A Higher Calling

by Harold Earls, IV

  I was a little intrigued by the odd yet endearing message. So, what did I do? I called my mom, the knower-of-all-things-family-and-drama. “Mom! What’s going on here? Who is this Harold guy? And what kind of weird name is Harold?”

  “I have no idea,” she replied.

  “I don’t believe you.” It was too bizarre for her not to know something. But I’ll give it to her—she was pretty convincing.

  “I really don’t know!” she insisted.

  I decided to text Tommy’s mom, Meredith, to inquire further about this handsome man messaging me, and, boy, did she take that as an opportunity to sing Harold’s praises. She told me that he came from a strong Christian family, had a good head on his shoulders, and had a zest for life like I did and that she genuinely felt we would make a good team. Coming from someone I looked up to, this affirmation carried a lot of weight.

  I decided this Harold guy might be worth my time and shot him a quick message back.

  Rachel Wynn

  Sep 13, 2012

  Bet good ole Tommy makes a great boyfriend! I love Tommy!

  HAROLD

  My friend Tommy is a good and godly man. We’ve known each other since high school, and the two of us have encouraged each other, read the Bible together, and attended church together. We have repeated to each other the popular Andy Stanley quote “Start becoming the person the person you’re looking for is looking for.”*

  We watched romantic comedies like we were studying game film: “Tommy, did you see that? He went 90 percent of the way for the kiss, and then she went the final 10 percent. Write that down.”

  When Rachel messaged me back, I was thankful Tommy had reached out to her ahead of time (or so I thought). I assumed my joke introduction had been a big success. We continued messaging each other. I spent tons of time, sometimes an hour or two, crafting my messages in Microsoft Word, then copying and pasting the note into Facebook. I wanted to come up with the most clever responses, and that took time. Frankly, she was way out of my league and a grade above me in college, and I was nervous I would screw it up!

  I was afraid she wasn’t into me, because her responses were quick, with little or no flirty emojis. I worked to become a man worthy of her while pursuing her intentionally. It makes me think of some wisdom from my pastor, Ben Stuart: “If you’re pursuing someone, be clear about your intentions. If you’re interested in getting to know her for the purpose of it leading to a relationship, let her know. If you aren’t interested, let her know. Being clear about your intentions will take the stress out of trying to figure out where you stand with each other.”

  I proceeded with this strategy for a couple of days, logging in to Facebook to copy and paste my message, then quickly signing off. Until one day everything changed. I logged in to send her a message, and before I could log off again, she messaged me back. Oh shoot! I thought. I had to come up with a response right then.

  My cursor was blinking, and so, too, were the three dots letting her know I was on and responding. I panicked. Like sweaty hands, clammy face, and hives kind of panic. Okay, maybe not the hives part, but it was intense. The pressure was on, and I was forced to engage in an actual back-and-forth conversation.

  To my surprise, it went well. But then Tommy logged on to my Facebook account from his computer without my knowing and started sending fake messages to Rachel right in the middle of our conversation! Once I realized what was going on (I could hear Tommy laughing in my head), I asked Rachel for her phone number so I could text her and hopefully salvage the rest of our conversation.

  Lesson learned: don’t give your best friend your Facebook login.

  I spent the next several days texting her between my classes, baseball, and studying. I’d get this big goofy grin on my face every time I saw Rachel’s name pop up on my phone, excited to see what new question she had or to read her heartfelt responses. There was so much depth to our conversations, which made the distance between us seem insignificant.

  She was in college in Florida, while I was in college in New York. We learned that depth overcomes distance. The more I learned about Rachel, the more it became clear that we were equally yoked. For example, we both valued new experiences in the world more than worldly possessions. I had never met someone whose approach to life seemed to align so well with my own.

  * Andy Stanley, The New Rules for Love, Sex, and Dating (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2014), 192.

  April 16, 2016

  What have I gotten myself into?

  I stand at an elevation of twelve thousand feet in Lhasa, China, during our ten-day excursion across the Tibetan Plateau, and I see the mountain for the first time. It’s not the beautiful, graceful, white-frosted peak of my fairy-tale daydreams, with fluffy little dandelions in the valley. This Everest is darker, almost black, without much snow. It appears wild, intense, and wicked. The journey ahead of me is huge, super steep, and absolutely terrifying. Chills run through me.

  This is no joke.

  I see a cloud at the top, formed off the back side of the peak, but then quickly realize I am actually looking at the jet stream angrily ripping snow and ice off the summit. Where I stand, the day is perfectly sunny, but over there, the mountain exhibits deadly conditions. All the statistics I’ve read about the dangers, the widowed wives, and the extreme elements begin to cycle through my mind. I think of the frozen bodies on the mountain, all those brave souls who never made it back down. Then I think of Rachel at home alone.

  Internally, I’m panicking, but outwardly, I’m celebrating our first glance of the mountain with the rest of the team. “Nice, there’s Everest!” I say as high fives are shared. Deep inside, however, I can’t help but think about the very real possibility of dying on that steep, dark mountain.

  2

  Love at First Phone Call

  Sunday, September 23, 2012

  RACHEL

  Ten days after his first Facebook message, Harold called me out of the blue. It was 8:07 p.m. on a Sunday, and I was walking to my car to meet some friends for dinner when my phone started vibrating. My initial thought? It’s probably my mom calling for the umpteenth time today.

  Boy, was I caught off guard when I saw Harold’s name pop up. A big smile spread across my face as my excitement level shot sky high. At the same time, my body was riddled with nerves. This would be the first time we actually spoke; I realized I’d never heard his voice before.

  I picked up the call as I climbed into my car. I drove to the restaurant while we talked, but I never went inside. I didn’t want our conversation to end, so I sat in the parking lot with my feet propped on the dash and my seat reclined, talking to Harold as the night sky grew darker and darker. After an hour or two, I drove home and parked again, still talking. Finally, I went up to my room, and we talked until 2:07 a.m.

  We talked for six hours straight about our families, our goals, God, our pasts, the present, and the future. He was really open about the way God had shaped him over the years. It was refreshing to hear a man speak with so much honesty and vulnerability about his past and what he wanted in the future. He wasn’t holding back, and he wasn’t sugarcoating anything. We were simply two people sharing our hearts and discovering that we were running in the same direction. I felt like my heart, which I had previously closed, was opening back up to this person I’d never even met. Whatever was going on between us was very different from anything I’d ever known before or expected.

  It sounds insane to say, but I knew from that first call that he was my person. It happened fast, yet it was so clear to me. Though our relationship did develop quickly, I don’t want to give the illusion that it randomly fell into place for us. We had worked on ourselves individually so we would both be in the right place with God and be the best versions of ourselves before we pursued a relationship together.

  HAROLD

  It was a cool
September evening when I called Rachel from under the lights on the baseball field at West Point. As we talked, I walked barefoot around the field until my feet felt frozen, at which point I decided to head back to my barracks room. I crawled into my top bunk as I continued talking with Rachel, whispering so I wouldn’t wake my roommate.

  I can remember saying, “Rachel, you are it. I found you.” I lay there and stared at the wall in a daze. Suddenly, everything was different. I had never felt the way I did during our phone call. It was the most intimate conversation I’d ever had with a person, let alone someone I technically had not even met.

  How was this even possible?

  But it was. From that first conversation, I was done. The attraction I felt when I saw her beautiful picture was still there. Yet as I got to know her heart, how she was chasing God and what passions were ignited within her, it was obvious we were on the same page in life, and that was truly a more beautiful thing.

  RACHEL

  People talk about love at first sight, and not everyone believes it can happen. But for us, it was love at first phone call. I imagine if we’d spent six hours together in person, I would have been distracted thinking about if or when he would hold my hand or kiss me. Instead, that call allowed us to dig deeper and not be distracted by physical attraction. While physical intimacy is vital in marriage, most of marriage is actually living life together, so it’s healthy to find someone who you can talk to forever and never get bored with.

  After that first phone call, Harold and I talked on the phone or video chatted for hours each night. I’d get off the phone and my cheeks would be sore from smiling the entire time. There was this excitement stirring in my heart that radiated out of me. I wanted to tell everyone about him! In fact, I used to stand in my sorority dinner line waiting with my friends and pull up his Facebook pictures to show to them.

  Although my heart had previously been broken and I questioned ever finding love, I had spent the year healing, and that little girl in me, dreaming of a fairy tale, was hopeful this crazy story beginning to unfold would be the answer to my prayers. The breakup I’d gone through helped me realize that if the person I thought was so great wasn’t the right person for me, it meant God had someone even better for me. I made a promise with myself and God that settling in a relationship was not an option. I was determined to find someone who would always fight for me and never make me question my worth. God led me to Harold.

  Harold wasn’t perfect, and I didn’t expect him to be, but I never felt I would be settling if I ended up with him. It was quite the opposite, actually; I could see myself growing and becoming a better person because of him. We prayed together during our video chats, and whenever I was stressed about school or started feeling down, he would refocus my attention on God and help me see the bigger picture. He encouraged me not to hold back when it came to my dreams and pushed me to believe in myself and reach my full potential.

  One of the qualities that stood out to me about Harold was how he continually worked on self-development and pushed himself to learn new things. I’m not just talking about studying what he learned in school. He would research how to be a better communicator, learn tricks for remembering people’s names, expand his vocabulary, and so on. I loved how he was always working to improve himself and wasn’t complacent; it showed me that with time, he would only become a better partner as he kept pushing himself to grow as a person.

  Harold was an absolute superhero for staying up all night talking to me and then waking up a few short hours later for his morning military formation. Sometimes, though, he’d fall asleep during our calls (I mean hard-core sleeping, the kind where he’d start snoring and drooling!) and I’d get offended. It didn’t feel good to pour out my heart and notice I was literally putting him to sleep. I mean, I know I’m not that boring! I had to learn not to take it personally and to understand that at West Point, the responsibilities and schoolwork are endless. This meant the time he was spending talking to me was time he didn’t freely have. He was sacrificing sleep in order to make me a priority, and that more than made up for the few times I’d catch him with his eyes closed midconversation.

  At this point, we still hadn’t met in person, although it felt like we had known each other our entire lives. I invited him to be my date at a sorority function in November, and he happily accepted. I had butterflies even thinking about what it would be like when we met face to face. Little did I know, he had secretly been making plans to surprise me with a visit in October, a whole month earlier.

  As a decoy, my friend Morgan invited me to a beach weekend with her family, so I packed my swimsuits and shorts and went to her apartment the night before we were planning to leave. Earlier, I had sent Harold pictures of my swimsuits and asked him to help me pick which ones to bring. He must have been grinning at how clueless I was.

  Morgan and I were hanging out in the living room, watching Friends in our pajamas, which for me meant Nike running shorts, a super baggy camo T-shirt, and no makeup. Our friend Lauren was on her way over so she could introduce us to a guy she had met. They were both in on Harold’s surprise too!

  A little after midnight, Harold called. Just a few seconds into our phone call, Lauren and her guy (who is now her husband) walked in the door. I politely told Harold I would call him back. He started acting weird, like he didn’t want me to hang up. I didn’t want to be rude to my friend, so I told him again that I’d call back later. That’s when he said, “Why would you call me back when I’m already here?” And he walked through the door!

  I was in complete shock! He was wearing a blue collared button-up shirt with khaki pants and a belt, and there I was looking like I just got back from a duck hunt in my oversize camo shirt. It wasn’t exactly how I pictured he’d see me for the first time. Had I even showered? How bad did my armpits stink? What on earth had my friends been thinking? A heads-up would have been nice, but to be honest, I was so overcome with excitement that I immediately jumped to my feet and hugged him.

  In that moment, none of those things mattered to either of us. My entire body was shaking, and I couldn’t seem to get any words out other than “What? What?” I couldn’t connect the dots. I didn’t understand what was going on because in my mind, my friends and I were supposed to be going to the beach. And, last I knew, Harold was in New York City having a night with his guys.

  Harold is convinced I cried, but I didn’t. I was way too confused to cry. But oh, buddy, was I full of joy! I’d never been that happy to see anyone before. It was like a movie scene you want to replay over and over. That was the defining moment that confirmed everything I was already feeling. I really had found my person, and I’d take that over a beach trip any day!

  Harold and I headed over to Lauren’s apartment and hung out in the living room all night, with no intention of sleeping. We basically talked each other’s ears off until sunrise.

  At one point, Harold looked at me and said, “You’re my girlfriend.”

  “I am?” I responded, slightly confused about how I had missed the moment when that happened but also jumping up and down and throwing a party in my head.

  “Wait, do you wanna be?” he said with the cutest mixture of uncertainty and excitement.

  My answer was easy. “Yes!”

  HAROLD

  She was definitely crying when we first met. At least, I remember it that way. One thing I know for certain is my heart was racing about three hundred beats a minute. When I saw Rachel in person, I’m not kidding, she was the most beautiful woman I’d ever laid eyes on. That was the sexiest men’s extra-large camo T-shirt I’d ever seen! I couldn’t get any words out; all I could do was smile. We wrapped our arms around each other, and I wanted to never let go. I was doing my best to freeze that moment in time. It was the best first hug of my life.

  I was so nervous leading up to that moment. Not because I didn’t know if we would act
ually have a connection but in anticipation for what that moment meant. From our first phone call, I knew she was the one, so you can imagine the intense feelings building up as I made my way to meet my future wife for the first time. I felt such a deep emotional and physical attraction to her, a connection I had never experienced with anyone else. I felt she fully understood me. My past, my passions, what made me tick, what I cared about, where I was headed, and what I wanted to be—she accepted all of me.

  Our excitement made us forget how tired we were. We must have fallen asleep at exactly the same time, and when we woke up, intertwined like a pretzel, our eyes were just inches apart. It was like one of those Hollywood rom-coms, where the guy and girl wake up and gaze into each other’s eyes, smiling warmly as the sunlight hits their faces. That actually happened, except I’m not sure Rachel thought it was as romantic as I did.

  “Oh my gosh,” Rachel said. “I smell gross. The sun is blinding me, and I need to shower and brush my teeth.”

  I heard my stomach gurgling. “I’m starving.”

  We had forgotten to eat. We had only eighteen hours before I had to be back on campus at West Point, which meant we had just a few hours left together. We ended up grabbing some food before heading to the airport. When I picked up the tab and signed the receipt, I wrote, “Harold Earls likes Rachel Wynn.” Even though the waiter must have been confused and probably made fun of how cheesy I was, I didn’t care. I knew it would make Rachel smile.

  At the airport, I got Rachel a gate pass so she could wait with me until the very last boarding call. We were kissing and hugging, the ultimate annoying lovebirds who literally can’t keep their hands off each other. I heard someone ask, “Y’all just get engaged?”