A Higher Calling

by Harold Earls, IV

  You need a pep talk

  You’re thinking about me

  You can’t sleep

  You need reassurance

  You need motivation

  You need to know how I’m doing

  You’re stressed out

  You need some love

  You need to relax

  You really miss me

  You summit

  You for some reason don’t summit

  They were her way of being there for me every step of the way. Even if she couldn’t physically be there, at least her words could speak some encouragement over me or make me laugh.

  I told her to keep busy and not to worry about me, and I promised that I’d be back soon. Although I knew that was a promise I couldn’t guarantee.

  RACHEL

  I wanted to say “Don’t make promises you can’t keep,” but I didn’t want Harold to leave on a sour note. He was right; I was being strong because I had to. I didn’t want to break down in front of him and let him walk away knowing he was leaving me when I wasn’t okay, so instead, I did my best to show that I was fine. I was probably subconsciously putting up walls, not letting my mind fully accept the weight of this goodbye.

  When it was time for Harold and Tommy to board the plane, I was filming a little one-minute video for the team’s social media. I was so focused on getting the clips I needed and working up until the last minute that it barely registered that Harold was leaving until he walked toward the security line. Then he was gone.

  When I got home, my head hit my pillow and I was out for three hours. As soon as I woke up, I started to work. I’d told Harold on the ride to the airport that he was chasing his dreams, so this was also my time to chase my dreams. For me, that meant putting more time and effort into my YouTube channel. I’ve always put family first, and in this season, I needed to be by Harold’s side, so my vlogs hadn’t been as consistent as I wanted. With Harold now gone, it was a great time to pour my time and energy into my work.

  I had learned a lot since I posted my first video online. It wasn’t until I saw a YouTuber named Bethany Mota on Dancing with the Stars that I realized YouTube could actually be a career and a way to make a living. My fun little videos could become more than just a hobby, though I knew it would take time and lots of hard work.

  At first, I didn’t make any money. But once I shifted into a business mind-set and thought about my YouTube videos as an investment, I knew I would eventually bring returns. At some point, the West Point Girlfriend made her first hundred dollars! That small victory was the push I needed to keep going.

  The day after Harold left, it was 6:30 p.m. when I realized I hadn’t eaten anything all day because I hadn’t slowed down. I got a snack and worked two more hours before exhaustion truly set in. I climbed into bed and snuggled the puppies. Having the dogs was really good for me. With my natural nurturing and maternal instincts, they gave me something to care for and distract me while Harold was away.

  A few days later, my friend Morgan came to visit. She brought with her a box full of about fifty letters written by my friends and family members, which were meant to encourage me during the hard times. Her letter to me said,

  Rachel,

  I’m not sure you know how incredibly loved you are. No matter how long it’s been, people love being around your contagious, joyful spirit and want to hold on to your friendship forever. I can’t imagine how you’re feeling with your love and best friend being away, but I know it’s comforting knowing how inspiring he is to so many. But really what else is inspiring is how supportive and involved you have been with Harold’s dreams, no matter how hard it is. What an incredible example of a wife you are. In this box are letters from various friends and family of yours. When it’s hard, pull one out and let us encourage you like you always do for us. You deserve it.

  I cried when I read the letter, then realized this was the first time I’d cried since Harold left. I felt so supported, and it meant the world to me. It reminded me of the importance of community, especially during these difficult times.

  HAROLD

  Excitement filled the air as Tommy and I finally stepped foot in Kathmandu, Nepal. Dave was at the airport waiting for us with a taxi (of sorts). We piled in, Dave in the front and Tommy and I crammed in the back seat with all our climbing gear pressed against the windows. We’d be meeting up with the rest of the team at the hotel.

  As the car pulled away from the curb, Dave turned around in his seat. “I have some bad news.”

  He paused, then said, “The Chinese government has not opened Everest this season, and we don’t know when or even if it will be opened at all.”

  I got a lump in my throat. My heart sank.

  “Why?” I asked in a frustrated tone.

  “Apparently they are still cleaning up the routes from last year’s avalanche,” he explained.

  I immediately turned my energy to war-gaming and tried to figure out a solution. We had come too far to not find a way to the mountain.

  We will climb from the opposite side. The Nepalese side.

  We were a little late on the climbing window there, but we could still make it. The biggest problem was raising the extra money it would cost because it was more expensive.

  I reached out to Connor, one of my best friends from West Point. He was earning his master’s degree at Oxford and is incredibly driven. Connor is all business, great at making connections with the right people and sharing the heart behind our cause. He’d been the perfect cofounder for USX, always bringing fresh ideas and perspectives to the table and always reliable. As the CFO at USX, he was our secret weapon, putting in tons of hours and carrying the brunt of the fundraising efforts. I sent him a message right away:

  We’ve got a problem. Tibet route of Everest is closed. May need to climb from Nepalese side. Need to work on a solution.

  Connor messaged back:

  I got you; we will find a way.

  I love that we both come from the military, because there is a saying that is ingrained in us as young officers: “Find a way or make one.” And that’s just what he did.

  We immediately started reaching out to sponsors to see if we could secure the extra $15,000 to $20,000 it would take for our team to take an alternate route if the Chinese decided not to let us climb. We contacted companies like GovX, a huge e-commerce site for service members, that had been dedicated to helping our cause from day one. That night, I forgot to call Rachel to let her know I had landed in Nepal. I fell asleep slumped over in my hotel chair with a computer and satellite phone in my lap. Everest was kicking my tail, and I hadn’t even made it to the mountain yet.

  The trip was not starting off smoothly, and to make matters worse, I found out my ascender had been recalled. An ascender is arguably the most important piece of climbing gear and one that you trust more than anything. It’s a handheld device connected to your harness that you clip onto the rope and slide (ascend) up before it automatically locks. In the event you fall, it will keep you locked onto the rope so you won’t plummet. Word of the recall traveled fast among the climbers in Nepal. It was a specific ascender, and only a small set of serial numbers were affected: 4356 to 6015.

  It’s definitely not one of mine.

  I wasn’t going to check, but Tommy reminded me that it’s better to be safe than sorry. I dug up my ascender buried at the bottom of all my gear. The number was etched in small print: 5181.

  Oh shoot.

  I am always an optimist, but sometimes it serves as my Achilles’ heel. It’s my biggest strength but also my biggest weakness. I let my optimism blind me to my present reality. It can distort the decisions I make because I have this “it won’t happen to me” mentality. I bend the facts to fit the posit
ive outcome I believe in. I neglect the present because I am overconfident in the future. Overconfidence is a risky trait when you are climbing one of the world’s deadliest mountains. Actually, it doesn’t matter how deadly your environment; it’s never a good mind-set to have.

  After I saw the number on my ascender, I panicked. I immediately went into the streets of Nepal and walked from shop to shop trying to find a replacement. It took me two hours, but I found a shop that sold one. The salesman knew I desperately needed one and completely ripped me off. But $160 later, my problem was solved. I glossed over the high price of the equipment when I talked to Rachel later.

  Then it happened. We got news that the Tibetan side of Mount Everest was officially opening! I called Rachel to tell her the exciting news. It was go time!

  The bad news seemed to be turning around on all sides as we prepared to embark on our ten-day excursion through the Tibetan Plateau to reach Everest Base Camp. It was during all this that I heard a story that brought me to tears.

  Back in the States, CSM Burnett had an interview with Fox News on behalf of USX, talking about what we were doing and our mission behind it. Immediately following, our publicist, Amy, got a call from a retired service member. He was distressed and having a tough time forming his words. Over and over he kept saying, “I need to talk to that man. I need to talk to that man,” referring to CSM Burnett.

  Amy put him in touch with Sergeant Major, and it turned out the gentleman had been planning to take his life that day. When he saw CSM Burnett on air talking about our cause, helping Soldiers with PTSD and preventing Soldier suicide, the man felt compelled to reach out. CSM was able to get him connected with some people in his area, and they provided the support he needed. He wasn’t the only one who would reach out either.

  I was speechless when Amy told me all this. I remember thanking her, hanging up the phone, and looking out my hotel room with a blank stare. Tears started streaming down my face. Our cause had just saved a veteran’s life. CSM Burnett had always said that “if we can just save one,” it would be worth it. Even to this day, if you ask me what the highlight of my trip was, I will say it was that moment. Our mission was a success before we even made it to the mountain! That experience put everything into perspective.

  For a cadet who’d never been affected by PTSD, I could now see how our collective team effort was helping others a world away. The feelings were indescribable. CSM Burnett, a war hero who’d had his own struggles with PTSD and suicidal thoughts, was now actively helping those with the very condition he’d struggled with. God knew this all along. God had intertwined my selfish pursuits with CSM Burnett’s triumphs and tribulations and used them together to influence others for His glory.

  God brings people into our lives for a purpose. No matter how much of a dreamer we might be, God is crafting our stories into something more beautiful than we could ever write on our own. And while we may not see it now, God does. The only question is, Whom do we want to get the credit for it?

  It took me a while after the climb to really acknowledge and praise God as the author of the work He had done in and through me.

  RACHEL

  I knew who Harold was when I married him. I knew life with him would be an adventure like none I’d ever been on. From the beginning, he told me he couldn’t promise it would always be easy, but it would be worth it. He was right; life together has had its challenges.

  Being home without Harold was difficult; the waiting periods were trying, no matter their length. I tried not to dwell on my emotions because I knew this was going to be a pattern in our lives and I needed to figure out a way to not crash and burn each time he left. If we made it through Everest, it wasn’t the end of him being gone. He was scheduled to go to Ranger School just a few weeks after he returned, and then life in the Army would have him constantly leaving.

  When I find myself dwelling on situations I cannot control, which is often accompanied by negative thoughts, I stop and think of five things I’m thankful for. It’s a simple practice, but it always helps change my attitude and turns my day around.

  I kept a note card in my Bible with a quote from Brennan Manning that said, “In essence, there is only one thing God asks of us—that we be men and women of prayer, people who live close to God, people for whom God is everything and for whom God is enough. That is the root of peace. We have that peace when the gracious God is all we seek. When we start seeking something besides Him, we lose it.”*

  It was the reminder I needed; all I wanted was to be a woman of prayer seeking God first. I never liked the saying that God will never give a person more than he can handle, because I knew I couldn’t handle Harold climbing Mount Everest. I wasn’t strong enough on my own, but I knew that God was. If I could get my strength from Him, I could get through it. It had to be me and God, not me alone.

  During one of my more vulnerable moments, when I was really missing Harold, I decided to pull out my box of letters and read a few. The very first line of one of them read, “The covering and protection of God is surrounding you right at this moment.” I burst into tears. My eyes became all puffy and my face red as I read it aloud in front of my camera. The timing of it was powerful, reminding me that in every moment, God is there. No one was with me in the room, but I could feel the love, support, and encouragement from my friends and family who were thinking about me and praying for me.

  At 2:30 a.m., I got a text from Harold saying he had made it to Everest Base Camp. I read it with a big smile on my face, feeling his excitement through the phone. I knew it had to be a pretty awesome moment for him after all the hard work he had put in, and I was so happy for him. I just wished I could have been there to celebrate with him.

  This also meant it was officially game time. No more casual travels; his real journey was about to begin!

  * Brennan Manning, The Ragamuffin Gospel (Colorado Springs, CO: Multnomah, 1990), 46.

  May 11, 2016

  Dave’s pulmonary edema and Charles’s death remind us all that there is no guarantee of success on this expedition and that the stakes are deadly high. Despite how extensively we’ve all prepared for this climb, none of us, not even a seasoned climber, is exempt from what Everest might throw at us.

  I long to be closer to Rachel. I know she’s an incredibly strong woman with an unshakable faith in the Lord—a seasoned climber, if you will—but I ask myself what I’ve done to prepare her for Everest.

  Nothing.

  The reality stings. I’ve leaned too much on the notion that she is strong and will be okay instead of putting in the same effort to help her be successful during this time. Just because she is strong doesn’t mean she is invincible.

  I could have easily scheduled emails with devotionals and encouraging messages to send to Rachel while I was away, or I could have written her letters like she wrote for me. I should have done better, but I was too focused on Everest, on myself. I put in a tremendous amount of time prepping for what we were about to face on the mountain instead of thinking about what Rachel was about to go through and the strain my climb would put on our marriage and her faith.

  I never even asked her what her plans were while I was away, and I certainly didn’t help her come up with any. Instead, I left her to do it alone. Preparing relationships for harder times is about transparency, empathy, and intentionality, and I brought none of those to the table.

  When we first started dating, Rachel would tell me daily how much she missed me, but I intentionally would never tell her that I missed her. I wanted to be strong for her, but in reality, it was disheartening to her. It took her calling me out on it one day for me to realize that simply saying “I miss you too” showed empathy by acknowledging what we were both feeling. I was recognizing that it’s okay to miss each other. It validated her feelings and showed her that we were going through the same thing emotionally.

  I fai
led to do this with Everest.

  I took more of a “suck it up, buttercup” approach. Now I’m regretting this.

  14

  The What-Ifs, the How Comes,

  and the Why Me’s

  RACHEL

  The calendar on the table looked bare and bleak. Large empty boxes stretched on and on until (at last!) Harold’s estimated homecoming, some sixty days away. I knew what needed to happen.

  It’s time to fill this puppy up.

  The biggest piece of advice I can give you if you are going through any sort of long-distance situation with your loved one is to fill your time with quality, life-enriching distractions. Sure, binge-watching several seasons of a television show can distract you for a little bit, and Harold can attest that I can be a binge-watching machine! But these sorts of time fillers aren’t going to make you feel good about yourself. You may be alone, but you don’t have to feel lonely. Take time to do more with your friends and family and to discover new hobbies that bring you joy.

  Over the years, whenever I’ve been away from Harold, I’ve learned I cope best when I spend time doing activities that make me a better person. I had to be real with myself. I knew if I chose to stay at home while Harold was climbing Everest, I’d be more aware of his absence as I attempted to go on living our everyday routine. I’d be angry I had been left behind and was missing out on an adventure.

  And I was aware that could lead to resentment. I would feel stuck in a place I didn’t want to be. Our house was our home because it belonged to us. If you removed the “us” part, it was just a one-hundred-year-old building in a town far from family.