friendly terms with most of the tribes nearby, but nevertheless he'd take no chances when Elizabeth was with him.

  He reined up beside the window, but Elizabeth refused to look at him, so he signaled Jacob to proceed, glancing again at Elizabeth's grim face. He'd hoped to be able to reason with her, but after her weeping had subsided the night before, he'd tried to make her understand the dangers of going back to the Cheyenne. She'd only stared at him with accusing eyes. Her stony silence was hard to bear, but he worried more about what went on behind her beautiful, impassive face. Starfire was more than capable of concocting an escape plan, and it was that fear which had prompted his decision to leave Woodstone.

  Living in Denver, it would be more difficult for her to find her way back to them. Especially with the Parkers to help him watch her. So Logan's thoughts ran as he rode beside the carriage, his eyes intent upon the terrain, but Elizabeth was much more miserable as she stared dully at the mountains rising like imposing sentinels against the blue of the sky.

  She gazed at the smoky crowns of mists hugging the peaks, wishing she were where the clean winds could blow against her face and clear her mind. Pain constricted her throat. All she wanted was to go home, to be free again. Why couldn't Logan understand how she felt? Her life with the Cheyenne had been simple and uncomplicated. But all she'd known since Logan brought her to the whites was pain and hatred.

  She glanced at Amanda, who dozed on the seat beside her, then squeezed her eyes shut, thinking of Rankin's cold black eyes when he'd pawed at her that first night. And the fat man who'd jerked away her amethyst ring and necklace. She shuddered. There were some things she did not want to remember, now that her memory had completely returned. She was mixed up and confused, and worst of all she longed for the comfort of Logan's strong arms and comforting touch. She loved him so much it hurt inside.

  She took a deep breath, refusing to weaken toward him. He'd made a promise to her. How could he love her if he refused her the only thing that would make her happy? Her resolve hardened. She would not rest until she returned to her people, and if Logan would not take her, she'd find someone who would.

  Understanding green eyes came unheralded into her mind, and her hopelessness took wing. If Logan really loved her, he too would agree to stay with the Indians. They could be happy together living the simple life of her people. Why couldn't he see that?

  They made good time, stopping only once at a small settlement, and Logan tried to be understanding as Elizabeth remained silent and remote. Eventually he'd convince her of the folly of returning to her village, but for the present, the important thing was that she was safely with him.

  When they reached Denver, Logan was amazed at how much had been accomplished since he'd left a month before. The downtown had been the worst hit by the fire, but now as they rode past, the new brick buildings were near completion, and the city appeared to be booming. He hoped his own property had fared as well, and he smiled in satisfaction when Jacob turned the carriage into the red brick drive beside the house.

  Zack appeared in the doorway of the carriage house, grinning in delight when he saw them. He ran forward and took Logan's bridle.

  “We didn't expect you, sir, but it's sure nice to see some familiar faces!”

  Logan nodded and dismounted. “The house looks good.”

  Zack's serious brown eyes lit up. “We've worked hard on it, but I missed Woodstone something fierce.” His eyes were on Amanda as he spoke, and her eyes shone with pleasure.

  “Hello, Miss Elizabeth,” Zach said eagerly as Logan lifted her down, then looked to Amanda questioningly when she only nodded slightly.

  The porch door banged, and Elizabeth looked up at Agatha Parker, who greeted her with a beaming smile.

  “So you've finally brought our little lass back to us. And high time it is, too.”

  Her eyes were warm with sincere pleasure, and Elizabeth thought of how good the Parkers had been to her when everything was new and strange.

  Emotion overwhelmed her and she ran up the back steps into the housekeeper's arms, sobbing out her unhappiness upon her matronly shoulder. Mrs. Parker's arms came around her comfortingly, and she murmured soothingly as she directed mildly accusing eyes at Logan.

  Logan frowned and walked away, pulling his horse behind him, and Mrs. Parker led Elizabeth into the house, followed by an unusually solemn Amanda.

  Logan talked with Zack for a time, then left him with his brother to discuss their mother's forthcoming marriage. He entered the kitchen, where both the Parkers awaited him. James wore a splint from shoulder to wrist, and Logan sank wearily across the table from him.

  “Is Elizabeth upstairs?”

  “Yes, I put her to bed and gave her some laudanum. The child was very upset, and exhausted, too, if I could tell right.”

  Logan sighed, rubbing his fingers over tired eyes. He looked at Aggie.

  “What did she tell you?”

  “Only that she wants to go home, and you won't let her.”

  Logan heard the accusation in her voice.

  “It's too dangerous to take her back. A faction of the Cheyenne have been raiding, and you know as well as I do that the anti-Indian sentiment is growing here in Denver. Trouble's brewing, and I won't take her back into that.”

  Both agreed with him, but Mrs. Parker's voice was pitying.

  “But she is so very unhappy. Perhaps just a short visit would help. She wants to see her mother.”

  “She'd never return with me if I took her back,” Logan said. Lone Wolf's hard, handsome features burned into his mind, and he shook his head obstinately. “I can't do it, not even for a visit. Is she in my rooms?”

  “No, she wouldn't let me put her things there. She's next to you.”

  Logan stood, suddenly feeling drained. He needed rest. He'd not closed his eyes for the last two nights, afraid Elizabeth would be gone when he awoke.

  “I'm going upstairs for a while. Keep an eye on her, will you?”

  Mrs. Parker nodded. “A letter arrived from St. Louis three days ago. It's on the hall table.”

  Logan walked to the front hall, admiring the job the Parkers and Zack had done on the interior of the house. The letter lay on a silver tray, and he picked it up and broke the seal. It took several minutes to read through it, and when he was finished, he folded it carefully. I
t was the last thing Elizabeth needed right now, but he knew he'd have to tell her. He climbed the stairs wearily, pausing before her closed door, then took a deep breath and entered.

  Elizabeth lay sleeping on the bed, her blond hair loose and spread out over the dark pillows. Violet shadows smudged her cheeks, and Logan stood silently, staring down at her innocent beauty. He regretted what she'd been through, but no matter what happened, he could not lose her again. His sigh was loud as he leaned over and kissed her forehead.

  Elizabeth felt Logan's warm lips upon her temple before she was completely awake, and she smiled contentedly as they caressed her closed eyelids. She sleepily slipped her arms around his neck, and one strong arm slid beneath her back, lifting her against him. Elizabeth savored the tight embrace, making no objection as his firm lips finally tasted the sweetness of her mouth.

  “Believe me, sweet, we can be happy here. As long as we're together.”

  It took her a moment to comprehend the husky words, then the events of the past few days came barreling back to her.

  “No!” she cried, pushing urgently against his chest with both palms, but her frail strength did little against that immense barrier, until his hands voluntarily dropped away from her. She scrambled away, and Logan watched with grim eyes as she slid from the bed and put a good distance between them.

  “Why must you do this to us?” he said woodenly, and Elizabeth's hands trembled as she held her dressing gown tightly together.

  “I have done nothing. You have broken your word to me.”

  “What of your vows to me? The vows you took when you became my wife?”

  “White man's words!” she spat out contemptuously, as she turned away.

  “Elizabeth, look at me.”

  Something in his voice made her turn, and the sorrow in his eyes brought fear into her heart. Her eyes dropped to the letter he held in his hand.

  “It's Thomas, sweet. Your grandfather is dead.”

  She did not move, her violet eyes wide with shock, and it took everything Logan possessed to keep from going to her.

  “He died peacefully in his sleep.”

  Elizabeth listened dry-eyed, her face stiff and expressionless. It was Thomas who'd arranged to have Logan steal her away from her tribe. It was he who was responsible for all her suffering.

  “He was not my grandfather. He was a white man.”

  Bitterness turned her voice caustic.

  “He loved you,” Logan said quietly. “Everything he did was because he loved you.”

  Elizabeth did not answer, and Logan went on relentlessly, “There was no accident that caused you to lose your memory. You were made to forget by a scientific process called mesmerism.”

  Elizabeth jerked her eyes to him, and he held up the letter.

  “It's all in here. He wrote out the whole story to be sent to me after his death.”

  Elizabeth stared at him, Logan's eyes still holding hers.

  “And do you know why he did it, Elizabeth? Because he couldn't bear your unhappiness. It broke his heart that his beloved granddaughter hated him. He agreed so he'd have a chance to love you before he died.”

  Elizabeth remembered the last time she'd seen her grandfather, when he'd worried that she'd hate him someday. And now he was gone, and she'd never see him again. Her teeth caught at her lower lip as a great wave of grief rolled over her. Tears welled, glittering in her eyes, and when a broken sob escaped her, Logan could stand it no longer. He went to her, ignoring her halfhearted attempts to free herself, clamping her to him until her struggles stopped. Long, racking sobs shook her slender body, and Logan held her tightly, murmuring soothing words, until the torrent of grief settled into exhausted sniffling. She lay limply against him, all fight gone, all feeling deadened. Too much had happened; it was too much to bear.

  Logan gathered her into his arms and laid her gently on the bed.

  “Try to sleep, my love,” he whispered, brushing a teardampened strand from her cheek.

  “He was good to me,” Elizabeth murmured, and Logan nodded. Her long lashes drifted closed, and he barely heard her last words before she slept.

  “I loved him.”

  Two weeks passed, and Logan tried to bear up under her continued cold withdrawal by concentrating on his business concerns. Zack and Jacob had returned to Woodstone to bring a herd of horses to replace those lost during the fire. The army agent was ready to buy, and Logan did the negotiating for the new contract himself, wanting to get his mind off Elizabeth. It rarely worked, and he often left work half finished in the hope she would relent and greet him with a smile. But as of yet, it had not happened. A cold silence usually prevailed between them, as it did now, as they sat alone at either end of the polished dining-room table.

  Mrs. Parker served supper, her worried eyes going from one to the other. She'd never in her life seen two such miserable people, and Logan had worn the same dark, forbidding look since he'd arrived. She looked at him, where he leaned back in his chair, staring broodingly down the length of the table to where a pale Elizabeth picked without interest at her meal. Mrs. Parker shook her head, wishing there were something she could do to help solve their problems. She sighed, knowing they could only do it themselves, and Logan barely noticed when she silently glided from the room.

  His eyes ranged appreciatively over the lush curves mounding above the royal blue fabric of his wife's gown. Her hair was pinned up with a cascade of curls over one side of her pearl-studded collar, and Logan resisted with difficulty his temptation to stride down the table and press his mouth on the tantalizingly exposed throat.

  “How long will you keep this up?” he said suddenly, his voice louder than he'd intended.

  Elizabeth raised determined eyes. “Until you take me home.”

  “You are home, damn it!” he shouted with sudden anger, bringing his fist down on the table hard enough to rattle the cutlery.

  Elizabeth looked down at her plate and was silent, frustrating Logan further. He struggled with his own simmering temper. He could not blame her for the way she felt. She'd been through more than any woman should have to experience. And he could understand how she could blame him. He had taken her away from a life she remembered as happy and without problems. With effort, he managed to control his annoyance enough to speak normally.

  “The Olympia Opera House will open next week, and I'd like you to accompany me to the first performance.” His smile was stiff. “I donated quite a lot of money to build it, and I have a private box. I think you would enjoy it. It's an operatic entourage from London.”

  “Since I am your prisoner here,” Elizabeth said dully, “I suppose I have no choice in the matter.”

  Her words ignited Logan like flame to a fuse, and he thrust back his chair, hurling his napkin to the table as his lean jaw worked furiously.

  “Damn it, Elizabeth, you are not a prisoner in this house, and you know it! Anything you wish will be provided for you. All you have to do is ask for it.”

  “I have asked, but you refuse my only desire.”

  Logan paced to the sideboard, angrily splashing brandy into a glass. His patience was being tried unmercifully, and he tried again to remember how she must feel.

  “We've been over this a dozen times. You belong here with me, and besides that, it's too dangerous,” he tried to explain.

  “I am not afraid. My people will fight their enemies bravely and win.”

  Logan turned, his voice softening. “Don't you see, Elizabeth, the Cheyenne don't have a chance to win against the government. Numbers alone will be their downfall, not to mention guns and weapons. There are ten or twenty white men for every warrior, and after the war's over with the South, the army won't stop until every Indian in this territory is either dead or on a reservation like the Cherokee.”

  “No! That is not true!” Elizabeth stood and threw her own napkin down, her temper out of control. “And I will go back to them! If you don't care enough to help me, then Brent will! He wants to see me
happy, even if you don't!”

  Logan froze, his drink halfway to his mouth, and when he turned slowly to look at her, Elizabeth quailed back beneath eyes that glinted the icy blue of mountain lakes. His words were harsh, gritted between set teeth.

  “You'll ask nothing of that bastard. You'll stay away from him, is that clear?”

  Elizabeth steeled her nerve and glared at him.

  “He is my friend. You cannot stop me from seeing him.”

  Black wrath took over Logan's face.

  “This is one time you're going to listen to me. Brent is a dangerous man. One who gets some kind of pleasure from hurting other people.”

  Elizabeth stared at him, hesitating slightly before she spoke. “Brent was kind to me when I needed a friend. He wouldn't hurt anyone intentionally.”

  Logan's fists clenched until muscles ridged in his arms. “Remember the night Two Bears came to Woodstone, Elizabeth? Do you know what he told me? That Brent Holloway had raped and killed his twelve-year-old daughter.”

  Elizabeth gasped, her eyes horrified, but she could not believe Brent capable of such a terrible thing. “I can't believe that,” she said slowly, “Two Bears must be wrong.”

  Her defense of Holloway infuriated Logan. Rage rose like a red haze over his eyes.

  “And what's more, he's the bloody bastard who hired Rankin to take you away from me! He's behind all your suffering, if you really want someone to blame! None of it would have happened if I could have kept you with me from the beginning!”

  “You only wish to turn me against him so that I will not go to him for help,” Elizabeth returned evenly.

  Their wills clashed angrily, until Logan spun furiously, sending his glass to smash against the hearth, then turned and left the room with immense, infuriated strides.

  Elizabeth sank weakly into her chair, trembling under his rage, as he shouted angrily for his horse. Moments later, a clatter of hooves on the brick drive marked his departure, and Elizabeth dropped her face in her hands. She clenched her teeth, fighting against tears, as she looked around the lavishly decorated dining room with its red velvet wallcovering and elegant gilded furniture. Why couldn't he take her back where no one had ever hurt her or demanded things of her? she thought in despair. Why was he so stubborn?